Support for those FF

[galonthefarm]

Not sure if this is the best description for a thread, but basically just somewhere for anyone who is FF who did not set out to do so - to chat to others about it, as there are so many feelings involved (yes, including guilt and also relief!)

My dd (5.5 months) is now exclusively bottle fed, using up supplies of frozen ebm once a day until its gone. She was 5 weeks early and we were advised to top up from the beginning so she put on weight. Now a very chubby 15 lb plus!

There are so many different stories I've heard from friends and on here, and I think it is so important to realise you are not alone in how you feel. I don't get on here much but thought would start the ball rolling! x

I've tried bf all 3 of my dds but have never managed it for longer then 2 weeks due to the pain.

I've recently found out I'm expecting dc number 4 and I think I'm not going to attempt it this time. If I couldn't do it before then how am I going to manage when I have 3 other children running around and I don't see how a few years will have made my nipples any less sensitive!.

Its a shame that women are made to feel so bad about not breast feeding especially when they do try. The area I live in has fairly crap bf rates so I won't be in the minority but all the same I wish it had been something I could do.

My 3 dds are al clever, healthy children and i don't think that ff has affected them at all.

Hi, wonderful thread!! My ds is 14 weeks old, I ebf my ds for 6 weeks, I found it so draining and at times painful which made me miserable. My partner suggested mixed feeding and was incredibly supportive- I felt so guilty mainly because you're told "breast is best". I'm now trying to switch to 100 pc formula, but am finding the transition hard as my breasts are engorged and my ds cries and bobs for my breasts:(. If anyone has any advise on how to make the transition to ff easier it would be great fully received.

I tried dropping feeds but after ff ds is sometimes bobbing for breasts ( he finishes his full bottle) think it's a comfort thing. Have gone cold turkey but ds cried until I gave in and bf.....help!

Emandwilliam, welcome. Could you try a dummy?

Hi, yes we have tried a dummy but ds spits it out, I'm going to keep trying - thanks

Hi emandwilliam is it too late to suggest stopping gradually? I've just stopped over a 3 wk period and DD didn't seem bothered at all. I replaced a b feed with a bottle every 3 days. It would mean not stopping as soon as you might like if course but I found even one feed less a day felt like a huge release from the start.

HTH, good luck with it.

Hi heidipi, yes I think you're right I'm going to stop gradually....I think we will both find this method easier. Thanks

Just seen a really nasty comment on this thread:

www.mumsnet.com/Talk/breast_and_bottle_feeding/1207354-Bottle-feeding-linked-to-obesity

so have replied. Was a bit upset by it actually.

Also, sorry if its been mentioned before, but check out

fearlessformulafeeder.blogspot.com/

fantastic!

Just read your reply mrshavisham regarding ff obesity ....nice one!

Thank you! have been feeling a little guilty about combination feeding my son (now 8 ks old). I thought I'd BF, but developed a rater large abscess at wk 3 and ended up in hospital, James was then bottle fed whilst I was in as I couldn't feed him (mixture of guilt, failure and feeling rotten). I now have one working boobie and am still under going treatment on the other, which doesn't produce anything. I was told keep feeding him from the good one and your milk supply will catch up, but I feel that it hasn't, so I also bottle feed with formula.

My HV has been critical of this and has upset me a couple if times, my GP has been fab!!

It's good to know I'm not alone.

There's a great post this week on Fearless Formulafeeder relating to an advert being shown on US TV equating using formula to riding a bronco during pregnancy! The best bit about the "article" are the comments, it mentione a few things I'd never even considered before, e.g.,:

i) If breastmilk is the be-all-and-end-all and there is no better ever, anywhere, the end love God - what's this shiz with elimination diets?

ii) What's with the hypocrisy about adverts for formula yet adverts for pumps/jars etc., etc are fine?

And my own little bugbear which came to the forefront of my mind today - yet more hypocrisy from the lactavists - They whine about WHO guidelines when it comes to bf, ask them what their stance is on miscarriage.

Hi all,

Not sure if this is the right place to post this. Was BF DD but both of us really struggled. Finally gave in when she was 3.5 weeks and my pain and her frustration was just too much to bear. Any hoo, after being booted out as a failure by the local BF support group and told by the HV that we're all fine now and just to crack on, I don't have anyone I can ask this question of:

DD (now 5 wks) feeds well during the day, and has her last bottle (5 ozs) at roughly 10pm. I then calculate she should need another 5 oz bottle at roughly 2ish, however she doesn't wake up asking for a feed. I tend to wake her and feed her then, but I have waited to see what happens and she's still been sound asleep at 4. She does stir and stretch a bit, but doesn't actually wake up and mumur for a feed. During the day, she murmurs, licks her lips and sucks her fists, and heaven help us if the bottle warmer isn't on pronto as screams follows roughly 5 minutes after the first lip lick!

My worry is she'll fade away to a shadow overnight if she doesn't have a night feed. So my question is, should I leave her be to wake up when she wants, or am I doing the right thing by waking her 4 hours after her last feed?

Thanks v much for your advice,

Fuzzy

I think at 5 weeks that you can let her sleep for that 5 hours, I wouldn't have done it at 2 weeks! She will let you know I'm sure when she's ready - and as you say, if you're a minute late there will be trouble!

Lucky you though, mine was still 3 hourly at 5 weeks and boy did he let me know!

Thanks Alpine, I guessed to leave her all night was probably not a good idea but couldn't find any guidance.

I know we're very lucky with her

Really glad I've found this thread!
DD is 11 days old and have been battling with BF since about day 4! Suffering really badly with cracked nipples which no amount of Lansinoh is helping! Have had advice from BF support worker and minimal support from MWs who all keep telling me latch is good but despite this I am constantly ending up with wedge shaped nipples which in turn is leading to blisters chaffing and cracks! The pain is unbelievable!!
Have eventually resorted to mix feeding, trying to give as much expressed breast milk as possible combined with formula feeding. Giving my breasts a complete break from feeding at the moment with a view to possibly trying again once they are completely healed and with strict guidance/supervision from my BF worker.
Have to say like many on here the guilt I feel about doing this is by far the worst part of it! I always envisaged I would BF exclusively until 6 months but have learned the hard way that this is simply not possible for me to do.
To be honest though, the relief I felt once I stopped trying to force myself to BF and relax a bit about formula was overwhelming. I no longer dread my DD crying for a feed and I think she and I are much happier :) It was getting to the point I was resenting her for hurting me!!

It would be good to chat to any others currently going through a similar experience.

I'm really glad I've found this thread too,

I started BF my DD but by 21/2 weeks she was continuing to lose weight. Every time she lost more weight I got increasingly worried that there was something wrong with her. Eventually the midwife telephoned the Children's hospital and was she was going to ask for my DD to be refered. The hospital said to top up with FF after each feed and they would reasses after two days. Straight away she started putting on weight. The first FF feed she gulped down in about 5 mins! I felt terrible as though I'd been starving her as apparently she was a lazy bf and would fall asleep after a few gulps.

She is now 8 weeks and 1 day old and having approx 30oz a day, the other night she pretty much slept through her night feed, should i have woken her up? Also sometime she can go at the bottle really well to begin with but then fall asleep - am i using the wrong teat? Using Avent 2 teat the moment??

Any advice greatly appreciated xx

hi everyone, I hope you're all doing OK. :)

For any of you still reeling from yesterday's insinuation that your children will be scallies & thieves, ASBO-waving, borstol-bound chimps , Fearless Formula Feeder dissects this study for you. Don't forget to check out her blog to remind yourself that you are doing OK. fearlessformulafeeder.blogspot.com/

I wanted to say too that some of you might have seen me being quite "snippy" on threads in this section. Whilst I'm a founding member of the "winning an internet argument doesn't count" group and a firm believer in that I won't change anyone's views and of course that bf/ff arguments are pointless. If there is just one mner out there who's sat there at 2am crying with a crying baby and feeling "guilty" and "shamed" and sees my post and thinks "thank god, someone is on my side", then from my pov it's worth it.

tattyteddy To my knowledge the size 2 teats are supposed to be from 3 months. On saying that, my boy didn't take to them until around 5 months and even now at 10 months he's still on size 2. If your girl is happy then I really wouldn't worry too much! :) If she's struggling with the teat size, you'll know. There will be milk everywhere and lots of spluttering tears.

30oz is a very large amount for an 8 week old so if she's leaving some again, not to worry. If she's drinking all of it then she likes her grub - all babies are different. :)

What do you mean she's not waking for the night feed? She might just be full and content, if she's not - she's got a health set of lungs and she'll let you know!

Thank you Alpine

Can I join in? :)

I'm in the process of moving from bf to ff.

Dd is 3 weeks tomorrow and just like with ds I've had nothing but pain. Both had Tongue ties- ds was snipped badly at 5 weeks and so didn't improve my pain levels so I started to switch to ff at 6 weeks. Dd gave me identical pain so I nagged and nagged at the hospital for them to check. 7 people said she was fine, the eightth was a feeding specialist and spotted and treated it right away. However the pain never left and my latch is spot on. Unfortunately I think my problem is that I have babies who have a strong suck, and I have a strong let down reflex. Dd also has a high palate so I think a funny suck action. The breaking point go me was getting blisters on my nipples!

I felt awful first time round switching to ff but ds is everything he should be. :)
I feel bad this time too but more selfish than guilty IYSWIM.

I'm still feeding from my left side, expressing on the right and doing for probably every third feed.

Dd is a hungry bunny - the longest she's ever gone between feeds is 4h so my boobs never get a chance to recover.

I want to enjoy my dd and not be in agony. I wish it had been easier to bf this time but if anything it's worse. And the BFC don't seemto be able to offer any immediate fixes and I'm not in it for long term pain!

hi soppypreggyloon Welcome!

The blisters sound horrible. :( I went for a run the other week and got blisters on my ankle - I dread to think what they'd be like on the nips! The pumping sounds great in theory, but be careful you don't spend so much time on the machine that you're not actually getting to enjoy the cuddles. Btw, 4 hours at 3 weeks is totally and utterly normal and to be expected. Congratulations on your new daughter!

Thanks Alpine, I'm sure she'd let me know if she's hungry! X

I am so grateful to have found this topic here. I am a failed BF and have felt so guilty and ashamed and have not known where to turn. I've looked for advice for FF but there is nothing out there due to the push on BF. I've now been diagnosed with PND and the dr has said that my feelings re Bf have been a big contributor to this. I'm now so desperate that i feel that i can't look after my baby at all and am convinced that he will now be a victim of cot death or that he will die of the poisons in the formula. I am struggling now not to distance myself from him as i keep telling myself that he won't be hre long as i am so useless. At least reading this i don't feel like i'm the only one out there to have failed to BF. Sorry it's not a happy, cheerful message but just need to talk to someone about how i feel.

OK, first of all you've got to stop telling yourself that formula is poison. It's not. The lactivists love their scientific data and "studies" done on a selected audience, but I implore you to look around you. Ask your friends if they were bf/ff, ask your husband. I was FF, my 2nd biggest toe on my right foot is longer than my big toe but I'm not sure formula caused that! I've got a tested IQ of 150 yet have made absolutely bloody horrendous life decisions. I got my heart broken 6 weeks before my A-levels by a man who shagged a girl who was wearing bad clothes ! I even failed my driving test twice. None of this has anything to do with formula. My boyfriend was bf and he's been in prison.

Some babies are fed formula and some are given breastmilk. They all end up pretty bloody normal really. There is so much more to parenting than breastfeeding and if you get caught up in that then you're wasting a lot of energy.

Massive congratulations on your baby and having the sense to go to the doctor and get the "happy pills". :)

My baby is 10 months old and I still worry about him - this is normal for sure, which parent wouldn't worry about their children? How can you not?

Are you able to have any social contact with other mums? I have heard that some of the organised groups can actually be "quite mean" to FF mums, so where are you? Maybe there's someone here whom you can go out for a coffee with who won't give a rat's arse if you whip out a bottle!

Cheers alpine!
blisters on the nips are as awful as they sound! :( and kellymom (home of bf advice galore) says to burst them with a needle!!!!
no way!!!!!!!!!!!

I'm only pumping for less than 10 mins (which can give as much as 3oz!) when I'm painfully full as finding the time is too hard.

I'm seeing hv this afternoon and trying to decide if I want to carry on bf - and go to feeding clinic at hosp or just call it a day.