As someone who has been through this I wanted to give my view. Maybe I shouldn't I don't know...but here goes. I had an abortion 10 years ago, I was with DH although we weren't married. He was living in Switzerland doing his year in industry for his degree and I was living with my parents working my way up to management level in a very demanding job.
I saw DH once a month (good old easy jet) and we were taking precautions, I was on the minipill and had been for a couple of years with no problems. Then one day it just failed on me. I had no sickness, diarrhea...I wasn't taking any other meds...I didn't take it late or miss a pill - it just failed on me. I was in the unlucky 2% I guess.
I found out the day after my missed period. I was 22 and I was not ready for a baby, DH offered to drop out of uni and marry me but I didn't want to have that happen. I was absolutely terrified, hated myself and felt incredibly ashamed but i decided (with DH's blessing) to terminate the pregnancy. I had the termination at around 5 weeks as this was the earliest I could book one. Each day of waiting was hell, I was a physical and mental wreck, but I wanted to suffer as I felt it was the least I deserved.
It was a very easy procedure but the worst experience of my entire life. It will never, ever leave me. All these years later I do not think about it every day, and I stand by the decision I made back then, but since becoming pregnant very difficult emotions have arisen for both myself and DH and no amount of judgement from other people could be worse than how I often feel about myself.
Whatever anybody says I know I was not ready for a child. Yes we would have coped, and the child would have been loved and cared for, but I was not ready for a child and I would not have been a good mother. I just kept crying and saying 'I want to freeze the baby for a few years until I'm ready..' but of course this was childish and impossible. I was still a child myself, with a lot of issues that I needed to work out before being a mum. I've since had years of counselling to address these issues, and the added issue of having had an abortion.
Now, having come this far and having felt this little one kicking inside me I tell myself that I could never make the same decision again and I am pretty sure that I mean it this time. But now I am in my thirties, married, settled and sorted financially - the total opposite to how I was back then.
It isn't a black and white issue. Any decent woman who makes the terrible decision to have an abortion does so with despair, after considering all the options and finally realising that, for her, this is the only way. It is an incredibly lonely misery, as you can't tell anybody. I told my half sister who was always my confidante and best friend (a normally understanding and open-minded person who is gay and extremely liberal) and the outcome has been that she refuses to have anything to do with me or my mum and dad, even all these years on. I told my boss at work (because I had to) and she said 'Come round to mine and I'll sort it out with the Dyson' and then got annoyed with me when I didn't laugh! And no I'm not joking sadly
So, what am I saying? I guess I am saying that I am pro-choice. If I had been forced to go through with the pregnancy it would have not been a good outcome for any of us. I considered adoption but I just could not go through with a pregnancy and then give up the baby. Maybe some will think I am a supremely selfish person but I know I'm not. All I ever do is worry about other people's feelings, and I'm a vegetarian because I cannot stand the idea of hurting (let alone slaughtering) another living thing, so I'm sure you can see that the idea of terminating a pregnancy was abhorrent to me. I was one of those people who said 'I would never have an abortion' but then I never for one second imagined that it would happen to a 'nice girl like me' who was taking what I thought to be very reasonable precautions.
It is great that we can have open discussions on our thread without fear of flaming, I wouldn't dream of speaking so frankly anywhere else on MN and hope that I haven't offended or upset anyone on here with my story. Just couldn't say nothing having had first hand experience.
Wow, what an essay - apologies girls x