Aug 2021 - half way there!

[HopefulB]

@wimbler - EDD 29 July, surprise 💛
@Champson - EDD 22 August (but really June/July), TBC 💖💖💖
@coffeeandrainbows1- EDD 4 August (but most likely July), Boy 💙
@Jessicapebbles - EDD 5 August (but having C-section at 39 weeks, so really July), Girl 💖
@Smurf123 - EDD 5 August (but likely to be July) 💛
@WhatEvenIsSleep - EDD 2 August, Boy 💙
@Smushty14 - EDD 6 August, TBC 💛
@Rattyclife - EDD 6 August, TBC 💛
@Dia12 - EDD 8 August, Girl 💖
@Biscuitcat - EDD 10 August, surprise 💛
@ElonaWise - EDD 11 August, TBC 💛
@Runnergirl123 - EDD 11 August, TBC 💛
@PurplePansy05 - EDD 12 August, Boy 💙
@Srtdr - EDD 12 August, surprise 💛
@Daffodil21 - EDD 12 August, Boy 💙
@Inmypjsagain - EDD ???, Boy 💙
@BananaHammock23 - EDD 13 August, surprise 💛
@MrsB2019x - EDD 13 August, Girl 💖
@Magik01 - EDD 13 August, Boy 💙
@Carefree1 - EDD 15 August, Girl 💖
@DressyGerbera - EDD 15 August, surprise 💛
@lucyrp - EDD 16 August, undecided 💛
@BertieBotts - EDD 16 August, want to know! 💛
@WolfMother326 - EDD 17 August, surprise 💛
@Caz1226 - EDD 17 August, Boy 💙
@Lille4 - EDD 17 August, TBC 💛
@Redskinsucks - EDD 17 August, TBC 💛
@RockyRockyRoad - EDD 18 August, can't wait to find out 💛
@Smallbean27 - EDD 19 August, surprise 💛
@WatermelonKisses - EDD 20 August, surprise 💛
@Alittlexmasmagic - EDD 22 August, surprise 💛
@Millymay13 - EDD 22 August, TBC 💛
@Whatshouldbemyusername - EDD 22 August, surprise 💛
@LottSE20 - EDD 22 August, TBC 💛
@Notinthestarsigns - EDD 23 August, TBC 💛
@LaceyMermaid - EDD 24 August, TBC 💛
@Fran919 - EDD 25 August, surprise 💛
@northernsquirrel - EDD 26 August, surprise 💛
@LyraShaeLilly - EDD 27 August, can't wait to find out 💛
@ame88 - EDD 28 August, TBC 💛
@diamante11 - EDD 29 August, Girl 💖
@HopefulB - EDD 29 August, TBC 💛
@CountryGirl84 - EDD 29 August, TBC 💛

@PurplePansy05 my husband sounds similar! Not so much head in the clouds, but he won't clear a room before he starts making a mess, so then everything gets covered in crap. Sometimes I just refused to clean it up and insisted he did! We moved in jan last year and had to do a whole house Reno - it's mostly there now thankfully, and the bits that aren't can wait.

@Alittlexmasmagic I'm an architectural designer so I deal with builders lots. Being female does not help!!!!! I once had a roofer tell me to be careful not to break my nails when we were on site 🙄

@Daffodil21 they must drive you bonkers!! Let me guess though... it's just "banter" 🙄 I wouldn't mind but my DH has barely so much as put a shelf up himself his entire life. Almost every decision he had to then run by me. I'd sit working in the static whilst the builder wandered around the farm looking specifically for DH. Plumbers, sparkies etc were quite happy knocking on though and asking me.x

@PurplePansy05 so many of life's problems can be solved by tea and a biscuit 💜 hope you're feeling better!

@BertieBotts @wimbler 😳 oops! So I do have a birthing ball, I’ll have to google what else I can do with it. I think it’s a bit low to use at my table but I watched telly bouncing tonight which was quite fun

@PurplePansy05 oh how stressful. Under normal circumstances I’d recommend a gin but a tea and cookie will have to do. Just leave him to it, it’s his mess and he’ll just have to sort it!!

@Daffodil21 I'm so glad to hear you are getting the care you should be from this point on.

I have a consultant appt on the 26th April at 25+4 but I haven't been told what to expect at it or the plan going forward. I'm struggling today of I'm honest. I've felt movements but they don't feel as often as the last few days but then I know I'm only 22 +5 with anterior placenta. I'm probably over analysing things. I don't even have a midwife to call. With it being bank holiday couldn't ask gp either. At scan last week he said it would be 24 weeks before I should track / monitor movements so maybe I'm expecting too much.

Tbh I think hormones are also playing a major role. Also rmc history and then ds placenta staying calcifying from about 25 weeks and I was in and out for reduced movements from 34 weeks. I will never forget sitting in emergency admissions at midnight at 35 weeks with ds being told by a Dr that I was being silly feeling anxious as early miscarriages and pregnancy at 35 weeks aren't the same thing. Went on to tell me that he could see baby move on scan and how could I not feel it. I felt like I was just being a total waste of time.
I was going to go privately this time to ensure I got a consultant who knew my history but she has just had to.stop working due to family illness so now I don't know what will happen next. I hope they will do the growth scans that I was told after my last pregnancy should happen but they are apparently incredibly stretched due to covid so I'm.really worried they won't.

@PurplePansy05 oh no! I hope the renovations go ok! We were trying to buy our house at this stage of pregnancy with ds. That was stressful enough without having to organise workmen and tidy!!

That's crazy @Daffodil21 @Alittlexmasmagic. We did a big renovation before, I was pregnant then for the first time but MC'd halfway through. So I was grateful to have something to throw myself into fully and maybe that's why my recollection is that everything was easier and smoother. Our builder knows I am the PM and he comes with all questions to me. He is a nice chap, although has become a fair bit more expensive over the years. I've designed everything, arranged the finances and in fact found that builder. But you're right, some of his tradesmen automatically assumed they should be asking DH. That lasted about 15 mins though. I'm used to a heavy male environment and I must have learnt to give off a certain vibe, I think, whenever I am in this sort of situation men swiftly realise not to ever even attempt to be misogynistic. I'm assertive and it shoots down any silly comments straight away.

DH is great this way, he doesn't have a sexist bone in his body. He has many great qualities in fairness but also some that drive me nuts, especially now. I need some escape for the next couple of months, wish we could just get together with friends easily now! xx

@Smurf123 push push push for monitoring. You shouldn't have to to push, you should already be reviewing good care but unfortunately they don't seem to dish it out without a fuss. My midwife told me today that when I do start feeling movements and I've established a pattern, if I'm worried about ANY changes in pattern to call her and if she's not available to call the maternity ward. She made it very clear not to hesitate, even if for example I had only been checked a few days previously for reduced movements. She said in that case it's a separate incident and would need to be checked. Could you call the maternity ward? I'm sorry they fobbed you off before, that is terrible

Oh @Smurf123 that's terrible treatment. It's completely irrelevant that your losses were earlier on, it affects the entire pregnancy and for some of us, even beyond. I'm so sorry you were spoken to this way. There is a prevalent lack of compassion and understanding, unfortunately. You're not silly to worry and you weren't before either ❤ I think with your history, I'd insist on additional support and checks. Even if you're refused, don't give up on this. As you say, you can get them done privately. Is there an option to approach a different consultant in the same private clinic? I know it's not exactly the same, but they will have your notes and at least at private appointments they tend not to rush you so you could talk through your history and concerns?

The more I think about it, the more I conclude the NHS has it so wrong, we're left with our worries and unsupported and then they bang on about MH crisis, especially amongst mothers. Well of course there umis a root cause to it that they fail to address in the first place. And then there's no MH support "because the waiting lists are so long" so we have to get on with things. Vicious circle due to ongoing failures in long-term healthcare planning and lack of forward thinking. xx

Baby has started moving a bit more now I'm in bed which is a bit of a relief. Seems to have moved down compared to where I was feeling them yesterday which could explain them not feeling the same. But I will keep a close eye and ask if they can maybe see me tomorrow even briefing just to listen to hb.
@Daffodil21 thank you! I'm going i try.. I wish I coild bring someone with me to consultant appt but in ni we still aren't allowed. Only for the 12 and 20 week scans.
@PurplePansy05 the only other private consultant here is based at the other Belfast hospital and it's where I had all my mc so I'm reluctant to go back there. Plus the current hospital has the regional neonatal unit which ds needed and while I hope we won't need it this time around at least it's there if we do. I'm definitely considering the option though
Thank you both! Dh is ultra positive and insisting everything will be fine this time round and while Im sure he's right I can't help but worry too.

@Smurf123, hugs, could you call your maternity assessment unit for some reassurance? Try to focus on what you can do. @BertieBotts BRAIN acronym is great when in healthcare appointments. Could you try writing down the things you want to ask beforehand too? so that you don’t have to think in the spot and can get across your worries in the time available.

The NHS is by no means perfect, but people don’t go to work in it if they don’t care. Somewhere underneath the stress of working in a massively underrescourced and over bureaucratic is a clinician who has invested years of their life training to care for patients. However, they’re human, they have bad days, they may even be pregnant with raging hormones themselves! So, (and I’m not saying this is right, but that it is a function of the system, not the people working in it), patients who ask questions will often end up with a better experience.

Your experience and situation is exactly why I believe it’s important to have an appointment to discuss a personalised plan - despite both going through RMC your situation and risks are different to mine, both of us would be different to someone with GD, and each individual emotionally reacts differently to different situations so have different mental health needs.

The covid situation in hospitals in much improved. If posed with that as a reason I would ask, something along the lines of, what risks are associated with me not having growth scans? Can you suggest another way to manage my anxiety around my previous experience? You could also check the latest RCOG guidance before you go, and if care isn’t online with this, point out that is what you were expecting.

Hope that helps, sorry it’s a long post!

I am totally surprised at how lack of individualised and personalised care the NHS provide during pregnancy- and I haven't had any of the issues you all have mentioned.

I know my anxieties and issues may be minor compared to some of yours but when I try to raise them I am still quickly dismissed!! For example they are very good at asking about if I am suffering from domestic violence, however nobody checks on mental health!! I also can't get my head around is they don't do much for prevention, just treat you once you fall into high risk, but they don't assess if your high risk in the first place - just give you standard care!!

Have your heard on the news that 60 new pregnancy support centres will be opening in UK to support pregnancy and post pregnancy issues including physio, MH and loss. I hope these centres will change things for the better. They will also train MW so hopefully there will be more MH training for MW.

I don't think men would be treated this way if they carried the baby!!!!

Sorry @HopefulB but I disagree again. It should never be on patients to be asking questions and requesting further help, this should be on doctors, midwives and nurses to ask and present correct options based on patient's history and current condition.

Exactly for a reason you stated, years of training - there is no excuse for poor attitudes or cutting corners. I am a professional adviser with years of training, in an often stressful job with people being overwhelmed, worried and/or emotional. My clients can be this way, but I cannot. They rely on me. I have been trained to manage this and I know this is what they expect of me. If I had a "bad day" I could lose my job because neither my employer nor my regulator would tolerate this. If I didn't give them all their options and supported them throughout in choosing the best ones, I'd end up with a disciplinary at best and most likely with a negligence case and a strike out, the latter of which is a rarity in the medical world.

So sorry, but public health sector gets away with a lot more than the rest of the world in terms of poor attitude and service and us usually so wrapped up in its cotton wool that it's failing to see it. It's the attitude of "they don't pay for it so they should take whatever we offer", well, wrong - we all pay for it. xx

Thank you @HopefulB that's really helpful! I think I'm going to write some of this points and questions I also have down and bring them with me to my appointment so I can raise them..
I think your right a personalised plan is really needed. It just seems so dependent on the area / hospital and sometimes even the midwife /consultant you get assigned!

@LyraShaeLilly I think they're starting off with 26 centres and only in England. Another unnecessary discrepancy. In Wales we suffer the same way but nothing is being done, typical. I've actually emailed them to ask what about Wales and who to contact to push this forward, will be interesting to see the response. xx

@Smurf123 if you still don't get what you need in your appointment, email the head midwife or someone else high up detailing exactly what you need and why. Extra monitoring under your circumstance is not a lot to ask and should have already been ordered. This is what we did, and honestly the difference in my consultation last time compared to all my other appointments was huge.

I asked at my 12 week scan if I would be able to have an extra scan before the 20 week one. I was shut down immediately, even though she knew my history, with a sharp 'no, you don't need one. Everything is fine'. I almost lost my absolute shit at her. How can she say that?? Second and third trimester losses obviously do happen! You'd have thought she'd be aware of that, but no. She instantly shut down my request, and so we just continued to go private, which we should never have had to do. I'm not convinced everyone who works in a care role actually cares. We have had some lovely people involved but not everyone has been this way.

@PurplePansy05 my DH is always huffing that the nhs isn't a free service and we do pay for it! Which is true tbf. I'm not saying they're not overstretched, but this is not an excuse for poor attitudes and lack of compassion

@Daffodil21 I think it's unacceptable we are expected to ask and chase all the time, pregnant women are vulnerable, pregnant women with history of loss and/or health conditions in particular. And then there is an attitude of brushing this under the carpet and fobbing off as a primary response, I somehow don't think that's in the clinical guidelines. xx

Just wanted to throw in my thoughts here - reading all this I feel I've been exceptionally lucky and I suppose it might have to do with the trust/postcode. I live near Queen Charlotte and Chelsea Hospital which is specifically a maternity hospital (not sure if this is standard in the UK or not). I've found my care to be excellent and really tailored to my specific problem (Crohn's disease), especially as I've had to be vaccinated on an accellerated schedule due to immunosuppressive medicine, and have needed lots of extra scans and checks. I am consultant led, and my Obstetrician/Neonatal specialist is brilliant. She calls me all the time, and if I email her with a question I usually hear from her quickly. My midwives are in a community centre and have been wonderful and also really helpful over the phone and in person. I wish everyone was having the same experience.

@PurplePansy05 I completely agree. To be honest I didn't have the energy to battle with it, so I didn't and I kept going private. It was my husband that decided to battle with it. Normally I am the 'fight for your rights' kind of person but not when pregnant, I just don't have the energy and don't need the extra stress. And as you say, we shouldn't have to!

@WolfMother326 brilliant you're getting the care you should be getting. I can't help that feel it might be because you have a diagnosed disease. (I hope that's ok for me to say?) I feel like pregnancy loss is often brushed under the carpet as 'one of those things' and we are treated as if we are just moaning for no reason. I know everyone is not like this, and personally my direct midwife is great and very understanding (although not very knowledgable I have to say!) But I feel like it's when you go to hosp for a broken leg, you are treated properly because your injury can be seen. If you go in with, I don't know, ear issues for example, they can't see it so you're just treated like you're making a meal of nothing, if that makes sense??

If anyone on here works for the nhs, I know everyone is not like this, and there are some fab people who do investigate things and are compassionate. Unfortunately this doesn't apply to everyone!

Well I don't even have a single contact no or email to my consultant. Even better, I don't know who this person is because I was meant to see dr A and was seen by dr B on the day. So there we are lol.

@Daffodil21 that makes sense and you are probably right. There should definitely be specialist care and more compassion for people who have experienced miscarriage - I hope things change in a better direction. I did see yesterday the announcement of some new provisions for mental health for expectant mothers - hopefully a step in the right direction.

I as just going to say I think this is sadly a real case of postcode lottery. I was speaking with my physio about this the other day and I know it is the same for antenatal care. I've been really lucky in that I've seen the same midwife for all my appointments so far. When I lived in London I was under the care of the home birth team and my midwife came to my home for my appointments too.

It is such a same that levels of care seem to fluctuate so much across the nations and I agree - it shouldn't be up to women to chase their care but at the same time, you have to know how to advocate for yourself. This doesn't stop after you've had the baby - I've blacklisted several GPs at my practice for their blasé attitude towards my child's health and my parental worries but now I know which doctors to ask for and know which ones will take us seriously no matter how trivial the concern.

I do think covid plays a huge role in the current discrepancies. Remember these doctors and nurses and midwives are working in unprecedented times and it's probably actually quite traumatic for them as well. I hope you all get the care and attention you feel you deserve - if you're not, then there are avenues of complaint to go down

@PurplePansy05 once again that is terrible. I don't have an email for the consultant, but my husband found the email of the head midwife online. I actually haven't read his email, I'm not sure I want to 🙈 I would say I can't believe you have been left without a contact but actually I can. My main contact is still my midwife, but she knows I'm consultant led now and will pass anything onto them if necessary.

Something really needs to change.

@WolfMother326 that does sound like a step in the right direction at least

I just wanted to hop on to say I've had good and bad experiences with the nhs but when it comes to fertility and conception they have been mostly bad. In may last year we suffered a loss, I had been for my booking appointment at 7 weeks on the Friday and began bleeding on the sunday. I rang the midwife and she was trying to send me for an emergency scan I had to keep explaining that I think something had happened a couple of weeks ago and what I was experiencing was actually a MMC and that I didn't want to go for a scan as I knew there would be nothing there. She eventually caved and said I could go in for Hcg bloods and that I would get the results the next day. It was around 4/5 days until I finally got the results after ringing and ringing and leaving messages asking for a call back. Her response was that the levels of HCG in my blood were in fact too low to indicate a pregnancy but that I had probbalt suffered a CP or MMC. I explained that we'd been TTC for a number of months and that this was devastating and I was left feeling like there was no explanation for what had happened to me only a guess. Her response then was " oh you're only young go and have a pint and relax. You'll be back booked in with us in no time"
As you can imagine I was disgusted at the lack of care in this remark.
Also since then I obviously spoke to the doctors about this and was booked in for day 21 bloods which they did wrong not once, not twice but 3 times which was heart wrenching when I was experiencing longer cycles due to the MMC so it was difficult to know when day 21 was next going to be. In the end I ended up filing a written complaint to the practice manager about how my mental health was already struggling and for people that were supposed to be helping were actually making it much worse by not doing their job correctly. It took a few weeks and I had a fertility referral through from the surgery. If I had not made a complaint I dread to think how long it would have taken. I must add we had been ttc for over 12 months by this point. As it so happened my first fertility appointment was booked for the beginning of January which I actually had to cancel as I had fallen pregnant 2 weeks previous ☺️

Sorry for the long waffle I've missed some parts out too but tried to get the general gist of it down!

@lucyrp as if they said that to you!!! That's awful.

I found I had to explain several times that I couldn't do day 21 bloods on cd21 because I don't have 28 day cycles. You'd think they would know something so basic! I also had one of the midwives be huffy with me because we conceived the month after mc and she was going on about how they wouldn't be able to date it. They wouldn't be able to date it based on LMP anyway because I don't have 28 day/regular cycles! I said I know the date of ovulation though because I did the clear blue OPKs, and she said that they're not accurate enough! I had lost all patience by the is point and retorted saying the fertility clinic recommended them, I know they don't confirm that you've ovulated, but they show you're producing the hormone to ovulated, but as I'm pregnant I think we can safely assume that I did actually ovulate! 🙄 they all seem so clueless!!

@Daffodil21 I was in tears. I couldn't believe someone had said thag to me. That was also one of the reasons I have moved birth units as the midwife that said it worked at this one and I thought god help me if she's on call the day I go into labour!
I also found that they will not do CD21 bloods on any other day than CD21 and that's just how it goes. I used to be 28-30 days regular cycles but after the MMC my cycles went 72,47,52 and then the cycle I conceived on was a 39 day one! Or would have been. They didn't believe I was ovulating either but I obviously was and I still had a 14 day LP even though my actual cycles were ludicrously long. I relied on bbt to find out when I ovulated but that never told me I actually had until a few days after. My sex drive was really the major indicator for me!