I need honest answers about childbirth

[Hey1256]

Ok, so I think I have a mild form of Tokophobia (childbirth fear) as it's worried me for years. I'm now TTC so feel I should think more about my options.

I want to know from anyone who had a natural birth if they regret and how bad it actually was?

I have decided to give birth without a c section (I considered an elective one but decided against for various reasons).

I am really against epidural for only one reason - lasting permanent damage to my spine or inability to walk. Otherwise I'd have one in a heartbeat.

So if I use just gas an air and birthing pool, for someone that has a massive fear of childbirth am I crazy to even consider this?

Did anyone have a natural birth with gas and air and regret it massively and if they could go back would have an epidural?

Please don't say 'Once the baby is here you'll forget about the pain'. I know it's a lovely way to look at it but I don't find it helpful lol I need real truthful answers please?

Thanks

I ended up with an emergency C section so I cant tell you about the actual birth but I opted out of an epidural because if the increased chance of a forceps delivery.

What I will say is that the recovery from the C section wasnt bad. Certainly no worse than friends who tore badly. At least you know it is there as an option if your fear gets worse when the birth is imminent.

It is such an individual experience I think there is very little use in considering your choices based on random experiences. Or even thoroughly researched statistics. You would probably be better served getting some counselling/therapy and learning stress-relieving/ distraction techniques that you can use in the lead up and in early labour. As PP has said above, put down your preferences in a birth plan but by far the least traumatic birth stories I know of, are ones where the mother has been responsive to events and not fixed on a particular type of birth. Also have a really clear chat with your DP/H on any red lines so they can advocate for you if you're unable. All that said...
I had one gas and air and pool and one nothing (not through choice). First one was bloody painful but ultimately fine. Second I think I probably did have some kind of trauma response but not severe.

I wouldn't go to a midwife led centre for the reason you mentioned you can't get the epidural that would freak me
Out massively - I need to know that one is available. The NHS can't even guarantee tje anaesthesia will be available. I looked at private hospitals as I'm guessing it's more readily available but they're all in London.

I had surgery, blood transfusion, 3rd degree tear, my baby was poorly. i had an epidural too and i absolutely hate needles (that was so hard). Spinal and catheter several times. Basically everything.

I had no pain relief with foreceps/pushing, it wore off, - but! Worst pain ever - having a shit with front to back stitches.

is that honest enough?

I have tokophobia so opted for sections for my two. It meant I could relax during pregnancy and not worry about birth, injuries, incontinence, examinations, instruments inside my vagina etc.. no chaos of birth or intense pain from inducing. I felt more in control. I knew when my baby would come. They are the best decision I have made.

@carly2803 sorry to hear it was a negative experience for you.

With hindsight would you have a c section is the option was available to you?

I had an epidural- it didn't quite work as I could still feel pain in some areas but not in others. Couldn't feel my crotch area which was great as I had to have a catheter twice and an epiosotomy and couldn't feel the pain of childbirth but could still feel contractions. I would have one again in a heartbeat, you really can't plan what will happen during childbirth. The priority is to keep you and the baby alive and safe and sometimes that includes lots of interventions! Just make sure the midwives and Drs take the time to explain clearly what is going on so you feel like you know what is going on and have some control, I feel like this aspect is what contributes more to traumatic births than the events that actually take place. I wanted my epidural resited but the staff decided not to without really consulting me which was a bit shit.

I was very against an epidural as well, for the same reasons as you. But hospitals have options for pain relief other than epidural. I had pethidine (and had/air) and really overall childbirth was nowhere near as bad as I expected it to be. I have had pain much worse before.

I gave birth with nothing. Stuff happened too quickly for an epidural or water birth, and because I couldn't cope with not having two hands free when contracting (goodness knows why ), I didn't use gas and air. It jolly well hurt. I wish I'd been able to have the epidural. Although, I was in so much pain when ds actually came out, it masked the 2nd degree tear that occurred and needed 30 stitches. In fact, I recall the pain with the needle for the local anaesthetic more than labour now.

Make a birth plan, and make your plan known to your midwife. But be flexible, childbirth is so unpredictable!

Honestly you can’t plan a birth. There are so many factors. Pretty much every woman wants a ‘natural’ birth with as little drugs and intervention as possible, and many want a waterbirth. I did too. However, towards the end of my pregnancy I became unwell, my baby pretty much stopped growing, I was induced, developed pre-eclampsia etc so to cut a long story short I ended up with an EMCS. A far cry from the drug free birth I wanted and yes I did find it traumatic and ended up with massive PND and PTSD but even the most straightforward birth could be traumatic, it really depends on the mother. Anyway, you could drive yourself a little crazy going over the planning. There are so many factors at play in childbirth. The best thing to do is research everything, be open minded and realistic. Being very fixed on it going a certain way is pretty much a sure fire way to set yourself up for shock and trauma if it doesn’t turn out the way you want.

3 natural births with gas and air. First was long and painful, had a small tear which was stitched with local anaesthetic. It wasn’t traumatic though, just exhausting.
2nd and 3rd were much shorter, straightforward and no tearing. Completely fine.

I’ve had 4 naturally but 1,2 & 4 required the use of syntocinon (the drug used to bring on or speed up labour). If it comes to that, I would thoroughly recommend that you have an epidural as the contractions are not the same as natural contractions and you get no break in between.

My best birth was dc3, the only one that didn’t need me to be on syntocinon. Contractions are still painful as they build - for me once I’m about 5cms or more - but you can get through them with gas and air if you start to deep breathe it at the start of a contraction and your body also gives you lovely breaks in between where it is totally pain free. Once the baby is ready to be born the contractions totally change and instead of being painful they feel like incredibly strong downward pushes and if you are able to go with them then it’s just very hard work past that point and to be honest does sting quite a lot at the point of crowning.

The main problem is when it’s your first one, not only are your muscles all tighter but you’ve also not done it before and so don’t know what part you’re at and what the next bit will be. I found it much easier to relax for subsequent babies because I knew roughly where I was up to and how long I might have left to go. The more relaxed you can be, honestly the easier it is. So keep reading about each stage and asking questions because the more informed you are, the less you are likely to panic and make it more difficult for yourself.

Ultimately though, if you want your own DC then you will need to birth them one way or another and being prepared to go with the flow will help because no two births are the same in my experience.

I don't know if this will help but I can try. I have had two births and looking back I had a real fear of birth before my first,(from my mum's traumatic births). First gas and air, episiotomy fear of epidural and I was terrified and feel I developed mild PTSD. Did however have a second 3 years later gas and air no issues for me but dc was prem. Looking back I feel if I had gone for the epidural it would of been far less scary. Only you can make that decision.

My recommendation would be to seek some therapy before hand. Please don't let it stop you having a family as it is just the most wonderful thing ever. It is scary and it is painful for most women. There are a lot of things you can do to help like hyponobirthing techniques but nothing is risk free and I think that's what you need to come to terms with. If you are scared of the pain opt for an epidural. The risks are low. I've had a natural and an epidural that punctured and I had to have a blood patch. It's such a small part of something so wonderful. Best of luck.

I had 3 vaginal births, 1 with the pool and 2 on gas and air. No regrets at all although I found the pool better for pain relief than the gas. I'm not keen on epidurals either. I had one for my c-section and not being able to move really scared me, I felt like I was being held down and also that I was going to fall off the bed.

I had an amazing experience with just gas and air. Yes it hurt, but it was manageable and not scary. But I put in a lot of work beforehand doing nct yoga and hypnobirthing.
If you get yourself in the right frame of mind you can do it AND enjoy it but you can't just rock up on the day and expect it all to go to plan.

I had natural births for both of mine. And don't regret it. The second birth was easier because I was induced with the first but I coped with Gas and Air. By the time I thought I wanted an epidural it was too late because I was in the second stage. Yes it was painful but the good thing about childbirth pain is you know it won't last for ever and once the baby is born it has gone.

My tuppence worth;

Ask your close female relatives how their deliveries went.

If they all went into natural spontaneous labour at 42w it’s probable you’d have the same but probable doesn’t mean guaranteed.

On the contrary though birth is an individual thing and your pain threshold may be greater or lesser then others on here.

One thing I will say though: if you do have a baby that needs to be induced 99.9999999% of folk would recommend an epidural should you end up on the drip.

Finally, research hypnobirthing to the letter. It’s not odd woo hippy shit.

I have tokophobia and had 2 planned sections. Both were painless and perfectly fine. My sister’s all natural home birth left her with injuries which still affect her.

And I will add that even with PTSD I opted for a second child. I actually decided to have my second quite quickly after the first because I was mentally not right at the time and wanted to complete my family as quickly as possible so I didn’t have to think about having any more after that. I opted for a ELCS and was very glad I did.

Have you thought about hypnobirthing? Even if you don't use it for the birth it could help you relax and see the birthing experience in a new way.
I had a natural birth and yes the contractions are strong and it is quite painful when the head comes out, it's not pain like breaking a leg or cutting yourself. It does serve a purpose and your body is made for that.
I would also not rule out an epidural if you are worried about pain.

I think you would find hypnotherapy very helpful in reducing your anxiety and understanding the labour process and the fear/tension/pain process. It will also help you feel more in control even if things don't go to plan and there's nothing to stop you using techniques you've learned in hypnotherapy along with an epidural.

FWIW My baby was back to back and labour was induced with an oxcytocin drip. On a pain scale of 1-10 I would rate my labour as a 6.5/7 using a combination of a TENS machine and hypnosis. I ended up with an EMCS after three hours of pushing and a failed ventouse but even then I felt that the hypnobirthing helped me to stay calmer when everything around me was becoming a bit frantic.

Watching with interest as I have the same fear as you and don't want an epidural for the same reasons. I know a few people who had them and had horrendous back problems afterwards - I already have a knackered back and just can't cope with any more pain than I already have (plus it seems I have pgp/spd at 17wks).

I had to go through a termination at 3mths last year and although a tiny foetus, my 'labour' was horrendous. I had two lots of pethadine and other painkillers but it was incredibly painful as i don't think the drugs touched the pain at all. I tend to have a high tolerance to painkillers though.
I'm absolutely dreading going through a full labour

I loved the epidural. Permanent nerve damage after an epidural is extremely rare. A review of 27 studies that included 1.37 million pregnant women who received epidurals or spinals estimated the risk of persistent neurological injury at one in 240,000 and temporary neurological injury at one in 6,700.

I was terrified about labour OP as I'm such a wuss and I found the thing that most helped me was reading other people's birth stories (the good, bad, long, short) as it helped me go into labour with an open mind and somehow knowing anything could happen calmed me down. I downloaded the baby centre uk app and read the stories on there.

I had a water birth with gas and air and managed so much better than I'd expected.

Good luck.