I need honest answers about childbirth

[Hey1256]

Ok, so I think I have a mild form of Tokophobia (childbirth fear) as it's worried me for years. I'm now TTC so feel I should think more about my options.

I want to know from anyone who had a natural birth if they regret and how bad it actually was?

I have decided to give birth without a c section (I considered an elective one but decided against for various reasons).

I am really against epidural for only one reason - lasting permanent damage to my spine or inability to walk. Otherwise I'd have one in a heartbeat.

So if I use just gas an air and birthing pool, for someone that has a massive fear of childbirth am I crazy to even consider this?

Did anyone have a natural birth with gas and air and regret it massively and if they could go back would have an epidural?

Please don't say 'Once the baby is here you'll forget about the pain'. I know it's a lovely way to look at it but I don't find it helpful lol I need real truthful answers please?

Thanks

I've given birth twice. My first was incredibly traumatic... it wasnt particularly painful but it was very long.. three days of labour and I almost had to have a section.. I was induced. I had an epidural and it mostly worked but because I had it in so long it did have negative effects on me. The gas and air really fucked me up because I had so much of it and I reacted badly to the pethadine and was constantly vomiting and had to be put on iv fluids. I was strapped to the bed the entire time, it was a nightmare, I was very frightened, and I developed post partum psychosis afterwards and then pnd. I had an episiotomy which split open the day after and became infected... couldn't sit down or walk for ages it was grim. I was very worried I'd never heal....but I did completely in the end.

I was so scared when it came to having my second. I planned a home birth with a rented blow up birthing pool just because I wanted to avoid the hospital and induction and drugs at all costs.
Unfortunately it turned out my baby wasnt growing for some reason and I had to be induced before my due date so I wasnt allowed my home birth in the end. I was terrified but this time around I didnt end up needing the full drip induction just the pessary whichnput me into labour very quickly... I actually ended up giving birth within three hours... it was excruciatingly painful, much more so that my first birth actually. I asked for an epidural but it came too late and didnt work! Because I was at the pushing stage when it went in the baby was too low down so it just didnt work so in the end I gave birth with no pain relief.
I will say that for me it wasnt actually the pain that was an issue. .. once I knew the baby was coming out it was fine. The crowning was actually fine i didnt even notice it because of the adrenaline running through me at that point... I was so relieved it was coming to an end and I was going to see my baby that I didnt really feel the pain of it.
It's the transition (the middle bit) that was horrific because I didnt know how long it was going to go on for and my previous birth had been three days long... so in my head I thought 'am I going to be feeling this level of pain for three days?!?' And I couldn't handle the thought of that at all... if I'd known it was only gonna be a couple of hours it mightve been manageable tbh.

Overall id take the second more painful birth over the longer first one any day! I was up and walking around the next day after my second. I felt a little bruised but was basically physically fine... no months of healing like with the first one. And I didnt develop pnd again. For me the pain, although horrible, wasnt actually that big of a deal (and I say this as someone who has low tolerance for pain) it was where I was at psychologically. When you know a birth is progressing well you get this adrenaline and focus... I was surprised that at the end of my second birth my body just did it all. You always see everyone shouting 'push' in films... but I didnt actively push at all... my body just pushed by itself I didnt think of it at all!
So I do think it's important to keep in a positive headspace... even with my first birth the thing that helped me the most was actually the CD I had brought to play... I hadn't expected that tbh I thought I wanted all the drugs etc, but really the most helpful thing to keep me calm was stuff like music and it was more about keeping calm than pain relief for me.

Period pains, a burst ovarian cyst and breaking my foot we're all FAR more painful.

Mine was very painful. It wasn't traumatic though. I too was worried about feeling traumatised as I am a wimp and tend to think a bit too much. I planned a hypnobirthing experience but ended up with a very medicalised birth, couldn't move from bed, bad tear. It's outside your control. However if you stay calm and are well cared for, and get a healthy baby at the end, it can be a positive experience in spite of all that. Vast majority of women heal well, but you need to be realistic about time frames, it can be months or a year.

I was induced due to pre eclampsia and was in labour for 3 days. Had pethidine once which I hated as it gave me a panic attack.
After 2.5 days I had an epidural as I was so exhausted from pain. It was the most relief I've ever felt . Then the contractions slowed down, then baby's heart rate dipped and next thing I was having an EMCS.
The best piece of advice I was given was to breathe through the contractions, the second best was to walk around as much as possible. The worst part overall was having to be in hospital for so long

I'd done a lot of reading , hypnobirthing etc & whilst I was still scared , I felt prepared. Was going to use gas, air, pool & all the drugs if needed. Pool not allowed within minutes of arriving in hosp as bleeding too much. ( Don't focus on the pool, many diff reasons why they don't allow you in there) Gas & air made me feel sick & woozy& our of control so that was binned . Too late for drugs/epi. I remember thinking "Everything is going out of the window". The pain was bad. For me at least it was NOTHING like back ache or intense period pain like others had described. More like my insides were actually splitting in two.
I have no regrets, I had a grade 3 tear which healed fine. Your body won't let you down, it knows what to do.

I’ve had 3,all epidural , No probs at all

Ladies thank you for your help, a quick update I had a positive test a couple of hours ago! It's real lol.

First thought was how the hell is this thing coming out of me 😳

I'll take all of your tips and advice, thanks again Xx

Oh wow CONGRATULATIONS!!! how exciting for you!

@Krisskrosskiss thank you! I'm in shock, first month of properly trying I seriously didn't think it would be this quick. Glad I've done so much research already or else I'd be freaking it like noones business but I'm surprisingly calm lol x

I've had 5 babies..... all natural, no epidural and only gas and air.
First 4 on the labour ward..... all straight forward..... my tip, keep mobile.... stand as much as you can, it gets baby going in the right direction quicker.... lying on the bed made the pain 100 times worse.
5th baby was in a birthing pool..... it was amazing and I wished I had had all my babies in a pool.
One thing I'll say is, visit the ward.... see how big the pool is..... I didn't as I was initially told I wasn't allowed a pool birth as I was high risk coz it was my 5th baby.... met a lovely midwife when I was admitted and in labour.... (she whispered, don't worry, your not high risk, come see the pool room)
It was amazing..... softly lit, twinkling lights, and even a music player if I wanted.
The pool was huge!..... 3 steps up to it and 3 down into it..... and it's high!
My only fear was 'what if I hate it and I struggle to get out of it'
In the end I didn't want to ever get out, even when baby arrived.
Yes labour is painful, but it's a bearable pain. Women are amazing and our bodies take over and you'll be fine!
I love giving birth (I've been sterilised now otherwise I'd never stop 😂)
I'd say the best thing you can do is find a nice midwife..... I was told to shut up when I gave birth to my first 18years ago as I was screaming too much...... my last midwife was amazing and lovely.

Congratulations BTW...... enjoy every minute of pregnancy and every second of baby..... before you know it they are choosing their university and rolling in drunk at 6am 🙄

I think the thing which is almost impossible to explain is that whilst giving birth is painful, it is a different kind of pain to being injured. I could feel my uterus rippling and contracting to push the baby out (I have 3 DC) and I almost welcomed each pain as I kew they were productive. I must have walked miles on each of my labours as I found pacing incredibly helpful. Lying down was never going to work for me.

I'm a wimp and I'd say I have a low pain threshold, but because I knew the pain did not mean something was wrong, but rather that my body was working hard to do something necessary, I found it bearable.

The best thing I did was a hypnobirthing course and I would hugely recommend this to anyone. For me this was key to managing the experience and getting in the right mental zone. I still use the techniques they taught me now for things like the dentist.

Everyone's birth experience is personal to them though. Go with what you think works for you and if that is a caesarian then good for you. Ultimately the only think which matters is a healthy mum and a healthy baby.

I’m the same, have always been absolutely terrified of childbirth, the thought used to make me feel physically ill.

But then me and DP decided we do want kids, and my desire for children soon outweighed my fear and when I actually got pregnant it doesn’t worry me as much as I thought it would. I genuinely thought, because I was so utterly terrified, that I was going to be panicking all the way through my pregnancy, especially as I suffer with generalised and health anxiety and panic disorder. I was put under a consultant for my anxiety disorders and I had one meeting with a consultant who told me I seem to have my head together and doesn’t feel like I need to be treated under a insult any but if at any time I need to see her again they’ll see me straight away, fair enough.

Now I’m 23 weeks and I think about labour day in day out, ways of controlling pain, when to start hypnobirthing stuff, what pain relief will be available, ways I can absolutely avoid a epidural. I’m putting it in my birth plan that I absolutely do not want one. I want a birthing pool with gas and air, I’ll take the other pain relief drugs, I’m not anti drug at all. I just don’t want to be numb from the waist down, risk needing a catheter, having to be bed bound for any period of time, or have to make my stay at the hospital any longer than necessary if all goes well.

But as much as I think about it, I only get the odd few minutes of “holy shit this baby has to come out, I am scared” type thoughts, it’s mostly “what other ways are there of managing pain and avoiding episiotomies, haemorrhage, tears and epidurals.”

I hope you find a way to cope through the fear OP. I’m up now feeling our DD kicking away, again think of ways to make my labour as relaxing and easy as possible.. burrentlythinking of good soundtracks!

I had my baby 10 days ago, I was very scared about the process and had serly considered an elective section.
So glad I didn’t!!
I had a fantastic experience-at times I was really scared by the intensity but the MW, my DH and the doctor that assisted were incredible and got me through it.
After a failed induction my eaters went spontaneously and I had a 6.5 hour labour. One shot of Pethidine and gas and air.
My fear was of tearing but I got away with just 3 small stitches thanks to the Dr and MW easing the head out.
My recovery has been fabulous, no pain relief needed and I’m an older first time parent at 41.
I am astounded by what my body did and hugely empowered by it. It’ll be ok, really.

I’ve had one natural birth which had complications. I went in for the pool and all natural, ended up with a stuck back to back baby and constant contractions - I didn’t get the wave and break between other talk about

If I’d have known this is what was happening I’d have had an epidural in a heartbeat. I didn’t know until it was too late and I was given a spinal instead as there was a risk of c section needed.

This time I’m having the epidural from the start!! I want to keep a clear head and be able to make informed decisions unlike last time when I would have signed the consent form for my arm to be amputated just to get the spinal (in fairness it had been a long day )

I’m not saying this is what would happen to you but thought it best to give you others experiences for balance

Ask your hospital if they have remifentanil. It worked wonderfully for me. I would advice you to read up on all the pain relief options available to you and their side effects. So you could have a list of things to try and let things that happen on the day guide you.

I've had three natural births, my first and second I had gas and air, my third I had nothing.

Il talk about my first experience as that is more relevant,
Also like to add I was very young and had little support, I was single, this makes a difference as I was lonely and terrified so I didn't feel safe.

My waters broke, that didn't hurt at all around 12hours later my contractions started so I tried to sleep, I woke up every time I had a contraction, my lower back and stomach would feel tight and bump went hard I also had a period type pain, as time went on the pain got more intense until it kept me awake.

I spent a lot of time in the bath the water was soothing for me so a water birth may help you, I had a water birth planned but I didn't get in it il get to that soon!

The 24hours was up this was the time from when my waters broke so I needed to go to hospital as there is a risk of infection.

I was in a room for hours my pain was at a 10 so I was checked and was ready to give birth. I was taken to the birthing centre and had gas and air , I was sick multiple times and I was exhausted already, I found sitting on the toilet between contractions helpful! They ran the water birth tub but I was in so much pain that I decided to just lay on the bed, I felt a burning sensation which was DD head I was told to stop pushing to prevent tearing however my body just done what it wanted and out she came , I did tear and had stitches. I was sick more from the gas and air and I passed out after.

I had a smooth birth although it was 37hours long! I had two more children since then.

So from my first I learnt that ,
Gas and air does help!
Squatting on the floor leaning forward is far better than laying down,
Sitting on the toilet between contractions really does help too!
Remembering to remain calm and not freak out,
Having someone who makes you feel safe to be your birthing partner,
Not resisting what your body tells you to do,
Breathing is key try to blow the pain away rather than shouting
And lastly knowing that you have other options available if you need it pain relief wise x

Being honest it's a whole other level of pain. I went somewhere else in my head to cope with it. I had an epidural but it only worked on my right side. And I was very sick over and over. I had a bad year and a cut and stitches that didn't heal for 6 months as they were too tight. But I got my gorgeous son at the end of it and he was so so worth every second x

You are brave to ask for honest experiences.

DC1: full on contractions every 2 minutes for 36hrs. After 30hrs Waters artificially broken, then epidural, rotational forceps. Broke my tailbone pushing, had to use a catheter for months and had to have my stitches redone after 6 months. Pain level: off the charts, wanted to die, like a chainsaw on my spine. Took a year to recover. Never again.

DC2: oh but time heals and you forget. Second labour: 4hrs start to finish, pain manageable with gas and air and codeine. Still would have been the worst pain of my life if I hadn’t experience DC1 but the pain felt “productive” like it was doing something. Easy Peasy. Tear and stitches done right this time.

Then DC2 died when she was 4 months old.

There are worst things than a painful labour in the rollercoaster of childbearing.

You might have an easy labour, you might have an epidural from the start and a c section, you might have the most terrifying painful experience of your life. The only thing you have control over really is your state of mind. You need to be calm to labour well. Try some mindfulness. Talk to your midwife about your fears. Get your partner to help you with coping mechanisms for the day.

Good luck.

@Pandora71 I am sorry to hear that happened

And thank you for the advice it's all useful and yes you're right there is a bigger picture and also I agree the whole thing is mind over matter

I gave birth with no drugs they don't do gas and air here. It was really ok. Like it was painful but bearable.

Hi! So I have 2 daughters. Both natural births, DD1 epidural at 1am but she was born at 1.21 so no time to work. DD2 nothing at all. I'm not going to lie the pain is unbearable. But it IS temporary. The really intense bit doesn't last long at all. Im hoping to have another and would love to have a natural birth again so it obvs can't be that bad.
Why do you want to go natural? I think if you've got a phobia of giving birth absolutely have an elective c section. There is a baby at the end of both and I think whichever birth will be the best for your mental state will be the best all round.
Wishing you all the best in whichever you choose! X

@obkb I want natural because I don't want to be restricted for six weeks with a c section. I have no issue if it's necessary due to the baby being in distress but otherwise I feel like i should just do what everyone else does. Also, with a c section you need an epidural anyway so I may aswell worst case go for epidural and have it naturally

@obkb

Also I don't understand if the pain was so unbearable why you want to put yourself through it again?

I don't mean it in rhetorical way genuinely curious to know, what is it about another epi or c section that makes you not want one if you know the pain is unbearable?

@Hey1256
Hi OP, sorry I haven't read all the replies. I just want to say (and hopefully it's not a repeat) that now I've given birth and therefore talked to many women about their birth, I think there are scenarios where an epidural cannot be ruled out, because the pain is simply too great. The scenarios I'm aware of are if your baby is back to back, if your waters break first or quite early on and if you go with an induction (although I do know one woman who coped well without an epidural but all others needed the help). I'm not sure where that leaves you but thought you'd want to take that into account.