This was a tough read but I'm so glad it's being discussed:
www.newstatesman.com/politics/health/2024/04/trauma-ward-childbirth
Feminism: Sex and gender discussions
Hannah Barnes article on traumatic birth
JeannieDark · 16/04/2024 22:20
WeightoftheWorld · 16/04/2024 23:38
My experiences of both my births (2018 and 2021) were super similar to hers, up until point of delivery - thankfully I only had episiotomies and no other tearing so didn't have the extra perineal complications.
I'm pregnant with number 3 now and terrified.
Matthew54 · 17/04/2024 08:27
Like you, my son also needed physio for torticollis. I suspect this was related to his birth since he was “stuck” and not progressing for a few minutes and the midwife didn’t do an episiotomy quickly.
People think the transition from women being the patient to being ignored happens once the baby arrives, but I think it happens much earlier. As long as the baby “looks okay” via monitoring, we tend to be ignored.
Mousielane · 17/04/2024 08:36
A very good article. I genuinely don't know anyone who didn't feel traumatised by their birth, even without experiencing 'major' complications. I know lots of people who felt they were dying, me included. I don't think it matters if a complication is temporary - the rushing in of people to help, the fear for your baby, how you feel in the moment etc. all go on to generate a sense of trauma that persists long beyond the moment. Of course, the author's experience goes a lot beyond that and I felt so sad and angry for her reading the article. I also got a sense of how ridiculous our whole attitude towards childbirth is. How many women and babies used to die in childbirth? Now we gaslight women into thinking that because it is natural, our bodies will know what to do and with a bit of an oxytocin boost (string of fairylights and soft music perhaps) the baby will walk out. This evidently doesn't happen! We are not prepared for the sudden onset of labour which is nothing like we have experienced before and cannot be stopped once it is started, nor are we prepared for the experience of the unfamiliar hospital, the interventions, the strangers around us, the vulnerability, and the loss of dignity that all come with a normal birth, let alone the complications that can occur.
Every time I had a question for my midwife, I was asked why I was asking - "why are you asking medical questions when pregnancy isn't medical?" Our antenatal course leader brushed over tears / instruments / sections - "this only happens if you're unlucky". In reality, of a class of 9: 2 sections planned for medical need, 3 emergency sections (I was one), at least 2 forceps, and some significant tearing in all of the mothers who gave birth vaginally. Refusing to talk about these things does not mean they don't happen, it just means that mothers have to carry the fear and guilt and pain and trauma on their own.
Matthew54 · 17/04/2024 09:03
100%. I thought it was absolutely ridiculous none of the coursework in my antenatal class just said, “this is going to be the most painful thing you may have ever experienced.”
It feels so juvenile and ridiculous. Also refusing to use actual medical phrases. We are adults, you don’t need to say “back passage” when you can say perineum or rectum.
Mousielane · 17/04/2024 08:36
A very good article. I genuinely don't know anyone who didn't feel traumatised by their birth, even without experiencing 'major' complications. I know lots of people who felt they were dying, me included. I don't think it matters if a complication is temporary - the rushing in of people to help, the fear for your baby, how you feel in the moment etc. all go on to generate a sense of trauma that persists long beyond the moment. Of course, the author's experience goes a lot beyond that and I felt so sad and angry for her reading the article. I also got a sense of how ridiculous our whole attitude towards childbirth is. How many women and babies used to die in childbirth? Now we gaslight women into thinking that because it is natural, our bodies will know what to do and with a bit of an oxytocin boost (string of fairylights and soft music perhaps) the baby will walk out. This evidently doesn't happen! We are not prepared for the sudden onset of labour which is nothing like we have experienced before and cannot be stopped once it is started, nor are we prepared for the experience of the unfamiliar hospital, the interventions, the strangers around us, the vulnerability, and the loss of dignity that all come with a normal birth, let alone the complications that can occur.
Every time I had a question for my midwife, I was asked why I was asking - "why are you asking medical questions when pregnancy isn't medical?" Our antenatal course leader brushed over tears / instruments / sections - "this only happens if you're unlucky". In reality, of a class of 9: 2 sections planned for medical need, 3 emergency sections (I was one), at least 2 forceps, and some significant tearing in all of the mothers who gave birth vaginally. Refusing to talk about these things does not mean they don't happen, it just means that mothers have to carry the fear and guilt and pain and trauma on their own.
JeannieDark · 17/04/2024 08:57
Being ignore is so right. I've all but given up going to medical appointments for my kids unless my OH is with me, they don't listen to me and he can turn up and say EXACTLY the same thing and be taken seriously. I still remember the infuriating head tilt and 'is this your first?' YES but that doesn't mean I'm imagining things!!
Matthew54 · 17/04/2024 08:27
Like you, my son also needed physio for torticollis. I suspect this was related to his birth since he was “stuck” and not progressing for a few minutes and the midwife didn’t do an episiotomy quickly.
People think the transition from women being the patient to being ignored happens once the baby arrives, but I think it happens much earlier. As long as the baby “looks okay” via monitoring, we tend to be ignored.
RayonSunrise · 17/04/2024 09:00
When I had my children over a decade ago, I lived near a hospital and had one induced birth there, and 2 home water births with the community midwifery team. Thankfully my pregnancies were all uncomplicated, with the exception of Firstborn not particularly wanting to get started on the journey out.
The experiences were chalk and cheese. The hospital was lonely, painful, and scary and the post-birth experience stressful. The nurses on the post natal ward were brusque and quick to offer formula, to the fury of the midwives who complained that mothers were all coming in planning to breastfeed and all going out started on bottle feeding.
At home, I had a midwife turn up when I called, and a second arrive when I was going into Stage 2. Afterwards I lay on my sofa with my newborn while my husband rushed out to get pizza. The lack of advanced pain relief - which I'd needed in hospital - I'd not needed at home at all. I have realised that I need to pace and crawl and bend over a birthing ball to get through Stage 1, not lie mostly tethered to a bed by fetal monitoring machines.
Everything that happens in a hospital is about how the hospital functions, not what the patient needs. By qualifying for a home birth I was able to sidestep some of that and make my births more about what I needed, and I am so grateful they were uncomplicated amd to the community midwives for being able to do their jobs properly in the home birth system. I have no idea if home births are still as protected as they used to be, though.
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JeannieDark · 17/04/2024 09:17
@WeightoftheWorld I realise it isn't the focus of this thread but the being ignored makes me so angry too. I'm a fully functioning, intelligent adult who doesn't need my OH to chaperone my opinions about my child's health. It's so sexist, and it just flies under the radar enough to be really difficult to measure and prove that it's happening. But my OH notices it too, that's the only reason I realised I wasn't going mad.
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