Our special thread where we can be who we are. A thread to remember our children who are no longer physically here. Our 'safe haven.'

[LilyTheSavage]

This is it. Here we are. Thank you to Shabbs for noticing how far down the last thread we got.

Remembering all our precious children. Sending love to you all. This is just so wrong. I could howl to the moon tonight.

Yappy, I haven't sent cards or celebrated Christmas since my son died. I am 3 years on and I don't think I will ever feel like celebrating.
Has your GP suggested counselling or offered any support?

I don't think there is any grief worse than losing a child.

I've had 6 sessions of grief counselling early in the year but don't think it helped. You're only allowed 6 free hours here. Looked up Compassionate Friends as someone suggested but there's not one near really.

Yappy, are there any local charities that provide free counselling near you? Or could you look at private counsellors? I am over 4 years down the line now and have counselling, with a couple of breaks, and I think it takes more than 6 sessions just to build a relationship with the therapist. I also take an antidepressant, which helps me and one of my younger DC who picks up on my emotions.

I've been on Citalopram for years and my GP won't change them without me seeing a psychiatrist and I just feel so awful every day. I can't bear the fact that she's gone at 22, the injustice of her whole future gone, and what counsellor or therapist or psychiatrist can change that? The only thing keeping me alive is Rachel's little dog as wife works long hours and couldn't leave her alone so long. Am even resenting the dog now as she's stopping me ending it all. I just cannot bear life without Rachel. It's awful, crying myself to sleep every night. Nobody cares. My parents are both dead and don't get on with my sister and haven't seen her since the funeral. She hasn't texted me for 7 weeks. As she says though, she can't do anything. All my wife's family is in Philippines. A neighbour said today that it's 19 months and I should be starting to get over it now. I never will. They haven't a clue. Guy in the local shop said "people die the world over every day, get over it man"

Yappy, why not ask the GP to refer you to the psychiatrist for assessment? I am not saying that because I think there is a cure for grief; it is very early days for you. I do wonder if they might be able to point you to other sources of support. IME the best support comes from other bereaved parents. The people who actually get it.
There might be a local support group that you just don't know about.
Your local church or similar might have a support group. You are very lonely and isolated in your grief and I really do feel for you.
One of my most supportive friends is someone I only got to know after my son died. She had lost her son just a few months earlier. We are there for each other in a way that people who don't get it just cannot be.
It is such early days for you. Anyone who tells you otherwise just hasn't a clue.

You certainly find out who is insensitive. I don't know who is worse, those who say such things or those who completely ignore you - crossing the road to avoid you, looking away etc. That's before you get to the "How are you?" questions. I get it, they don't know what to say, but such comments or lack of are bloody hurtful. Let's be honest, nothing they could say will make things better.

For me, counselling gives me time where I can put the mask down. I can be upset and don't have to worry about upsetting anyone else. I work through some of my more irrational thoughts and the numerous 'what if' questions I torture myself with. It gives me time to focus on me. I take the AD because it helps one of my other DC if I am more level. He is in sync with my emotions, and is more anxious if I'm down or stressed. There are other ADs your GP can prescribe without a psychiatrist referral, so it's worth pushing them to, though as End says a referral to a psychiatrist may help. For me keeping busy helps - in the here and now, even if not in the long term.

Now the insensitive Christmas greetings.
I have had one lovely card from a friend just sending love and telling us we are in her thoughts.
4 wishing us a jolly Christmas and a joyful new year. Sigh.
I don't know. Maybe I am just ungrateful.

Endofthelinefinally I think that people just don't think. 🙁

Hello, I am new here. This is my first Christmas as a bereaved parent. Our baby boy was born in May and died a few days later.

I was feeling ok, when saw the latest Royal Christmas card has been released. Archie was born in May too. Just realised that I now have this to look forward to every year: a reminder of our little May 2019 baby boy who we will never get to do Christmas with. No cute family photos in front of the tree for us.