Support for those FF

[galonthefarm]

Not sure if this is the best description for a thread, but basically just somewhere for anyone who is FF who did not set out to do so - to chat to others about it, as there are so many feelings involved (yes, including guilt and also relief!)

My dd (5.5 months) is now exclusively bottle fed, using up supplies of frozen ebm once a day until its gone. She was 5 weeks early and we were advised to top up from the beginning so she put on weight. Now a very chubby 15 lb plus!

There are so many different stories I've heard from friends and on here, and I think it is so important to realise you are not alone in how you feel. I don't get on here much but thought would start the ball rolling! x

bump for RavenHairedPrincess

hey... just dropping by, DS is now 6 months old, still FF and bloody gorgeous :) wanted to let any new mummies know that the guilt does pass - the tensions of boob v. bottle seem a long way off now I'm learning to wean him!! And believe me, I was hysterical about it to start with. Same story as many of you (mentioned in other threads and early on in this one) forceps, SPD, pain, tongue tie, tears... I submitted my story to the fearlessformulafeeder blog, and was guest poster recently :) talking about it has really helped. And I bigged up my MN mummies! Without the support of ppl like you, it would have been much harder.

If you're struggling today and feel like * for not being able to keep BF going, or still have negative feelings about FF - you are not alone! or a bad mum! you are AMAZING and STRONG and you love your baby. Never explain yourself to anyone or justify your decisions, we're all doing our best to be great mummies. That's all anyone needs to know.

Well it was a long time ago - DS is 22, DD is 19. DS was 9lb 3oz at birth and I was "advised" BF was best and to be fair I found it easy so I did it. After about 3 weeks, I really decided I wanted to stop but the earth mother next door and HV and GP all said, "oh he will be must healthier, happier etc etc" if you carry on so I did - for 8 months, 6 being ebf. I hated it. He bit me and drew blood at 8 months and I went cold turkey - so did he - horrible for us both. DD was 4 weeks prem so I agreed to bf her for 4 weeks and stopped 4 weeks to the day! She was a healthy happy baby and very content to be FF. Both developed normally and now are both at uni doing very well. Neither suffered in the long term but I know my first experience of motherhood was blighted by feelings of guilt which led me to bf longer than I wanted. If you don;t like it STOP IT! There is no shame in making sure your baby has a happy mum! If you love it, great, its convenient and cheap and yes good for your baby too! but it doesn't mean you are a better mum than a FF mummy or that your baby will be any healther - im my opinion :)

Thank you Theborrower for bumping for me, your kind words have really helped as has reading this thread.
My DD is 10weeks old and I have just started mix feeding as after nearly 10 weeks of trying every trick in the book to boost my supply it wasn't working and I just couldn't bare to listen to my baby girl scream due to hunger for any longer.
I breastfed to DS's for about the same amount of time as I had the same problem.
After starting mix feeding yesterday there has already been a huge difference because she is settling after a feed and actully slept 10hours straight

My DD is getting used to fomula...as am I. I think it's hard to stop bf whether your DC is 2 weeks old or 2 years. It's just emotional.

I never thought I'd get to 6 months but I did. And instead of feeling proud, I feel guilty for not going on longer! I think a lot of that guilt comes from reading MN! I'd always planned to stop at 6 months: returning to work, it seemed like a natural time. But stopping doesn't feel natural.

(Sorry for rambling!)

Hi Ninabean, thanks for your post :) My baby girl is coming up for 6 months soon too and you're right, things do get better. At the time, when she was so small and young it was all about the feeding, it seemed the most important thing in the world - the only thing. Now that she's her own wee person, all giggles and smiles and is about to start weaning eek, it seems less important, we're moving on to the next step now. She's healthy and gorgeous, we have fun together and it's all about the smiles :) Talking about stuff has really helped me too, I hope it helps other people here.

Hi RavenHairedPrincess, glad you found us. AAnd glad to hear that you had a good day and sleep :)

MamaMary - sending a friendly smile your way. :)

Thank you Granny Mo

:)

Hello lovely FFing ladies and former FFing ladies. .

I am going on a MN break as I want to do more RL things and less on line things. .

Many of you know that I tend to hang round here giving out safer FFing advice and I am sure my posts have helped some but they have not always been well received!

Really now my DS is heading towards 3 years and there are no plans for any more DC I feel like I have to step away from this issue.

I may return to it in the future but at the moment it is a bit like a scab which I keep picking....

I think that you ladies should give some consideration to whether a separate FFing section of MN would be a good idea.

There really are not many places to get good info and discuss FFing.

It would be great to have this support thread with stories and a separate advice thread (a bit like the sterilising one) - so lots of advice all on the same thread.

ninaandbean I saw your fearless formula feeding blogpost - well done for sharing your story. I will see if I feel like sharing on that blog in a few months time when I have let my head clear a bit wrt to posting on line etc.

I will leave you with my favourite links:

UNICEF guide to formula

WHO guidelines

Dept of Health guidelines.

Irish guidance note 22.

Enjoy FFing your DC.

Hi Tabouleh, sorry to see you go, you've always been very helpful, especially in pointing people towards the correct info, as you've done again above :) We'll miss you

Wishing you all the best

((((hugs)))) tabouleh

be happy :) we'll miss you!

Oh Tabouleh - your posts have been so useful for me. I NOW know the WHO guidelines were round when Alf was born 21 months ago, yet it took until a couple of months ago when I joined MN and read your posts for me to know anything of them.

I now have friends now who winge (understandably!) about the 70 degree thing, but when I explain about the sallmonellia (no, I can'y spell it!) they are horrified.

I know what you feel about stepping away though - alf is only 21 months yet forumla feels so long ago I feel I have nothing t contribute, which I am vross wih myself about as I remember how strongly I felt in the beginning about wanting to make formula a safe and acceptble way to feed.

Thank you for all the effort you put into making formula safe for all our babies, and I hope you come back soon, or (even better) dont go anywhere :)

Hi Tab and also sorry to see you go. I know we have had our differences, but also feel that we have come to a sort of amnesty

Hope you come back soon when you feel able to.

I don't think that boards should be separated fwiw, as I think particularly on MN it is important that FF is seen in the general feeding topic and so makes FF more generally accepted.

As we know there has been this swing to Breast is Best, no matter what the circumstances, and having this thread for example provides some balance. Esp when on some BF discussions I have been specifically told that FF do not need support

I agree with funny about keeping the feeding forum as one. I want mums to be able to choose to feed how they feel best after making an informed choice based on accurate IMPARTIAL information. The way things currently stand it seems to be the impartial bit, rather then the information bit, that is the issue.

So for now I like the fact I can pick up some facts about BF to support my BF friends and relatives, and also want to work to make it so that a mum can discreetly and quiately feed her baby whereever she sees fit. That said I also think there is a hell of a lot of work to be done regarding some peoples attitude towards formula, and in some cases blind worship of certain onesided documents that shall remain nameless for this discussion!

So for now at least I think a joint forum is the way to go. But thats just my gobby opinion!

I agree with funny about keeping the feeding forum as one. I want mums to be able to choose to feed how they feel best after making an informed choice based on accurate IMPARTIAL information. The way things currently stand it seems to be the impartial bit, rather then the information bit, that is the issue.

So for now I like the fact I can pick up some facts about BF to support my BF friends and relatives, and also want to work to make it so that a mum can discreetly and quiately feed her baby whereever she sees fit. That said I also think there is a hell of a lot of work to be done regarding some peoples attitude towards formula, and in some cases blind worship of certain onesided documents that shall remain nameless for this discussion!

So for now at least I think a joint forum is the way to go. But thats just my gobby opinion!

Bummped for the new wave of mums out there wracked with BF/FF guilt...

Hi, just bumping this thread because I like to know it's here.

I've been addicted to reading all manner of posts on the feeding pages since I started struggling with BFing when DD was born in November. This one has a bit of perspective I found, when BFing seems like the be all and end all.

DD is nearly 11 weeks now, still mixed feeding and aiming to keep BFing til 20 weeks if my poor mangled boobs can do it! Thank feck for formula though.

Hope everyone is well and babies are still thriving x

Oh this thread is a life saver.
My DS is 4.5 months and I've just today stopped bf and gone eff and feel so incredibly sad. I fully intended to ebf until weaning and didn't foresee any problems because my sister has 5 kids and breast fed them all. I just assumed it would work for me but I was so very wrong.
DS was a hungry chappy from day one and I have always struggled with supply. On top of that I had terrible cracked nipples at first. Those cleared and then we came down with a bad case of thrush on top of which mastitis reared it's ugly head. Basically the first 10 weeks of bfing were incredibly stressful and painful. (Oh, and DS was diagnosed with silent reflux so had to take all sorts of medicine for that and was very fussy and cried constantly) Once all those problems were sorted my baby was just hungry all the time and I wasn't delivering the goods. Whether my body just doesn't make enough or because of all those early problems, I don't know, I just couldn't cope with knowing that my bubs was hungry all the time.
We started by introducing a nighttime bottle of formula at around 8 weeks but it quickly became apparent that it wasn't enough because he scoffed down twice the recommended amount for a baby his age. Since then I have been supplementing each bf with formula and bubs soon made it clear he preferred the bottle. So I started expressing my breasts after each failed attempt at bf and giving him a bottle. This meant that the next feed would be: 1. try the breast 2. bottle feed the expressed breastmilk 3. top up with formula. 4. If bfing not successful, then express. I have finally thrown in the towel with the bfing because the amount coming out has now dwindled to about 60mls per day and it breaks my heart every time he rejects the breast.

Now my heart is breaking that it's all over and I feel like I've failed. I know that he is a healthy baby boy (although now I worry that he may be lactose intolerant like me, which brings up a whole other set of problems) and that I did my best at the time but it's sad all the same.
Thanks for all these posts, I don't feel like I'm the only one having these probs. Hey, in about 5 weeks time I'll probably have forgotten it all and be full on into weaning onto solids. here's hoping!

you have done an amazing job Bonners, your little DS has a fabulous mummy! Well done for doing so much - when BF is such a trial it's a huge achievement to get so far. You should be so proud of yourself, and your lovely little boy is going to be just fine on formula! It's the best, safest, most well researched and suitable baby food there is. Just think, my sister in law and babies of her generation were raised on carnation milk and hot water if the boob didn't work out! (and she's still doing just fine, despite the sweet tooth lol).

Hi Bonners, you've not failed, you did an amazing job and you did your best at the time given very difficult circumstances and you're right, BFing isn't always easy. I also know what it's like to be on the BF/top up with EBM & formula/express roundabout - it's exhausting and demoralising and enormously time consuming! Time is a healer and you'll feel better about it in time. Enjoy FFing your baby - without all the trying/topping up and expressing, you'll find you have more time for cuddles and playtime, and even some time for you to have to yourself and relax a bit too :)

Hi All, wish this thread had been here 2 years ago when I had problems with DD: EMCS, low birthweight, jaundice, she just didn't want to BF, was admitted to NICU after 10days as lost so much weight, dehydrated and temperature dropping...very very scary. The pressure to BF and guilt made me continue to BF along with torturous expressing for another couple of weeks until her weight started dropping and we were threatened with a return to hospital..so gave her her first FF and she loved it, first time she was content after a feed since birth. The guilt was horrid, but it was the best decision I could make and she is now a happy healthy 2 year old!

But...I am 37weeks pregnant and facing the whole thing again in a couple of weeks (ELCS this time). Not sure what to do re feeding, TBH I loved FF and hated BF but I am going to try again anyway, but if it doesn't work am not putting myself or my baby through what I went through last time again. Please remind me of that if due to hormones etc I turn up here in a few of weeks sobbing and racked with guilt!! With DD to look after I won't have the time to dedicate to expressing/feeding/topping up every 3 hours anyway.

Not sure I want to BF if I am honest (and if I can't be honest about it on here where can I be?). Memories of last time and insecurities about BF in public are the main thing. Oh well, just wanted to say I love this thread! and wish me luck!

Good Luck Mendip. I felt the same as you with DS2 who is one in two weeks! I was dreading BF and even asked the midwives what I could take to dry up my milk if I needed to stop. I'd had terrible mastitis with DS1 due to engorgement and couldn't go though that again.

In the event, I did BF DS2 for 4 weeks, but it was hard work, especially with another child to ferry about. I stopped at 4 weeks without any problem, and apart from the odd pang of guilt, I never looked back.

I have come to realise that I don't enjoy BF at all and FF for us made for a much happier home and family.

Let us know how you get on and once again Good Luck

Good luck mendipgirl - let us know how you get on, and we're all here for you! :)

mendipgirl I hope your experience with your next baby is easier - whatever you decide to do.

i hope i dont get flamed but i didnt bf my boy at all... not from a lazy perspective but the mere thought actually made me freak out and feel sick. i ddnt do it much to the disgust o my hv and mw.. i beat myself up about it but looking back i was ridiculous to feel low.

my little boy is now 3 and half, bright, energetic, slim and never ill- 2 colds since he wa born (fingers tightly crossed). i get fed up o being made to feel less of a mother, as if i didnt love enough because i didnt sacrifice.

entirely spport those who bf but t is not for me, i dont want to get pnd or not enjoy my child, nor decide not to have one.

i think it helps that my oh and his sister were adopted so ff, my sister, brother and i were also ff.. all healthye, bright with no health problems or weight problems.

this time i have decided i would try but as my labour approaches i get the same feeling of sickness and dread. i dont think i will.. but there are benefits.. my husband did the first feed and could share the sleep o i recovered much quicker, i will be able to get my boy involved and bonded..

i guess i am a believer in non judging, enjoying our children and just ridding mothers of the ridiculous guilt which then eclipses happiness.

enjoy and good luck with whatever we choose to do
xxxxx