White women posting on Black Mumsnetters - all good?

[Sugarintheplum]

Hiya,

I'm just looking for your honest opinion here - feel free to get a new handle to respond to this one if you like (I do that sometimes!)

My view is this: I don't hugely object, partly because it's the internet, and I can't expect that to be truly for a devoted protected space, so it's kinda 'meh'. I just thought about it because of the 'are blonde women more attractive' thread, and there are lots of white women on it.

I've asked something similar before, and I ask it again here, if it's called Black Mumsnetters, why might non-black women want to post? I can see why they might want to lurk and read, but what might make you want to be visible, present and contributing to that space?

If it is a belief that no space should be 'exclusive', i'd think Black Mumsnetters might turn one off completely - ugh, yuk, segregation. If it is a belief that well, one or two white women won't change things (do they? My opinion is that yes, a space with just black women in it talking black women things is materially changed by having white women in it) I can see that too maybe, only things do have a way of being taken over and before you know it black mumsnetters has very few black women at all posting. If it is 'I should be able to be wherever I choose, thank you!', or 'i just love being in chats with diverse groups, I 'm not thinking about it that way' I'd like to know too.

But mostly, black women, how do you feel about it?

Like I say, I'm cool about it, I just don't get it. If there were a Trans Mumsnetters, or Asian Mumsnetters, or LGBT Mumsnetters, or Young Mumsnetters, I wouldn't feel any sort of compulsion to post, I'm black straight and over 30. My children's partner is from a different ethnic group to me and if there were a group for mumsnetters from that community, again, I wouldn't feel any sort of need to post.

Anyway, on this I am truly musing.

Ta!

Everything @Sugarintheplum said 👏🏿👏🏿👏🏿

I am white. I don't think I have often read he black mumsnetter section but I have always been interested in race issues and I think it's a useful addition to the board. I've deliberately stayed off it even when it's interesting other than a very occasional post because it is for black women (and I suppose black men too if they want). I generally on the internet seek out views and people very different from how I am - it is one of the things I like about the internet

@Sugarintheplum

I’m not dignifying the assertions about my being bigoted because I disputed the motives for your thread. It doesn’t touch me.
I know who I am and I need neither your affirmation or condemnation. Perhaps

I found your thread title and sentiment provocative and it obviously garnered attention because unusually for this topic it was on active threads. I didn’t o looking for it, but who are you to tell me or others to visit this sub forum?

I wondered if there was a more overarching reason in why you started your thread and your - to be frank - sermonising at me here has made me think that’s the case.

What you have written to me is what you felt all along. That’s fine. You should have just written all of your reply to me on here about - which I actually agree with in that I also hope minorities, women and everyone else who has largely been dumped on for a long time get more power, education opportunity and influence: it can only make the world a better place. - as a thread and be done with it rather than dipping your toe in the water with this feigned coyness about why are white women on “your” section of the Forum.

I’m also busy raising three beautiful babies and all alone whose race, gender ethnicity is irrelevant. We also ate leftovers. In that you are proving my point which was all along that there is much more as women that binds us than we should seek to be separated over.

Nothing else to say.

I also wish you the best in your life

*perhaps others do

I didn’t o looking for it, but who are you to tell me or others to visit this sub forum?

I honestly don't get which bit you don't understand (actually, yeah, I think I do)
Anyone can visit this forum!!
Are you not understanding on purpose
It's not "virtue signalling" to disagree with you before you say.
I just happen to disagree with you.

I’m not dignifying the assertions about my being bigoted because I disputed the motives for your thread. It doesn’t touch me

It's not just the "motives for your thread"
It's your complete ignoring, dismissing and not listening to what is being said
You should have just written all of your reply to me on here about - which I actually agree with in that I also hope minorities, women and everyone else who has largely been dumped on for a long time get more power, education opportunity and influence: it can only make the world a better place. - as a thread and be done with it
You contradict yourself - you agree that people should have a voice, opportunity and influence yet at the same time seek to try and silence them (which is how it comes across when you demand to be educated, have conversations with you in too, even if is relevant or not etc etc....)
I don't even know why I'm bothering - if you aren't even at least questioning now, I hope you do in the future

Quaggers how is she trying to silence any one?

I have literally just said

I mean it's literally in my fucking post lol
I mean WTF
Yeah, this is why people step away
I need to too lol

Quaagers, give it a rest. You're in already

In already?!
What even is that supposed to mean
No
Wait
Hang
On
Got it
Heaven forbid allowed my own opinion

So was there a reason you chose to ignore where I had actually answered the innocent how is she trying to silence any one? question and came back with a dig at me on purpose, instead of acknowledging what I said, or what?

You're centering yourself with your white saviour cape and whitesplaining (You've said you're white so I'm not assuming).

We've ALL heard your opinion A THOUSAND TIMES. They're wonderful. Take your own advice and take a backseat. Black women can fight their own battles here.

First I was amused at the very obvious goady nature of this thread. Now I just feel disgust at the spiteful and aggressive turn it has taken. It’s the first time I’ve ever looked at a thread on this board (it came up in active), i don’t feel particularly inspired to ever look again.

My thoughts: I’m white. My H is not white and my kids are mixed race.
Whilst I’m more than happy to allow black women a safe space to discuss issues that don’t need a “white opinion”- I mean, fgs, it’s not like we don’t hear white opinions all bloody day long is it?!
I think there might be some topics I’d like to contribute to because they affect me- eg. Interracial relationships for example.
That doesn’t mean I’d be angry or offended not being able to join in just that I’d find other perspectives really helpful is all.

Missy the rest of the board was set up with somewhere people could talk, like Scotsnet etc can
If you haven't seen the earlier threads that showed the need for this board than fair enough.
It's literally just like Scotsnet get a board, Irish (Craicnet) get one, LGBT do too.
Why should black people not get their own board too?!
I really don't get it!
It's nothing to do with segregation.
Unless you think Irish or Scottish people are segregating themselves too?!
If that makes me virtue signalling so be it.

Black women can fight their own battles here

Agree - this was a post asking for both to post though. Which is why I've been commenting so much and sometimes disagreeing with posts.

I have no specific desire to be in black spaces - but as you started a thread asking for non-black opinions, I thought I'd comment. I'm mostly still confused as to why you invited non-black posters to comment in a space that you don't want us to post in?

I entirely understand and support the reasons for the BMN board. What I'm confused about is why you've created a post centring non-black posters on this board, and increasing non-black poster traffic to the BMN board, when surely this goes against your own stated aims for the board, which should centre black people.

@Veterinari

I have no specific desire to be in black spaces - but as you started a thread asking for non-black opinions, I thought I'd comment. I'm mostly still confused as to why you invited non-black posters to comment in a space that you don't want us to post in?

I entirely understand and support the reasons for the BMN board. What I'm confused about is why you've created a post centring non-black posters on this board, and increasing non-black poster traffic to the BMN board, when surely this goes against your own stated aims for the board, which should centre black people.

@Veterinari You're not the first to say this, so I'll repeat myself. I'll bullet:

• I said I was mostly interested in hearing the views of black women on how they feel about it.

• I could see white women were already on the board so I asked them.

• I did nothing to increase traffic to this board from elsewhere.

I'm going to hop off this thread now. I felt a responsibility for it, but I no longer see the value in continuing to contribute.

Thanks all!

This thread is reminiscent of how conversations about/across race play out in everyday life; we shouldn't be surprised at all.

MN tried to do a good thing in creating BMN, unfortunately it looks like it won't be used in the way it was intended.

- I said I was mostly interested in hearing the views of black women on how they feel about it.

Fair enough, but you did also ask non-black women why they used the board.

- I could see white women were already on the board so I asked them.
Which encourages posting from a demographic that you'd prefer not to post - it seems counter productive to me.

- I did nothing to increase traffic to this board from elsewhere.
Except start a thread on an issue that you knew would be relatively contentious and encourage responses from non-black women, so it seems fairly obvious to me it would drive non-black traffic to the boards.

I can see this is becoming circular though, and I don't want to derail, so I'll go back to not commenting on this board

@Russellbrandshair “Whilst I’m more than happy to allow black women a safe space to discuss...”

WTAF? You “allow” black women a safe space, on their own board?!?!?

@Russellbrandshair "Whilst I'm more than happy to allow black women a safe space to discuss m..."
*
WTAF? You"allow" black women a safe space, on their own board?!?!?*

@Lndnmummy This is unconscious bias at play. The poster will be along to explain "they didn't mean it like that, you've misunderstood, you've misrepresented" etc etc. And this is from a person who says they are raising Black DC!

Black people experience this Every. Single. Day.

I'm glad it wasn't just me who noticed this phraseology, and that white people see it too.

While women chasing blank women away from their safe space. White women haven’t given their permission to “allow” this space.

This is hilarious. You couldn’t make this up. Racism in action. People hate this word “racism” but that is what it is. Racism isn’t just about shouting slurs. It’s these kinds of every day racism that is most damaging.

Imagine if men did this to white women in their safe women spaces.

@Veterinari

You are completely out of order in my opinion.

You come onto the board, not to simply answer the question, but to critique the OPs question. How dare you?

She then unequivocally shows you that she did not centre white women, and rather than apologise for the accusation, you say 'fair enough' and then continue to pile in? Next time read carefully. You can't have a proper conversation if you don't listen.

It's disgraceful behaviour.

You also accuse the OP of somehow making white women who do not frequent the board to be drawn to the board, simply because she asked a question that she was interested in on Black MN, her being a self-identified black woman. So her question was not to your liking? Incorrigible.

It's also myopic. Think about it, if OP had posted on general mumsnet 'what would make white women post on Black MN?' they would respond 'we're not!". It's not the population she was musing about. It made perfect sense to post on Black MN as the white women she was wondering about WERE THERE! Op did not place the topic in Active.

She was right about punching down. I've just done it with you and it doesn't feel good at all. But unfortunately necessary.

Feel free to get off our board, as you have derailed with your nit picking. You give the non-black women who have posted constructively here a bad rep. Go criticise black women elsewhere before we report you for not respecting the spirit of this place.

I meant white women not while women and Black women not blank women.