Support for those FF

[galonthefarm]

Not sure if this is the best description for a thread, but basically just somewhere for anyone who is FF who did not set out to do so - to chat to others about it, as there are so many feelings involved (yes, including guilt and also relief!)

My dd (5.5 months) is now exclusively bottle fed, using up supplies of frozen ebm once a day until its gone. She was 5 weeks early and we were advised to top up from the beginning so she put on weight. Now a very chubby 15 lb plus!

There are so many different stories I've heard from friends and on here, and I think it is so important to realise you are not alone in how you feel. I don't get on here much but thought would start the ball rolling! x

I am very impressed with your pumpage! I handed in the towel (about 2 weeks too late) when I was pumping for 4-5 hours a day and getting less than an ounce. What a dork! When I look back and think of all the time I could've spent cuddling... :(

The pumpage is impressive BUT the down side is feeling sore and full and soaking through too many boob pads to mention!

Is "hand milking" an option until the blisters heal and you can return to the pump?

Btw, did anyone else look at Kellymom? I visited during those dark nights and all I could find was crap I already knew from books & mn e.g., "hold like this" or "try x supplement". None of it made my tits fill with milk.

Hand milking!
Um no it sounds like milking a cow! (have no idea how to do it other than squeezing out teeny drop at a time and spilling half o it over myself like I did in hospital)
expressing is ok for now on that side.

I have a feeling my supply is dropping already because of the formula...
Going to try that clinic this pm if hv gets here at reasonable time and they phone back to tell me where it is!

I agree about kellymom in parts - same old same old with no real answers at times.
Also found that from BFC I spoke to last night. Change position, nipple shields, skin to skin. Nothing that has actually stopped it hurting.

Yep, it does seem to be rather broken record. I contacted LLL who just gave me football hold/fenugreek rubbish. It's a bit like suggesting a ginger biscuit to someone with hyperemisis!

NJ3catsn1dog sorry you are feeling like this. I understand how you feel and I am do think that sometimes all the banging and drumming about bf make some of us feel inadequate or like "under-mums". The message "why would not you want the best for your baby?" can be quite a punch in the face.
Beware of threads going on about how to prepare bottles and stuff of the kind as they can be scary reading and IMHO make mountains out of baby mole hills.
Enjoy your ff, You can still enjoy the contact with your baby and your DP can be part of it too. You can also take some time to yourself and go to the cinema or whatever while maybe your other half looks after LO.
Zillions of people are/have been ffed and have turned out to be perfectly acceptable people. And remember also that while what you feed your baby in the first months of his life is important, what you feed him after is also very important.

NJ3catsn1dog i can relate. i have 'failed' at breastfeeding ds (child #5) after sucessfully feeding dd3+4 for 2 years each.

i know deep down that formula wont kill him.

but it still hurts to me that he isnt getting what the girls had and is getting 'fake milk'.

i dont want to dismiss your feelings as they are very real and valid, but i do want to give you an unmumsnetting hug and tell you things will work out. i hope the meds are helping. i am on happy ills as well, and go to a pnd support group locally to me.

Hi there, new to this today. Have not had time to read all the posts, will do so in the next few days when I get the hang of sterilising and making up bottles.
I EBF for 5.5 weeks and did not have fun!! No issues with latch or nipples or anything just a DD that wanted fed ALL the time. An average day would start at 2 am and she would want to be on my breast and not satisfied until Approx 5 / 6 am, there were a few days when it was lunch time before she settled. Very light sleeper always in pain. Only sleeping 2 or 3 hours in the day. Perhaps 4 at night. Evening time was pretty similar to the morning with her being on boob from Approx 4 pm - 11 or 12 at night with very little let up. Never content and always screaming/purple if put down.
Doc reckoned reflux and colic and started on appropriate meds, with no improvement. Not until I had to express to give a bottle mixed with Colief did I notice a difference. She took bottle quickly and was more satisfied than I had seen her.
Tried formula with Colief in next bottle and she had a satisfied look on her face and drifted off to sleep, no bouncing/swinging/rocking/car journey required.
HV reckons my BM doesn't contain enough calories to satisfy her. As a consequence of all her sucking I can now easily express 5 or 6 oz off each breast and am not looking forward to trying to manage reducing down supply.
However at least DD seems content for the first time in 5 weeks and not in constant hunger induced agony!
For info sake had latch checked, ate loads, fed on demand 24/7, tried my ass of at BFing. Broke down in tears today with HV when she supported me as I felt so bad for 'giving up'.
Felt like the lady in the baby ailse at Tesco was giving me evils for buying formula, awful lot of guilt floating about at the mo!
Any hints and tips for FF?

Well I went to the infant feeding clinic today and as with ds they hadn't snipped dd's Tongue tie properly!!!
they snipped again so I'm gonna try bf again but it's still sore. She suggested no ff and keep bf although this was before she saw the state of my blistered nipple. Am gonna try again but must admit sitting there thinking "I don't actually WANT to do this anymore"

soppyloon am on phone so won't write much but to say that its 100% ok to say 'I don't want to do this'. None of us need to be medically proven a failure to make the choice!

yoga only that you will forgive yourself in time and instead you'll feel stronger about questioning the bf rhetoric. As for staring woman in Tesco, I can almost guarantee she was looking at the baby and thinking awww and not "cruella"!

Hello. I'm home alone and bored so just reading active threads here. Felt I had to say to NJ3catsn1dog that you should not worry about formula feeding, it is not poison, you are not useless and you should not feel guilty about this. And I say that as someone who currently doesn't use formula.

I hate that so many women are made to feel so guilty about what is, in the long term, such a small issue. I know people who've battled with breastfeeding and finally realised that it isn't working and feel guilty long after. Why? They haven't fed their babies on sugar water. They've fed them on milk that's been very carefully developed to be as good for babies as it can be. Their babies are fit and healthy, they're well loved. They haven't suddenly sprouted two heads. And yet they tell me how awful they feel, and it makes me desperately sad as it's so fucking pointless.

To anyone who ever feels judged, the problem is with the person who is judging, not you. And they can fuck the fuck off, and then fuck off some more.

I'd apologise for the swearing, but I feel very strongly about this and it makes me get all sweary.

Great post Muser!

So what you're actually saying is "I'm feeding my baby the way I want. Don't worry if you can't feed your baby in the way that you want. It doesn't matter! '

Helpful. Not.

Oh - and not being breastfed won't make any difference to your baby. None at all. And by extension to any other babies either.

How can you give such clear and strong assurance of this when all the medical evidence suggests that how a baby is fed CAN and DOES make a difference to some babies? Enough of difference at a population level to justify public health campaigns to encourage breastfeeding .

Honestly - can't we give support and comfort to another mum who has experienced worry, grief or disappointment about her experience of feeding her baby without giving glib assurances about things we can't predict or know about, and without dismissing their feelings about what's happened to them as silly and irrelevant?

I didn't mean to dismiss anyone's feelings. And I'm sorry if it was inappropriate for me to post in here. I am not interested in causing an argument in here so I'll move on.

Sorry you are going Spud.

i understand both sides.

people judge, i'm aware of that. i get ashamed getting formula out in punblic, i hate buying it.

but i am aware that its not going to kill him.

but it still hurts.

i still cry about it

i still feel guilty.

and my feelings are very real and valid. i hate when people tell me i 'should't be feeling guilty. because i do. and you cant take that away.

Thanks for everyone's suppport and messages on here. To Muser - i didn't feel that you were dismissing my feelings. And to misdee - i know and understand exactly how you are feeling and hope that you will feel better soon.

Spudulika I'll agree that muser's post was perhaps not the most sensitive wrt her bf comment, however , she's bang on the money with "it really won't matter in the long run".

I was thinking about the composition of formula last night and thinking how carefully it's designed to meet all nutritional requirements. We all know for example that we should have x micrograms of Calcium/Iron/Vit C/Vit B every single day. But very few people do actually eat a very nutritious diet. Most people eat waaaaaay too much crap - but they still get out of bed in the morning and live life.

My 10 month old currently has conjunctivitis and about 2 months ago we took him to hospital with gastroenteritis (D&V basically). Personally I don't think he needed a hospital visit, but my boyfriend over-reacted and the doctor refused to see us (we've since changed doctor!) despite the high temperatures. Hand on heart I do not believe either of these sicknesses would've been prevented by breastmilk and I've plenty of BF'ing peers on mn whose children are falling sick too. Breast milk is obviously lovely stuff, but it's not a guarantee against life being a bit shit or having the shits.

The feelings of failure and shame are very real and really quite debilitating at the time. But, time is a great healer and your feelings towards this will (and should!) improve. Mothering really is so much more than breastmilk.

misdee There are "confessionals" on fearless formula feeder from mums who've not been able to bf a subsequent child, might make an interesting read.

It also occurred to me yesterday that until I came across lactivists and joined mn - I had never given a second's thought to guilt associated with feeding. :( To me, you just fed your baby - it didn't require woe or shame.

"I'll agree that muser's post was perhaps not the most sensitive wrt her bf comment, however , she's bang on the money with "it really won't matter in the long run".

AlpinePony - reputable sources (ie, NHS Choices, the RCM, the American Academy of Paediatrics, and the World Health Organisation, and others) uphold the view that there IS a difference in health outcomes between populations of ff and bf babies, even in Western countries. We are talking in terms of number of GP visits and hospital admissions, as well as parents reporting episodes of minor illness. Mothers are now also being told by their care-givers that ff is linked to higher rates of cot death and type 1 diabetes.

If you don't accept the research is valid that's fine for you as an individual, but you can't come on to a forum and present your opinion as an incontroversial FACT. It's not. It's an OPINION that how you feed your baby definitely won't make a difference to their develoment or their general health. And it's not one supported by most experts in this field.

Spudulika - this is supposed to be a FF support thread.

How is telling women who are using formula (for whatever reasons) that their children are at harm by using it? Are our breasts about to spontaneously burst forth with milk?

The WHO guidelines were assembled in the 1970s as a response to formula incidents and deaths in the developing world, the sad irony of course is that the women who need the information are unlikely to have access to WHO literature, or perhaps even the literacy required to understand the information.

Quite frankly it's insulting as a woman living in 2011 in Western Europe to be compared to a woman living in the late-60s/early-70s in a unmodernised country without access to sanitation or modern medicine & formula.