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Find bereavement help and support from other Mumsnetters.

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Find bereavement help and support from other Mumsnetters.

Bereavement

DH has died - niffler

384 replies

Nifflerbowtruckle · 26/12/2017 12:14

Husband now terminalhttp://www.mumsnet.com/Talk/life limitingg_illness/3050597-husband-now-terminal

We filled the last thread. Thank you all for every good thought you have sent my way.

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Nifflerbowtruckle · 24/01/2018 11:01

I got a letter yesterday to say DH death in service money will be paid next week. I've never had assets before so I need to figure out getting a will in place. Does anyone know if you can leave a portion of your assets towards the upkeep of pets if you die?

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Horsemad · 24/01/2018 15:40

I think you can Niffler; might be worth posting on the Legal board to ask?

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Nifflerbowtruckle · 24/01/2018 15:51

Good idea! Thank you Horsemad

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MrsMozart · 25/01/2018 08:26

Yes you can Niffler. The big charities have schemes in place.

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Amber0685 · 25/01/2018 08:46

Writing down the memories is a lovely idea, especially if you ever did have children. You seem very creative so I am sure you could make the book look nice. Hope DDog is well.

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Ginger1982 · 25/01/2018 08:52

Just found this thread Niffler. So sorry for your loss. My dad died from cancer at 43, it's a horrible disease. Sending much love xx

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Nifflerbowtruckle · 25/01/2018 12:16

Thank you MrsMozart.

Amber that made me laugh other than the flowers I'm really not creative at all. The extent of my ability to draw is stick men, I can write a little but not brilliantly and I really can't dance . My DH was fairly creative especially at work, he was one of the best merchandisers in the company.

Thank you Ginger. It really is a horrible horrible disease.

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Livelounge · 26/01/2018 07:44

Oh Niffler, I just read everything. I'm so sorry. Your DH sounds lovely. Plus the DDog is just a little star.

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Amber0685 · 29/01/2018 20:29

I am crap at dancing too! Don't even go there with singing, wish I could. Your writing on here is very good, dont think I have ever seen a spelling mistake. How is darling dog? Mine ran out the front door the other day and took herself for a walk, I wss panicking but she came back eventually.

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Nifflerbowtruckle · 29/01/2018 23:15

Yeah I can't sing either . I always hated the oh everyone can dance. Nope nope they can't. Ddog is good. We are at in laws again as it is BIL birthday on Wednesday. Ddog has been grumpy with their dog at times but she's okay. She slipped over on a non icy step twice today though .

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SingaSong12 · 30/01/2018 21:54

I hate dancing and truly can't, worst is someone dragging me up saying you'll enjoy it. Hope tomorrow goes ok.

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Nifflerbowtruckle · 31/01/2018 12:23

BIL is having a good birthday so far. Ddog and PIL dog have been playing for a while having fun.

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MrsMozart · 31/01/2018 19:15

Glad BiL having a good birthday. Hope Ddog is okay.

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Nifflerbowtruckle · 01/02/2018 22:23

I got to spend some time with my oldest friend today. We went for some food and to see The Greatest Showman (it was brilliant). So glad no one noticed me crying throughout it though. Any sad part set me off. I'm supposed to be going home Wednesday but I think I'm going to go home Monday. I need my home and some time to myself. When I'm home I barely speak to anyone face to face and it gets hard but after a while of being away and visiting it's too much and I need to be home again.

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Horsemad · 01/02/2018 23:53

Sometimes it's good to have a place to retreat to when it all gets a bit too much.

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MrsMozart · 02/02/2018 07:18

You'll find your balance lass.

When you're home do you have anyone you can see, even if it's evey couple of days?

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Ilikesweetpeas · 02/02/2018 22:20

Just wanted to let you know I'm still thinking of you Niffler, you have been through such a lot

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Nifflerbowtruckle · 03/02/2018 11:03

I can speak to my neighbours and now my parents are home I can call them. Ddog has been a little stressed I think, she's not eating much.

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Horsemad · 03/02/2018 11:11

She might be better when you get home Niffler, more settled.

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Nifflerbowtruckle · 03/02/2018 11:38

I think she will be. She just needs her own routine again.

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Amber0685 · 03/02/2018 15:37

That's lovely you caught up with your oldest friend, I'm glad you had a good time even though you cried. I find sometimes being around people all the time very tiring, it sounds rude, but sometimes it is nice being alone. Nice to go and see them though, when are you going next? Hope d Dog is back to normal.

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Nifflerbowtruckle · 03/02/2018 15:41

I'm not sure when I'll be back next. I need to get some normality and visiting my home town every couple of weeks isn't it. I just need to discover what I want and need now.

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scaussie75 · 04/02/2018 00:56

Apologies for jumping in late, just joined and came across your post.
I'm so sorry for your loss and wish your journey on finding your new normal ends in a positive outcome and the many good memories you had stay with you forever.
Coping with 9yo dd and my own grief after he died Nov 14 after year with TI brainstem tumour.
Nov very little to no tears, didn't feel real and we were on high alert as too much focus on us. Dec, back to routine and not so many face to face visits, still felt unreal, thought maybe we had done the stages of grief when he was alive, that the worst was over. January, ermm, nope! People have left us alone and grief manifesting in colourful and varied ways with dd and intense sadness for myself.
We have the Prince and princess of Wales trust therapists guiding us from diagnosis and still now. They are a great help. I wish he was still here and trying to be grateful for the good times.
I am so sorry for your loss and wish you happiness in the future.
Cancer is cruel, wish Mum's net made the no swearing rule exempt from the Bereavement pages, I'm sure we could colour them blue!

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Nifflerbowtruckle · 04/02/2018 09:28

Scaussie so sorry for your loss . Your right Cancer is cruel. I have joined Widowed and Young for support. We didn't really have post diagnosis support but the various nursing groups who came to visit him were good.

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scaussie75 · 05/02/2018 23:34

I got in contact with the PPW trust at first because I didn't want to get it wrong with my dd, but they assigned a therapist to me as well. Would have been lost without them. I asked them why they were still available to us and they said in the last stages, the support shifts to more about the living and less about the dying. They are helping us with our grief and to find our 'new' normal.
Widowed and young, not sure if I am classed as that. It's complicated, technically married, but we informally separated very amicably a few years back, we never got around to making it legal as everyone was happy. He got a wonderful new gf, they were cute together, like two peas in a pod and crazy in love. I had a bf. He is more a brother to me after all these years, affectionately loved and a genuine promise we would always be there for each other, and we were.
I'm kind of in no man's land when it comes to what I am to strangers, family and friends knew our dynamic but it's maybe unusual and difficult for others to understand. Might even upset folk. So I keep my feelings for the therapist and amongst ourselves usually and rarely share.
I hope you had an easy day and tomorrow is good one too.