I need honest answers about childbirth

[Hey1256]

Ok, so I think I have a mild form of Tokophobia (childbirth fear) as it's worried me for years. I'm now TTC so feel I should think more about my options.

I want to know from anyone who had a natural birth if they regret and how bad it actually was?

I have decided to give birth without a c section (I considered an elective one but decided against for various reasons).

I am really against epidural for only one reason - lasting permanent damage to my spine or inability to walk. Otherwise I'd have one in a heartbeat.

So if I use just gas an air and birthing pool, for someone that has a massive fear of childbirth am I crazy to even consider this?

Did anyone have a natural birth with gas and air and regret it massively and if they could go back would have an epidural?

Please don't say 'Once the baby is here you'll forget about the pain'. I know it's a lovely way to look at it but I don't find it helpful lol I need real truthful answers please?

Thanks

I think the main thing you actually need to make your peace with is that, as someone already mentioned, birth plans can change very, very quickly. What you think you've planned can be completely undone by that little baby!

I planned a hospital natural birth and ended up with a c-section with epidural. You need to think through how you'll cope IF something doesn't go to plan. And don't think that's just 'things that go wrong' - sometimes it's because of a potential breech birth, sometimes labour goes on for too long and mum becomes exhausted. They're not the 'life threatening' situations you read about but they can become dangerous and sometimes the decision has to be taken to do things differently. You need to prepare for that if I'm being honest.

Thanks for your responses.

I have done some hypnobirthing already but I'm still not 'cured'

Also, if it doesn't go to plan I would be happy - I mean if I was given and elective section then it wouldn't bother me in the slightest because the decision was out of my hands if it makes sense.

To elect for one though would be different as I'd feel like I should have. At least tried

Hi OP, I had an epidural for my first birth and was convinced I would do the same for the second birth but due to being induced and the labour progressing very quickly I had no time for an epidural and just had gas and air and one shot of pethidine. I won’t lie, parts of the labour, mainly the very quick dilation were painful but the birth was manageable and my recovery was so much quicker.
Please try not to worry, I know it’s easier said than done but it really is so worth it when you meet your little one.

I had a natural birth with no drugs, gas and air or pool. It wasn't difficult but I was fortunate in having no problems, everybody is different. I was in labour at home and didn't go into hospital until my waters had broken. My baby was born 2.5 hours later.

It's a good idea to keep on your feet, walking up and down for as long as possible.

I don't mean that disrespectfully to anyone that elected a section it's just my reason personally.

I still may elect one when the time gets close lol

OP, I planned a homebirth for my first, with pool.

I was absolutely fine, TENS machine on early, lots of walking about, then in the pool.

This went in for ages, and I was fine through an hour of pushing,

Then even I knew we needed help and agreed with midwives to transfer to hospital for ventouse.

To assist with ventouse delivery they put me in a drip to strengthen contractions. That necessitated a monitor, that meant lying on my back. One contraction later I asked for an epidural and got it straight away. I could see they were struggling to get the baby out and it took a while. But I wasn’t frightened or in paint.

Afterwards I felt good about the experience. Nothing had been unbearable, all decisions were discussed with me and I felt in control.

Talk to your midwives about your fear.

I was lucky, I was well informed prior to birth as once pregnant I did daisy birthing classes, and read ina may gaskin and the pregnancy bible book so I felt very informed of the mechanics of birth and the options risks/impacts before I went into labour. I didn’t realise how little I knew before.

I had both my children spontaneously at 40+4 and they arrived in a birthing pool with no pain relief. I tried gas and air but it made me feel really sick (again - I had already chucked my guts up with both in early labour at home) so couldn’t face using it.

Like you, I was against epidural partly due to risk but also DH (birthing partner) is a needlephobic, so it wasn’t in my plan. Saying that with both I went into it saying I would do whatever was needed to get baby safely out - and if that was an epi then so be it. My preference was pool and low drugs, and I got lucky (pool and no drugs) I think knowing what was happening and being well informed - using gravity, not getting in the pool too early that sort of thing massively helped. I’m not naive enough to think it was all me - it was luck too, but I gave myself the best chance. I used tens in early labour and before I got in pool too. As pp have said it hurts, but your body is doing something so it’s sort of productive pain. I think everyone perceives pain differently though and no two births are the same even for the same woman (my second was much faster, and I clearly remember saying to DH at transition (didn’t know it was transition at the time) Christ if it hurts this much and takes as long as last one not sure this one will be drug free. Baby arrived shortly after . Gaps between contractions felt surprisingly long to me - even at its worst you had chance to draw breath before the next

Try not to worry or over think it, but do consider getting educated and read up so you are well informed and feel more in control. Good luck

Another vote for hypnobirthing. Sounded too airy fairy for me but I picked out the bits that suited me and ditched anything too hippy.

I had 2 excellent births. Both natural, first a water birth which was incredible and wholly recommend (didn't get in quick enough second time around)

The best bit of advice I can give is keep mobile, the more you move the easier the contractions are and the quicker things will go, lying in bed is the worst thing you can do if you can avoid it. And make as much noise as you want/need.

I found getting dental fillings worse than giving birth, honestly.

I've been told pools aren't always available? Not sure if you can buy and bring your own?

I refused an epidural when I had mine - that was over 40 years ago and I don't regret it one bit. Things did sometimes go wrong.

40 years ago - they have come on a long way since then - drugs, techniques, understanding.

5 years ago I had epidural pain relief following surgery (despite misgivings) OMG it was wonderful.

40 odd years practice means epis are pretty much foolproof now. Nothing is without risk but in your situation I would 100% have one.

@Hey1256 you would need to go to your local hospital to find out how many they have, I was lucky. That's why I had a home birth second time around as it was the closest way I could "guarantee" a water birth as I was adamant I wanted to give birth that way again, but he arrived quicker than the pool could be filled, which was fine obviously as it was over before I knew it.

You should look into hypnobirthing, my only regret from labour was not doing this. I didn't do it as I thought the classes were too expensive but from speaking to other mums that did it I really wish I had now. I had a natural birth with just gas and air that I didn't even like so I didn't use it much. I can't lie it was painful, I pushed for three hours and begged to have an epidural once it was too late. I tore really bad because of how long I pushed and was in a lot of pain afterwards...but not even a year later and I could see myself having more babies. I didn't want an epidural either and I'm glad I didn't get one☺️

It's true that once the baby is there you forget about the pain.

You need to try to understand risk statistics wrt epidurals. There are literally millions of women walking around today who have had epidurals.

I've been induced twice (supposedly more painful) and I used gas and air and tens machine both times, nothing else. In fact, I only really used the gas and air whilst in the pushing stage to regulate breathing, not for pain relief.

It was manageable. It hurt, but everyone knows that. One time I tore, one time I didn't.

I'd recommend:
Hypnobirthing
Tens machine
Gas and air

Do you have a therapist?

I think you need to find one. CBT might be a good idea for you.

Hi, I would never go for an elective c section. I needed one with my eldest as I had a tilted pelvis and they were worried he’d get stuck. I had the option of trying a normal delivery but two out of three drs advised against it. I suffered after.
I’ve had two normal deliveries since. I had pethidine with the daughter and I hated it. It wore off after about 3 hours and then I had my daughter with no pain relief.
I had my youngest with only gas and air and had it taken off me for the last 10 minutes or so because I wasn’t feeling the contractions well enough.
You can do it with just the gas and air. The pain is something you will not be able to compare to anything else but you can do it without an epidural. Just be aware that things can change quickly and not go to plan. Write a rough birth plan and keep in mind it may change xx

Continue with your research, and you can make a proper informed decision. You can make a birth plan, and change it during the birth if you want.
What helped me (not tokophobic, but an older mum - 40) was reminding myself that millions of women have been through it and are ok.
Good luck with ttc!

Almost everyone goes into childbirth wanting just gas and air and water birth. In reality, there are no guarentees, you might need to be induced, you might need an epidural or an emergency c section. Yes there are small risks with all of them, but millions of women have them each year and those with lasting side effects are very, very small. So there are no guarentees. In my opinion an elective c section is by far the quickest and most efficient way to give birth if you are scared about going with the flow on the day. Theres a lot of people out there thatll try and convince you a natural birth is best, but if you have a fear of childbirth ask yourself who you are trying to please by not choosing the most straight forward option? Ultimately only you know whats best but dont dismiss c sections!

I used to have a therapist for other reasons but yes I think I should consider some before
Birthing

I had no pain relief for either, did try gas and air for 1st but couldn't fit the nozzle in the pool with me (i was on all fours with my head resting on the edge) so ended up throwing it across the room had to get out of the pool as baby wasn't doing well and then asked for some pain relief but it never came

Second time, no pain relief, but did manage my longed for water birth which was lovely. Although if i wasn't in the water, i would have wanted somethin. Not that it would have been much use, DD was born 27 minutes after arriving at the hospital

My first was an induction and while I did that with just a few puffs of gas and air, it’s not really comparable to a natural, spontaneous labour because the body is being forced to labour when it’s not necessarily ready.
My second baby was born at home with no form of pain relief whatsoever - no pool, no gas & air, no TENS etc and it was fine.
10 hours of labour (started spontaneously) and about 2 minutes pushing.
The spontaneous labour was completely different when it came to pain management. There’s no skirting around it: childbirth hurts. It hurts a fucking lot. But with my spontaneous labour, the little “recovery period” between contractions was bliss. The pain builds before reaching its peak, and then subsided again, so I found I was able to manage it quite well.

I was sure that I wanted an epidural as I was worried I wouldn't be able to handle the pain. Luckily in France epidurals are very common and easily available. In the end I had a very fast labour due to an infection and needed the epidural quickly.

@Hey1256 every birth is so different. I have a reasonable pain threshold and tend to zone out, I did it with some gas and air ... nothing else... when I reached the end of my pain threshold I was already pushing ... and I knew it would be stupid to ask.
It’s not pleasant ... but not as bad as I thought either ... I had read that you wish you would die during labour ... I just wanted to go home get into bed drink tea and cuddle my cats ... and in between contractions that’s where I mentally took myself ... the only time I opened my eyes was on the last push in which my son literally flew into the air.

Now I would have said never again ... but as your bond grows with the child I have pretty much decided I would go again ... to have another miracle it’s so worth it.

I had a run of the mill birth and as I said I do ok with pain ... I have driven myself to hospital with a gallstone pain to be admitted for a week due to a massive infection.

If you don’t do well with pain there is no shame in a c section ... I know someone who had 2 Emergancy c sections because she doesn't cope with pain though in many ways a c section takes longer to recover from.

I didn’t have pain relief at all although I regret not having the water. It is doable but there is absolutely no shame in deciding you want pain relief part way through or changing your mind.

I didn’t tear and didn’t have complications but it’s so individual. The best advice I’d really have is just see how you feel at the time and don’t get too fixed on one way.