Our special thread where we can be who we are. A thread to remember our children who are no longer physically here. Our 'safe haven.'

[LilyTheSavage]

This is it. Here we are. Thank you to Shabbs for noticing how far down the last thread we got.

Remembering all our precious children. Sending love to you all. This is just so wrong. I could howl to the moon tonight.

Yes - I am not crying all the time.
I have managed a short walk to the shops - something I hadn't done since he died.
I have managed a couple of trips into town, with DH - couldn't have done it without him.
I had a long talk with DS2 last night and we looked at the cards and letters together. We both cried, but it was a case of gentle tears rather than distraught sobbing IYSWIM.
DS1 was 27, so a lot of memories and so many things to miss.

My short term memory is shocking.
I have a small diary and i have to write everything down because I can't recall what is happening from one day to the next.
DH has the patience of a saint because I can't remember anything anyone tells me. He just keeps gently reminding me.
He is doing the bulk of the shopping and cooking because my concentration is poor.
I am gradually getting a bit better though.

endof - so sorry to hear about your son - there is no death so sad as that of a child - no matter what age that child is.

The early days of the overwhelming grief of the loss of a child is beyond hard - I dont even think there is a word 'big enough' to describe it xxxx

After nearly 5 weeks on the patio, a friend helped me clear them away on Thursday. My husband couldn't handle them or the smell in the house. She asked me if it felt if a month had passed, a said no it feels like time stopped but the state of the bouquets on the patio, the chill in the air and the leaves on the ground tell a different story.

I've come across this article which isn't a magic cure but I could relate to a lot so thought it may help some of you also going through a recent loss www.psychologytoday.com/blog/laugh-cry-live/201309/when-baby-dies-picking-the-pieces

Christmas is fast approaching and I should be looking forward to it. I'd already bought DD a stocking and dress for Christmas Day. How do you get through these big occasions when you are missing someone so much?

It has been ages since I have been on here. Hi to familiar friends -- I hope you all have been managing as well as can. And so sorry to see new "faces." I'm sorry you are going through this.

Today my DS1 would have been 8 years old. He died 1 year, 9 months ago. I try to imagine how he would have changed. Though I do think he would have liked getting snow on his birthday.

Even though time has passed, I still think that it feels ... unreal ... that he is gone.

to everyone

Happy birthday to your DS wood

I am relatively new to this as it's been just 2 months since I lost my DD at 7 months. I still imagine how she would've changed though as change happens so quickly at her age.

I don't know an 8 year old who wouldn't love snow on their birthday. I'm sorry he isn't here to celebrate with you. I hope the day went as best it could for you

Happy birthday to your precious son Wood, sorry I am late with this post. Sending my love and thoughts xxxx

Thank you so much for your kind words, Leapling I'm so sorry about your DD. I think we will always be trying to imagine how our little ones would be.

Thank you very much shiney and shabbs

To all the regulars on here I say hello ABD to all those new since I last posted I am terribly sorry for the horrendous loss you have endured.

I have had quite a bit of time off from mumsnet but just need a really good dose of you all what with Chridtmas looming, the padding of my DD and her birthday.

I have missed you all and your support and hope you have been fairing as well as can be expected. I look forward to checking in and not feeling so alone in the grief I carry.

Wishing you were here my darling girl. Missing you every moment of every day.

Wow. Hit a brick wall today. The emotions of this week just caught up with me and came crashing down this afternoon. I had a good cry in the car which helped. It's time for some quiet time and some me time just so I can regroup.

So sorry Mojito
Days like that are rough. Some quiet time sounds good. Thinking of you.

Thanks all. I did have some quiet time, actually had some afternoon naps just to recharge but also spent some lovely time with my youngest DS going to the movies and just being together. It all helped. No matter how empty I feel at DD's loss the little things of being close to my boys dies bring me comfort. I hope you are all well. The lead up to Christmas isn't easy.

Morning all.

Hi Mojito I'm glad you had some time to yourself, and with your DS. Take care of yourself ... this is definitely a tough time.

This is my first Christmas without DD and would've been her first Christmas. Her friends are turning 10 months old and I know I've got 3 toughs months ahead with Christmas and her first birthday. It's been nearly 3 months already but today it's hit me hard again. My son wants to put the tree up and I just can't. I just miss her so so much.

Hi Leapling It is so hard.
The only thing that keeps me going through the holiday is making sure my DS2 still gets to enjoy it.
How old is your son? My DS2 is 5.
Sending virtual ((hugs))

Shiney - the loss of anyone else no matter how close brings that guilt to me too. I am sad for the loss of someone but it just brings up all the emotions of my DD passing and of what she never got to enjoy. My boys and I were spoilt recently by my mum and went off to see a wonderful entertainer. As much as I made the night about them all that was in my head was "what would DD think and feel about this, she shouldn't be missing it and then the guilt I feel at not having been able to save her". Then I start to worry that maybe the boys can sense all that is underlying as they are so attuned to my moods. Then I just go round and round.

Leaping - what keeps me going too is doing the best I can to give my boys the closest thing to normal I can considering they lost their sister. Your loss is still so raw and it rears its head no matter how much time passes. Do what feels right for you as then it will be right for your family. Maybe it's a different sort of Christmas or whatever works for you. I always find the hardest times those between significant dates. I tend to build a wall to protect myself and pretend to others I am coping and then quietly fall apart in the aftermath.

Thank you all. It helps to have a place to say these things. I relate to everything you're all saying - putting on the race front and falling apart underneath it all.

My son is 3 and I'm determine to give him the life he deserves. I just felt part of that was having a sister. He's still struggling to understand why she isn't here too and it breaks my heart.

I feel guilty for doing anything without her (we've just had a break away) but I feel guilty not going these things as I should for my son.

I often collect things for my dd of activities I have done with my boys. Movie tickets, key rings from special shows, I even sometimes buy her pyjamas. Is that sad. I know she can't use these things but it's the only way I can feel she is still with us doing things.