I don't want to live with my child anymore.

[ADHDDDDDDDBOOM]

Im in a child-to-parent abuse situation. We all are.
My 12 year old has ADHD, I'm screaming for help in all directions and desperate for him to start medication.
We have just been accepted for key work, by the skin of our teeth.
Ive called the police, Ive called social services.

Hes smashed his bedroom windows through, items went through the broken windows and smashed my car. He's smashed internal windows, broken bowls, bins, plates etc etc.
He comes into my room
at 11pm when me and 4 year old DS are sleeping and he's looking for my phone to throw at my head, DH (his dad) is physically blocking him, he threatens to stab his dad with a broken item.

Police don't give a crap exact words "what do you expect us to do, he's 12" I'm putting in a complaint but I haven't got the mental
strength yet.
I have anxiety and depression because of it, I'm on egg shells.
he's kicked off already today and probably will again later.
4 year old DS is petrified of him, he asks when can we live somewhere else without him?
i don't want to live with him either.

can I just leave and rent a property? Would I get financial help with that from
UC?

I have a mortgage on this house, will that affect me being able to get UC for rent?

It would mean that I can protect younger DS from him and I get a break, then DH can get a break and we can swap.
is that fraud? If I were to stay at the house I owned occasionally for DH to have a break?

What are the logistics here? I'm so low I think about how nice it would be for my car to smash into a wall.

I've spoken to
CAMHS
Social services
police
school
GP
written to MP
Head of children services
other services besides

I just don't want to live with him. I need to protect my youngest child

This is all I can suggest - what a horrible situation for you all to be in.

It's dreadfully sad, but you are right to make protecting your younger child a priority. The mental and physical stress on you must be immense.

I had an initial consultation with the this week.

They said because the other diagnoses is older than 3 months we have to start again.

That made me want to fucking cry.

I asked if they thought his ADHD ran out.

She said it's just the company policy.

bastards

I'll probably get flamed for this but I work for CAB as a benefit adviser and if you leave your DH (as in split up and no longer live together as a couple), you absolutely can claim help with your rent via UC. PPs saying you'd still be assessed as a couple are wrong - you'd no longer be a couple as your DS has forced you to split up.

How much UC you'll get will depend on income (yours) and other assets but the marital home should be disregarded - get a crime ref number from the police as this van be used as evidence if domestic violence - which is what this is - to support the disregard of the mortgaged home.

As DS1 will be with dad and DS2 with you, I'd advise contacting Child Benefit to get your claim there split too. Again, depending on income (ex)DH may get a UC top up too. If you haven't already, tell (ex)DH to claim child DLA for DS1 - he is the definition of "a child who needs significantly more care and supervision than his peers".

Good luck OP. Drastic times call for drastic measures and your instinct to protect DS2 is correct. Listen to it.

That's very frustrating

I would use the money to pay for a private consultation (see if you can do a consultation just to get the drugs using existing DX) AND for respite care weekly. It's worth throwing money at it.

It would be cheaper probably to rent a Travelodge or Premier Inn 1 x week for your and your other child's respite than to get another house, your DH and you take turns with your younger child, that way everyone gets at least 1 night a fortnight away.

I'm assuming you are parenting in an extremely low demand, ADHD informed way etc

Can he cope with school? How does he behave there? What are his triggers?

He currently attends school for 2 lessons per week.

Attending school that absolutely cannot cope with a fidgety child who gets distracted and has no idea how to deal with an ADHD child is what has escalated things this time round.
Yhe school are awful.

No I don't have an EHCP.
Yes I'm fighting it.
Yes I've spoken to SENCO and EOTAS and sendiass and all the other places.
Ive complained to the local authority I've escalated things.
Ive looked into other schools.

I've fought and fought and fought for him.

We have got fuck all support, nothing.

Im absolutely broken.
I cannot explain how tired and broken I am

May not have been NHS doing it

I've heard similar examples to this from others

Having seen other friends fight tooth and nail to get respite care, funding etc they desperately needed I can absolutely believe what OP is saying.

Are you saying I'm talking bollocks?

im really not.

The company we used this week is ADHD360

i expect it's in their fine print although I never saw it

Hi, formal educational therapist here. Your post is clear-cut misinformation.

Severe ADHD very often includes such symptoms. Often classed as ODD or DMDD well - do look for specific treatment (medication first if need be) for those conditions if available, OP.

Why no EHCP? Are you in 20 week wait (lol) or was it rejected?

As he's out of school it will probably help your chances

Why on earth would I lie?

the NHS Has had nothing to do with his diagnoses.

Did you read my OP, we are on the CAMHS Waiting list.

have you read anything I've said?

How fucking weird to think I'm lying and kick someone down when they are desperate.

Why would I lie?

Ok so like many posters I wouldn't be surprised if there are other additional and as yet undiagnosed issues here such as autism.

To talk literally just about housing, if you and your partner split up, you could look into your entitlement to UC including your rent. You can do that while you still own a part of your marital home if your partner is living there with one of the children (the capital in the house is disregarded), but make sure you look carefully at rules about savings as well when doing the calculations. You could then take it in turns to parent your child by himself with the other children staying with the other parent.

You won’t be able to claim UC as a single parent for this. If they get a sniff you’re still with your partner, whether physically living with him or not, it’s a joint claim.

Thank you.
We dont have any savings at all.

"What are the logistics here? I'm so low I think about how nice it would be for my car to smash into a wall." OP

Go to your GP, tell them this, demand their help and be honest, you are at breaking point. Your family is living in fear and you need help now, maybe an inpatient stay for DD - can he be sectioned ?

It would see him get help he needs and the break you need.

He's threatened to stab your HD, undoubtedly he's been violent to you all and that is not safe for him or for you.
Imagine how he feels to be doing those things? He probably has no idea why he is doing things like that and can't control himself. I bet he's so wound up he can't even remember the height of his outbursts.

What the hell are you whittering on about?!

we PAID for the diagnosis.

It cost just under 1k.

It has precisely fuck all to do with the NHS.

The initial consultation with ADHD360 this week has fuck all to do with the NHS.

So again, what the chuff are you on about?

To my GP for what?

Only the psychiatrist can prescribe medication.

I can't fucking believe people think I'm lying! Fucking hell. This is awful. I feel fucking awful.

Can I suggest you join the Facebook group “everybody hurts” which is a support group for people affected by CAPA (child & adolescent parental abuse).

they may be able to signpost you to local services and offer advice. It’s such an under recognised issue that may services don’t know what to do.

I’m repeating my post here again, as I think the group will be useful to you OP.

You will find other parents there who understand and will support. You can also access resources and get practical help.

HERE the one that shut down.

God knows why the hell
im trying to prove anything though.

I wish I never posted.