I'm an AP and I am wondering whether any of this is normal(long)

[QueenieRae]

Hi all, would welcome some advice from people with experience of an AP. To set the scene, I'm an English AP in Western Europe and have been for two months now. There are three kids, 5, 10 and 13. After checking the guidelines for my host country online I am wondering whether I need to leave ASAP or if I'm just being a bit precious.

The good:
The youngest kid is lovely.
The mother is a SAHM.
I am allowed to attend a language course once a week.
I have a lovely large room with a balcony and shared use of the kids' bathroom.
I think my language skills are improving.

The slightly iffy:
I am paid 150 Euros a month. The internet seems to suggest I should be on at least 50Euro a week.
I have to pay for all my transport and language course.
I am expected to clean the house fully 4 times a week. This includes hoovering, polishing, cleaning the bathrooms, cleaning the kitchen floor, hob and oven, and dusting.
I do a lot of cooking, unless the family go out for dinner.
I babysit most evenings.

The uncomfortable:
I am not allowed to eat with the family, but eat whatever the kids leave from the meal. I'm also not allowed to help myself to anything.
The middle child is almost 9 stone(!). There don't tend to be leftovers.
I haven't actually had a paid day off yet. That said, the host family count my morning language course as time off.
I am not allowed to shut my bedroom door, ever. I change in the bathroom.
The older children are possibly psychopathic. Due to an 'accident' where one jumped on me while the other tripped me I now have a broken wrist. I was taken to hospital yesterday and now the parents have gone away for the week leaving me in charge of the kids.

I have little way of knowing whether I'm a good AP or not. Maybe I'm just crap or everything has been unlucky. That said, I have a broken wrist and I've lost almost a stone and a half.

To be honest, I'll probably leave before I was supposed to, but rational talking would be welcome.

Youngest was in bed, older ones were in their rooms. Not been a very responsible AP this evening.

Portofino -I've just been talking to ex partner who is floating me some money and will let me stay there for a few nights while I work out what to do. Pride well and truly swallowed.

A train to brussels tomorrow would cost around 230euro so it's actually surprisingly cheaper to fly home. I have to make sure its 48 hours since my cast went on though, which it will be by the time i get to the airport.

I have the numbers for the jugendamt with the help of google translate. If Oma is a no show and I cant reach the parents then the JA should help, right? I'll contact the JA and some kind of animal protection when I'm out of this house.

Pack up and call the police and SS and LEAVE. Get the cat out, too, if you can.

I can't believe they jumped on you and tripped you up , this is horrific... You poor girl.

good luck!

yes, in case the gm doesn't show up let school/kindergarten know and the 'jugendamt'.
tbh, the cat it not a priority right now.

You poor thing. You're story is really shocking.

I'm glad you are leaving. I hope all goes well.

Of course not being allowed food and leaving bedroom door open is not normal behaviour !!!

Let alone bein tripped over and breaking wrist

Really not sure why you have stayed there that long - and didn't you research pay and have a contract stating hours and duties and board and food etc?

Always make sure you have funds to go home / get to a friends safely when you take a job abroad

Not sure granny will be much help. Contact school and police and leave asap

Glad you have for funds off someone and hope wrist better soon

Just wanted to wish you luck. I hope you get home quickly.

Well done Queenie you are doing the right thing, safe journey

I hope you get home sage and sound, OP! They sounds absolutely awful.

Wow, that's truly horrible.

My sil in Germany has had many AP and what you write is not normal, not in Germany and nowhere else.

The language course should be every day and paid for by the host family. Own room - lockable - is a basic right.
SIl's AP are part of the family, they eat with them. I've met their current Nepali AP and she's learned how to ride a bike and how to swim in the first few weeks because SIL has made it her mission to teach her some life skills as well as enough German so she can stay on to do a nursing degree.

She doesn't clean. She's there for the dc and cooks sometimes, i think up to 30 hours a week. She gets paid €300 per month I think.

Letting you alone with the 3 dc with a broken wrist and the food thing is despicable.
If Oma is a no show, call the Jugendamt (they will help you if you say you are leaving and describe the circumstances), someone will speak English, and get out of there. If you need anyone to speak German to them pm me.
Good luck.

No advice to add to the excellent advice you've had here OP but good luck today. Don't veer from the path! Don't let Gma / nursery /whoever persuade you to stay.

Get out of there as fast as you can!

Any update, OP? Yes, the JA will help you if Oma doesn't turn up or refuses to get that you are going. Happy to make a phone call for you if you call them and find communication with them difficult (although I agree that there may well be someone there all too keen to speak some English).

Please consider covering your back with the authorities as I advised further up. I wouldn't trust this family as far as I could throw them, and that includes Oma, unless and until proven otherwise.

Will be thinking of you today Queenie

Hope everything goes to plan today!
Good luck

Really quick update as I'm a bit of a mess and I need to leave.

Oma turned up this morning just before 7. Older kids left for school, having been told I need to go home urgently. Told Oma I'd talk to her when I got back from taking 5yo.

Gave 5yo cuddle and asked his kindergarten teacher if i could talk to the head. After a long talk she helped me write a statement which will be passed on to social services. I made it clear i have plane later. She could obvs see I was in a state and there's my wrist too.

Oma was waiting. She said parents were coming home and asked me to wait, which i refused. I told her i was really unhappy and listed some of the reasons. Not sure she believes. Got to get to airport. Got tierschutzverein no. Will pluck up courage to call them at airport

Oh Queenie, you're doing the right thing. Well done for talking to the school. I know it's hard but just hang on, you'll be home soon.

Sending you positive thoughts!

Have you left the house?
If not leave now.

Whether she believes you or not is not the issue. You haven't abandoned the kids, the gran is there and the parents are coming home. You've done more than your bit, now shift and get yourself to the airport!

Well done op. Hope you are on the way to the airport now. Please let us know when you reach the UK safely.

Jesus wept
I hope you are ok

Well done! I hope they don't get another AP to exploit straight away.

Hope you are on your way back to UK.

Well done, Queenie. Really well handled. :) I'm glad kindergarten were supportive. How did the head respond to the things you were saying?

Well done op!