I need honest answers about childbirth

[Hey1256]

Ok, so I think I have a mild form of Tokophobia (childbirth fear) as it's worried me for years. I'm now TTC so feel I should think more about my options.

I want to know from anyone who had a natural birth if they regret and how bad it actually was?

I have decided to give birth without a c section (I considered an elective one but decided against for various reasons).

I am really against epidural for only one reason - lasting permanent damage to my spine or inability to walk. Otherwise I'd have one in a heartbeat.

So if I use just gas an air and birthing pool, for someone that has a massive fear of childbirth am I crazy to even consider this?

Did anyone have a natural birth with gas and air and regret it massively and if they could go back would have an epidural?

Please don't say 'Once the baby is here you'll forget about the pain'. I know it's a lovely way to look at it but I don't find it helpful lol I need real truthful answers please?

Thanks

The good th

For my second I had a waterbirth at home, it was fine, actually a good experience as I was pretty petrified about birth before. A very long labour but as I was more afraid of the epidural I wasn't willing to transfer in while baby was healthy. It really helped me knowing that the pain is only intense for maybe 20 seconds at the height of a contraction and then fades away for a few minutes.

I realised I was most afraid of having things done to/forced on me and I was more scared of an epidural or interventions than the pain so I decided on a home birth and a very hands off approach with intermittent monitoring and no vaginal examinations.

My worry is I really want to try and avoid having post traumatic disorder because I won't have children again.

I understand I can't guarantee this but if I can minimise risk then I'll try.

I'm already freaked out about it so if it ended up being painfully scary and traumatising me I'll be done with childbirth and was hoping to have more than one lol hence why I need total brutal honesty - don't think k you're scaring me it's fine.

Hi op. I had a home birth. No pain relief. It was bearable and I didn’t tear at all.

I don't actually mind the needle part of epidural funnily enough I'm not scared of needles really at all it's purely the fear of regret if I had permanent damage after I don't think I'd ever forgive myself for getting one.

However I also don't want to traumatise myself going natural if it's as horrific as in my head I've made it to be (pain I mean)

Dropped the the phone there... the good thing is that at the start of labour no one forces you to choose your pain relief and sign a contract. You can go in with your plan then reassess as you go along.

I've had two births. First gas and air and pethidine. Second just gas and air and gravity. I found standing up really helped and focusing on breathing and great music choices on a playlist.

Aim for natural if that's what you want and see how you go. Yes it's very painful but you get through it. Once you are pregnant you don't have an option but to get through it

I should mention I appreciate you can choose the epidural but if you decide to late you can't have it and that's really scaring me

I've had two vaginal births. First one without epidural, gas and air was fine. Second one I didn't want an epidural originally but went on to have one because I changed my mind and did want one after all.

It is sore. But it is a functional pain as your contractions are literally pushing the baby out with each one.

I would advise that you talk to your midwife and have a realistic view about childbirth. I have a friend who was devastated she couldn't have the home birth in birthing pool that she had planned for. She had incredibly unrealistic expectations and refused to think birth could be any different.

Be realistic. Acknowledge you may change your mind during labour abkut what pain relief you want and that is absolutely fine.

I don't know if this helps

I had gas and air with my first - worried about epidural for same reasons as you. I was induced with the oxytocin drip and begging for epidural but they said it was too late. Ended up with third degree tear - surgery for that immediately after birth required a much bigger epidural anyway! And I was traumatised for ages. Next time round I opted for epidural straightaway and it was a lovely birth.

So I'm trying to make a decision now. Also please don't think I'm crazy for starting this thread and not even pregnant but the type of person I am if I don't find peace prior to pregnancy I'll feel trapped and don't want to be stressed whilst carrying a child if I can help it.

I had gas and air for both and everything went so quick. I did keep getting told off for absolutely chugging it but Would take it over any other form of painkillers. Personally neither hurt that much the actual birth itself and I had 40 stitches upwards with my first.had worried myself into such a panic but was fine really. It's never as bad as you think op

Have you looked into actual statistics for permanent damage?

Also I meant to say I wanted a water birth but as I was two weeks late they wouldn't allow it on my specific ward I didn't realise this until a few hours into being induced and it threw me a bit.

So you'll need a plan b for if you are late.

Childbirth is painful and can be very scary. I would make sure that you trust your birthing partner 200% to act in your best interest.
Also, try to stay calm. Look into hypnobirthing techniques. When you are afraid and in pain it is really easy to panic.

I had my second at home in a pool with no pain relief at all. It was great.

I’d really recommend hypno birthing. It really teaches you a lot about the science of child birth and also about your choices. Even though my home birth went well I felt very prepared if I needed to go into hospital. I felt calm and in control because I knew what was going on. My first birth was traumatic but that was due to a feeling of loss of control rather than any pain, which is why I strongly recommend hypno birthing.

Honestly, have an epidural. They're brilliant now and you don't need to feel any pain at all.

What makes you think that an epidural would give you lasting spinal damage or the inability to walk? The anesthetist who puts it in will have done it a million times before and any risks of damage will be tiny. Please don’t rule it out. There is absolutely no reason to labour in pain if you don’t want to,

I found it painful it it was a different type of pain.

It's an empowering pain. I'm not sure how to describe it.

I have had two children and both were wonderful in that I got to hold my beautiful babies after.
My first had help in that my DS has a large head and I needed help to get him out(
forceps and I did have an epidural as it was close to a c- section) however I didn’t.
My DD I had no help and natural childbirth.
I chose not to have any gas and air with both babies as I was frightened of feeling out of control. Both labours were 8 hours and 4 hours.
I was lucky in that both births were quite short.
For me I opted not to plan as I didn’t want to stress out if things didn’t go to plan. I knew it would hurt and I tried not to fear it.
Good luck and enjoy your lovely newborn baby cuddles

It starts off OK. Just period like cramps that come and go. As you approach the transition the pain becomes very intense but again comes over in waves so it's not constant. I was fine with gas and air for my first. Lasted 20 hours. It was only because she got stuck that they needed to use forceps. If she hadn't got stuck I could have coped with just gas and air. With my second I got to the hospital ridiculously early and decided there and then to have an epidural - simply because there was plenty of time to have one! It was blissful after that and no after effects.

I was very fearful of labour and did a natal hypnotherapy course which was extremely helpful for me (if it's relevant, I'm a scientist and very cynical about anything psuedoscientific; I didn't find it wishy-washy or woo at all).

I went on to have a natural birth using gas and air - it was painful and long, but manageable and I have nothing but positive feelings about it now. Heading towards birth #2 in a few weeks and I'm feeling excited and in control.

I haven't found stats about permanent damage but have a close friend who had it administered incorrectly and almost killed her.

Hospitalised for weeks etc, this didn't help.

Also heard about punctured spines etc I just think it's a delicate place and don't trust anyone to that extent lol!

The thing is, us telling you our stories wont really help as no one can predict how they will manage or their pain threshold.

Have you considered getting proper help with your fear? Like CBT etc.

No I haven't thought about cbt thought maybe when I'm actually pregnant something to consider then.

I just hate unbearable pain, I used to have period pains when younger that made me vomit and I think maybe that's given me a bit of trauma.

Maybe i should just do EPI for my first child then consider natural for subsequent. At least I'll know a little bit of what to expect.

I have tokophobia but once I actually got pregnant it spiralled out of control. I was referred to a specialist maternity counsellor who was great and helped with my anxiety a lot but I couldn’t overcome it and booked a scheduled section. This never happened as I needed an Emcs several weeks earlier. I am also terrified of needles and the spinal was a disaster so I won’t be having any more.

If you can afford it I would seek out counselling now, plus hypnobirthing which helps a lot of people. You could opt for a midwife led birthing unit if there are no complications, where you can’t get an epidural anyway - they often have pools and are a less medical environment. Or you could opt for a home birth. You just have to be aware that the transfer rate for first time mums is high (just over 50% here) for reasons ranging from deciding they want an epidural after all to failure to progress, other complications etc.

Be upfront at your booking appointment about your tokophobia - I got a lot of extra support, home visits from a midwife (there were other factors but I believe I would have gotten this anyway in my region just for the anxiety alone).

I've had a traumatic first labour and three "natural" home births.

I much preferred the home births as I controlled my positions, movement, food and drink and kept the MW away until the baby(s) were born.