I'm an AP and I am wondering whether any of this is normal(long)

[QueenieRae]

Hi all, would welcome some advice from people with experience of an AP. To set the scene, I'm an English AP in Western Europe and have been for two months now. There are three kids, 5, 10 and 13. After checking the guidelines for my host country online I am wondering whether I need to leave ASAP or if I'm just being a bit precious.

The good:
The youngest kid is lovely.
The mother is a SAHM.
I am allowed to attend a language course once a week.
I have a lovely large room with a balcony and shared use of the kids' bathroom.
I think my language skills are improving.

The slightly iffy:
I am paid 150 Euros a month. The internet seems to suggest I should be on at least 50Euro a week.
I have to pay for all my transport and language course.
I am expected to clean the house fully 4 times a week. This includes hoovering, polishing, cleaning the bathrooms, cleaning the kitchen floor, hob and oven, and dusting.
I do a lot of cooking, unless the family go out for dinner.
I babysit most evenings.

The uncomfortable:
I am not allowed to eat with the family, but eat whatever the kids leave from the meal. I'm also not allowed to help myself to anything.
The middle child is almost 9 stone(!). There don't tend to be leftovers.
I haven't actually had a paid day off yet. That said, the host family count my morning language course as time off.
I am not allowed to shut my bedroom door, ever. I change in the bathroom.
The older children are possibly psychopathic. Due to an 'accident' where one jumped on me while the other tripped me I now have a broken wrist. I was taken to hospital yesterday and now the parents have gone away for the week leaving me in charge of the kids.

I have little way of knowing whether I'm a good AP or not. Maybe I'm just crap or everything has been unlucky. That said, I have a broken wrist and I've lost almost a stone and a half.

To be honest, I'll probably leave before I was supposed to, but rational talking would be welcome.

Will be back to read later ...

On the doubters - I think OP's story is rather unlikely, but it doesn't ring entirely untrue (which does not mean this is a typical experience for an AP in Germany!). Tbh it's not a great deal of skin off my nose if OP is a troll and if she isn't, I have managed to calm, reassure and help someone in a very tight spot and that is a perfectly respectable evening's work. It's the old MN guideline of not investing more than you can afford. :)

What Picardy said

My first post that I've been reported and deleted

Sorry if I was wrong but does seem far fetched .......

But if true then safe flight and least you are out of there

And as I said before if you still want to ap then use an agency :)

Where are you going when you land?

Hi.
I believe your story.
I have heard horror stories from my cleaner and her friends.

Hi guys. I'm back in the uk. ExP picked me up from London and drove me back to his house. There's chinese on the way and I've had a decent cupvof tea. I'm sure there'll be more fallout from all this but for now things are ok. Again, thanks for everything. Blondes don't worry about it. Reading the thread back myself it seems a bit crazy. Thanks for thinking of me and wishing me well regardless.

glad to hear.
good luck.
tbh, I don't think that you have anything to fear.
wrt leaving germany, you need to de-register fom the local council (abmeldebescheinigung) if you were registered in the first place, and let the health insurance know. I'm not sure how much of this is applicable to you.

I was registered with the einwohnermeldeamt so I guess I'll have to sort that. Not sure about anything to do with the health insurance as i didn't sort out. What happens if you don't abmelden?

it can have tax implications (but usually only if you return after a longer absence). and I think it can make renewing a passport more complicated as you would have to go through a consulate instead of using a passport office in the uk. but this might be outdated.

Glad to hear you're back.

Btw you need to pop into your local A&E whenever suits you so that they can take an XR and book you into a fracture clinic.

I have a cd with the ct scan on. I would very much like them not to try x-raying again as that hurt. I imagine the gp would probably be able to refer me? I'm not registered but you can get temporary registration.

I think start the whole process off by seeing a GP as a temporary visitor and get a referral to Outpatient Fracture Clinic, same day if they can fit you in.

On abmelden - ring your Einwohnermeldeamt or Bürgerbüro and explain the circumstances under which you left and ask what they recommend you do. It may involve printing off and sending in a form, but I doubt they will insist you return in person.

I would advise you to ring kindergarten, ask if your statement has been passed on and have them give you the name of the JA worker it has been passed to, so you can contact them to chase things up.

The dad will not sue you. You haven't claimed anything that wasn't true. He did abandon his kids with you.

If the dad threatens to use, threaten to report his kids to the police for breaking your wrist.
What a tool he is.

Glad to hear you are back safe.

Slightly off topic, but could you explain your username or tell me how to pronounce it Moreisnnogedag? Or at least tell me what language it's in? I'm intrigued!

Your nickname on mumsnet should be Cinderella! Leave straight away, this sounds like hell!!!!!!

Could you not contact your parents and ask them for money for a flight home if worse came to worse? I think you need to have a frank conversation with the family- i've never had an au pair and even I know from the brief things i've read on the internet that this isn't normal.

the op is home already.

Thanks guys. Everything seems to have caught up with me and I've been absolutely exhausted. Last couple of days had been running around during our paperwork, chasing things up, trying to get doctor's appointments etc. I hadn't been unwell for so long I'd totally forgotten how difficult it is to get to see a gp these days.

For the people wondering why my parents haven't been involved, I'm afraid they have both passed away, albeit 17 years apart from each other. Not a big deal anymore but it means I didn't have them to fall back on.

She's home already! RTFT!!

Just seen this thread and glad to hear you got home safely. It sounds like you've had a hell of an experience.

Best of luck with whatever you decide to do next

Come home!!

Sorry I posted after seeing your original post.glad you're home.

Op how are you now?

I hope the family haven't caused any further trouble for you. Have you heard from them?