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Bereavement

Find bereavement help and support from other Mumsnetters. See also your choices after baby loss.

Original poster

Miss my son so much

739 replies

LilyTheSavage · 10/11/2013 15:36

My beautiful middle son died on 10th August in a tragic and needless accident. It's three months today and I feel just as bereft and weighted with grief and sorrow as I did the day he died. It's very hard to bear. There must surely be others who have had this happen too.

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clam · 10/11/2013 15:49

I'm so very sorry. It hasn't happened to me, no, but it is my recurring nightmare. I hope you are able to find peace eventually.

chickydoo · 10/11/2013 15:51

I am so very very sorry for your loss. Am sending you a virtual hug, and a hand to hold
X

Selks · 10/11/2013 15:56

I'm so sorry. Do tell us about your lovely son, if you would like to?

QOD · 10/11/2013 15:58

I bet you do :(
Sadly there's lots of mums on here who have suffered such a loss and maybe one will come along with the right thing to say, I don't know what to say other than I'm listening.
X

FlashDrive · 10/11/2013 16:06

Im so sorry or your loss

shimmeringinthesun · 10/11/2013 17:00

Lily I lost my son 15 years ago but was never able to talk about him as no one in RL wanted to hear it. It's only recently that I've been able to do so thanks to the amazing women of Mumsnet.
I'm so glad you found your way here so quickly, because it does help, just writing everything down that you feel able to- about your son, his life, anything.
Do you want to talk about your boy? Once I began to talk about mine, I couldn't stop, and I was so, so glad that there were people here happy to listen and talk back. I needed that. I will probably need it for a long time to come.
I am really sad and sorry your son has died, let me offer a hand to hold too.

OneStepCloser · 10/11/2013 17:06

I'm so sorry Lily, please come and talk about him, much love x

Original poster
LilyTheSavage · 10/11/2013 18:08

Thank you everybody. I'm new to MN so please excuse me if I get anything wrong.

My lovely boy is/was (still can't talk about him in the past tense) a tree surgeon and had been working in France. He was missing his friends and had come back to the UK for a short break. He'd been on a night out with friends and they'd had plenty to drink, but weren't legless or aggressive. Somehow he got separated from his friends and other friends thought they were together. He was found face down in a very shallow stream in the village where he was staying with a friend. We don't know if he'd fallen from the bridge into the stream which is a 6m drop, or if somehow he'd gone down to the stream and slipped. There had been no foul play nor anybody else involved. It breaks my heart that he was alone, but I am sure that he wouldn't have been aware as he was drunk. He just passed out and drowned. I have received all the witness statements, pm report and police statements. We have a date for the inquest.
It all just hurts so badly that he's dead and gone and I miss him so much.
I'm sure there's more I need to say.............

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Madondogs · 10/11/2013 18:17

Oh lily just wanted to add my condolences to you I have never experienced the loss of a child,thank god.
Hope you receive lots of support here and you find comfort talking about your beautiful boy.(((hugs)))

LCHammer · 10/11/2013 18:24

I am very sorry to read this, Lily. Such a needless loss of life for your family.

Bexicles · 10/11/2013 18:24

((Lily)) I cannot begin to comprehend how you are feeling, sending you love. Xxx

OneStepCloser · 10/11/2013 19:44

Oh Lily, what an awful awful tragedy, just beyond words. He sounds as though he was very popular with friends and went out in life and done things, to go to France to work as a Tree Surgeon. Hoping you have lots of support around you, and you are able to talk about your son. When I was grieving, I remember someone telling me for the first few months its all about just remembering to breathe and eat a little. How are your other two children?

There are unfortunately other mums on here who are tragically walking this same road, I hope they see this for you. There is a wonderful thread on here for bereaved parents, I cant do links but its really worth having a look there as well, the woman on there will walk with you I`m sure.

Much love xx

Pawprint · 10/11/2013 19:47

So sad for you

wakeupandsmellthecoffee · 10/11/2013 19:52

I'm so sorry you have to go through this.I sincerely hope you go find peace.When MY mum passed a good friend said to me no one can tell you how to grieve.Any thing you do is right for you.

Original poster
LilyTheSavage · 10/11/2013 20:19

I stand up and do normal stuff (sometimes) and I breathe. My other sons are 23 and 20 - young men but they miss their brother. The younger is at uni and has good friends to support him and the older has a wonderful gf. I feel guilty when I laugh about something and miss him so terribly. It feels wrong that life and everything just continues. But what other option is there.

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PacificDogwood · 10/11/2013 20:23

Oh, Lily, I am so sorry.
I think breathing and putting one foot in front of the other is all that can be expected from you.
Much love and light x.

timidviper · 10/11/2013 20:35

Lily I'm so sorry to hear your story, your son sounds like a lovely young man.

Earlier this year a good friend of mine lost her son, also a wonderful young man, in another tragic accident so I understand a bit of what you mean about the loss still feeling so fresh and it feeling wrong that life is going on through my friendship. All I can say is that my thoughts are with you. Do you have friends to support you?

Please keep talking to people about him. There are lots on here who are happy to listen and some who, sadly, are in similar situations who may be able to help more by understanding.

jellyrolly · 10/11/2013 20:38

I'm so sorry for your loss Lily. Please keep talking to us about your lovely son if you feel you can. Someone so loved is never truly gone.

AuntySib · 10/11/2013 20:38

So sorry. No advice, but hugs xxx

Selks · 10/11/2013 20:44

He sounds a fabulous young man, Lily. It's such a tragedy.

Have you thought about any support for yourself, somewhere where you can talk about your feelings and talk about him? Counselling, or maybe bereavement counselling from somewhere such as Cruse. They are very good.

Keep talking to us on here, if it will help. You can come back to this thread whenever you want to - you will always find an empathic ear. Hugs.

starrynight19 · 10/11/2013 20:49

I am so sorry every parents worst nightmare ((hugs))

Original poster
LilyTheSavage · 10/11/2013 21:23

Thank you everybody for your kind words and hugs. My DH works overseas so I'm very much alone a lot of the time, but I do have fantastic friends. I decided last week that I really wasn't coping so I arranged to start some counselling. Not sure that it's really doing any good yet, but it's still such early days really. I have such terrible pictures of my DS's death in my head that I couldn't possibly share them with anybody I care about. It's every parents' worst nightmare and it's happening to us. I keep trying to remember good times and happy memories but I keep going back to his funeral and the 600+ people who came to celebrate his life with us. His brothers carried him into church, we showed pictures and shared stories and his favourite music, his amazingly brave Godmother sang, a Godfather gave a eulogy that made us laugh and cry. There is so much to say and so much not to say that I don't know where to start, but I know I ramble....

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MrsBramleyApple · 10/11/2013 21:36

Lily I have messaged you!

Selks · 10/11/2013 21:42

Ramble away x

olympicsrock · 10/11/2013 22:16

I'm so very sorry for your loss. I'm the mother of a son. My heart would be breaking in your situation. You are doing so well just to hold it together. We are listening and would love to hear more about your beautiful middle boy. X