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Black Mumsnetters

This board exists primarily for the use of Black Mumsnetters. Others are welcome to post but please be respectful.

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Original poster

White women posting on Black Mumsnetters - all good?

425 replies

Sugarintheplum · 17/12/2020 23:00

Hiya,

I'm just looking for your honest opinion here - feel free to get a new handle to respond to this one if you like (I do that sometimes!)

My view is this: I don't hugely object, partly because it's the internet, and I can't expect that to be truly for a devoted protected space, so it's kinda 'meh'. I just thought about it because of the 'are blonde women more attractive' thread, and there are lots of white women on it.

I've asked something similar before, and I ask it again here, if it's called Black Mumsnetters, why might non-black women want to post? I can see why they might want to lurk and read, but what might make you want to be visible, present and contributing to that space?

If it is a belief that no space should be 'exclusive', i'd think Black Mumsnetters might turn one off completely - ugh, yuk, segregation. If it is a belief that well, one or two white women won't change things (do they? My opinion is that yes, a space with just black women in it talking black women things is materially changed by having white women in it) I can see that too maybe, only things do have a way of being taken over and before you know it black mumsnetters has very few black women at all posting. If it is 'I should be able to be wherever I choose, thank you!', or 'i just love being in chats with diverse groups, I 'm not thinking about it that way' I'd like to know too.

But mostly, black women, how do you feel about it?

Like I say, I'm cool about it, I just don't get it. If there were a Trans Mumsnetters, or Asian Mumsnetters, or LGBT Mumsnetters, or Young Mumsnetters, I wouldn't feel any sort of compulsion to post, I'm black straight and over 30. My children's partner is from a different ethnic group to me and if there were a group for mumsnetters from that community, again, I wouldn't feel any sort of need to post.

Anyway, on this I am truly musing.

Ta!

OP posts:
RoseAndRose · 23/12/2020 22:25

I do not see it as an affront.

I do not think it should not exist.

I do not think any part of MN is in any way safe, and it is misleading to portray it as such. Whatever the subject matter, or whoever is a regular in the topic.

IamthatIam · 23/12/2020 22:27

Support all women. Let’s stand by each other especially our sisters who have been downtrodden for far too long. Hundreds of years of being seen it the most negative ways. Pressed down to the bottom. Criticised just for existing. Criticised for their looks, their bodies, their voices, their very existence. Let’s support our sisters. No need to seek to push them underground and make their issues invisible.

I’ve said enough so I’ll take a break from this. I’m glad I came across this Black Mumsnetter and would like to see it continued. MN HQ should not ban it.

Quaagars · 23/12/2020 22:31

I can't see them banning it, they were really supportive etc about setting it up and wanted people to have a space.
A lot of campaigning went on for it from Patrick and MN were vocal in how they thought it was a good idea and would get one set up.
Think it's definitely here to stay however much that sticks in some

Lndnmummy · 23/12/2020 22:55

@IamthatIam “Is there no onus on others to simply respect the safe space? Is that too much to ask?”

No, it really isn’t too much to ask. It should be the base line.

Mookie81 · 24/12/2020 10:35

I am black and I was present for the beginning of the BMN subsection.
The poster who started it was amazing and gave brilliant explanations and reasons why it was needed.
She was tore apart by many people at the time and this thread is almost a repeat of that.
For the poster who said they haven't read any of it, maybe go back before shouting everyone down on this thread? Xmas Hmm

ForgeAhead · 24/12/2020 12:44

Perhaps we should come up with an acronym and use it to tag every post or topic to indicate the sort of contributions we want. E.g “Mostly Black Women Views” (MBWM) or something along those lines.Grin Just like you have “Ask Me Anything” (AMA) and use it as and when required

IamthatIam · 24/12/2020 13:28

@ForgeAhead people like you can never be helped and no one should even waste their time trying to. There will be people like you who deliberately choose not to understand but expect others to educate you in the face of your sneering and ridicule.

Enjoy your ignorance. It must feel good to you.

lifestooshort123 · 24/12/2020 14:10

@IamthatIam
Thats a bit harsh unless @ForgeAhead has history for sneering and ridicule. I took the post to be tongue in cheek, perhaps the timing was a bit off but no more.

IamthatIam · 24/12/2020 14:13

If I misunderstood her then of course I apologise. I don’t follow posters so wouldn’t know her history.

ForgeAhead · 24/12/2020 18:21

Or Black Women Mumsnet Views Only (BWMVO). Ok let’s see....
How about “ Are blonde women more attractive - BWMVO)

june2007 · 24/12/2020 18:55

Exactly ForgeAhead.

Quaagars · 24/12/2020 19:01

Well, I originally thought it was tongue in cheek too, butForgeAhead's complete ignoring of Iam's straight after seems maybe not after all and could have been something in what IAms said

IamthatIam · 24/12/2020 19:58

@Quaagars it seemed facetious to me but it could be my sense of humour doesn’t allow me to see the tongue in cheekiness.

Everyone must grapple with their own conscience. To move forward not everyone needs to be onboard. At least that’s how I see it. Trying to get everybody to do what is morally right is futile. Just enough people are needed to make a change.

Quaagars · 24/12/2020 21:12

Trying to get everybody to do what is morally right is futile. Just enough people are needed to make a change

true

Veterinari · 24/12/2020 21:51

@ForgeAhead

Or Black Women Mumsnet Views Only (BWMVO). Ok let’s see.... How about “ Are blonde women more attractive - BWMVO)
I'd suggest this is also tongue-in-cheek and not ignoring the issue.

But as there are posters in this discussion who have called me a bigot and then declined to respond or justify their comment, my judgement is probably completely off by their 'standards'. It's a shame as I've always been a supporter of BMN and think it's it's a necessary and important space.

santabaybee · 25/12/2020 03:56

How do you know they're white posters? Unless they say so? Apart from that one hair post where are white women taking over?

MNHQ
FlissMumsnet · 25/12/2020 12:16

Just nipping in with a quick reminder ........

This board was set us as we're aware there will be sensitivities and common experiences that Black MNers will find easier to talk about in a dedicated space.

The board exists primarily for the use of black Mumsnetters. While others are of course welcome to use it, please be respectful and mindful that this is a 'safe space' for those posters. While some may be happy to answer questions on race, others may not and it's not their responsibility to educate on these issues.

Starseeking · 25/12/2020 14:05

Thank you @FlissMumsnet.

DeeCeeCherry · 25/12/2020 15:37

Thanks FlissMumsnet

Xerochrysum · 25/12/2020 15:50

I think I once commented on here without realising, it's because of active. If the topic is relevant, I would comment, on something I don't normally choose, like relationship. I wouldn't choose to go on the relationship board, but if the thread comes up on active, I did comment in the past. Same for this board. I am not white or black, and I am not interested, but if something comes up on active and I'm interested in topic, I may find myself commenting without looking closely which board it is.
If this board only want certain people to be posting, maybe it might be a good idea to ask MNHQ to hide from active threads?

squiddybear · 25/12/2020 15:59

If it comes up on active and is something I could contribute to then I do. I never look at the categories....
I don't think it's wrong or encroachment I think it's just how the app works

IamthatIam · 25/12/2020 16:06

From what I gather, it’s okay for anyone to post on BlackMN. The point is one of respect and understanding. Understanding why it exists and being conscious of that in your engagement. Respect that it is a safe space and do not see it as an opportunity to attack and shout all lives matter. It’s also not a place aimed at disseminating information to educate white women about racial inequality and its impact on others.

IamthatIam · 25/12/2020 16:08

Whatever you do, don’t do like June2007 who stated on the first page of this thread that

“I also went as an act of rebellion due to the way it came about”.

Unbelievable isn’t it that someone is that ignorant and so proud of it Grin

alreadytaken · 26/12/2020 20:11

I've posted once before in this section - about the link between vitamin D and coronavirus. I was posting about it in various places because I know people tend to have favourite sections of mumsnet and no-one can read the whole site. No-one else had posted about it in this section and I didnt wish those who might only read this section to miss out.

I might post if I wanted help on, say, etiquette for gift giving at a friends wedding.

Apart from something like that I think white people should keep out. I'm not happy with the idea of a segregated space, i feel it's generally unhelpful. However I get why people want one and I'll respect that. Those who are not willing to respect that need are not complying with the stated aim of the site - to be supportive.

BIWI · 28/12/2020 13:51

I have been criticised (on another site which can't be mentioned here the red one) for being a liar and a hypocrite because I supposedly don't call racism out enough or even support racist posters.

I've also been called a 'white saviour' because of what and how I posted in support of this section, from the very first posts by @PatricksRum.

So you might understand why I have hesitated to post on this thread.

I find it very sad that some of the same arguments are being hashed out here as were at the beginning of the move towards establishing Black Mumsnetters.

It absolutely should be (and I hope is) a 'safe space' for black Mumsnetters - bearing in mind that nothing on here is truly 'safe' given that it's a public forum. But the suggestion that it should not be in Active Convos is really sad - an insidious way of telling black Mumsnetters that they should be hidden away somehow.

I have posted here since its inception - initially in support, then to respond to a request for a recipe, and to ask for help myself with a recipe.

Then I posted on the blonde hair one, simply because it was in Active Convos

I think we should all demonstrate sensitivity when we post anywhere on MN, but perhaps more so here. However, to be told that we're not welcome, as non-black people, is also very much against the spirit of Mumsnet as well as a direct negation of how it was set up in the first place.