For Anyone Needing Support After Losing a Parent. Very Supportive Thread (September 2021)

[Crunchymum]

Hi guys,

New thread here for when the other one gets full.

Lots of love to you all.

www.mumsnet.com/Talk/bereavement/4162017-For-Anyone-Needing-Support-After-Losing-A-Parent-Very-Supportive-Thread

Thank you @Kitkatchunkyplease another beautiful little girl my mums name was Rose- Marie and now they both have her name each for middle name feels just right but wow I wish she was here x

@Ttc42nearly43 well done on pursuing the complaint though. It's very hard isn't it. I submitted my concerns via pals and they replied taking some things into consideration but said 'we don't think this would have made a difference in her death'. Which made me cross, as the post mortem showed she bad a rare disease in all organs, so no, I wasn't saying she wouldn't have died soon, I was saying to them that she was poorly treated. I just feel not listened to and then I think what am I doing this for, she's dead! I don't want her to find out I didn't stick up for her though. Which is crazy, because she's dead. I totally understand that feeling of not wanting her forgotten.

My grandad died on 10.11 27 years ago and I felt so sad this year about it, because my mum is gone and she missed him so much, and now there is no one to miss him in that way. No one to remember him properly. I don't know why that made me so sad.

@mrssunshinexxx

Thank you *@Kitkatchunkyplease* another beautiful little girl my mums name was Rose- Marie and now they both have her name each for middle name feels just right but wow I wish she was here x

What a beautiful name @mrssunshinexxx So sorry that your mum isn't here. It really is just unfair.

@ mrssunshinexxx

Congratulations on your baby girl. What a beautiful name. When you say you think your mum came to you through a magpie, I believe a couple of days after my Dad passed that he came to me as a Robin. It was so strange but just a couple of days after I was obviously feeling lost and low and I was just looking out of the kitchen window at home and suddenly a Robin redbreast, which you never just see all the time, it came right up to near my window and sat at the wall looking in at me for a couple of minutes. It felt strange too, I actually took a picture.
Has anyone else had anything similar? I wish the Robin would come again.

@Saz345

Wishing you a Happy Birthday today. I know it won’t be the same without your mum but wanted to say thinking of you.
It’s 7 weeks today for me since we lost my dad.

@ Ttc42nearly43

How are you feeling? I hope you do get somewhere with the legal proceedings. Even if it takes a while to get there, I hope you do get a result from it. Me and my mum were saying last night that we still don’t know if the hospital did all they could for my Dad. They seemed so quick at the end to say no he’s slipping away and we want to let him go with dignity. I still think to myself all the time what would have happened if we had kept him breathing with the machine. I guess we will never know.

@ Kitkatchunkyplease

How are you feeling?

I hope everyone has a slightly better day.

@mrssunshinexxx thank you so much for letting me know...welcome to your new baby, and so sorry to hear it didn't go to plan and was brutal. Big, gentle hugs. Do, do, do message me anytime. I hope you are resting and recovering. No, you didn't tell me before about the magpie visitations! That is wonderful that you feel that! I am glad that you could draw comfort, so glad. Yes, it does bring tears too... it's because it makes us feel so purely in the heart.
How is your baby doing?
Thank you so much for tagging me in xxxx

@mrssunshinexxx

Congratulations on your baby girl a wee part of your mum that you have brought into this world to keep the family line going. I have given up on the hope of getting pregnant another loss to cope with but what can you do. Enjoy every moment with you little one she will bring you some happiness through all of the pain you are feeling x

Good morning all. Been at work y/day and also today. I work as a nanny, so hard trying to be upbeat for the children. Their dad is home at the moment. He was telling me at my finishing time about an old school friend of his that has a stroke and what a shock it was, I just looked at him and snapped at him that yes well I know what thats like. Then just said I'm going home and I'll see you tomorrow. It just felt so bloody insensitive. I cried in the car on the way home and on the phone to my sister. I really don't want to be at work, but can't afford any more time off.

@mrssunshinexxx Just read your news. Many congratulations on your lovely new baby. She’s part of you and your mum. Much love to you and her, and your choice of name is just right 💕

Hello everyone, just popping in to say how glad I am am to see the thread still running. I have been on here for ten years and feel I have now done all I can.
I hope it's helping everyone enormously, grief can be so lonely can't it.
For some of you , this will be your first Christmas without your loved ones, I faced it with absolute dread and didn't see how I could possibly get through the day when I had lost my mum just seven weeks previously. But I was very lucky in that I was surrounded by family and that was the saving grace for me. So although it was obviously very sad, hopefully it won't be as bad as you anticipate.
Anyway, sending you all peace in the coming months. Take care of yourselves 💐

@ Mummylin - Thank you so much for the kind message. I’m new to the thread. I am really dreading this Christmas without my Dad, I just don’t want it to come. I have been buying things for my two young boys and hope that I can still make it a good Christmas as it can be for them, but it won’t be a happy Christmas for me.
How is everyone else doing today?

Lucy one thing I have always done, which I know others now have done it too, I still put up a card from my mum, I love seeing one as they always say " to my daughter * that helps me. Your children will help you through the day, of course it's not the same, nor can it be now, but if you have had family traditions that you would of shared with your dad, either continue them, or start a new one of your own.
I promise you, the thought of the day is worse than the day itself. 💐

@ Mummylin - thank you so much. We always did certain things with my dad at xmas and I couldn’t bare the thought of doing any of it any differently. I want to just do the day exactly as we would have done, as though my dad is still there. It won’t be the same, I know that but we also plan at some point on xmas day to go visit the cemetery to talk to my dad. I know we will all be very sad, my two kids were so close to my dad. My mum will be broken that day too as they’ve been married 47 years so it’s just going to be an all-round dreadful day. We’ve spent every single Xmas day with my mum and dad for all my 40 years. I also always made dinner on New Year’s Day for my mum and dad. My oldest son turns 10 a few days after Xmas too and always liked to do something with Dad. We have always been a close family. I truly am just wishing it would go away. People say it gets easier but 7 weeks on and with the shock (as this was totally unexpected), I just feel like it’s getting harder and harder xx

It takes quite a while until one day, you realise that you have smiled about something , or you haven't shed a tear that day, the gaps between the tears get longer. it's a gradual process which takes different amounts of time for everyone. You of course will never forget your dear dad, but you will accept he isn't here, and your love for him will never go.I hope being with your mum and family will help all of you get through. I will pop back now and then to see how you are doing.

@ Mummylin - Thank you so much for your kindness. xx

@Saz345 - How has your birthday been? I hope your Hubby and your children have helped you have a good day xx

Thank you @Kitkatchunkyplease it really is.

@LucyintheSky21 thank you, he will come back just keep looking. Ever since she died I seemed to notice them
A lot more I would be sobbing in bed and one would just fly over and swoop up on the roof so slowly there's been many occasions but yesterday in labour was so poignant. When I had my daughter last year and my husband came to
Pick us up from
Hosptial on the drive out there were 2 magpies and me and mum used to always salute them in the car. 1 for sorrow 2 for joy etc

@Spiritwriter how are you? Baby doing really well staying in hosp tonight as the pain is bad had emergency section after getting to 10cm and pushing so bloody knackered but she's feeding really well.

Thanks so much @Brillig @Ttc42nearly43

@mrssunshinexxx - How are you feeling tonight? You must be feeling exhausted, hopefully the pain is getting easier. My birth with my first son was really brutal and I was in pain after for a while. It’s great that baby is doing well. Do you think you’ll be in for long?
I keep thinking about the Robin I saw now and like your mum and the magpie, I’m dying to see that Robin again. I’m glad I got it on my phone because it was so real, the way it came to my window and stopped and looked right at me and for a good couple of minutes. I hope these things keep happening as it’s a small comfort if nothing else. I always feel flat on an evening about my Dad.
Anyway, I hope you have a good night and manage to rest x

@LucyintheSky21 he will come
Back , trust it. X I could of gone home tonight but she was only born at 5.30pm yesterday by emergency section after getting to 10cm
And pushing so I'm really knackered and sore so I'm going to go home in the morn. My mum has defo come through when I needdd comfort not as often as I would choose but maybe that's the point ? X

@mrssunshinexxx thanks for asking. I'm okay today, thanks. So I'm taking that. Congratulations on your new daughter and glad she's doing well now. Make sure you rest and replenish plenty.
I am also so glad to hear you feel your mum with you. It's been a while since I've been in...when I feel dreadful sometimes I go a bit AWOL....but I do distinctly remember you talking about your lack of faith/belief.
I am glad you are having some comfort, and yes....I do think that is the point a little bit!!! X

Oh @mrssunshinexxx I had emcs after getting to 10cm and pushing with my dd. Grim! Well done you and try and rest up where possible.

Totally brutal isn't it @Kitkatchunkyplease

@mrssunshinexxx

Congratulations on your new arrival! I hope you've managed to rest up. Beautiful name too xx

@LucyintheSky21 yesterday was ok thank you. I felt very sad all day but tried to join in all the plans etc. Ate a lot of cake...

Funnily enough today has actually been lovely. Went out for lunch with a friend, (child-free!) for the first time in approximately 2 years. It was nice to be just me for a while.

@mummylin - thank you for your kind post, I've not been looking forward to Christmas at all if I'm honest. Been in full on denial - which is ironic as she didn't really do Christmas the last few years anyway. I found an old card from years ago whilst clearing her house and it made me so sad to see how her writing had deteriorated. How had I missed that? I suppose people don't really need to physically write much down these days so it never came up...

Anyway, just wanted to say thank you. 🙂

I hope everyone is doing ok today.

Had to get a new phone today, my old one wasn't charging properly. I've managed to transfer all my dad's text messages. But I've lost all his WhatsApp messages, I thought I'd backed them up, but can't seem to download them. I'm heart broken and sobbing over it. Feel.so sadghat I can't scroll through them.

Oh @Testarossa44 I am so, so sorry. I really am.