Are parents missing out? MN without children

[Sequinppigeon]

Inspired by another thread, but really not meant with malice... Do you think parents are missing out by having children?

Do they remove themselves from
opportunities or experiences for example?

Although they experienced child free life before having them, one you have them you don't get childfree life again. Especially not initially, and you're always a parent.

Can they really know what it would be like to have children and therefore what they are committing themselves to?

Just wondering how child free people feel as a counter to this well worn idea that we are some how missing out or lacking.

I think a lot of parents don’t think about it enough, the change to their lives. Because it's what we're supposed to do. Those people can end up regretting parenthood. Equally, I know women who ached for children in a way that is alien to me. They're brilliant mothers and definitely don't feel they're missing out.

Why are parents posting on this thread instead of putting their opinions on the other thread?

I think the truth is that there are some things we miss out on but other things we gain. There are so many enriching experiences I would never have had without my children to bring to me to them. I'm sure there are other experiences I'd have had if I hadn't had them that I'll now never have as a result of having had children.

I don't think we ever know what we're signing up for when we become parents. Things like health, child's interests, choices they will make are all out of our control to a large degree. We get what we get and work with it.

My child free friends prolonged their wild antics from their 20s into their 30s. Carried on going to festivals all over the world and amazing gigs, club nights, fancy restaurants, party holidays.
Now they've settled down a bit they spend their money on incredible holidays to far flung places and do big challenges like climb mountains or sail huge distances or cycle across countries.
I would love to be able to do that sometimes - especially when our holiday is a caravan in North Wales and the children are grumpy because chips aren't like the chips we eat at home. I'm also jealous of their careers. I still work, and always have done but due to being a mum I've missed out on promotions and had to make decisions that cost me a high flying career in favour of flexibility for pick up times.
Having said that some (not all) of my child free friends feel an ache and a sadness for kids they didn't / couldn't have.
I wouldn't change my circumstances but I'm looking forward to more freedom in the future. I think some of them would change their circumstances in a heartbeat sadly.

The assumption that we must be missing out because we’ve chosen different lives is unimaginative & patronising. I agree with a pp that the other thread is going to be terribly upsetting for women who wanted to have children & couldn’t, though, so I hope they’re not reading it.

Personally, I've posted in both threads.

I feel my opinion is valid on both. I can see both sides of it.

I have 2 children, I don’t regret having them but I often think about what my life would be like if I hadn’t had them. More money, freedom, travel etc. however, for me (and I appreciate this is not be true for everyone) I feel the actual reality would’ve been different. Although I undoubtedly would’ve had more money, freedom, travel, etc it would have all been tainted with the sadness of not having had the children that I wanted to have. I can’t explain what made me want them, but I know that if I had never become a mother I would have yearned for it and mourned it.

I do often tell my daughter that motherhood is not compulsory though and if she doesn’t feel the same way as I did about having children then not to have them just because it’s the done thing and to enjoy her life without them.

Could someone post a link to the other thread please? Thanks.

Love the way the parents dominated this thread! You literally have a whole site 😫

https://www.mumsnet.com/talk/parenting/4979092-parents-do-you-think-people-without-children-have-missed-out

In fairness there is a mixed bag of replies. But I still feel a good amount of people who make parenting their whole personality talking about how empty life must be for child fee people.

It comes off as quite a smug thread to be honest. The superiority is dripping off certain posters.

Look at this amazing experience we're all in on that those silly childfree people will never have and never understand. Aren't we so wonderful. 🙄

It's particularly insensitive and mean-spirited to people who desperately wanted children and couldn't have them.

There are plenty of comments along the lines of “they are missing out on the love”. But I can’t help feeling that a parent’s love for their child must be something of a curse if their child is one of the many many people in the world who aren’t very nice, selfish, only contact you when they want money etc etc, or downright horrible, rapists, murderers etc.

Look at this amazing experience we're all in on that those silly childfree people will never have and never understand. Aren't we so wonderful. 🙄

I don't see how I'm missing out on something I never wanted in the first place

Now they've settled down a bit they spend their money on incredible holidays to far flung places and do big challenges like climb mountains or sail huge distances or cycle across countries

That's the childfree peole you know. I'd rather eat my own eyelids than do stuff like that.

Just had a look at that thread. By heck, there are some vomitaceous comments on there about the poor childless people and what they don't have in their lives.

I had my son when i was young hes now an adult and moved out so i guess im child free.
I will always be a parent but i dont do parenting anymore and to be honest im pleased i dont im very happy that i had him when i did.
Im only in my 30s way in my 30s and got my life back.
im more confident in my skin now than when i was in my 20s.
All the money in the world would not get me to have a baby again with how society is i feel nowadays kids have more rights than the parents do.
And what i read on MN just makes me think im lucky them days are over.
Its all about me now im young free single & childless and love it.
No way would i want to be parenting when im knocking on my 50s.

You can never fully understand it until you go through it. It's a massive shock. I was ok as both were planned and I didn't go out before. If you have hobbies and a good social life it can be awful. It really is a huge decision that I don't think k most people can fully understand. I still struggle 13 years later.

I had my son when i was young hes now an adult and moved out so i guess im child free

No, you're a parent. As you say, you always will be.

Ohh sorry didn't think

Sorry

Yes i know im always gonna be a parent but i dont do parenting anymore.
NO school runs No sleep overs NO i want this i want that NO tantrums No teen dramas.
NO you dont understand NO whats for dinner NO piles of laundry etc etc.
I have no worries over that no more.
But i will always be a parent i just dont have that responsibility any more.

I feel like some people should really reflect on whether they are taking up space not intended for them.

As I say you have the whole site....

The word childfree refers to people who have never had children.

You are not childfree, you are a parent.

Let's use the term im a parent without responsibility then.

Thank you for your fed back have a good day.

It's amazing how difficult some people find 'This board is primarily for MNers without children' is to comprehend.