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Connect with mums-to-be with similar due dates to share experiences and support.

Angels and Rainbows - remembering our angels and praying for our rainbows

999 replies

townsender · 28/04/2015 20:53

Welcome to the thread, for anyone pregnant with a rainbow baby following baby loss.
A lot of us have graduated from the TTC angels and rainbows thread, but please feel free to join us if you are new, to share our highs and lows as we watch our bumps grow and await the safe arrival of our rainbows.

The current TTC thread is here:
Link

OP posts:
hopinghopefullyagain · 13/01/2016 19:05

Kitty please give yourself a break. There are dates which will always be hard. I think pregnancy dreams are bonkers anyway. When I was pregnant with dd, I dreamed that I have birth, left her at the hospital while I picked some children up from a residential and when I went back to the hospital she could talk. Crazy crazy. I think it would be more worrying if we weren't having these feelings to be honest

OwlinaTree · 13/01/2016 20:05

It must be a tough time kitty I can't imagine. Thinking of you. The flowers sound like a lovely idea.

hopinghopefullyagain · 14/01/2016 19:02

Well I've seen my gp and asked for a referral back to fetal medicine. He was very pleased and supportive and made it very easy so that's a relief. I'm both glad that things are getting started and nostalgic for the simplicity of this point in my last pregnancy! Ah well. How's everyone else doing?

KittyandTeal · 14/01/2016 19:22

That's great news hopefully. I know what you mean about being nostalgic. I have a friend at work who's gf is pregnant and he's all happy and excited, I'm a little jealous that I won't have that, it's like a lost innocence really.

I've had another rough day but I've been at work with some of my amazing friends who all came and checked in on my (and got a few tears as a thanks!) I've not really even thought about this baby over the past few days and I feel guilty about that. I'm living with one foot in the past for the next week or so.

I'm starting to get that hungry/sick/starving/sick feeling which kicked in around the same time with dd2 and now I'm worried something is wrong again!

I wish I could turn my brain off sometimes Confused

Tmrw is a new day and hopefully a better one. I've finally got an appointment with my old counsellor so feeling better about that already!

hopinghopefullyagain · 14/01/2016 19:26

One foot in front of the other sounds like the way to go to me. I suspect I'll be like that for the whole pregnancy really. I think the problem is that, because there was no rational explanation for us being the unlucky 1 in 6000, no rational thoughts or statistics make me feel any better about the risks in this pregnancy.

KittyandTeal · 14/01/2016 19:55

Bang on hopefully. I'm grateful it's nothing I did wrong but I still can't get my head around it just being shitty chance.

One foot in front of the other is the call of the day :) good plan.

hopinghopefullyagain · 14/01/2016 20:54

No me either, in lots of ways I'd be happier with a reason. Although I wouldn't like the reason if I had it!

3littlebadgers · 15/01/2016 10:30

Hi ladies, hope you are all doing well. I totally understand the needing a reason thing. With Azra there was no reason that they could find, everything came back clear. At the time that sort of brought me peace, I could justify that it was just her path. But now everything that brough me peace is bringing me doubt. I had my consultant appointment on Tuesday and had a big break down begging them to take my little man out before he dies, I don't think they understood quite why I was so desperate.

Every reason they gave me not to worry just didn't ease my mind. 'He's a good size' 'so was Azra and she still died!', 'his heart beat is strong' 'Azra was described as a happy healthy baby littlerally hours before she died!', 'you are fit and healthy,' 'I was with Azra, but now I have the added pressure of being 35!' , 'We can't see anything that would suggest he's going to die', 'no nothing was found with Azra either!'

In the end I got sent up to the maternity psychologist, who advised me to try and sit with the fact that what will be will be. I can't , maybe I wont, I don't know, but what I do know is this little man is too precious to not fight for, and although that fight pretty much just involves me being a blubbering mess, because there is not much else that I can do, i can't find a way to just accept, oh well it might happen again, even if, in my biggest fears ,that thought plays over and over in my mind.

I'm meeting a friend today for lunch. I'm Going to pop into boots and treat myself to some water proof mascara so regardless of the outcome I can feel more human in the photographs.

Hope today is kind to you all Flowers

KittyandTeal · 15/01/2016 17:06

That's so hard badgers. How far along are you? Will the consider you delivering at 36/37 weeks? I'm not sure how I'll feel if I get to that point but I can imagine to anxiety! How horrid.

The sitting with 'what will be will be' thing is all fine while you're not pregnant but now you're in this situation people need to be a bit more proactive in supporting you.

3littlebadgers · 15/01/2016 18:34

Thanks for the understanding Kitty, I'm 36 + 3 now, the only thing they'll do is a sweep pre 38 weeks. They're going to do it on Tuesday when I'll be 37 weeks. They've never got me into labour before so I'm not holding my breath, but I might improve my bishops score before the actual induction. 11 days to go, it is doable, I just need to try my best to get through it.

KittyandTeal · 15/01/2016 19:00

I'm keeping everything crossed that the sweep works this time round. Come on baby badger boy!

hopinghopefullyagain · 16/01/2016 10:00

Oh badgers it's so hard isn't it? Why would any of their medical reassurance mean anything? You are right, it is doable and you will get through it but that doesn't mean it will be easy or fun.

BlueSkyandRain · 17/01/2016 10:22

Hello all, I don't often visit these threads these days but I used to be a regular after we lost our little boy. I hope you don't mind me posting now but I just wanted to say congratulations owl I'm so pleased for you that you're pregnant again. Your kind and encouraging words always helped me and your posts frequently put my own feelings into words better than I could, and made me feel understood. I often wonder how you and the others who were on the thread at the time are doing these days.

badgers your post took me right back to that time when I was pregnant with my dd; having lost her brother at 36 weeks and waiting to be induced at 38 weeks with her, that fortnight was just so so hard. I was monitoring movements constantly, even overnight. My heart goes out to you, it was the hardest thing to get through, and only the people I met on here seemed to understand. I saw the maternity psychologist too and the only way it helped was that the appointments were at the hospital, so I sort of felt safer for the hour I was there as at least the labour ward was close by!

3littlebadgers · 17/01/2016 16:26

BlueSky, thank you for your understanding. It really helps to know that even though I feel as if I am going crazy, being this anxious is probably the most normal thing in the world. I hope things are going well for you and your family now Flowers

OwlinaTree · 17/01/2016 23:08

Thanks bluesky what lovely words.

Thinking of you badgers, it's this waiting that is so difficult. You can do this, you are so strong. One day at a time. We are all thinking of you.

I'm really poorly this week, have been off work since Thursday and not well enough to go back tomorrow. It's really getting me down, and obviously I'm worried about the effect on the baby. Not much I can do, back to the doctor tomorrow I suppose to see if they can do anything.

3littlebadgers · 18/01/2016 09:17

Owlina, remember these little babies are super talented at getting what they need from your body, they might leave you a little short but they will be fine. Hopefully the doctor can help you and you feel 100% again in no time. Keep your fluids up Flowers

Hoping the rest of you are doing well, and that the weekend was a good one, with lots of lovely distractions.

Afm I'm going to aim to pack my hospital bag today! Sweep tomorrow so I am guessing it will be good and possitive to get it done. Eek! Do you think with an induction I need to pack for a few days? In previous pregnancies I would have done this crazily early and re packed a good few times just from the excitement of it all! poor little badger boy, he deserves an overly excited mummy too.

OwlinaTree · 18/01/2016 15:33

You could well be there longer for an induction. I would avoid bringing loads into the hospital to be honest as you are moving between wards etc, leave stuff in the car and get your dh to bring it in once you are settled afterwards.

There's much excitement ahead I am sure. Good luck for your sweep.

bluesky it's lovely to see you on this thread. I too often think of you and the other ladies who had losses round the same time and hope all is well with everyone. This thread really saved my sanity at times.

BlueSkyandRain · 18/01/2016 21:11

Lovely to see you too owl Smile I hope you're feeling better today.

Good luck for tomorrow badgers. For induction I would pack and expect to be there a few days, even if you leave some stuff as owl says for dh to bring in from the car. I've always had quick labours but it still took 24h before I actually went into labour. Actually, I had a sweep after having the pessaries and was being monitored at the time - you could literally see me go into labour immediately on the trace! Doubt that'll happen tomorrow but sweeps can definitely do something to help get you going ime.

3littlebadgers · 19/01/2016 07:36

Thank you for your advice ladies Smile I hope today is a good one for you all. Flowers

OwlinaTree · 19/01/2016 08:48

Hope the sweep goes well today badgers.

hopinghopefullyagain · 19/01/2016 18:01

Good luck today badgers, hope today gets things moving

KittyandTeal · 19/01/2016 18:37

Good luck with the sweep badgers.

I saw my old counsellor today and it turns out she can see me under the nhs in her new role which is great. She's going to liaise with all the medical people before appointments so they know my history and sort a sands sticker for my notes. Feeling a bit better about that side.

All I wanted to do was talk about Rose though. Made me realise I'm not really engaging with this pregnancy at all but I'm giving myself a break, it's hardly surprising really.

It's a year since we got Roses diagnosis, a year tmrw since the termination. I'm a bit of a struggling mess today. And today was the first time I'd walked back into the hospital since our debrief with the consultant. A huge step for me.

hopinghopefullyagain · 19/01/2016 19:06

I'm not really engaging with this pregnancy a lor either. Like you say it's hardly surprising and also I'm not sure how much I would have so early in a second pregnancy without the heartache of our first. You are right to give yourself a break I think

OwlinaTree · 19/01/2016 19:21

kitty this must be such a difficult week for you, of course all your thoughts are on Rose. When I was pg with my rainbow it was impossible to think of the baby without thinking of the baby I lost, they were just so entwined. Once he was born he was himself, and it was not difficult to think of him as a separate person.

You are so strong to get through this, you are taking the right steps to get the support you need, and that will help such a lot. None of us can 'enjoy' pregnancy really with our history, that's OK, it's not letting our babies down.

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