Our special thread where we can be who we are. A thread to remember our children who are no longer physically here. Our 'safe haven.'

[LilyTheSavage]

This is it. Here we are. Thank you to Shabbs for noticing how far down the last thread we got.

Remembering all our precious children. Sending love to you all. This is just so wrong. I could howl to the moon tonight.

Shiney I understand -- I think that will always be a part of grieving other losses. The loss of a child feels so unfair, and a full life lived, no matter how much the person will be missed, is different. Take care.

Leapling It is very hard, and I struggled a lot for awhile doing things with DS2 when DS1 wasn't here to experience them anymore. I just forced myself to do them, though, and it has gotten easier. DS1 is still always in my thoughts, and I think about what he would like/feel about what we do, but I don't have to force myself so much anymore.
My DS2 was also 3 when he lost his sibling. It is amazing what he remembers ... I make sure to talk about his brother casually, and had been very worried he would be too little to remember. But he remembers things I didn't know/remember!
Take care.

Thinking if you all.

A question if you feel able to answer it. I started taking anti-d's about five years after my dd passed. They completely numb all feeling I have which feels disloyal but do stop me yo-yo'ing from one emotion to the other. I've just started to reduce them so am feeling more but really don't know what the right thing to do is. What has worked for you? Feeling her loss is do hard to deal with but not feeling it is awful in a different way.

Thanks Shiney. They help me enormously with my youngest as he is so in tune with my emotions if I'm not even then it generates significant fear and anxiety in him. They are right for him so I won't stop taking them. I just don't know how we can "feel" again. Not having your child is horrific and things can't ever be the same but suffering the way we do is also just so horrible. I wish I knew how to find somewhere in the middle.

I agree with Shiney. She's talking sense.

I took ADs for a while but then stopped because I thought I was coping. I know now that I'm not really coping very well. But partly that's ok to me to not be coping (IYSWIM). Being fine and ok and "happy" seems very wrong for me. For me (and I stress that this is only for me) seems disrespectful and wrong. DS2 was/is so important to me that grieving is the right thing to do. My wonderful DIL lost her mum 5 years ago and she thinks I should be ok and that losing a mum is the same as losing a child. I tried to tell her gently that she's wrong but she wasn't having it.

I sometimes think I'm going a bit mad. I know that for you Mojito it helped you to feel more level and that in turned greatly helped your DS2. That's got to be a good thing.

Hope everybody is ok. Sending love.

Morning everybody. Been a long time since I posted. I think this is the hardest time of the year for families bereaved of their child/children. As the years go by it changes.....the initial shock and grief change into the longing to see them again. I have no magical words to change it, nothing we can do except 'get through it.' Remember that we can only do what we can. I hope our children are all together and looking after each other....just like we all try to help each other. X

Lovely to see you here shabbs. Your words are always so wise and apt. I hope our children are also with loved ones and have managed to find each other as we have found each other.

I've gone back to my normal dose of AD's rather than trying to reduce them. I agree with lily that feeling their loss is important but I'm just not sure I'm ready for that intense pain at the moment and want my boys to be the least affected by me as they can be.

To all of us who have participated in this thread over the years. Some I may not know and with luck many new people won't need to join us. I just wanted to say that I wish for you all that your loved ones, both young and old, were here with you at this time. Even though they may not be physically with us they are always in our hearts and minds and I will be thinking of you all and hoping each and everyone of you manage this time as best you can. And, if at all possible we take some time for ourselves to allow the emotions to flow and to remember those not with us in their moments of triumph and glory.

Thinking of you all and sending love for a peaceful Christmas.

Morning xx well we made it through our twin boys 35th birthday...It was more gentle than normal but filled with wondering what Gareth would look like now....would he be married or have children. Just a longing to see him xx

Happy birthday to your beloved twins shabbs. My first christmas as a single mum was also the first christmas in 7 years that the entire family were together, 9 adults, 9 children and 7 dogs. I really missed mum this year and have been struggling with Pippas loss a lot recently, esp when we all sat down for christmas lunch. Aubrey is also struggling, its so hard trying to explain to an 8 year old that its ok to be sad and miss his sister but life is for living and we must live it and do wonderful things.

Who the hell is littlejimmy? I've had a message posted and then deleted on my thread and have also seen the same on the thread of a couple of my friends. What's going on? Any ideas?

Very weird! Did anybody read the message before it was deleted?

Morning my friends.....everybody ok? Whatever the hell OK is!

It is nearly 5 months on and suddenly I have hit another low. So sad and tearful all the time. So tired from trying to distract myself all the time. I keep waking up in the early hours and can't go back to sleep.

I don't know how to keep going.

Oh sweetheart....I'm afraid that is normal....whatever the hell 'normal' is. I still get times like that and I am 35 and 25 years down the line. For me, silly things like cold, rainy dark days dont help....money worries etc etc. When I feel like that I have to do weird stuff like cleaning out cupboards and throwing away stuff. That sounds odd written down but it helps me. Please try to be kind to yourself, you are walking a horrible, sad, dark path. Sending my love and thoughts to you xxxxx

I have just found out that the person who was with him before he died could have called an ambulance but didn't. By the time the ambulance was called some hours later it was too late.

Oh my word love, im so sorry you have been given that news. I reread the police report about my Matts death.....part of me wishes I hadn't. xxx

What I read was horrific. It has set me right back to the early days after his death. I cant sleep. When I do sleep I have nightmares. I feel as if all my coping strategies are useless.
I dont know how I can endure this.

That's just fucking horrific endof. I'm so so sorry that happened. It's just twisting the knife into an already horrific open wound. How some people can live with themselves I just don't know. All those "what ifs" must be torture for you.

Just checking up on everybody and wondering how you all are xxx

HUGS to all you mamas! My 5 year old son died in my arms 2 years ago. I've been through other losses (including my father's death to a morphine OD 10 years ago) but NOTHING is as painful as losing my son. I'm sure everyone here understands. Compassionate Friends has been a lifesaver for me.
Sending love to everyone here!!!!

Trueblue.....so very sorry to hear about your precious son. Its very quiet on this thread at the moment so I hope everybody is doing ok....whatever the hell OK is. Im glad you found us just sorry you had to. Xx