God, my au pair/mother's help just kicked my 5 year old!

[kittywise]

Obviously I've told her she has to leave today. I'm so pissed off . Just needed to vent

libel is a legal term.

Fuck me with a wooden spoon!

Kitty, you don't like black people (half the world), you don't like English people ....

Get a life, lady. You made your choices. Stop whinging. And show your husband how a fecking mop works.

My higher self says, "Wow, I'm so terribly sorry that you, your child and the au pair were unable to work through your situation. No child ever deserves to be kicked. No adult ever deserves to be kicked. Clearly, she must go. Clearly, the children will be better served by some other person."

My middle self says, "What the heck is wrong with your children? Do they have no boundaries? Has anyone ever taught them to behave like civilised creatures? Kicking results in sitting on the naughty stair. And the same applies to au pair. "

My lower self says, "Clearly, your children picked up on your vibe that you thought she was inferior. Clearly, they choose to act upon their race privilege. Given that the historical pacifist responses to colour aroused behaviour are passe, incorrect and untenable - the au pair had a temporary moment of realistic human emotion. It is unfortunate she responded as she did. She should have kept her cool and reported your family to a child protection agency...we all know abuse is a learned behaviour.

Furthermore, we know when people are looking down our noses at us. We have adapted to treating the surreal as real. From time to time, we forget that we have to be kind, rigorously subdued and controlled beyond normal reason when faced with such as the likes of you and your children.

My higher self says, "I wish all of you peace. I hope everyone involved has an opportunity to reflect, grow and evolve. All things happen for a reason. Perhaps there is a blessing in here for everyone."

Dp is learning that when you post on MN there is no obligation to write anything at all relevant to to previous posts and that you can infact repeat previous posts and questions even though the point has been addresed many. many times already.

Fight my battles for me, God that made me chuckle, thanks whoever said that

Thankyou ladies I shall show him these last couple of posts this morning. You illustrate the fact so very, very well.

Soapbox, you in particular, shame on you. But again consistent with what I "know" of you on here. So, I shouldn't be surprised. I have got myself a nice little Thai cleaner to tidy my house for me, knowing what I do of the Thai people she should work very hard. Far better than a workshy incompetent English person.

Before I really go from this thread , can't vouch for dp. He has his own mind and therefore posts what and when he likes.( We are separate and fight our own battles unless we ask for help. )

So, before I go I would like to thank all those who've posted thoughtfully and sensibly, who've read the posts and responded appropriately. Thank you to those who have been supportive and to those who have given criticism in a non aggressive manner.

I don't at all feel 'got at' as the comments of some posters are so ludicrous as to be funny. I could never take them seriously .

Thank you and goodnight/morning

Kitty from what youve posted on mn I believe you to be a nice, well-meaning person...but PLEASE you cannot describe someone as a "little Thai"
It is patronising! (in what way is she little? less important or physically smaller? how is that relevant to describing her? it is the sort of thing my 80 yr old mother would say.) Think, kitty!!

nightbynight, I KNOW it's patronising!! It was done in response to soapbox. I don't actually think like that but since soapbox is making up her own version of reality I thought I might answer in a way that would fit into her version of events.( just to keep her happy on a Monday morning, I'm nice like that)

sorry I was so busy cringing I didnt think you might be sarcastic - but I bet there are Thai mumsnetters, so would still not have said it myself.

Hopefully they would read the posts and understand it in the context in which it was made. Then they would know they there is absolutely no offense to be taken

Mr K writing:

We can explain it to you Queeny, we can't make you understand.

You really are utterly obnoxious aren't you?

She is, isnt she? Totally and utterly obnoxious.

But, I dont care, as I dont know her, and people whom I neither know nor respect, dont have the power to upset me.

That's true Queeny, it is after all only a chat forum. There's not much point getting worked up is there?

Not worked up, surprised, Kitty, as I had you down as a very reasonable mumsnetter for the last couple of years till now.

But chat forums are just after all short "glimpses" of personalities or perceived personas.

I think I am perfectly reasonable, and you most likely think the same about yourself.

And that is part of the beauty of it, we cant all be the same, we cant all have the same opinions, and it is the diversity that is challenging ones preconception.

I am reasonable and nice.

The problem with this kind of discussion is that you can't see a person's expression nor hear the tone of their voice, both things are crucial really in gaining a true understanding of what is going on. Without these it is sadly very easy to misunderstand someone, kind of put your own spin on something.

What i have found on this thread as on others I have read is that sometimes people get a bee in their bonnet and no matter what is said they won't change their minds.

I get fed up trying to say the same thing, explaining one thing, a point that has been raised then a few posts later someone else comes along and spits the same venom , asking exactly the same questions, making the same accusations. It is clear that they have not read the thread properly, nor are they actually interested in having a discussion.
They just want to make their point, they are not actually interested in the reply. Then the same thing happens a few posts later and so on and so forth.

After a while you think 'stuff this" I'll just write stuff that is going to annoy because it doesn't actually make any difference what I write.

You say " but I was being sarcastic" then someone comes back to you and says " no you weren't" etc. etc .etc

Anyway I said I wasn't going to come back here

All things in balance .. that ain't a bad post, kid

[much eye rolling]

Oh, you were being sarcastic . It's our fault that we misunderstood what you were trying to say, and didn't read the thread properly. That's ok then.

I'll trust that you really are nice, reasonable people, and your comments and sweeping generalisations were not remotely racist or offensive.

However, in my opinion, racism thrives in environments where it is socially acceptable to express opinions such as yours without others challenging it. And unchallenged racist attitudes lay the foundations for racist actions by others ('because everyone knows these sort of people have different cultural values, don't they').

YOTC you see this is EXACTLY what I mean.

What is the point of "much eye rolling"? You have not understood what I was saying and have come back with a not very nice reply. Now perhaps if we were in the same room I would not be irked by your reply and you wouId have understood first time what I was saying.

If you want me to explain what I was saying regarding the sarcasm I'll do so.

Desi thanks

Kitty

When things are written down they are easily misinterpreted. Like you said facial expressions etc cannot be seen so the tone of the conversation becomes different.

Dont rise to the bait dont bother replying to this thread anymore and it will die its death.

Anyway wish you the best in finding someone new.

Second what NewTeacher said.

Best of luck finding the right person for the job. i did find it mystifying that somebody who is supposed to be racist would hire a black person in the first place, but i fully understand that sometimes we say things that come out all wrong.