October 2014 - thread 7: blooming or just blooming hot?

[YellowWellies]

Hello all new thread!

Some good advice on here for people like me who have no idea what to expect, so thanks! I'd like to start BFing, but if for some reason it doesn't work, I won't feel disappointed. We were all mixed-fed, mainly as my mum had a habit of having two babies at a time! If it all works, I'd like to express, but have absolutely no idea how easy/hard/practical etc. that'll be. Going back to work at 6 weeks will obviously limit my options too so will read up, but play it by ear.

puppy I'm the same as mrsthedog right now, swamped with school - even though my exam classes have left, I'm marking externally, trying to recruit for september, plan for next year etc. argh. I'll definitely be needing this conversation again when my brain is more focused, even if it's just to myself!

Sending big hugs to everyone woth work pressures. I'm thankfully in between campaigns but I've just had a month of long days and high stress. If work are feeling particularly evil I'll prob get another huge campaign next month and the deadline will be my last working day

I used to love this but finding it hard to be motivated and have the energy while pregnant!

Do you work in advertising binky?

I'm a teacher too... I am in year 6, which means it's all about keeping a lid on them and their behaviour until they leave school in 5 weeks. It also means having to prepare a big end of year performance. It's notoriously hard to control year 6 classes on normal occasions, but when it's hot and I can't really be arsed, it's massively hard work. I just don't care. Which is bad. Just had a big argument with the head about demands for this term being too high, when probably it's not anyone else who is worrying about the demands of the term, it's just me. Ha. Ah well. It's always good to wind him up before 9am on a Monday morning.

I work in Marketing for a leisure company tak1ng

Hoping for a career change into teaching but having read some of the posts in here...

I work in Marketing too! FMCG for me...

Urgh must find my dream genii pillow, woke up twice on my back gasping for breath with sleep apnoea last night !

I've got to prepare for a job interview tomorrow - I've warned them I'm 21 weeks preggers and would only be willing to do 2.5 day weeks post maternity leave but they still seem to be really keen. So if I get it I'll go from chilled out freelance to a full on new job for the last few months of maternity . Long term it would be awesome but short term the timing isn't ideal.

Goats was it you who was worrying about sleep deprivation causing rows between partners? It does. As does the lack of a decent sex life due to waking babies with shit timing and an inbuilt nookie detector!!!! So long as you're strong as a couple you'll be OK though you really will - just try to find the funny side. The squabbling with DH over stupid shit because we're tired and / or stressed because the baby isn't sleeping / feeding / pooing / pooing too much / feeding too much / is unwell / won't stop crying is the bit I'm dreading. But its only a tiny bit of it and the good by far out weighs the initial stressy weeks. The hardest bits do fly past. I just tried to remember 'this too shall pass'. We are definitely stronger now and we both know we're likely to squabble like toddlers in the first 3 months .

How are you finding deadlines and motivation taking? I'm finding it quite hard to care about planning for things are that are going to happen after I leave and I really couldnt care less about new social media/ advertising trends etc.
I'm just not coping as well with the pressure. Had a few teary moments and quite a few errors in my last big campaign. Its just not like me I used to love what I do but I really lost interest when I decided to become a mum!

Good luck with your interview yellow

I'm very similar binky. Last week I really had to push myself for big workshops & meetings and ended up dizzy, vomiting and having to lie down. So I actually think my body is not giving me any choice...

Hoping for a career change into teaching

I changed from PFI contract bidding as an engineer into teaching 6 years ago. The good thing about a previous career is that you jump ahead quite quickly if you want to due to management experience (people or project), but it's a fucking full on job. I work far, far harder than I ever did in my old job, for half the money. I think about teaching the whole time, even on holiday I'm buying things for the classroom, or for a topic. The political and societal interference is really galling - you feel as if you've trained to do this, you know for sure that you understand your class, know your kids, yet you are undermined by everyone in society - often very vocally, and to your face as if you'd like their input. The kids are great, the curriculum is not, the term time hours are great, the fact that you genuinely don't get your holidays (despite what non-teachers seem to think), are not. I work at least half of them, often in school - I had more real holiday in my old career. The fact that your job is a global opportunity is great, the fact that you are NEVER away from kids, is not.

Before you change, spend some time in schools - no, spend LOADS of time in schools. Not your kids school either. Talk to teachers who are NQTs for their enthusiasm, then talk to teachers who are 5+ years into it, and getting a little jaded... get real opinions, and don't dismiss their opinions as 'yeah but everyone complains about their job'. It's a vocation, it takes over your life.

Despite absolutely loving the actual classroom stuff, the rest is all encompassing, and as soon as any kids we have are at secondary school, I'm out of education.

Sorry, that was a bit of a rant. I'm pretty jaded right now!!

Goats I feel sorry for teachers and nurses and anyone whose job is consistently used as a political football

Thanks Goats it's all food for thought I do worry sometimes I have a bit of a rosy view of teaching so it's nice hearing the other side!

I did a terms work experience last year in an Independent school (just one day a week) and have done a few days in state schools. I have to say I would really try very hard to get a position in an Independent school as the experience was unbelievably different! I have also done lots of holiday club/ Scouts volunteering so do love working with kids but I can imagine the other bits are not so good.

I still have 3 1/2 years of my degree to finish, then my postgrad year and I'm hoping to do a bit of classroom assistant work in the next few years while I'm studying and being an (almost) SAHM so hopefully I will have a good balanced view by the time I actually get to teaching!

Hi all sorry this totally off topic but I don't know who else to ask! Anyone's dp/dh not interested in dtd?! I'm starting to feel a bit rejected I've asked him and not really given me a straight answer. I did get a bit hormonal and say he didn't find me attractive and he said it's not that, but we just don't really get time
The kids all in bed by half seven and don't get up till seven and we managed to find time before, it's not doing much for my confidence to be honest!

tak1ng it sounds like you need to take it a bit easier and listen to your body.

I keep reading how we should be taking an afternoon nap if needed or getting our feet up at lunch. So far I've only managed this at a weekend as I don't think it would go down too well if I stuck my feet up on the desk in the office.

I do have DH's estate car this week, so I have considered crawling into the boot at lunch time and having a wee nap...

Pregnant neither of use are that interested in DTD at the moment so at least we are both on the same page. I think we have about twice since BFP but it was quite painful for me the first time and he just apparently felt 'weird' the second.

There's a really good article on Babycentre about why Dads-to-be might not be interested but I can't find the link at the moment. From what I remember the article stresses you must talk about it and be really honest. there's all sorts of reasons about him being scared of hurting the baby/ you etc. Or just stress- financial/ work/ how he'll cope with a new baby.

Don't know if that helps but I'll try and find the link when I'm on lunch. Need to get some work done now

Thanks binky it's making me feel a bit insecure to be honest, being pregnant makes me feel a bit vulnerable and if I'm honest it's not something I enjoy I see as more a means to and an end.
We've probably only done it twice because I've a history of mc I'm always worried but as it gets a bit later into my pregnancy I feel I relax a bit which probably makes me want to dtd.
All I seem to hear about is how dps find their partners really sexy in pregnancy and can't keep their hands off them, which please don't get me wrong is great and how it should be but when it's not the case for me it makes me feel a bit :(
Maybe I'm just being over sensitive but it just feels like things have changed between us.

We have DTD about 4 times since BFP, and only two of those were actual proper goes. I am petrified of bleeding/pain afterwards. I think DH is mega frustrated but is doing his best not to show it.

We're only a bit less often than normal on the shagging count I think. More tired, and he smells more to me, especially if booze is involved, which doesn't make me feel particularly up for it that often, but still enough to not make me feel too much like he's missing out. Tough if he was though, eh? By the time I've finished injecting myself and taking various other cocktails of drugs, he's asleep anyway. Ha.

I'm raring for it but with a toddler the reality is less sex than we'd like - preggers or not. I think we're pretty evenly matched in our sex drives and we're both keen this time to get our err 'fill' as we know there'll be a drought post birth. I think its very normal for a bloke's sex drive to dip in pregnancy as their hormone levels change too - testosterone falls to make them a better carer I think. For us we can differ in timings more than anything, he's more nervous than me in the first trimester because of MC risk and gets more and more confident that its safe as the pregnancy progresses. By the time he's all loved up with my big pregnant body though I'm feeling like a whale and the available positions are err, pretty limited! With the lochia and stitches etc I'd rather be shagging now than in the immediate post birth period .The thought of the first wee, poo and shag post birth was a bit terrifying - but was fine!

pregnant we haven't been up to it much either. DH seems to be less keen the bigger I get plus, there are only one or two positions that I don't find uncomfortable. Kind of lost its spark at the moment.

I agree that it is so hard to concentrate on work when pregnant - your head is elsewhere and it's hard to be motivated when you know you're leaving (for at least some time anyway).

DTD wise we're on about 2 mark since BFP! DH very up for it but I just feel so tired. Also after TTC for 18 months it came as such a relief not to have to do it so often anymore. If I'm honest my libido has gone down soooo much since having a child. We were always a couple who enjoyed lazy weekend morning or afternoon sex the most and that's just hardly ever possible these days. I do feel sorry for DH and am hoping in a few years things might pick up again!

I don't think my DH finds me more attractive and sexy, but goes more towards caring and loving towards the bump. I don't feel particularly attractive either as a result!!
We have dtd no more than 4 times since bfp. Fear of mc again and I was scared I was losing my mucus plug after one time so we haven't done it since!!
I've no sex drive either so I am not really bothered by it. Just do worry a bit that DH doesn't find me sexy. I've sent him to find me some chocolate whilst ds and I have a lie down!

You will be pleased to hear that it's sunny today - so not Fedupofrainydays today!!

Wow I've been away a week and missed so much! Trying to catch up on all your news now. It is nice we are all mainly making it past the magic 24 weeks and all feeling lots of kicks etc.

I wanted to add that these are great to the highchair discussion. Much safer than you think (!!) and handy for travelling too. My 3 year old still sits in the ones wagamama use so they are good for ages...

DTD we haven't much either - it hurts a bit for me so the enjoyment isn't really there, and like captain after ttc for almost a year and a half I think we were a bit relieved at first not to have to do it so much! However must make more effort before I get huge and there is the inevitable drought post birth!

I have to say we both miss having morning sex as with a toddler in the house this is nigh on impossible. Gleeful shouts of "Mummmeeeeee, Daddeeeeeeee, hiyaaaa" from the next room do spoil the mood! Also as a result of internal scarring from my episiotomy some positions are sore even two years down the line. Sex was definitely better pre kids but few people readily admit that!