I’m able to check back in to this thread as my OH has gone out and I have a couple of hours of time alone (bliss - OH seems to get out of bed permanently on the wrong side these days and wants to know what I’m doing online). I had another family funeral yesterday and it brought back the memories of the nervous, sick feeling that I had leading up to my Dad’s funeral.
@chotuladoo - you asked if the counselling was helpful. I’ve only had one session and I talked more about my relationship and what to do about that than about my bereavement. It was good to have someone validate all those feelings but I didn’t come away feeling like I’d solved anything (although it was only the first session). It was someone I saw a few years ago when I was having a hard time and she was very helpful then. I hope you get to see someone soon.
I completely understand what you say about feeling like you’re walking around with this massive burden and and your struggle being invisible. I feel exactly the same. And I also relate to you saying that you’re on your own on this journey. The only person who knows what it’s like for me is my brother (do you have any siblings who understand?) but, as far as I know his partner is supportive whereas mine has been really unkind these last months, which has distracted me from my grieving process. I’m finding it very hard to forgive him for that.
I’m really sorry that your DH hasn’t been that supportive to you. Grief is a private matter - sadly - that only the person who has been bereaved can go through but the burden is lessened if we have a partner or friends who can care for us and support us.
To everyone else, I read your posts with sorrow. There are some very sad stories here. One thing that shows through though is how much we loved the parent/s we have lost.
The other thing that I have picked up is the manner of the parent’s death and how that can affect our grief. For me, the impact is 50% how my Dad died and how distressing that was, and 50% the fact that he is gone. I had thought he would grow old, start to fade away, and hopefully pass away at a ripe old age, which would have been sad but expected. To have a premature or traumatic end makes the grieving process much harder it seems as we are trying to process the ending as well as the loss.
I am also terrified as we have booked a trip away with my Mum next year. Last year I booked a trip for my Mum and Dad in May in the hope that my Dad would be a little better by then. He died before we got to go away. I am now worried that I have jinxed my Mum, who has her own health problems, and that she won’t make it to May either. If she caught Covid, she would go. It feels irrational but I don’t feel I will relax until we get to take her on the trip.
Anyway, thanks for the new thread and hugs to everyone who is struggling this week.