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I'm an AP and I am wondering whether any of this is normal(long)

181 replies

QueenieRae · 27/01/2014 19:19

Hi all, would welcome some advice from people with experience of an AP. To set the scene, I'm an English AP in Western Europe and have been for two months now. There are three kids, 5, 10 and 13. After checking the guidelines for my host country online I am wondering whether I need to leave ASAP or if I'm just being a bit precious.

The good:
The youngest kid is lovely.
The mother is a SAHM.
I am allowed to attend a language course once a week.
I have a lovely large room with a balcony and shared use of the kids' bathroom.
I think my language skills are improving.

The slightly iffy:
I am paid 150 Euros a month. The internet seems to suggest I should be on at least 50Euro a week.
I have to pay for all my transport and language course.
I am expected to clean the house fully 4 times a week. This includes hoovering, polishing, cleaning the bathrooms, cleaning the kitchen floor, hob and oven, and dusting.
I do a lot of cooking, unless the family go out for dinner.
I babysit most evenings.

The uncomfortable:
I am not allowed to eat with the family, but eat whatever the kids leave from the meal. I'm also not allowed to help myself to anything.
The middle child is almost 9 stone(!). There don't tend to be leftovers.
I haven't actually had a paid day off yet. That said, the host family count my morning language course as time off.
I am not allowed to shut my bedroom door, ever. I change in the bathroom.
The older children are possibly psychopathic. Due to an 'accident' where one jumped on me while the other tripped me I now have a broken wrist. I was taken to hospital yesterday and now the parents have gone away for the week leaving me in charge of the kids.

I have little way of knowing whether I'm a good AP or not. Maybe I'm just crap or everything has been unlucky. That said, I have a broken wrist and I've lost almost a stone and a half.

To be honest, I'll probably leave before I was supposed to, but rational talking would be welcome.

OP posts:
Are your children’s vaccines up to date?
Freckletoes · 31/01/2014 20:52

God what a shitty time you've had! Glad you have been able to get back and start sorting things out.

Freckletoes · 31/01/2014 20:53

God what a shitty time you've had! Glad you have been able to get back and start sorting things out.

QueenieRae · 02/02/2014 10:15

Splasheeny - I've got all paperwork sorted for Germany and a series of appointments arranged for my wrist. I have received a nice long email from my ex host family who have explained to me that nothing they have done is illegal and I've caused them a lot of trouble. I've also heard from german authorities who have said they will contact me if they need to take anytging further. No word about the cat.

Living wise, the ExP is letting me stay rent free for a while until I find my feet and/or a job. Back to doing housework and cooking in return for bed and board :) I am trying to decide whether I want to stay in the UK or maybe try doing British Council teaching abroad. Think I will stay away from au pairing for a little while.

OP posts:
Katiejon · 03/02/2014 06:31

U weren't an ap, u were being used as a nanny/cleaner and being treated disgustingly!
Hope the wrist is better soon.
How do u cook or do housework?

QueenieRae · 03/02/2014 07:59

Mostly one handed :D Thank the Lord for hoovers. No, the csst does a really good job of support, as long as I don't try and pick up things that are too heavy.

OP posts:
love2mum · 03/04/2014 03:28

Wow just read this and so glad you got back to the UK safely! Sounds like slavery to me.

I wouldn't worry about the father suing - I'm not a lawyer but it sounds like you have more reason to sue!

I would however, not let him continue the verbal abuse by changing your number / email address etc.

I hope by now you are settled and your wrist is better.

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