For Anyone Needing Support After Losing a Parent. Very Supportive Thread (September 2021)

[Crunchymum]

Hi guys,

New thread here for when the other one gets full.

Lots of love to you all.

www.mumsnet.com/Talk/bereavement/4162017-For-Anyone-Needing-Support-After-Losing-A-Parent-Very-Supportive-Thread

@Pretendingtosmile

Thank you no one else has remembered.

Oh sweetheart, that is rough.

Please do whatever you need to do to get through the day. Tomorrow will be easier xxx

@Crunchymum hoping today was better for you than yesterday

I feel so sad for you, as I understand exactly how you feel. No-one from DP's side remembered yesterday (MIL knew and she was a huge practical help as she has the kids on my working days and she did ask me how I was when she dropped them home). A few friends sent me "hope you are doing OK" messages but ultimately no-one really acknowledged it.

I know as a family we choose not to do anything per se but it's another layer of hurt that very few people recognise how much emotional pain I am in and how hard this past year has been.

I feel like I've gone backwards? I'm hoping it's just the anniversary / time of year.

but yes I do feel better today.

I hope you get a bit of relief come tomorrow and know that you have done well today

Nine months today since I lost my Dad. In some ways it's harder than it was at the beginning. I just feel sad and depressed all the time. And I get angry that people expect me to care about things I used to care about but give not one shit about anymore. I do enough work to not get fired but my boss seems to think I am actually interested.
Nothing interests me, nothing makes me happy, most things either just feel numb or make me sad. And i don't want to start enjoying life again- my Dad has gone so my life will never be the same again. I'm 'happy' to just exist for now- why don't people get that?

These anniversaries are horrible aren’t they? Totally different but still a day of sadness for me today, one week since my mum’s funeral. Every day, every anniversary takes them further away and it’s horrible.

Totally @frostyfingers 15 months on and I feel like she's fading away. I put the top she was wearing when she died in a zip lock bag to preserve her smell and I sniffed the other day and it's gone , gutted

I bet that was so hard @mrssunshinexxx
My mum only went last week, but I'm already dreading when the smell has gone from her clothes.
I'm also worried about my mum getting further away.

@Cloe78 I am with you on the feeling of numbness. And being disinterested.

A relative chose yesterday to remind me of my general failings- no mention of this huge weight I carry in my heart for the loss of my dad.

@mrssunshinexxx I'm so sorry is there maybe a perfume or a detergent your lovely mum used that might bring back some memories? ....My dad was outside like 24/7, very outdoorsy and always smelt of gardening, so every time i go for a walk in the country it smells like my dad

@Pretendingtosmile @EmeraldDaisy it's just the worst isn't it I'm trying to hard to remember how she hugged me and how her hair smelt I've got the rest of my life hopefully many years and this is the loss after only 15 months

@mrssunshinexxx oh goodness your message just made me well up for you and those moments with your mum. Her hugs sound so precious.

It was my Dad's funeral 2 days ago. 2 weeks after he died. I feel so strange and wierd and I just can't pin point how I feel. I keep thinking how he had to endure the suffering caused my motor neurone disease. I've had to put all the sympathy cards in a drawer because I can't bare to look at them anymore.

@Pretendingtosmile xx
She was everything and more
@Cathced it's so so soon and raw take your time and keep chatting on here the cards will still be there when you are ready

@mrssunshinexxx

Are you able to use her name for your soon to arrive DD?

I kick myself for not using my mum's name as one of my DD's!!

@kittlesticks

"Grief, I’ve learned, is really just love. It’s all the love you want to give, but cannot. All that unspent love gathers up in the corners of your eyes, the lump in your throat, and in that hollow part of your chest. Grief is just love with no place to go” ~ Jamie Anderson [Dr Who author]. I lost my mum 8 years ago, I this perfectly encapsulates what grief is to me.

And,

"What is grief but love persevering". I can't believe it came from a Marvel tv show, but it really struck a chord with me.

@Crunchymum my little one who was born last year 6 weeks after she died has her name as her middle name ❤️

I love that quote too @YellowMonday

Hi @Loveprosecca I'm so sorry to hear of your loss and so sorry you find yourself here. My mum died 3 months ago from a sudden heart aneurysm. I still find each day a battle to get through.
How are you doing today?

@YellowMonday those quotes are really so lovely

@YellowMonday thank you for those quotes they are really lovely.
It sort of reminds me of that Phillip Larkin poem 'An arundal tomb' and I think the last line is 'what will survive of us is love.'

I post my absolutely favourite quote all of the time.

Here is another I quite like, it kind of says to me.... "I hope you are still able to help moments of happiness, even though you don't want to"

Hello everyone. Sorry for all your losses, some of your stories are beautiful and remind me I'm not alone in my grief.

My mother died this week. We would normally message or talk at least once a day, so when I didn't hear from her for a day I went to her house and discovered she had collapsed.

I am struggling so much at the moment. I keep seeing her as I found her and find myself ruminating over whether I may have been able to help her had I gone over sooner. She had some serious health problems and was in her seventies, but none were thought to be life threatening, so it has been a massive shock. I have so many questions but we don't even know exactly how she died yet and presumably won't for at least a couple of weeks.

My father passed some years ago and I'm an only child. I'm grieving the loss of our family, not just my mum.

So sorry mujereslibres and loveproseca. The sudden death and lack of answers is very hard. We just got the cause of death back from the coroner's. The post mortem had been inconclusive so they took a sample of cells. I have found it hard not having the answer and I am relieved it only took five weeks. But I'm so frustrated now that she was so ill and it was unknown

@Loveprosecca @MujeresLibres so so sorry to you both I have sisters and a dad but NC with dad since mum died but to lose both that you had a good relationship with and no siblings to truly understand what you are going through I just can't imagine . I really hope you have supportive partners / friends x