4 month sleep regression hell: Support thread

[blackcurrants]

DS is 18 weeks and has never been a good sleeper (waking every 2-3 hours in the night) - but he used to go back to sleep immediately after I offered him a boob. I then either fell asleep next to him (got bed set up for safe co-sleeping) or waited five minutes and eased him into the co-sleeper next to the bed.

This has all changed: over the last two weeks he wakes every hour, feeds for AGES, sometimes won't go back to sleep, has also been teething since last week (poor lad) and generally totally exhausting.

I'm at the end of my rope. For the first time since he was born I've felt "I can't do this" - not sure what 'this' is exactly - breastfeeding, raising a child, both? I work three days a week but have cut back any other commitments at the moment so I can nap at every possible chance -on the days when I'm home I lie down every time DS does - but I'm still bloody knackered, and a wreck.

I've been searching my soul: did I respond too quickly to his cries when he was a newborn? Have I 'trained him' to wake up this often? Is it time he was in his own room? Is it time I was in my own room, in another (warmer) country, after a name change? I'm definitely a bad mother for all this breastfeeding co-sleeping nonsense, after all, because friends who 'let their baby cry a bit' MONTHS ago have had 6-7 hours each ever since....
(yes, a friend let her baby CIO at 3 months old. Yes, she's still my friend. Yes, it upsets me that she did that, but no, her daughter's not suffering - indeed, they're all insufferably perky and happy and well-rested looking)....

Anyway, I don't want to stop being a breastfeedy, co-sleepy, respond-to-crying baby-y weirdo - and DH is right there with me - but I DO need to remind myself, now and then, that this is the 4 month sleep regression and not 'my chickens coming home to roost' or 'the rod for my own back'... it's a developmental stage, not my failures as a new mum.

I feel lots better for writing all that, actually! [cgrin]

I know there are other people going through the same lack-of-sleep torment as me - come and have a vent. You'll feel better. We can commiserate and share notes!

I gave him porridge with banana yesterday at about half 3. Bf at 3 so half hour later. Today was bf at 2 and porridge at half 2. No banana though. The banana nappy was not pretty!!

DD woke what felt like every hour last night, its cute in a way as we co sleep so she snuffles over and get upset in her sleep if age doesn't get instant access, she is easy to get back to sleep, but its killing me! There was one point last night that I had a little rant at DH, he was dleeping but I launched a nappy at him!

DD has slept all afternoon ... Why oh why!

Can I join? DD is 20 weeks old and no sign of any improvement - her sleep has been rubbish since she was 11 weeks. She can't self-settle but I don't think she is always hungry when she wakes at night as often she just sucks (EBF) for 5 minutes and falls asleep again. However, this hasn't stopped MIL telling me it's about time she was on formula and/or solids . Not that she will take a bottle anyway...

I wouldn't mind so much if I could put her down after feeding, but I have to hold her for at least half an hour first or she wakes up in a screaming rage... we have been co-sleeping (reluctantly) to try and get round this but it's not really working for us anymore.

Okay, I hesitated about posting this BUT I think I am beginning to see signs of improvement. Last night was the second in a row where DS slept better, rather than worse, than the night before. We were down to waking every 30-50 minutes at the worst phase (3 nights, I nearly died) and last night he woke every 3 hours.

The new "screaming blue murder if nipple is not INSTANTLY available, being inconsolable and refusing to latch on unless marched/swung around flat for 10 minutes part of the waking was less awesome. but the longer stretches of sleep really WERE good.

I've changed NOTHING, introduced no new feeds, no solids, nothing. I've kept an eye on his naps and tried to make sure he's having a nap around 2 hours after his last one (that's usually when he starts looking sleepy) - other than that, we just had to tough it out for 3 weeks.

He's going to be 19 weeks this wed. Could we have finally reached Wonder Week 19, and get a bit of peace until the next big developmental spurt?
Oh please god let it be true!

Fingers crossed for you, blackcurrants!

Bless her, she slept from 1900 till 2230, had a feed, then 2300 till 0430 which was pretty good. The problem then was that by the time she had finished feeding it was gone 0500, which was morning in her book! So I was not best happy at my day starting at 0430! I think I ranted at DH in his sleep.

As it was I took her back into bed and fed her lying down at around 0630, 0700 ish and we then dozed all cuddly until about 0830 which was quite nice.

She is quite unsettled this evening so why knows... Still has quite a nasty cough the poor little thing.

weasel my ds is also just over 6 months and sounds very similar to yours. 2.5 hours sleep is a luxury. He slept like a dream for first 10 weeks or so (6 or 7 hours reliably, in one go, every night).

I am so tired I could cry. 3yo dd as well. DH seems to think it's related to something I'm not doing right and sits next to me at night offering critiques of by bf technique. We have had massive disagreements about it.

Anyway, driving me nuts. Please let it pass as I need to go back to work soon. All you 4/5 monthers - sorry to be the bearer of bad news but 20 weeks was not a magic turning point for us...

pinata, that's so not what I want to hear. I'm feeling almost literally suicidal at the moment. Broken sleep at night, screaming colicky baby during the day, baby won't take a bottle so I can't go out without him, weather's freezing so it's hard to go out with him, house is infested with builders (who were supposed to finish at the beginning of December) so being in is no fun. Feel really, really trapped. I've had to cancel two social things in the last couple of weeks because I can't leave DS, and it's completely trivial in the scheme of things but I really wanted a grown-up evening out when I could wear something I can't breastfeed in and have a conversation without it being interrupted by baby screams.

Would seriously advise another new mother to mix feed from the start for her own mental health - I set myself up for this and now I'm completely stuck till I go back to work (11 weeks away and I don't know how I'm going to get through it).

Oh, and DS is sleeping now, but I can't because I'm too miserable and angry - haven't been able to get back to sleep since the 5 a.m. feed and I've given up and got up.

TSC, it sounds as though you've got it much worse than me - huge sympathy.

Well DD wouldn't settle after her early feed, so 0430 DH was pacing the floors with her! He is better and getting her to drop off than me, not sure whether it is the milky smell. So when she dropped off he tucked her in with me, she slept until 0630 then.

Started expressing this morning as am starting a night course in Jan and need her to take onr bottle a week from DH...not sure how that'll go!

Fingers crossed for you blackcurrants!

Petsville, have you tried posting for tips on getting your ds to take a bottle? I'm no expert but I've seen this topic come up again and again and there might be someone with good advice? I really feel for you, must be awful to never be able to get a break :-(

We had a middling night again, good start (6-10pm) then 1130, 1am, 230am then wouldn't settle and kept waking up till 530am (I shushed and patted from my bed and she went back to sleep each time, her cot is next to our bed, she didn't feed) and she slept till 730am (result!!!). I'm wondering if she was a but cold when she wouldn't settle, put an extra blanket on her and then she slept better.

Am tired but not as tired as I thought I would be.

I've read loads of threads about trying to get a BF baby to take a bottle, and we've tried most of the tips - different kinds of teats (we've got a whole shelf-full by now if anyone wants them!), DH offering the bottle when I'm out, feeding him when he's calm and not already starving. None of it seems to work: he's just not having any. The only thing I can think is that once I go back to work and I'm gone for ten hours a day, he'll have to take a bottle or starve, and in those circumstances he'll probably take the bottle. Plus he'll be 6 months and we might be able to move straight to a beaker anyway.

Beaker sounds like a good idea. Could he take a cup now? Sorry, I'm sure you've probably already tried everything going and don't need any well meaning but ill informed suggestions :-) hope it gets easier soon and you can get out with friends soon. I was going mad a few weeks ago as dd was teething and found one lunch out with a non mummy friend (without dd) made me feel like a person again.

That's exactly it, Newmumlondon - I don't feel like a person at the moment and I can't see any light at the end of the tunnel (unless it's the proverbial oncoming train). We haven't tried a cup yet but were planning to next week. This week the sleep is so bad we don't want to unsettle DS more than we have to, as I've got to go into work for a meeting on Thursday. (Managing that's going to be fun: DH and I will go into town with DS, I'll feed just before the meeting in a cafe somewhere and then meet them straight after it.)

Oh,and I work in the public sector and 10 of my colleagues have just been made redundant out of the blue. No reduction in our workload, of course - so now I'm feeling guilty about being off as well. Everywhere I look things just look so bleak.

Oh god your posts make me feel a bit better. I too had a horrendous night last night. He slept from 7-8 but wouldn't settle then (and I missed Corrie!), eventually with a mix of feeding and holding he went off at 11. Then woke at 1 and then 3 and in between times was either only dozing or feeding. Woke again at 5.30 so gave up and got up. He is now fast asleep in his pram! He just wanted to sleep on me last night. My fail safe is usually to take him out of cot and put on bed next to me but last night even that wouldn't do!

Hmmmmmmm now someone has mentioned it, could it be the cold? He is in the right tog grobag but it has been really cold.

I am a bit desperate as going back to work in January. I can't get more than 4 hours a night max and even that is broken up into chunks. I look like shit. My mother is visiting this weekend and will bleat on about 'oh you look so tired'. Both parents just seem to scrutinise me when they see me - it's not what I need!

I am thinking about consulting a sleep specialist now. I need a plan as at the moment we are just shuffling round without a clue! A bit of patting, feeding to sleep, leaving him to cry for a bit. We are just not consistent as don't know what is best.

Even thinking about weaning, just to try something new. (Yes I know it's ill advised.)

BTW secondcoming your post made me laugh out loud so at least I have retained some degree of humour.

Everything crossed for you he will take a cup next week. I'd guess if you could just get a couple of hours off duty then things would suddenly look less bleak. It's so relentless!

I'm hoping that the sleeping will get better when dc3 gets some solid food, I'm starting baby rice next week (she'll be 24w) and will wait til 6m to start proper food. Going to bed at 9 tonight and am not going to throw a wobbly at 5am when she won't go back to sleep,she didn't actually wake the other dc like I thought she would. She wouldn't settle in our bed or hers and eventually I put her in hers and switched the light on, she dropped off after 10mins or so.
Poor you petsville it took me until 10m to get dc2 to take a bottle,£££££s spent on teats, dc1 took a bottle at 4m first time no problem. If you're really desperate you could try pouring milk into the bottle lid and cup feeding. thesecondc just keep on feeding him, the bigger he gets the more likely he is to be able to sleep for a reasonable length of time, yes you win some sort of medal but the ladies on this thread are too tired to award it to you....zzzzzzzzz.

Once in a while i decide that rather than letting DH take dc1 and 2 on an outing , we'll all go, so i feed dc3 and then we spend 3 hours getting into the car and when we get there i feed dc3 again and everyone hangs about and we go and do some thing and then dc3 is hungry so i give up and go and sit in the car and feed dc3 whie the others have a lovely walk. It is so limiting, you are right thesecondc my only hope is that she'll take to solids and reject the boob like my friend's dc did. I'm really looking forward to the solids,I only hope they make a difference .

the not taking a bottle/cup is really pissing me off now. he used to be fine with it. last night i went out to choir practice, half an hour late, after feeding him to sleep twice. apparently his little eyes pinged open the minute the door shut and dh had no luck settling him back to sleep. he even had to do a phone interview for a job he really wants while pacing the corridor with a baby on his shoulder (oops). we're tring ds with a spouted beaker but apparently he just won't have it. last night he probably wasn't really hungry, but next week i'm leaving him with my mum for 5 hours in the day when i go to my work christmas lunch, so he will be v hungry then! oh well.

Hear, hear LooL00 on how limiting it all is. We're making plans for DS's christening at the moment and one of us needs to go and do a huge quantity of real-world shopping - DH was helpfully suggesting that he could do it while I stay at home with DS and I was saying pathetically that I really wanted to do it because I so wanted to go out on my own - it's bad when a trip to Tesco suddenly looks amazingly attractive. I reckon I can just about do it: I'll be gone for an hour and a half, so he'll probably be screaming for a feed by the time I get back but it won't be totally disastrous.

PS we're way off starting solids, alas - DS only 16 weeks. I'd be interested in knowing if it helps for other people.

No no no petsville order the groceries online and go out for a coffee ON YOUR OWN.
We did dc3's christening last month, the excitement made her hungry and she wailed throughout the next baby's dipping. I wasn't going to sit on the edge of the font and get a boob out so we ruined their video.