April 2015 #4 - time to start glowing and growing

[BrixtonBunny]

I thought I'd start a new thread as the old one was almost full up xxx

Hehe squatting that's cute. I've had a horrible day cried this afternoon. Last week one of the tutors told me her students had said they feel unable to ask us for help in the library. After talking it over with my manager we decided to contact the tutor and ask which groups the students were in and if we could talk with them and work out the problem. She came back to me and said it's me they have the problem with I'm abrupt and she has noticed it too. Wouldn't tell me which groups it was or any instances when I have been like that.
I got straight on the phone to my manager when she had gone and broke down. She was great and told me not to worry about it and she would get to the bottom of it.
I feel like this tutor really doesn't like me and the more I think about it the more I think she is trying to bully me. I mean if it was an actual issue surely she would of told me in the first place not told me lies and when I asked for more info she said she won't give it me. Just seems well fishy. Least my manager and head of department are on my side. I've left it in their hands to get to the bottom of it. If I've been abrupt fair enough but if it's just coz I told the little shits to keep the noise down ill hit the roof. I've complained about this tutor to my manager before Using the phone in the library to yell at students for not being in college. She uses us like her personal office it's annoying! Sorry for the rant it really upset me that I've been accused of this with no way to defend myself. grr it's makes me so mad! Why did she tell me the first thing last week instead of just coming out with it? Why lie to me?

Hi everyone, not posted for ages during the constant sickness battle, but happily feeling less bleurgh now. Had my 16 week midwife appointment today and was a bit disappointed to be honest. Although she was lovely, the appt was about 5 mins, had blood pressure and wee tested but nothing else. I had to ask if bp and urine was okay as had no feedback. She didn't ask about how I had been feeling/weigh me etc. I am jealous others heard heartbeat! What has other people's experience been? It was a different midwife to my booking in appt, and will also be different again at 25 weeks, but that is due to holidays etc which is fair enough, but was looking forward to getting to know the midwife and having chance for a proper check in!

Woodchip my 16 week appointment was exactly the same Sorry to hear you've been feeling so crappy

I'm currently enjoying a non-alcoholic beer whilst cooking a risotto and listening to Radio 6 and chatting to DP - bliss! Have been in a remarkably good mood today (for once...bloody hormones).

Still feeling the odd movement but nothing that regular, a couple of times a day maybe. Can't wait until I start feeling proper kicks!

19 weeks tomorrow...I feel like the weeks since out 12 week scan have gone SO fast! Anyone else? Eek!

River, hope the toothache disappears soon.

Squatting, are you at least getting to choose the coat?!
V cute re bag of squirrels! :)

Lauren, sorry to hear about your bad day. Hope you get to the bottom of it and it's just the tutor being a moo! Start taking notes now, of everything that has happened, and keep taking notes of any incident, however small noting date and time too. Just in case.

Woodchip, mine was today too, lasted about 15 mins. Did blood pressure, asked how I was, and if I was still aiming for a homebirth, listened to heartbeat, and that was it. No urine sample, no weighing. It's odd how they are all different!

Brixton, 12 weeks seems absolutely ages ago, so fast in that way, but 20 weeks is four weeks away for me, and feels like it's taking ages. I don't like wishing my days away, but I'll feel a but more relaxed once that's here.

16+1

Thanks for the replies ladies, good to know that it wasn't unusual. Like you Freedom 20 weeks and the next scan still feels miles off so you really focus on, and look forward to, each little milestone and appointment!

I must of got a fairly standard 16w appointment. Had the mw and her healthcare assistant in. Got wee tested, blood pressure checked, asked why I was there if I'd seen the consultant the day before. Got a few eye rolls and huffs. Ran through my blood results and she played chase the HB for a few mins. She is very much a no nonsense mw, I got her the first time with DD but I didn't like her and changed to a lovely lady. This time I'm ok with her being to the point and slightly abrupt. I don't need as much coddling as I did with my first. I know what to expect and how things work so I'm ok with her. You do wonder sometimes how these types of woman end up working in a profession where they have to constantly deal with hormonal women . I suppose being understaffed, underpaid and overworked takes it's toll eventually.

You really haven't been very lucky with money recently Misty414

Who told you that Hidingthefear? That's a lot of weight! Even from 20-40 weeks that's nearly 3 stone never mind earlier in pregnancy.

Congratulations Kelbells, sorry to hear about your stitch, hope it doesn't come to that.

Hope you enjoyed your b&j RiverRocks!

Sorry to hear you're having a hard time Lauren82000, universities are a different world try not to take it personally.

That sounds normal apart from not hearing hb Woodchiponthewall and later on they'll meausre your bump too. Don't expect too much, I wasn't weighed ever apart from booking apt with either of my other pregnancies, although I see a space for weight at 38 weeks in my notes this time.

Haven't had the best day, my used to be best friend upset me stupidly by going off for coffee with a mutual friend and not inviting me. It's a very long story and circumstances in her life have changed meaning that we spend less time together and she has more child free time so they bigger off together and do stuff without inviting me. I've always found it difficult to have good friends and my job puts a lot of people off spending time with me. I think I'm a nice person and have lots of people who will pass the time of day with me but not real friends, I often get sad about it and today really made me cry. My troublesome ds2 was so cute though, asked why I was crying and when I told him he said he'd always invite me :)

Then had my littlest mindee not happy today, ds2 super tired and tantrumy, ds1 won't do a school letter to Santa as he's not really and mummies and daddies make him up and ending up in tears. Two big mindees also in tears over other things so I'm emotionally drained. Went for a run with my friend and feel so much better for it, never regret a run and now really worried how terrible Ill feel when I can't run anymore.

Sorry you've had a hard day cinnamon, your ds2 sounds lovely!

Re weight gain I've read that 25-35lbs is optimal if you have a normal BMI pre-pregnancy. I'm definitely hoping to stay at the lower end of that.

Cinnamon that sounds really tough - I'm sorry you've felt so sad. I'm sending huge hugs. Xx

Lauren your post about work resonated with me because I was (years ago) targeted by a nasty female manager with the same sort of thing. Ie how terrible I was and how I was upsetting people (but again no examples). So I felt like everyone was against me and the manager was siding with the "people" to boost her popularity.
It's uni right? Sorry, they find you abrupt?! Oh diddums. Er-grow up students! They are adults! When they enter the real world they will have to deal with a lot worse than that. So what if you're a bit abrupt. Talk about mollycoddling them. I thought they were 8 year olds or at best secondary school.

Cinnamon, I totally get you with regards to friends being more like acquaintances these days. Been upset with my best friend too for similar reasons and I realised the other day that in reality there aren't many reasons for calling her a best friend anymore. Goes with pretty much all my 'pre DC friends' too and it's been getting me really down. Been feeling low due to lots of other reasons too and when I looked at a depression symptoms checklist I could have ticked every box Mentioned it to my midwife and she's referred me to the local MH team but the earliest date they can give me for a phone assessment is 3rd Dec.

Wish I could run/exercise like you're able to, used to rely on exercise to keep my mood lifted but thanks to my already present SPD I'm finding even a gentle walk painful.

Anyway, hope you're mood improves Cinnnamon.

It's times like this when I'm really grateful for mumsnet, don't know what I'd do if I couldn't share these things with you ladies! Ok, soppiness over, back to being a hard nosed mumsnetter

How about swimming FizzyBubbly? Less pressure on your joints and you still get the head space as well as a decent head space just more hassle to get to the pool. I have one pre-children friend who was witness at my wedding and we will always be friends but not as we were when she lived closer. I had the closest friend I've ever had about 13 years ago but she didn't like dh and it made it difficult especially when she then left where we worked. I just feel I should be tougher by my age!! I'm very lucky that although dh is a pain at times we do get on very well and he is genuinely my best friend but we are both busy and don't get as much time as I'd like together plus it's nice to have someone to main about him to

After being sick Monday I've felt sick again the last two days, no where near what it was but seriously surely it should be gone now for good!!

19+2

Awww, Cinnamon, you DS sounds lovely. I've had the same with some of my friends, you have my full sympathy :( Lauren, I hope you're feeling better today and that your boss supports you. The tutor sounds like a cock.

My 16 week appt was pretty much just BP & urine check although she did listen to the baby's HB, it very much seemed like she didn't want to - this particular MW was an arse though, am v glad she was only a stand in! I'm sure with DD they started measuring fundal height too, but not this time.

I'm desperately hoping I can be the lucky cow who finishes pregnancy lighter than she started, thanks to Slimming World. I am doing this healthily, I 100% promise - my BMI was in the 40's when I started 1 stone 10.5lbs so far, but unlikely to stay that way - I seem to think that just going to meetings will automatically mean I lose weight. I forget I have to eat well too.

I'm another who can't wait till 20 weeks (for the scan, mainly - 8th Dec) and then 26weeks for viability. I had my flu jab Monday night, have a stinking cold now, I feel rough as.

I was also talking to one of the women at the stables where I keep my horse - she used to be a MW and we were discussing DDs labour/delivery (as it was slightly unusual in that it is/was described as precipitate delivery) and I said that I wondered that the fact she was small (6lbs2 but TINY with it) helped the speed she arrived at. ExMW said that the fact I had very high BP during the latter bit of my pregnancy would account for her size (no one ever told me that!!) and the fact I was on beta blockers afterwards would have stopped milk supply. No one EVER told me that either!! I was readmitted on day 5 due to my BP and the fact DD lost a lot of weight (she was 5lbs 6 when we went back in) and they KNEW I wanted to breast feed. I don't regret FF at all now (DD is healthy and a normal size/weight) but at the time I struggled a lot. So I don't know how I feel this time - I still want to BF but my BP has edged up very slightly each appointment so it looks like I'm heading the same way (although I realise things can change!).

Nah tried swimming when pregnant with DD but I can only do breaststroke but that's not recommended with SPD and it felt bad for days. Only put on 1.5 stone with DD but am nearing the stone mark already so need something to keep me active!

fizzy if your SPD is v bad you can always put a pull buoy between your legs and just do arms. It gives your heart a good workout too.

Ooh that's a fab idea londonlivvy, thanks!

I'm under strict instructions to make a huge baby wish list. It's difficult timing as lots of my relatives want to buy for christmas but we won't be having our 20 week scan until 21 weeks (17th Dec).

Call them all suspicious (and i agree) they want to wait so they don't jinx it, so that only gives my relatives like nine days or so to buy things. Instead they are going to do a IOU type present while picking from a list.

So now I've got to make a massive varied list, which is fun but I'm feeling quite tired today. I haven't been sleeping well due to my hips, maybe I have this SPD? If i walk the next day the inside of my hips really hurts and is stiff.

The 16 week appointment is a bit of a let down really isn't it? esp if your mw doesn't listen to the heartbeat, mine was clear she wouldn't till 25 weeks.

I have a scan tomorrow, hope to find that all is well and what flavour we are getting!! Feeling incredibly anxious that somethings not right, but only 1 more day to wait....

Sorry to hear someof you not feeling to good, its not fair is it? We are supposed to be blooming!!!!

cinnamon, sorry you had a bad day. You sure they weren't off organising your baby shower?! :) Either way, I think it's ok for people to have relationships with other people without including everyone all the time.
Why does your job put people off spending time with you?
DH is also my best friend, and I think that's actually a pretty wonderful state of affairs.

Fizzy, really sorry to hear you are feeling depressed. 3rd December is ages away, hang in there, hopefully it will fly by.

Siarie, happy wishlist making! Lucky you! I'm already window shopping, but I won't buy anything til at least the 20week scan.

Lila, I think we are all scanxious. Good luck!

16+2

I can be sure that no one will organise a baby shower for me FreedomHuntress! It totally is fine for people to have other relationships but when you've gone from being to only person someone spends time with to never being invited anywhere it can't help but hurt. My job puts people off because of the sheer number of children I have with me most of the time and the tight schedule I have to stick to because of school pick ups, naps times etc for all children. So today for example I have school drop off 8.30, 8.40 and 8.50 I then have pick ups 11.30 and 11.40 and another drop off 12.20 with lunch in between. I then need to be home for naps 1-2.30 and then school pick ups 3.15 and 3.20. When I pick up today I will have 9 children from 2-9 in age until between 5.30 and 7pm. I also am looking for several teachers when the kids go in and come out of school so find it hard to chat in the playground and at times have parents I need to find to talk to and children to find in the morning who bring me their tea to put in the fridge. I love to chat but can't when I have to concentrate on not losing anyone and it can be off putting. It's hard to pop to the coffee shop for coffee but people are always welcome at mine where kids can play. The lady who was my best friend has always been very considerate of it all and doesn't mind the manicness of my life but her youngest is now at school and she works mon and fri then has the other days during school hours to go off and do what she wants and I guess it's easier to surround yourself with other similar rather than bother with the hassle of me. Having said that I'm always the person she calls on to look after her kids for free so guess she doesn't want to totally burn that bridge

Sorry to ignore everyone else there! Sounds like lots of fun Sairie, not a bad thing to be forced to do

I think many are worried about stressing you out by not finding a hb at 16 weeks lila35. Enjoy our scan :)

Thanks ChickenMe, it's actually an fe college/university centre and it's the hair and beauty campus which is all fe but still they should get over it. Me and my colleague talk about their attitude all the time. This years students are so rude I wouldn't let them anywhere near me in a salon so how they expect to keep a job if they treat clients like they treat us lowly library staff I have no idea. The tutor in question has a proper split personality you never know if she will blank you or be queen bitch.

Aw, cinnamon, sorry. That does sound tough. What about evenings, kid free? Your job sounds manic, rather you than me! (I've still not cleaned another bum other than my own child's, I doubt I could do it!) Really sorry to hear your pal is using you though. I'd be putting a stop to that, that's really unfair and unkind.
Sorry if I sounded like I wasn't sympathetic earlier. I'm one of those who is perfectly happy with DH being my best friend, having little DS, and DD-to-come, and I'm happy. My closest other friend actually lives in another country, she is the same as me, and our friendship works great 'cos neither of us have to actually go out! We just catch up with emails and Skype!
We've also moved a lot so I don't have long-term friends in this area (been here 16 months) anyway, so no expectations of anyone. (hugs)

FizzyBubbly hi - I've suffered from anxiety and depression most of my life and found mindfulness/meditation relaxation exercises very helpful. Its not all new age, honest - its just about taking time out to 'notice' what is going on internally eg your thoughts, but just 'logging' them not necessarily then following/obsessing about them. Its sort of a means of standing back and getting a bigger picture of what is going on inside your mind which helps with perspective.

I have a busy life with lots going on and am quite a perfectionist/put a lot of pressure on myself so this is what led to my depression as I was basically beating myself up a lot pointlessly. I don't do that half as much anymore - I no longer compare myself to others etc - and focus on the things that make me happy eg making music, doing a creative job where I make a difference, learning new skills etc rather than making loads of cash/ being 'better' than others. Am hoping to bring this non-competitive thing into childcare too and find my own way with things/ not beat myself up when I inevitably cock up.

Things are progressing well so far with me on all baby things... I have my 20 week scan next Monday so will know I hope boy/girl!! I can feel quite a bit of movement in there now but still use my doppler, its been such as great thing to have. Have my 'baby on board' badge for use in London to get given a seat etc as by the end of the day on the Tube I need it - my feet slightly swell etc. Otherwise though no backache, just a bit of soreness/ bruised feeling in my groin which I suspect is just stretching. Have started a bit of preggers yoga though just in case.

Am off to my SIL next week to pick up a load of baby things from her - carseat, moses basket, changing table, baby bath etc as she is no longer using them for my niece. I've only bought a few reusable nappies and today bought some reusable 'cheeky wipes' as they are on a deal (get some free with a purchase).