I need honest answers about childbirth

[Hey1256]

Ok, so I think I have a mild form of Tokophobia (childbirth fear) as it's worried me for years. I'm now TTC so feel I should think more about my options.

I want to know from anyone who had a natural birth if they regret and how bad it actually was?

I have decided to give birth without a c section (I considered an elective one but decided against for various reasons).

I am really against epidural for only one reason - lasting permanent damage to my spine or inability to walk. Otherwise I'd have one in a heartbeat.

So if I use just gas an air and birthing pool, for someone that has a massive fear of childbirth am I crazy to even consider this?

Did anyone have a natural birth with gas and air and regret it massively and if they could go back would have an epidural?

Please don't say 'Once the baby is here you'll forget about the pain'. I know it's a lovely way to look at it but I don't find it helpful lol I need real truthful answers please?

Thanks

My first was in a pool with gas and air. It was fine, the last ten mins quite painful but I was very happy within mins.

Second one had more interventions due to the health of my baby, that one wasn't pleasant at all. Still wouldn't say I regret it though. He came out safe and sound and we were both well.

Worst day of my life and no I didn't forget about it once DS was born.

I wanted an epidural- there was no doctor to sign it off on the maternity ward as the 1 doctor was in and out of a number of births... I went into labour in the room with another 5 ladies in visiting hours with a number of kids in the room! gas and air did nothing at all. I had a positive mindset about the whole thing beforehand so those saying mindset, I don't agree.

They nearly did an emergency Caesarian as baby heartbeat was raised etc I ended up pushing loads when I heard that and tearing and needing a lot of stitches. To top it all up 20 mins after birth they told me to get up and walk myself to the postnatal Ward. I could barely stand and even after leaving hospital I couldn't sit properly for weeks. The whole experience was incredibly traumatic and for months I couldn't bond with DS because of the reminder of it.

I would like another DC but it would have to be an elective Caesarian as there is not a chance in hell I would go through that again.

Look into hypnobirthing techniques.

My waterbirth with gas and air didn't happen because my stupid ass body developed pre eclampsia. I had an induction (just a pessary) and hypnobirthed. Delivered with nothing more than a moan as she crowned.

When you're pregnant look at your local hospital. Lots run parent education classes, they're everything you could want to know about hospital birth.

I’ve had a cs and natural birth with just gas and air.
Research how not to tear and look into hypnobirthing.
The only regrets I have are not being informed enough with my first child which could have prevented an emcs.

I’m am the worst with pain, blood or anything medical. I pass out at the mere sight of blood or even during discussions about medical things.

Except when I’m pregnant or giving birth. Without meaning to sound too wanky, because it was pain with a purpose and with a goal at the end of it I coped. It felt like riding a rollercoaster - both scary and exhilarating. It was bloody tiring and at times it really really hurt, but it was manageable. I was fully prepared to take whatever I needed to, but I coped fine with gas and air and a bit of pethadine.

Before I fell pregnant, the thought of giving birth was terrifying. I thought about it waaay too much and read too many horror stories about worst case scenarios. However once I fell pregnant it all seemed far less scary. I suppose it became less about me and much more about my baby.

My top tips are: keep a positive, calm mind, keep an open mind, don’t have a rigid birth plan and don’t watch One Born Every Minute

I’ve had two vagina births with absolutely no pain relief whatsoever for various (different) reasons.

The only thing you need to be absolutely clear on is that staying as relaxed and calm and not-rigid about the ‘plan’ as possible is vital.

So if I were you, as you know you have issues surrounding this and you like to plan, I’d go back to counselling now, before you’re pregnant. Once you’re pregnant it’s too late in a way, and that amps up the pressure.

Op I think you need to make peace with the fact you don’t know what’s going to happen.
I mean this in a nice way but you seem like you’re going to into this with quite a rigid plan of what will happen and that’s, that.
It’s not going to happen that way and if I’m being honest I think the women I know who are the most traumatised about their birth experiences are the ones who kinda went in with a plan of how they would labour and childbirth and then struggled with the fact that they couldn’t deliver the way they wanted to which made them feel like they had failed somehow.

You need to go in with an idea of what you want but to understand there are so many variants of ‘normal’ when it comes to childbirth.

You might have to have a section, your baby might be breach or in distress, you might only need gas and air and a water birth, you might need an epidural or forceps.
You might have a difficult c section and end up with blood loss and drains. You might not realise you’re in labour until 20 minutes before and sneeze the baby out.
You might have stitches and episiotomy you might not. There are literally thousands of variants.

My plan was to have a baby safely in as little pain as possible. That was it.
Both my births were difficult one resulted in drains, blood transfusions and ICU, the other was traumatic c section with retained placenta but both times I was pain free and the babies were born healthily. So it was easy to make peace with the deliveries because I’d got what I wanted in my birth plan.
I’m pregnant with my third now and to be honest my plan is going to be pretty much the same.

I understand being a planner and having to fine tune things to the finest detail but to be honest I think you’re more likely to end up disappointed in your delivery if you do that because it’s not something you can plan to the finest detail.

I had DC2 (via ventouse delivery) 6 months ago after just having 2 codeine. Gas and air is god awful and I hated it. My honest answer is to go into it with an open mind, babies don't stick to birth plans I'm afraid and you will just do what is best / safest for you both at the time.

I would suggest you maybe look into hypnotherapy before you become pregnant to help with the phobia. It could make everything a lot less worrisome. Being pregnant is not the best time for stress anyway. Things can get a but out of pesrpectivex when you are pregnant so if you are very worried now, I would ge slightly concerned pregnancy could exacerbate your stress.
I opted for no plans in advance of my births, quite simply you have no idea what its going uo ge like or what will happen. For the first I ended up with an epidural despite bring petrified of them because of a complication, having said that it was the best thing and I would have chosen it again. The second time, I had no choice, i was told in a natural birth ine, other or both of us would die so I could have a section- strangely I opted for that . I was bizarre but strangely good to walk in and have a baby within half an hour. Both were good experiences.

What @Dogmcstuffins said.

You really need to work on relaxing your expectations if you can. Childbirth is unpredictable and you can only plan so far. Best of luck.

Everyone is different and 2women can have identical births but a different experience of it.
I went straight to transitional stage,waters broken by midwife and baby's head finally descended,I dilated fully immediately.I didn't find the final stage painful apart from the sting as the baby's head breeched.
I have had more painful longer lasting periods.
You need counciling I think now to help you,waiting until you're pregnant will just put more pressure on you.
Good luck on your journey.

FWIW I wanted to avoid an epidural because I'd heard that it increases the chances of needing an instrumental delivery and episiotomy.

I tried to ride it out with a TENS machine and gas and air...and ended up needing forceps and episiotomy anyway. And it was too late for an epidural. If I hadn't wasted time fannying about with the useless TENS machine I could have had one. And the gas and air did nothing except make me projectile vomit.

If I could go back and do it again I would definitely have an epidural.

Everyone has completely different experiences in childbirth.

Firstly,it's unpredictable! My sister had a straightforward 1st birth and then a crash section with her 2nd. Very unexpected!

The good thing is that it usually starts slowly and builds up. You'll know if you need an epidural or not.

Best of luck to you. Definitely look into CBT and hypnosis and of hypno birthing when the time comes.

I have tokophobia. To the extreme, my consultant said the worst case he'd seen in 20 years practicing in obstetrics.

I could write essays in what it was like trying to deal with through two pregnancies. Difficult doesn't come close.

Anyway I had planned sections with both. Fantastic experience both times. Quick recoveries with no ongoing health issues at all.

I actually chose to have them under GA rather than epi/spinal block. Just another option to consider...

I was in labour for 72 hours. I wanted a home birth and managed 2.5 days at home before going to hospital. I used gas and air and then epidural which kind of failed and then gas and air again.
I had a 2nd deg tear but I didn't feel it at all and was stitched straight away.
I'd deffo go for epidural though. The stats of something going wrong are miniscule.
I hated contractions but managed them and also we ran out of gas and air at home so i managed them for 1.5 hours with no pain relief and my husband said he thought i coped better at that point than when I did have gas and air.
It will all be ok.

Oh Yeh and I used TENS too

I would say get as educated as possible- knowledge is power and key to decision making. I really recommend the ‘positive birth book’ and also ‘give birth like a feminist’ by the same author- great advice on approaching birth without fear, knowing your rights and options and understanding that the course of pregnancy and birth can take different directions but ultimately YOU do have the autonomy and say to be the key decision-maker in the process. A hypnobirthing course may also be a good idea to give you help with relaxation methods.

Why don’t you consider an elective c-section? You sounds anxious enough that you would probably qualify.

Mine (planned c-section at 36 weeks for medical reasons) was an absolute breeze. Walked in, spinal anaesthetic, baby out 30mins later. Titchy scar that healed well.

I spent the rest of the day in bed with DS, but I imagine you’d do that anyway if you’d been labouring for 20+ hours. Walking normally the next day. Bit of pain under my shoulder (normal, due to trapped air under the diaphragm). Aside from that, wouldn’t have known I’d had anything done.

I’d be interested to experience labour, but I think given the choice I’d prefer a c-section again.

To be honest you won't know if it's going to be traumatising for you until you actually go through it, section or natural 🤷🏼‍♀️

Take my case for example - I thought birth would be a breeze! This is what my friends had experienced!

It wasn't! I got to 9cm on my own at home with nothing but one paracetmol, got admitted and they found baby back to back (not the ideal position). So I gave birth to him in theatre on gas and air with the help of ventouse and an episiotomy (I imagine I would have torn very badly otherwise). I was stitched and sent back to my room. Woohoo baby's out, we can relax!
Nope no way!
I started bleeding heavily (lost 2L's of blood) a few hours later and fainted on the way back from my first trip to the bathroom due to retained placenta. Quick whip back to theatre, put under general and had a removal of placenta then a blood transfusion. I was in hospital 5 days and had PTSD for the first 24hrs badly and it affected me there after for a whole year.

I had no idea what childbirth was going to bring at all. To be honest I coped better not knowing until I was in the thick of it so to speak. Go in with an open mind to it all, take what drugs they offer you.

Pregnant again 3yrs later with baby 2 (last and final baby), this time I've opted for an elective section. Knowing what I do now from what I went through with my first baby I'm absolutely terrified, I don't know if I'll face similar issues again or not, I just know I won't go through having a stuck baby at least.

I don't regret natural birth at all, I just don't wish to end up in the same situation I did last time, it would definitely trigger me panicking. I've said this time I want it to be as calm as possible and for someone to be there for me all the time.

You maybe allowed the use of the pool if there's a room with one available but you can't bring your own. If you have an epidural you also can't be in the pool either. It's either gas and air in the pool or epidural and in the bed.

OP you've had a lot of good advice on this thread. The thing is nobody can tell you what giving birth could be like for you. You may have a wonderful birth experience and a great recovery with no lasting physical or mental trauma.

Or it could go completely the other way. Just reading the stories on here and it's clear it's just a lottery. I think for myself and probably most with tokophobia, not being able to control what happens to you and plan is a huge part of the fear. I wasn't terrified of pain so much as of permanent trauma and damage, and having no control with what happens.

I'm not trying to push c-sections at all. My only thought is if you want to have more control and plan ahead, an ELCS seems the most likely way to be able to do this. Although even then there are variables. Despite having dates for my c-sections months before having them, I was still petrified of going into labour before the planned dates. It was really difficult to cope with.

I'm lucky that I recovered very well, much better than an awful lot of people who have had natural births from what I read on here. But there are many complications I could have had and was fortunate not too.

I guess I'm just trying to say if you become pregnant, the reality is accepting that anything could happen. It's whether you choose a route that allows you more chance of planning what will happen.

Good luck with whatever you decide 💐

I haven't had a phobia of childbirth but was of course very nervous.

I won't lie, it was the strongest pain I had ever been in but there were a few strategies that really helped me.

First of all, the bath was amazing. So soothing and relaxing and supported the weight of my belly which minimised discomfort.

I used the gas and although it didn't make the pain go away altogether, it took the sharpness off it.

I had done some reading on hypnobirthing. While I didn't technically do this, I found it incredibly useful. I was able to get myself into a zone where I was just in the present moment, dealing with each contraction as it came, not thinking about what was to come. I just focused on getting through the current moment, regulating my breathing in that moment. It helped keep me calm which is really important.

I found childbirth incredibly empowering. I am aware that I was in many ways very lucky, but I think having some meditative type skills can be incredibly helpful.

I had a natural childbirth with no pain relief (I had just decided I wanted to try gas and air when I was found to be fully dilated and they took it away so I could concentrate on pushing lol).
Hypnobirthing, meditation and CBT might all be useful for you, I think much of it comes down to your mental state and how well you can keep calm and relaxed. I consider myself to have quite a high pain threshold and I honestly didn't find labour too bad. It was boring and tiring and the pushing bit was hard but I had a relatively short active birthing time and was physically very fit at the time too (which definitely helped). I feel like most of my good experience was down to luck though, if the baby had been in a different position to make natural birth more difficult I may well have ended up requesting an epidural.

The other things I would suggest.

Get some counselling around the issue - I know in Australia the hospitals often run prenatal classes which include education about childbirth and many also have counselling staff insight for people with anxiety issues.

Know your options and your rights. Don't have a super rigid birth plan in mind. Most people I know who experienced post-birth trauma did so because they had a very specific idealised birth in their minds and when it didn't go to plan it was very difficult for them. I went in hoping for as natural as possible but fully aware of what my pain management options were and willing to have a c-section if there was a problem during birth. I was lucky that things went smoothly, but had it not, I would not have been comfortable with trying an epi or c-section. That took a lot of pressure off me in the lead up as well, because I knew I wasn't going to force myself to tough it out if I wasn't coping.

Knowing what i know now, I would say have an epidural. My first DC was very long labour due to back to back so epidural when I finally got it was absolute bliss. Second DC came very easily by comparison with just gas and air. Labour does hurt like fuck but relax as much as possible and do yoga breathing which helps massively.

The plan for me was to take any and every pain relief option suggested. The reality was I got nothing as I was already 10 cm dilated when I arrived at the hospital. Don't be too inflexible in your thinking and try to just do what's best for you at the time. I'm glad I had a natural birth without pain relief in the end and would try to do this again if I have a second. That said, my labour was only 4 hours and progressed well so the absence of pain relief was manageable. I wouldn't do it if I had been labouring for a long time - it's not worth it.