Due May 2009 - There's a bun in my oven and it's making me HOT! HOT! HOT!

[FiKelly]

Shiny new thread already!

Regarding the list, I think pruning it is a great idea. I do actually languish on 2 other ante-natal threads as I never had the energy to go back and tell them about my miscarriages.

llareggub oh dear No, YAabsolutelyNBU! I always find it difficult to comprehend when people can only see how the world impacts on them.

Just to try to think through why she's behaving like this, perhaps it's about her needing to feel she has an important role in her GS's life and she doesn't want to face up to the fact she's not needed at the moment. She may be put out at seeing herself as a childcare solution rather than a permanent but part-time carer for your DS. But I'm still she can't understand why you would want your DS home with you!

I've no idea how she can see you as being responsible for his depression though. Maybe she has issues around control & letting go of her son?

I guess you need to take several (hundred) deep breaths, explain why you're doing what you're doing, and try to let the rest go over your head. Totally don't blame you for being , I would be too.

Obv I meant your DH's depression not your DS

Good advice from Dandy

Thanks Dandy. I can certainly empathise with her, but if we were to continue with 2 days with them and 2 half days in nursery, I'd spend less time with him than I did when I was working. I'd also assumed that they'd continue to see him, but on a less structured basis.

What infuriates me the most is that she was the one who pressured me into starting him at pre-school or similar. I guess I could have chosen a Thursday for pre-school, but then I'd run the risk of not having my working days covered by nursery when I return to work.

I could bore you all silly with the rest of the stuff, but honestly, I can do no right with them. I even bought the wrong potty! MIL has told DH that we should wipe the slate clean, but I agreed to do that last time when she accused me of causing DH's depression, and I really can't be doing with this anymore.

thanks to spangle too, cross posts!

llareggub,

Sorry to hear you are having MIL troubles. I guess it's one of those things where they assumed one thing, and you assumed the other.

I know from my point of view I wouldn't want to loose out on help they might be able to offer once LO is here, but i can see why you want to spend quality time with DS before LO arrives and they should really understand and respect that.

Pre-school is great for your DS's development and you should make sure they know that you had to choose the days you did, and were planning ahead to when you are back at work too. If they still take offence, then they will be the ones missing out.

Dandy, my MIL hassled me for ages to take DS to a playgroup or pre-school or similar because she thought it would be good for him. She thought he didn't spend time with any other children, despite us telling her about playdates with my NCT pals! Really, we have been round the houses with the whole nursery thing , all entirely prompted by her insistence that I send him to some sort of school!

I've spent lots and lots of time talking to her about the various nurseries and pre-schools I've visited. I do try to involve her in things simply because I know she likes to be. She has never mentioned her intentions re childcare during my maternity leave, and I certainly did not want to make any assumptions about availability. I just thought it would be the sort of system where I would ask each week and she could tell me yes or no.

DH and I wanted him to start going to some sort of pre-school or nursery simply because his friends all go and love it. I'm starting him now because I thought it would be good to have something of his own before the baby comes, and didn't want him to start just as baby is born. I couldn't really see the point in him getting settled for the summer term, so now seemed ideal.

Hi there, don't worry Dandy, the list is much clearer now and I wasn't tooooo offended . I need a better nickname anyway - I have no creativity, its just my real initials.

On the subject of hair-dying, I have dyed my hair pretty much constantly since I was 21, I didn't stop when I was pregnant the last time and I have no intention of stopping now. One of my friends once asked if I had any grey hair and was confused when I said I had no idea. No need to find out either.

llareggub on the subject of inlaws and childcare, I have been considering the subject myself as my mum looks after DD two days a week and she is at nursery two days (DD, not mum!) I assumed that mum would be happy not to have the responsibility of looking after DD whilst I'm on maternity leave and I thought that I might keep her on at nursery for a a bit to help us through the early days of the new baby. But I think mum was quite taken aback that I would keep paying for childcare whilst calling off her regular playtime with her granddaughter. I'm not defending your inlaws - the bit about blaming you for DH's depression is unbelievable - just saying that I didn't realise that my own assumptions about what would happen were so far off from my own mum's.

By the way - I have to say that mumsnet has brought joy into my life by introducing me to the terms fanjo and ladygarden. The former sounds like some jaunty little stringed instrument and the latter like a national trust property. Lovely.

Sorry to hijack the thread everyone. I've just re-read your post Dandy, and I can see that I am too tired for this as I completely missed some of your points!

I'm grateful for all of your comments, I really am!

Hello all, what a lovely new thread! I'm liking the new slimline (unlike me ) list.

Re storing baby stuff - we just got rid of a load of our stuff ! We have small ish 2 bed house, and before DD arrived the 2nd bedroom was our junk room with enough space for visitors, iyswim. We were ruthless, the charity shops were very grateful - and our loft is still groaning! LO2 will have one drawer in our room, one drawer in DD's room, and a bit of the wardrobe. Toys will get added to the pile we already have. Belgian is right in that you just accept that your grown up pad will never be the same again!

Sausagenmash - I think you said on the old thread that your denim skirt is kind of swishy, is that rather than A line? I'm looking for A line really. Also wondering if I'd need a 14 rather than a 12, am now up to 20lbs weigh gain. I bumped into a friend the other day, her first words were 'wow, the bump's huge!'. Was measuring small according to the MW on Tuesday, hmmm.

Gosh, you lot type fast (and I'm very slow!) - I'd missed nearly all of the MIL stuff! Llaregub, sorry to hear you're having problems, I hope there is a solution for you but I'm guessing it'll go on for ever . There's been some good suggestions for the immediate situation though.

In some ways I'm grateful my PILs live overseas, and atm they're on their best behaviour with us and DD because they've already managed to lose contact with one GC because of their actions.

llareggub if there's one thing i've learnt recently it's that when it comes to parents or in laws and their GC's we never get it totally right in their opinion... My own parents aren't all that delighted with the prospect of us moving house as they currently live in the flat below us and have gotten used to having us upstairs in case of emergencies (of which there have been quite a few as my father is quite frail). If we are lucky enough to be able to move to the house we want it is only 10mins away in the car. My mum was worried that they'd not see us or DS & was just saying the other day that we would be coming to visit wouldn't we? I said of course and I expected her and dad to do the same. I guess the main reason they get so tetchy is because all they can think of is how much they're going to miss their time with the GC... esp if they don't have a lot of other interests. I don't think you are being unreasonable at all... after all our children are ours first. I often feel like i'm stuck between a rock and a hard place!

Re storing stuff... DS has a triple door wardrobe from ikea. 1 door has shelves behind it and the other 2 have a shelf and hanging space. This whole wardrobe is full to the brim... and the young baby toys/paraphernalia is in boxes on top of the wardrobe (thank goodness for high ceilings!). I have a gadget that hangs off the main wardrobe rail to give me a double run of hanging space which helps. Ds has toys under his bed in pull out tubs on wheels and stuffed into all sorts of other places! When we found out we were having a girl I sold a lot of his clothes on ebay (i'd given a lot of his NB clothes away some time ago when I was adamant I wasn't doing this again ). I have since spent all the ebay earnings on buying girly clothes... so they're back under our bed in pull out plastic storage drawers with lids and wheels...

Tummum - I am so pleased to read that you are getting help from all sides!! That is gooing to be so good for you, and I think thats why you are feeling more upbeat - knowing there is great help and support there for you takes such weight off your shoulders! Sometimes you don't need tablets immediately - the treatment can be just knowing there are people there looking out for you!

Chocolatebunnies - hair dying - I've dyed my hair since I was in my early 20s and during this and previous pregnancies. I've done whole heads, and highlights and everything in between! Just got it done last week and plan to get it added to before B-day/D-Day/L-Day! GO for it - you'll feel better for it!

Re selective hearing - DH has this all the time. Mind you he does have a genuine hearing condition! But night time is definately the worst! I end up waking up fully in order to insist it's his turn! I end up doing it myself cos it's usually done quicker!

Ilareggub - re your MIL. I think I understand your MIL view about your ds. She obviously has a good bond with him and maybe feels the loss. My mum looked after my ds for all of his first year at school and he stayed with her from Monday until he came home on a Friday. It was so hard for me, but when I retired medically and we changed his school to one closer to home, my mum REALLY missed him. It was something I didn't expect. But also my ds really missed his Nanny too. They really developed a strong bond. You see where I'm coming from?? You do need to speak to her and let her know you still need her - and probably more so when your baby comes as she is physically closer than your family. Who is looking after your ds when you have your baby - have you asked your MIL??? Have you discussed with your MIL about her looking after your baby when you return to work - or does she not know that yet? It really reads like neither of you have discussed if/how things change and you assummed change would be Ok, or even welcome, and she thought you'd be grateful for the added help - each just assumming things were going to be OK without really talking about it?? As for the other - she does sound very much on your DH side - maybe he could speak to her and support your decision as a joint one?
My Ds now does special sleep-overs at his Nans and he really enjoys his time with her & my step-dad.

Thank God for sons!!! Here is a wee heart warming tale of what my son said to me last Wednesday night....
His primary school had arranged for photographers to come to the school on Wednesday to take family portraits. I had booked a time slot for 7:40pm and we were all going to go - I'd even got my hair done!!
But on Tuesday night I felt fat and frumpy - I couldn't find anything to wear and discussed this with Dh. I asked him if he'd prefer if we didn't do the photo now but wait until bump is born and do one then?? He agreed.
So on Wednesday at dinner/tea time DS & I had a chat and I explained to him that we werent going to have the photo done that evenng. He was a bit sad about it, so I explained to him that 'Mummy feels a bit like an elepant at the moment' DS 'Youre not like an elephant Mummy!' Me 'Do you not think Baby Bump makes Mummy look fat?' DS 'No Mummy!' Me 'What do I look like then?' DS 'Like Mummy!' Bless him!!!
So he is all pleased with the new plan of a family photo when bump is a real baby!!
And it gets me off havng a smiley face on my tummy to flash at the photographer - Maltesers new ways to be naughty!!!

I'm really worn out tonight... DS was up and came pottering through to us at 4am as he'd had a bad dream. After a quick cuddle in with us he was happy to go back to bed but I then spent over an hour trying to get back to sleep... he then pottered through again... so again after a cuddle he went back to bed and I had to get something to eat as all the activity made me hungry! Eventually got back to sleep but then DS got up for breakfast at 8am. Had to go out and do some errands today, not that many but going to have to go to bed already... early for me! Night night xoxox will catch up properly tomorrow

rek21 - LOL at your descriptions of how you visualise fanjo and ladygarden! My fanjo definately is NOT a jaunty anything at the moment!!!!

thanks for all the advice, im going to go ahead and dye it on tuesday after my 48 hour test, but to be honest I put the stuff on my elbow at 6pm and nothing has happend yet, so I doubt it will, but I will hold out just in case! I think it will make me feel better, no longer having to check my hair for greys, bet I'll wish I hadn't waited all this time to do it once its done!

i was on the "dog house" with dd earlier, she was being a pain and not eating her tea, so i said if you don't eat it mummy will, cue my stealing a tiny piece of roast potato, she looked up at me and went " how dare you!" all serious and everything! I have never laughed so hard in all my life lol! Shes only 2 1/2 but a right little madam!

im currently being subjected to match of the day so i may just take the laptop to bed lol!

sorry to hear of your probs with MIL llare I wish I had some advice for ya but I don't lol! I hope things sort out right in the end tthough!

hi all, good to see a new thread and just catching up.
llareggub, sorry bout mil probs, the relationship with a MIL is so sensitive and often difficult. looks like a lot of advice has been given already - all I can say is do what is best for you and your family and try to fit MIL in your plans as best as you can but know that you can't/won't every be able to please her fully (at least sounds that way. at blaming you for dh depression. shame on her.

tummum, so glad you're getting support. hang in there and let us know how you are.

all others, hope you had a good weekend.

got back from Manchester this aft after a night away from family. hen do was tiring but we were home by 11.30pm and I slept until 9.30... lovely! i did miss the family though and the running hug i got from DD1 upon my return home was priceless. i love my family so much! it's nice to get a day away from them to rest but make me appreciate them so much more.

divedaisy, lovely anectdote about your ds.

Hey folks. Had loads of things to say but can't remember what they were.

Mw appointment on Friday had me measuring small, but as it was the first time fundal height has been measured, she no other points to compare. Am going back in 3 weeks rather than 4, but we're not too concerned as we think it's a girl, andshe is likely to still be heavier than dd. Hb nearly up to 11 with irregular iron intake.

Home birth all booked.

God I'm tired. Night all.

llareggub Hope you get things sorted with your MIL. I can see where your MIL is coming from, but of course I can see your point of view too. Sometimes not having parents or PIL close to home can be a bonus; we'll never have such situations.

DS's rash has not got any better, on the contrary. Calamine lotion still works on it though. I think I'll take him to the GP's tomorrow, just to be on the safe side and to see what they think.

Dd has been really sweet today. She's spent a lot of time on my lap cuddling while we were watching a film and stroking my bump,feeling lo move around.

Bedtime now. I'm hoping for an undisturbed night without DH in bed with me!

belgian, good idea to go to GP be on the safe side and can't hurt.
Jennster, I too was asked back in 3 weeks but bcause I was measuring big and MW wants to be sure baby isn't too big for my frame (what would they do about it.. section?). wish i were measuring smaller, this bump is uncomfortably massive.

hope all are sleeping soundly. I'm heading there too. night.

Belgianchocolates - I'm with you on the undisturbed night without Dh (obviously not your DH!!) - mine is away back to Bansko for a weeks skiing with his mates. So... I'm going to bed now with my supper and a cuppa tea! Should have been there ages ago....

Nite Nite all...

Just before I finally log off, I just have to post this link. It's really sad and I hope they get the money.
ebababy