I don't want to live with my child anymore.

[ADHDDDDDDDBOOM]

Im in a child-to-parent abuse situation. We all are.
My 12 year old has ADHD, I'm screaming for help in all directions and desperate for him to start medication.
We have just been accepted for key work, by the skin of our teeth.
Ive called the police, Ive called social services.

Hes smashed his bedroom windows through, items went through the broken windows and smashed my car. He's smashed internal windows, broken bowls, bins, plates etc etc.
He comes into my room
at 11pm when me and 4 year old DS are sleeping and he's looking for my phone to throw at my head, DH (his dad) is physically blocking him, he threatens to stab his dad with a broken item.

Police don't give a crap exact words "what do you expect us to do, he's 12" I'm putting in a complaint but I haven't got the mental
strength yet.
I have anxiety and depression because of it, I'm on egg shells.
he's kicked off already today and probably will again later.
4 year old DS is petrified of him, he asks when can we live somewhere else without him?
i don't want to live with him either.

can I just leave and rent a property? Would I get financial help with that from
UC?

I have a mortgage on this house, will that affect me being able to get UC for rent?

It would mean that I can protect younger DS from him and I get a break, then DH can get a break and we can swap.
is that fraud? If I were to stay at the house I owned occasionally for DH to have a break?

What are the logistics here? I'm so low I think about how nice it would be for my car to smash into a wall.

I've spoken to
CAMHS
Social services
police
school
GP
written to MP
Head of children services
other services besides

I just don't want to live with him. I need to protect my youngest child

It would be much better to spend the money on private diagnosis and treatment.

I’m not a psychiatrist but this behaviour is very extreme for ADHD and may merit an additional diagnosis.

Call the ADHD foundation. They are based in Liverpool, but I think anyone can use their services. They offer a private assesment for much cheaper than 2k. It was £200 for my assesment and then a later £200 for an official diagnosis and titration. This was adult services, but I have used them for a pre-assesment for a child too, I am not positive you can get the full diagnosis and medication for children, but I expect you can. This might be worth travelling to to save money. I have not had to pay for private prescriptions either, I got shared care from the first script. If he already has a diagnosis they might be able to refer you to a psychiatrist who can prescribe.

Is the Newbold a woman that talks about things?

if so, Ive joined that group and left it twice because I couldn't quite understand how to use it to my benefit.

How is best to use it? I'm open to anything that can help

Ignore that poster

Did you see this one?

equatorr · Today 16:29

HandsupSue · Today 15:51
My son is same age and has ADHD
and what you describe goes way beyond him not being ND
has he been diagnosed?

Hi, formal educational therapist here. Your post is clear-cut misinformation.
Severe ADHD very often includes such symptoms. Often classed as ODD or DMDD well - do look for specific treatment (medication first if need be) for those conditions if available, OP.

The NHS? You mean CAMHS? The one's who's waiting list we are on? 🙄

I'm sorry, OP.

My youngest is likely undiagnosed ADHD and it's been incredibly difficult - but I don't have to deal with outright violence.

It may be that your DC has ADHD with a side of conduct disorder.

Things are unbelievably shit out there in terms of mental health help and perhaps even worse for practical help.

Sending a hand hold and wish I could do more.

Good advice

OP sorry some posters are being dicks

I know someone else in same situation with meds

Just suck it up and pay again if you can

Prob already done this but can you also ask GP to make urgent referral for NHS assessment - in our CCG they seem to do this with kids in difficulty but lots of GPs think they can't do it. My friend who had the 2 year waiting list cut down to something like 6 weeks

Your desperation over this situation is coming across op and you have my sympathy. It’s clear that you’re at the end of your tether, which is why I can understand you thinking about how you could move away from your child, but that isn’t the answer.

You (rightly) wouldn’t be entitled to any help with housing because you are already own a home and you can afford it so you neither need social housing or the housing benefit bit of UC. Privately renting and moving out somewhere else would leave your family even more broken. If you believe taking your son to SS would irreparably damage your relationship then surely moving away from him with his brother would do the same? Your ds would suffer just as much as he is now and the situation for your DH would be incredibly unfair and stressful.

If you have money that you could throw at this then do it! Medication can make a significant difference and your son deserves to be given the help he needs.

Honestly, it sounds like oppositional defiant disorder, not just adhd.
https://therapist.com/disorders/oppositional-defiant-disorder-odd/?utm_term=&utm_campaign=Therapist.com+%7C+Mountain+West+%7C+NB+%7C+DSA+-+Content+%7C+Patient+%7C+Search+%7C+US&utm_source=google&utm_medium=cpc&hsa_acc=7328769793&hsa_cam=19904923610&hsa_grp=148666405098&hsa_ad=652711293744&hsa_src=g&hsa_tgt=dsa-1999858736810&hsa_kw=&hsa_mt=&hsa_net=adwords&hsa_ver=3&gad=1&gclid=CjwKCAjwkLCkBhA9EiwAka9QRmLkpHfhGP_xhQZ8gI4WA8wjYIZTd9MkBYgygfrWjT0iqhQzsEQ-qhoCmi4QAvD_BwE&gclsrc=aw.ds

I am not sure people are implying poor parenting.
My child is 16 with Camhs diagnosed ADHD and is medicated and is still emotionally very unstable and prone to smashing things up and is violent towards me and our psychiatrist has said the behaviour is partly ADHD but there is another underlying cause because the behaviour is so extreme. They think could be a condition which often comes with ADHD but they have also said it could be behavioural. We think we have been good parents but possibly when the violence kicked off we did not act quick enough which gave our child too much power and it has unfortunately become enmeshed into their personality.
It upset me when I heard this I felt a failure but we have gone back to basics and who knows they may rail it back in. So people are not insulting the Op they are just exploring different options

Oh and CAMHS didn't have anything to do with our NHS ADHD assessment

It was all done by paeds for us via GP with a previous report as evidence

May be different in your area but maybe check if there's another route as Camhs is useless

The report going to the GP will likely be of little help as the GP won’t prescribe the medications in most areas for children, and for adults in many areas even you have to jump through hoops to get it prescribed by the NHS after private.

ds was partly diagnosed privately then confirmed by the peadiatrics department- 6 years down the line its still them who do the prescribing not the gp

No I missed that, thank you!

I have had a brief look at those in the past but haven't read to much as it's just so bloody depressing.
And I just don't know how to help if he does have another conditions.

And thank you for understanding and not making me feel like I'm lying.

OP, I believe you.

I have been through the same with my ds. He has been arrested a few times and taken to the station for a few hours then dearrested when I didn't want to press charges.
But the spell in a cell calmed the situation (I think it was actually just an interview room, but he was only 10 or 11 and he thought it was a cell)

In the end the pressure caused my and H to split.

Ds has slowly improved, a combination of getting the medication right (which took a few years) and a change in school to a suitable one has had a real positive effect.

I can't advise you on your question about UC, but I can sympathise and say things can get better given time.

I’d perhaps speak to GP as matter of urgency and see if they will provide I think it’s called an IFR through right to choose and see if they will find a private diagnosis sooner and start on the meds.
Once on the meds CAMHS may still take the referral (especially as on meds) but will probably need to cross check that private diagnosis for any gaps in assessment different to nhs assessment (if that makes sense)?

Also to add, (and I know you are desperate) but I would try and avoid breaking up the home - because that up-scuttling will potentially escalate the behaviour if he think brother is more important than he is.

hugs though ♥️

She did

He can only attend two lessons a week

They can't meet his needs

that is not always what happens. Private often keep this to themselves, it is a choice if you want to send it onto the NHS. Not a mandatory ourcome.

That's absolutely not true. As long as they have 2 separate households and neither are contributing anything to the other it can be done.