Are your children’s vaccines up to date?

Set a reminder

Please or to access all these features

Paid childcare

Discuss everything related to paid childcare here, including childminders, nannies, nurseries and au pairs.

See all MNHQ comments on this thread

I'm an AP and I am wondering whether any of this is normal(long)

181 replies

QueenieRae · 27/01/2014 19:19

Hi all, would welcome some advice from people with experience of an AP. To set the scene, I'm an English AP in Western Europe and have been for two months now. There are three kids, 5, 10 and 13. After checking the guidelines for my host country online I am wondering whether I need to leave ASAP or if I'm just being a bit precious.

The good:
The youngest kid is lovely.
The mother is a SAHM.
I am allowed to attend a language course once a week.
I have a lovely large room with a balcony and shared use of the kids' bathroom.
I think my language skills are improving.

The slightly iffy:
I am paid 150 Euros a month. The internet seems to suggest I should be on at least 50Euro a week.
I have to pay for all my transport and language course.
I am expected to clean the house fully 4 times a week. This includes hoovering, polishing, cleaning the bathrooms, cleaning the kitchen floor, hob and oven, and dusting.
I do a lot of cooking, unless the family go out for dinner.
I babysit most evenings.

The uncomfortable:
I am not allowed to eat with the family, but eat whatever the kids leave from the meal. I'm also not allowed to help myself to anything.
The middle child is almost 9 stone(!). There don't tend to be leftovers.
I haven't actually had a paid day off yet. That said, the host family count my morning language course as time off.
I am not allowed to shut my bedroom door, ever. I change in the bathroom.
The older children are possibly psychopathic. Due to an 'accident' where one jumped on me while the other tripped me I now have a broken wrist. I was taken to hospital yesterday and now the parents have gone away for the week leaving me in charge of the kids.

I have little way of knowing whether I'm a good AP or not. Maybe I'm just crap or everything has been unlucky. That said, I have a broken wrist and I've lost almost a stone and a half.

To be honest, I'll probably leave before I was supposed to, but rational talking would be welcome.

OP posts:
Are your children’s vaccines up to date?
ThistleLickerIsGoingToBeAMummy · 28/01/2014 10:21

Good luck !!

saintlyjimjams · 28/01/2014 10:22

Good grief. I'm glad you're out of there!

TwittyMcTwitterson · 28/01/2014 11:52

You have done this perfectly so far. I hope you can get back to the UK now. Good luck. Don't look back xx

QueenieRae · 28/01/2014 12:18

Tired and shaky and fed up. Received yelling phone call from host father wh ok has had phone call from the kindergarten and the youth services. He said he'd sue for defamation of character.

I hung up and turned my german phone off. In airport now.

OP posts:
SolomanDaisy · 28/01/2014 12:24

Good luck. If you're using great au pair, I think you can leave feedback about the family. I hope you find some nicer people to work for this time.

LurkingCinners · 28/01/2014 12:26

Let him be shouty and all indignant. He knows full well they were in the wrong.
Contact the Kindergarten from the UK and get the head on your side. She will have a lot of influence if he really tries to sue you. She might be able to bring that across to him.
I would be tempted to text him "Sklaverei ist auch in Deutschland schon lange abgeschafft." But then maybe not.
Best forget about those two months. I hope it hasn't forever made you hate Germany. There are some quite normal people living there Smile.
If you want another AP post in the summer, pm me, my SIL's will start her course in July and she will need another one (dc are 10 and 8).

QueenieRae · 28/01/2014 12:32

There are times i think i would be happy never to see another child. I need to get home and try and work out where to go from here.

OP posts:
TwittyMcTwitterson · 28/01/2014 12:46

It is no surprise that you would receive an unhappy phone call. It is clear they are in the wrong and you are on your way home now. Just get through boarding etc so they don't try n block you travelling xx

anothernumberone · 28/01/2014 13:23

Yes yes OP if he keeps shouting he will drown out the sound of his conscience. What a wanker.

Blondeshavemorefun · 28/01/2014 13:44

Glad you spoke to head and have left

Hopefully on plane/landed now

Where will you stay in UK?

And sod the family / dad

If you decide to still ap then go via an agency

NannyK7H · 28/01/2014 14:19

You poor thing. Hope you are okay. If you need any support in the UK or any help starting a hunt for another job, just get in touch. Not sure where you are from in UK but will help if I can! You have had a horrendous time and you need support! Well done for being strong and making it back to UK.

GhoulWithADragonTattoo · 28/01/2014 14:21

Gosh have only just seen this. What a horrible situation for you. I'm glad that you've managed to get safely to the airport and given a statement to the kindergarten.

CarlaVeloso · 28/01/2014 15:36

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

Mintyy · 28/01/2014 15:40

You're not Carla

LurkingCinners · 28/01/2014 15:43

Carla, in dubio pro reo.

Blondeshavemorefun · 28/01/2014 16:05

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

SolomanDaisy · 28/01/2014 16:08

Report it if you think there's a problem. I had a shit experience as an au pair and I know several others who have too, so it rings true enough to me. I left in a similar speedy fashion, the day after i decided it was too awful. It's actually very difficult when you're in a foreign country alone and not sure about what is right. Au pairs are in a hugely vulnerable position.

MrsSchadenfreude · 28/01/2014 16:19

Why were you calling the animal protection people from the airport? I thought it was the kids you were concerned about, not dogs.

NannyLouise29 · 28/01/2014 16:19

SolomonDaisy - I totally agree. I remember a friend who's bedroom was the garage "conversion", except it wasn't converted! Concrete floors, a camp bed, and no insulation! And the family German Shepherd dog slept there too!

Some families are truly awful, and when you're a long way from home and in the thick of it, it's hard to see it the way a rational person would. That's why it's nice to have forums like this - we'll tell you soon enough!

MrsSchadenfreude · 28/01/2014 16:21

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

NannyLouise29 · 28/01/2014 16:21

OP was concerned about the children force feeding chilli powder to the cat. Her immediate priority was the children though, reporting things to the relevant authorities and to the Kindergarten, and making sure they were in the care of their grandmother.

QueenieRae · 28/01/2014 16:22

I'm afraid if I was a sensible, mature adult I probably would have had the confidence to leave a month ago. Not having had anyone normal to talk to you tell yourself you're being silly and that it isnt that bad. What I really needed was a bunch of mums to tell me things werent right. Being on your own somewhere you don't speak the language with no place to bolt to makes you seriously reconsider flouncing out every time you dont like something. Id like to reiterate how much I appreciate the pm'd offers of help and the support here.

Two hours until take off, with any luck.

OP posts:
MrsSchadenfreude · 28/01/2014 16:24

Good luck, OP!

QueenieRae · 28/01/2014 16:26

Arent trolls meant to be rude to people? :s

Schadenfreude if that was aimed at me Im afraid I dont understand

OP posts:
KateSMumsnet · 28/01/2014 16:35

Hullo everyone,

Quick reminder of our rules about troll hunting. Hope everything works out for you OP.

Swipe left for the next trending thread