I don't want to live with my child anymore.

[ADHDDDDDDDBOOM]

Im in a child-to-parent abuse situation. We all are.
My 12 year old has ADHD, I'm screaming for help in all directions and desperate for him to start medication.
We have just been accepted for key work, by the skin of our teeth.
Ive called the police, Ive called social services.

Hes smashed his bedroom windows through, items went through the broken windows and smashed my car. He's smashed internal windows, broken bowls, bins, plates etc etc.
He comes into my room
at 11pm when me and 4 year old DS are sleeping and he's looking for my phone to throw at my head, DH (his dad) is physically blocking him, he threatens to stab his dad with a broken item.

Police don't give a crap exact words "what do you expect us to do, he's 12" I'm putting in a complaint but I haven't got the mental
strength yet.
I have anxiety and depression because of it, I'm on egg shells.
he's kicked off already today and probably will again later.
4 year old DS is petrified of him, he asks when can we live somewhere else without him?
i don't want to live with him either.

can I just leave and rent a property? Would I get financial help with that from
UC?

I have a mortgage on this house, will that affect me being able to get UC for rent?

It would mean that I can protect younger DS from him and I get a break, then DH can get a break and we can swap.
is that fraud? If I were to stay at the house I owned occasionally for DH to have a break?

What are the logistics here? I'm so low I think about how nice it would be for my car to smash into a wall.

I've spoken to
CAMHS
Social services
police
school
GP
written to MP
Head of children services
other services besides

I just don't want to live with him. I need to protect my youngest child

I really feel for you but it seems people are trying their best to come up with ideas and you’re just snappy and dismissive, I get you just be at the end of your rope.

Do you have parents nearby? Can you and your younger son go and stay with them for a little while? Like you say- your younger son can’t grow up in fear, has the older boy ever hurt him?
When you talk to your older boy does he ever say why he does these things? Are there triggers?

They likely won't have a suitable placement (there is a massive shortage) and placing him in care can be more damaging to him.
I would look at younger sibling staying with a family member to keep her safe.

You turn up at the Social workers office and refuse to leave with your Son. That will get them off their backsides. Try hard to get through this weekend, then see them on Monday first thing.

Yea , but how will charging a vulnerable child actually help? He seems to have additional needs- of course police won't charge him. What a waste of police time.

Sometimes you don’t need ideas, you don’t need solutions or suggestions or helpful comments or people piling on. Sometimes you just need to be able to vent and be angry and get it out your system in order to carry on with what is essentially an extremely shitty situation.

I hope you’re ok OP

No suggestions but sending you a hand hold, OP.

PP isn't trying to goad you - they're trying to understand why foster care isn't an option.

posters keep suggesting this whenever a parent is faced with a very difficult child. Give them to foster care are send them to boarding school. But this isn't how the system works! You cannot, even if you want, hand your child over to a foster family. even getting a few hours respite is near impossible to get for a child with complex needs. Money talks. The LAs will only use foster care as a very last resort. But it's not the choice of the parent. Social services, local authorities etc couldn't care less if a family is coping or not in such situations.

@ADHDDDDDDDBOOM have you seen this other post? It sounds like a similar situation though your DS is younger
@SocialserviceswillTheyhelp

It's not hat simple ,I have a disabled child my son has severe autism and learning disabilities,we are not at the point of needing residential care but even if we'were social.services can't just magic up.suitable placements ,there needs to be assessment,s and there are huge waiting.list,s with lots of desperate families .

Please look into SEND VCB, OP. There’s a on Facebook called Newbold Hope for parents of children like ours. it was a lifesaver to us. there is lots of support and resources on that group.
A combination of being medicated and low-demand parenting worked for our child. It’s been far from an easy ride, and f’ing exhausting, but we’re now in a position where life is much happier and violence is such a rarity now that I can’t remember when there was last an outburst.

Not your parenting is meant with the other issues but a different/additional diagnosis. The anger and violence sound really in excess to be caused by ADHD solely.
Intermittent Explosive Disorder?

ADHD medication (a stimulant of a nervous system) could cause worsening of the behaviours if given following an erroneous diagnosis.

I'd be cautious and seek professional psychiatric help - a consultant face-to-face, not an online ADHD service (Psychiatry UK, for example - they won't even scratch the surface when faced with a complex issue. )

Yes he has.
The practice has since closed down, we cannot use them for medication.

So it's start from scratch or wait for CAMHS.

The original psychiatrist gave us the very poor advice of holding off with medication until he starts secondary school.
Im very bitter that I trusted her

OP have you been to see your local MP, told them your situation and ask for their advice on how you can get help you need now? Its worth a shot. They are the ones meant to be advocating for you at the highest level.

Also have you reached out to charity services such as
Action for children as They are there to get children the help they desperately need, to advocate for them and to support you in the process. As you are fully aware your DS and their young sibling desperately need help, both for different things.

He can't control himself and you need intervention.

wishing you the best of luck and I am sorry you and your entire family are going through this.

Yep.I see similar threads
I think people imagine there are loads of lovely foster carers,or suitable residential school,s just waiting with open arms!
When the reality couldn't be further from the truth .

As if he would merrily come along with me.

As if he would abscond the second he realised what I was doing if I lied to him
about where we were going.

Plus lying to him to get him to come along with be the nail in the coffin to any relationship we had.

I know it would have severed mine and my mothers for life.

I wasn't implying it was your parenting I was implying there may be something more underlying than just ADHD.