I need honest answers about childbirth

[Hey1256]

Ok, so I think I have a mild form of Tokophobia (childbirth fear) as it's worried me for years. I'm now TTC so feel I should think more about my options.

I want to know from anyone who had a natural birth if they regret and how bad it actually was?

I have decided to give birth without a c section (I considered an elective one but decided against for various reasons).

I am really against epidural for only one reason - lasting permanent damage to my spine or inability to walk. Otherwise I'd have one in a heartbeat.

So if I use just gas an air and birthing pool, for someone that has a massive fear of childbirth am I crazy to even consider this?

Did anyone have a natural birth with gas and air and regret it massively and if they could go back would have an epidural?

Please don't say 'Once the baby is here you'll forget about the pain'. I know it's a lovely way to look at it but I don't find it helpful lol I need real truthful answers please?

Thanks

Hi there...
So at no point during all midwife visits etc. did I have any useful information or support about labour. My mother asked me several times if I wanted to talk about it, which I did not. I sort of buried my head in the sand a little bit, thinking, it’ll be fine, well you know, when it comes to it, your body will know what to do. And for me that is sort of what happened. I had only gas and air from 5cm, and my smallish frame delivered a 8lb 11oz baby in about 2 1/2 hours. I was the only woman in the delivery unit at the time, so the water birth pool was an option. I opted for it, and I would say if you do have the option, go for it. It relaxes the rest of your body, so down below does what it needs to. But you definitely need someone with you as the gas and air sends you out of it, and at the end of a contraction you feel exhausted (my husband held my head so it didn’t flop into the water). The initial contractions are painful, like the worst period pain, but more, and they become so intense you can’t think or do or concentrate on anything else. For me, the contractions were never “all over the bump”, just way down low, and they create a pressure very similar to a bowel movement, but more. I wouldn't say the gas and air numbs the pain at all... moreover it numbs you, so you don’t really give a what’s going on down there, you/your body just gets on and does what it needs to do. And when the head is crowning, it feels like pushing a square peg through a round hole.... it stings. And it stings for about 24 hours after too, especially when you need a wee. To be honest, if having a baby is what you want, go for it, don’t let your fear of labour put you off... when the time comes, you won’t have the time or inclination to worry about it, you’ll just do it. And you don’t forget the pain, but holding that little person in your arms far outweighs anything else. I would do it again and again

I've given birth three times. The first I was terrified and ended up having pethidine, gas and air, followed by a spinal block for a ventouse delivery. It wasnt a fun day and I got more scared as the day went on, which to be honest I think was the reason it wasn't pleasant - I was tense, scared, and too much on my head and not in my body.

2nd baby I had at home. He was a BBA (arrived before the midwife) so I had no pain relief at all. It was amazing, strong sensations but not painful at all, and actually enjoyable, also very quick.

3rd baby, no pain relief, despite her being back-to-back. Longer than the second, but shorter than the first. Completely do-able. Contractions were very uncomfortable in the last 30 minutes or so, but I breathed through them. Intense but uplifting.

I'd say you can totally do it. My unmedicated births were much easier to get through than the medicated one. I was in control and no one touched me throughout the whole process, which I think helped me psychologically stay in the right space in my head.

If you think you do have tokophobia though, I would recommend counselling or CBT. I had trauma counselling after my first birth (there are only 11 months between my eldest two), and without that I don't think I'd have coped at all with my second pregnancy and birth.

I had pethidine and gas and air on the 1st. 2nd was a home birth with no pain relief until the very end when I had gas and air (it wasn't through choice, there was a problem getting the gas and air working)

Both were fine. Yes it's incredibly painful but as someone said earlier on, it's a functional pain, you know it's happening for a reason and so it's different to if you were in that much pain from an injury for example

I would recommend doing pregnancy yoga and hypnobirthing. I found both very calming. I was very anxious early on and worried about labour but found going to yoga and hypnobirthing really helped. Just hearing about what would happen during birth etc and feeling more in control of my body

good luck whatever you choose

I initially did not want to have an epidural and was thinking of relying solely on Gas and Air. But before making my "birth plan" , i did some asking around.. i asked my friends (including close work colleagues) who are mums, as well as my GP and midwife. Almost all my close work collegues and friends who are mums had got epidurals and were fine. My lovely GP told me that it was obviously my decision and that she had an epidural when she had her DC nearly 20 something years ago. She told me her thinking was that if she wouldn't have a tooth pulled out without an anesthetic why would she want a baby delivery without one.

Based on the info i had and all the research we did, my plan of action was Gas and Air in the first instance, and if that did not work, try the TENS machine and if that did not work then epidural. I had about a 14 hour labour ( even though for the first 4 to 5 hours the hospital failed to recognise this despite inducing and the midwife on duty thought i just needed a wee - i kid you not). I tried the pain relief in order as planned but it soon became clear that the first two were not working and so i had an epidural despite the hospital staff trying to discourage me. It was the best thing ever. It took less time than average to take effect on me and i was a changed person from then on and was able relax without being in pain. I have no regrets about having an epidural. NHS obviously have to advise of the risks involved as with any procedure, but from what my midwife told me and from my own research, the risk of Epidurals causing permanent damage seem to be very rare nowadays. It is nevertheless still a risk but there are risks in almost everthing we do in life -even in stepping out of our homes.

I had a natural home birth. No gas and air, not even a paracetamol. It was lovely. Really didn't hurt that much at all.

I was TERRIFIED of giving birth. So much so I wouldn't go in to a hospital. I have such a low pain threshold too.

Honestly, it's the best thing I've ever done, I look back on the birth fondly.

Thank you all so much for your responses, it's really helped me.

I have been listening to hypnobirth Audio books today from your suggestions.

I'm also going to get some counselling amongst other things.

In conclusion I'm going to try natural with water. If I can't get access to water then I'll go for an epidural. If I need interventions like c sections etc I haven't planned for them I'm open to it, I don't have an issue with the plan changing.

You've been most helpful Xx

'Once the baby is here you'll forget about the pain' - I would never ever say that! It’s not true.

I probably had the birth experience you’re scared of. I went for a natural birth, it happened quickly, I used gas and air but it didn’t work, the pain got too intense, I begged for an epidural but it was too late. Baby got stuck. I had to have ventouse and episiotomy (both fine actually - I didn’t care as long as the pain stopped). I was given pethidine, which made no difference to the pain but caused me to become disorientated and even more panicked and scared. I hyperventilated and had to be given oxygen. There were too many people in the room and they kept touching me. It was hideous.

Your plan sounds good. I can imagine a waterbirth would be helpful and next time I will be getting an epidural much earlier - it’s worth the (tiny) risk IMO, especially if you’re risking lifelong trauma on the other hand.

My biggest tip is this: although you can’t control what happens, try to understand what’s going on and who will be there. Maybe visit the ward beforehand. Make sure you get updates and are aware of what’s happening. If you can’t control it, at least try to understand it. I was basically hysterical and terrified the entire time, which makes the pain worse.

@FartnissEverbeans thank you for such an honest account.

Sorry that happened. I hope your next birth is much easier on you.

Xx

'Once the baby is here you'll forget about the pain' - I would never ever say that! It’s not true.

It's actually true for a lot of people though.

I had gas and air with my first. It was bearable. I had gas and air in a birthing pool with number 2. So much better. I also used hypno-birthing techniques ( that was the plan with number 1 but I panicked and didn't do it). It was calm and actually a mostly lovely experience. Definitely recommend.

All three of mine (all over 9lb)were completely unmedicated (not out of choice) and quite frankly every time I've fallen pregnant again I spend the entire 9 months absolutely past myself about the birth. Just imagine the most horrendous, embarrassing, painful thing in the world and times it by a million. Im not going to sugarcoat it because you'll find out for yourself but if you imagine the worst then it can't get any worse than that and if its not as bad as you imagined then it's a bonus

@BellyButton85 did you want an epidural? If so, why didn't they grant it for you?

Would you consider elective c?

@Tamarasnotmyname
My sister in law is in a wheelchair from having an epidural 3 years ago...it really can cause spinal problems. It does happen and more than you think

@BellyButton85 sorry to hear that - is she showing any signs of recovery and being able to walk again?

I armed myself with some straight facts....the most important being that I knew my body would stand the best chance of doing what it needed to do if I stayed as calm as possible....this is to do with blood flow and the fight/flight response....so that was one thing I concentrated on before and during (as best as one can in a very unfamiliar and emotional and overwhelming situation!)....also, I had heard very good things about using homeopathy before, during and after to help things go smoothly, so I went with that too and I would highly recommend it to anyone. Get proper advice from a registered homeopath and follow it to the letter.
I had my first baby 6 months ago and had had my consultant witter about shoulder dystocia etc because I am overweight...but the whole experience turned out to be so blissfully, amazii normal and standard. Hugely grateful for that and honestly I felt such a glowing sense of achievement and pride after... It was one of the most amazing 12 hours of my life. Hurts like stink - and like most people I had points where I thought I couldn't go on - but somehow I coped until I was 9 cm dilated on codiene and paracetamol - after which I had a diamorphine injection. Gas and air did absolutely nowt for me.
All in all... Painful yes. Amazing yes. Do your utmost to practice relaxation....that's your best bet.

@Hey1256
All my births were too quick for any sort of pain relief. I had planned an epidural in all my birth notes, even after the sad troubles my sister in law experienced. She's on morphine for as far as the consultant can tell, but only time will tell regarding that.
The problem/fear for my births was because it was all so quick I just didn't get that couple of minutes breather between contractions. It was just one constant contraction so completely messed with me.
The least I feared was when I fell pregnant with my first, I thought it cant be that bad and I'd just have to deal with it when it comes and you just have to remember the pain isn't going to last forever. It does eventually stop and then the real pain begins...newborns then toddlers then teenagers 😂
All the luck in the world to you. Don't be frightened but do prepare yourself for the worst then it can only be better

www.nhs.uk/news/pregnancy-and-child/epidurals-safer-than-thought/

Here are some actual facts about epidurals.

I had DD a few weeks ago, DS is now four.
Two different types of delivery, DS I had towards the end diamorphine but beforethat gas and air till I was 9cm. I was anti epidural as statistics show they lead more to an assisted birth which I didn’t want. I ended up with forceps and a spinal in theatre as he got distressed and I failed to progress.

DD I had just gas and air, I thought about epidural but it was discouraged by the midwife as she thought I was coping just fine. For me the biggest thing was lack of sleep- I’d been up since 6am for work- went into labour that evening and she was born 7am the next day, so I been up for 24hrs by pushing stage and was totally shattered.
In hindsight I should have got one so I had some energy to push as you can imagine it’s physically exhausting.
I avoided epidural / spinal however until after birth - when the placenta became detached from the cord and I had to go for surgery to have it manually removed. So I had to have a spinal after all. For me the manual removal of the placenta was 100x worse than childbirth and just brutal.
I wasn’t prepared for something to go “wrong” once DD was out and it just threw me. Also meant that I was away from her for a good 2/3 hours to start off with.

Personally I’d get an epidural if there was a next time around!

Hi OP, I think it’s ok to be scared of childbirth and probably normal. As others have said research childbirth, how your age, health, baby’s size and position may affect what kind of labour you will have.

I did this and found it really helpful. I had some red lines, I wasn’t going to have forceps. I was happy to have epidural and CS if necessary, and realistic enough to realise of baby was back-to-back or beach things wouldn’t be easy. In the end I had 3 births with gas and air. I never laid down once labour started and found crouching on the bed (hospital) and crouching on the floor helped me. I never even thought of that position until I researched it, but it made things easier (for me).

I was really panicking about contractions, my step mum told me they were like bad period pain. And to be truthful 90% of them were. I have had awful periods where I’ve had to take time off work and school and I found this to be the case.

I don’t know if you are like me and have suffered bad periods, if so you have experience of st least the first part of labour building up to birth.

For me gas and air was enough and Labour was not too bad. I know women who have suffered horrendously but are now ok. One lady I know had to have complete reconstruction, and went into have a CS the next time. They didn’t particularly find that experience pleasant either but she concedes it was worth it. As she puts it, birth and even recovery is a short blip in time of your life as a mother.

It’s a bit of a lottery as to what birth you get but hopefully being well researched and knowing what to expect will help you when the time comes.

I had two easy births, no pain relief and no stitches, they were both big babies and I was a size 10 (at the time) I was only in my early twenties though so I think that makes a huge difference. I am in my forties now and think I would like an epidural for a stubbed toe.

I opted for a water birth with gas and air and almost got my wish! Unfortunately my contractions stopped in the pool and I needed intervention but was too far gone for an epidural or pethadine. My delivery resulted in blood loss and possibly retained placenta which sounds horrendous but I’m 4 days post birth and can honestly say I don’t regret any of it. At the time the pushing on only gas and air utterly scared me and I begged them to get him out a different way but I was only in that pain for less than an hour and my body fully took over. I can only describe it as a mental block out. If I could wave a magic wand and change one thing I would have changed my breathing control for the final stage of labour. I lost focus and didn’t listen to the midwife but if I had been in control the final stage would have been much calmer. I made it 17 hours on just breathing, a tens machine and the pool. Practise from day one up breathing and down. I breathed out whilst pushing down high was wrong. The breath gets held in during down breathing as you push and you release the air at the end of the contraction.

@Fucket the fact you said 90% are like bad period pains makes me feel
Better. I used to have them so bad in my teens I would vomit so maybe I have had some experience then?

What were the other 10percent like?!

@maternityleave234 I'm glad someone else can vouch for me when i say how brutal a retained placenta is. It's never talked about and I though I was pretty clued up on childbirth, it really needs to be spoken of more. Saying that I healed so quickly and I felt great within 4 days or so it was just at the time and when they were trying to remove it without the spinal for an hour 🤮 only gas and air did absolutely nothing.

@20viona it’s brutal isn’t it! I didn’t even know it was a thing that could happen! For me recovering was fine as well, it’s more in the moment.

Mine took ages to get out as well and they were on the verge of putting me under as it they just couldn’t manipulate it out - so glad they didn’t though. They tried in the room wihth just gas and air but my cervix had totally closed up, that was also totally brutal as I could feel literally everything.

They deffo should discuss that it could be a potential issue as it does seem more common than I thought!