For Anyone Needing Support After Losing a Parent. Very Supportive Thread (September 2021)

[Crunchymum]

Hi guys,

New thread here for when the other one gets full.

Lots of love to you all.

www.mumsnet.com/Talk/bereavement/4162017-For-Anyone-Needing-Support-After-Losing-A-Parent-Very-Supportive-Thread

Oh gosh @MissC07 your mum was so young.

You poor. poor love.

It is the "best" way for them to go but it blows our existence to pieces.

Your dad will cope, for the most part because he has to, but he'll find his way. As I say it's such early days and neither of you will know if its night or day, you'll muddle through.

Do you have siblings? Other support?

@Crunchymum I just can only pray (I'm not even religious) that she didn't know what was going on and passed very quickly in her sleep. My dad said there were no signs of panic or struggle as her phone etc were still neatly placed on her bedside table. But I guess we'll never know. The paramedic asked if I wanted to see her when I arrived, but I said no as I couldn't face it. I hope I don't regret that.

My brother lives overseas but thankfully managed to get a flight back on Monday to be with us. Fortunately, the three of us are extremely close.

I am glad you have your dad and your brother around, you'll all be a great comfort to each other.

Grief is lonely and isolating but having someone who truly "gets it" does help.

I am sure your mum wouldn't have known, there would have been signs as you say.

Everyone feels differently about seeing their parents body. I saw my mum after (only as she was left where they worked on her, in the middle of the living room). One of my brothers had to sit in another room though. I decided against seeing her beyond that point though - whereas my dad and sister did see her.

Personal choice and there is no right or wrong.

I hope knowing we've all been there and are still there, can help in some way. You are alone but not alone x

@Crunchymum thank you, finding this group and talking about it has/will definitely help me x

@MissC07
I hope you're doing ok (ish) today.
I'm so sorry for your loss. Especially when it is unexpected, the loss of a parent can be difficult to process. On here, we've been where you are and are always ready with a hand hold.
As Crunchy says, be kind to yourself.

@MissC07
By the way, on another post about death of a parent, Suzanne99 said

'Anniversaries are always difficult, and I think the first is probably the worst. The run up to the anniversary is usually more difficult than the day itself.
Every loss is individual, each person grieves differently. Some days are just days to cry. You’ll find that with time the good days outnumber the bad days. We never forget, we learn to live differently with the loss. But it will get easier, I promise.'

I found that so helpful. I hope you will too.

Please join us on the new thread.

@ImperfectAlf thank you so much. Yesterday was slightly better. Although we've been told the backlog for the post mortem is quite bad and we won't even be assigned a case worker until next week. So unlikely to know any results until the week after next.

@MissC07
That can make things so much harder, can't it? That period until the funeral is so surreal. I feel for you

Hi everyone I've been very absent but saw this and thought I would share x

Hi how is everyone getting on? I found a website recently with some really throughtful quotes that I thought I would share.

www.foxunderthemoon.co.uk/

Some of the wording might bring a little comfort to some ♥️

Also is anyone feeling it with mother's Day coming up? Its not a celebration anymore even tho am a mum myself 😢

@Ttc42nearly43 I'm really not looking forward to mothers day. My mam was towards the end of her illness for mothers day 2019 and my own child had only just turned one 😢 I just feel heartbroken that I can't celebrate occasions with my mam we made so many plans when I was pregnant and now it's all gone.

@glittereyelash

I know it's just so hard isn't it you miss them so much. It's incredibly difficult to live your life without the person who raised and nurtured you. Who carried you for 9 months who did everything for you as a child and who continued to love you so much into adulthood.

I read somewhere that grief is the price you pay for love. It's a hard one to accept as no one ever wants to feel such intense grief but I suppose it's true grieving so hard is a reflection on how much our mums meant to us and how close we were to them. Am still finding it very difficult to find comfort in anything to do with my mum. Memories are painful and sad even if they were happy times. People say that you should look back on memories with fondness and be happy with the times we shared together. I just can't see past the sadness and the longing to see mum again.

My mum died in March last year after a sudden unexpected hospital admission she was was only 66. Like you I have children and am sad that mum is missing out on them growing up. She's missing out on so much and we are all missing her so much too. My heart goes out to you ♥️

@Ttc42nearly43 I'm very sorry for your loss and I feel your pain. My mam had just turned 60 when she died we have wonderful memories together but I just hate how much she's missing out on. I never pictured myself raising a child who wouldn't know my mother.

@Ttc42nearly43 yep also a mum but it just hurts far too much

I am feeling it too.

Mum didn't even do mothers day as such, but i'm still very aware that I no longer have one and she's not here. 😔

She loved all the spring time flowers which is a huge reminder, and it's also the 8 month anniversary of her death on Sunday itself.

Sending hugs to all of you.

(I thought I had replied earlier, so apologies if this is duplicate)

@glittereyelash snap. I have 2 baby girls and I cannot comprehend they will never know her. Not one cuddle on her lap, not one photo together . This life makes no sense always punishing those who don't deserve it

@mrssunshinexxx I'm saddened to hear this 😢. I was lucky that my mam did get to meet my son but I believe she was already unwell by the time he was born as she was distracted and pulling away from me which was so unlike her. It must be so difficult for you and I'm sorry for all the memories your girls should have had. I'm still hoping to wake up one day and everything is back to the way it was I just miss her so much 😔

Look good thank you

Hope everyone is ok and sending lots of hugs to you all x

When my mother passed i moved out of my family home. The place was toxic.