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Find bereavement help and support from other Mumsnetters.

1 2 3 4 5 6 ··· 29 30

Find bereavement help and support from other Mumsnetters.

Bereavement

Miss my son so much

739 replies

LilyTheSavage · 10/11/2013 15:36

My beautiful middle son died on 10th August in a tragic and needless accident. It's three months today and I feel just as bereft and weighted with grief and sorrow as I did the day he died. It's very hard to bear. There must surely be others who have had this happen too.

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LilyTheSavage · 03/12/2013 07:49

Hi Rach. I'm so very sorry for your loss too.
Everybody has sent such lovely kind words and so many of these words, sadly, come from their own personal experience. I am getting better at saying to myself that it's only a bad moment..... I had a very bad moment last night (after a comparatively "good" day) when an electric toothbrush ad came on tv and I was flooded with memories of my DS buying an electric toothbrush for himself. He was so proud of it. It's ridiculous things like that that whip the rug from under my feet.

An old friend of my DS words as the manager at his family's funeral director business. They've been friends since they were 7. (My DS was 21 when he died) and this lovely young man not only visited my DS in the chapel of rest (WOW!!!!!) but he's asked if "he may have the honour of making my DS's stone when the time comes". This wonderful boy kindness just knocked me over. How fantastic he is and how completely lovely that my DS's last gift will be from his old friend. I spent quite a long time chatting with his friend on the phone yesterday and discussing what we'd like. The kindness blows me away.

Thinking of this isn't a good start to the day, but I'm going to try and pull things back by making some porridge, having a shower and getting a grip or the day will just slide......

Thank you again.

Hugs. XXX

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RachaelAgnes · 03/12/2013 11:02

Stay strong.
What a beautiful gesture from your son's friend. He sounds such a lovely lad with some great friends
Thinking of you
R x

LilyTheSavage · 03/12/2013 18:43

Thanks Rach.

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MiaAlexandrasmummy · 08/12/2013 09:07

Hello Lily. Apologies that I haven't come here to recognise the loss if your beautiful son before this. Both of you, and your family, sound amazing. This is the hardest thing you will ever have to deal with in your life, and I just hope you are being gentle on yourself. Allow yourself the time to grieve, but also to celebrate your son.
My little girl, Mia, died two years ago now, and the love and generosity I experienced - and still do - from people on MN was overwhelming. Keep writing and keep remembering. We are here. Xx

trulymadlydeeply · 08/12/2013 15:13

Hi Lily.
Just popping by to see how you are doing. Such a grim time of year for those who are newly (and so horribly) bereaved. I do hope that you are being gentle to yourself.
I had tears in my eyes when I read about your son's last present from his friend: what an incredible and moving tribute to your lovely boy.
How are your other 2 sons doing?
Thinking of you with love.xx

LilyTheSavage · 09/12/2013 07:52

Hello Mia's mummy and Truly Scrumptious (I know it's not your name but I wanted to just put it together!) Your messages are so kind. Thank you. Yesterday I decided that I needed more help and asked somebody who used to clean for me to just come next week for a couple of hours to help me get on top of it all. I know it's not really important but I also know that I feel less agitated when the house is clean and it's sorted. I feel calmer and couldn't face it on my own. I was doing ok yesterday and then I had a lovely message from an Auntie where she told me she had a picture in her head of my DS being with his Great-Grandparents (my granny and grandpa - if that makes sense). It just finished me off and I haven't started today so well. I need to pull myself together as I'm going to see my DS's friend about the stone. I hate seeing the dates. Makes it so abrupt and final. Like the end.
My other 2 sons are up and down too I guess. The youngest is away at uni and I know he's been to student services to get some help. He lives with lovely friends and he loves his course. I can't wait to have him home at the weekend. My oldest has just moved into a house with his fabulous girlfriend, but he's stressed and tired and misses his brother so terribly.
I'm just feeling a bit sorry for myself this morning. I decided not to send Christmas cards. Just can't face it. Hate getting cards without my DS's name included. But what do people put? They can't do right for doing wrong and i know some will have tried to think what will be least hurtful.

Thank you everybody. I hope your lead up to Christmas isn't too hideous. Time to put the mask on and get on with the day!
XXX

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LilyTheSavage · 17/12/2013 20:47

And so here we are preparing for our first Christmas without my darling boy. I am learning to put a mask on but it does slip very often revealing my feelings. I have been determined to put up a Christmas tree because it won't make my ds3 or ds1 feel any better if I'm moping about. I'd really like to just sleep for the next fortnight, but as that's not possible I'm forcing myself to do it. I don't feel better when I manage to do stuff, but I sure as heck don't feel worse. I have decided not to send Christmas cards as my heart is simply not in it. Most people aren't sending us cards this year which in some ways is a relief. In other ways it feels like being ignored. The cards which don't mention ds2 I just want to hurl into the bin. Only one person has made me smile. A dear friend who wrote to my dh, me, ds1 and ds3 and said "and always remembering dear Paddy. What do we do. Everything is such a massive effort. We will be with some of my family for Christmas Day and I want things to be good for my other boys, but I just miss my ds2. Is it the same for other mothers who loose a child?

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HermioneWeasley · 17/12/2013 20:54

Lily I haven't suffered the same loss, but I wanted you to know that I am thinking of you and your family. Your memories of your beloved son have made me cry.

I hope you are able to find some joy and peace in what will be a difficult Christmas. Xx

LilyTheSavage · 17/12/2013 23:13

Thank you Hermione

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cloudskitchen · 18/12/2013 21:00

Lily I have read through your thread and my heart is aching for you. Its so bloody unfair. I wish I could say something to ease your pain. I hope you have a peaceful Christmas and draw strength and love from each other xx

LilyTheSavage · 19/12/2013 07:29

thank you clouds. Peace is about as much as I can hope for this year. My husband comes home tomorrow and our other two sons will be around. It'll be good to have them nearby. Yesterday was a grim day for some reason. Hoping today will be better. I've got lots to do which is always a good thing. Keeping very busy is the way ahead.
XX

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forcookssake · 19/12/2013 08:21

Hi Lily, just come across your thread. It completely sucks that your son died so recently, so pointlessly, so unexpectedly... I'm sorry this has happened.
I hope today goes okay for you-if the mask slips, so what, you are doing your best in such difficult circumstances. Thinking of you

LilyTheSavage · 19/12/2013 15:04

Hi forcookssake (like your user name!) Thanks for your message. The mask goes on and off and I have no idea when or where it's going to slip or stay. It's all a bit of a lottery and I just have to roll with it.

XX

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RachaelAgnes · 22/12/2013 13:56

Hi Lily
Just wanted to pop on and wish you a peaceful Christmas
Take care of yourself
Sending you love and some strength to 'do this' x

Pancakeflipper · 22/12/2013 14:01

I read your thread in Nov and just want to say thinking of you as Christmas Days draws closer.
Will be thinking of you.

LilyTheSavage · 22/12/2013 18:13

HI Rach and Pancake. Thank you very much for your lovely messages. It's so kind of you. At the moment I'm doing ok, but doing very little. I'm trying so hard to make it as good a Christmas as I can for my other two sons. If I just stop and go "on strike" it won't make them feel any better. It's such an effort and I'm soooo tired. I keep saying to myself "it's just another day".

A peaceful Christmas is about as much as I can hope for.

Much love to you all.

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angelfire · 22/12/2013 19:16

Hello Lily
Sending you love

Skogkat · 22/12/2013 20:20

I was reading this thread when it started (I've NCed since) and I will be thinking of you. I lost my son (due to prematurity) five years, and n the early days it is literally having to make yourself go on, for even one more minute. I love my other children so much but there's just this need, which is overpowering, for him to be there and be back and be safe.

and be kind to yourself.

50ShadesofXmas · 22/12/2013 22:23

Big hugs to you and your family, all of them. You write beautifully.

Walk tall.

LilyTheSavage · 23/12/2013 22:07

Thanks Angel and Skog and 50Shades. Your messages are sweet and caring and I really appreciate them. Skog - I'm very sorry for your loss too. All we can do at the moment is carry on and try so hard to make the best of things for our other children. It won't make anything better for them or make them feel any better if I go to pieces. It won't make me feel any better either, but I'd rather try and help them.

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LilyTheSavage · 23/12/2013 22:10

I'm approaching my first Christmas without my middle boy. It feels wrong, but I'm so conscious that if I go to pieces it will make my other two boys feel much worse. I have made a beautiful arrangement of flowers to take for my ds's grave and we're going to the midnight service on Christmas Eve and I shall light a candle at his grave to burn all night. The thought of him being alone is unbearable.
Desolate. Lost. Wrong.

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Pancakeflipper · 23/12/2013 22:26

It's not fair. It really is not.
Try to not think too much about the days ahead but focus on getting through it. Then plan a day to hide/cry/scream and look through your photo albums and remembering the family fun you had together.
Hugs for you Lily. You must feel very lonely.
And words cannot help.

LilyTheSavage · 24/12/2013 17:45

Thank you Pancake. I'm trying so hard but feel so fragile and crumbly. I have my DH and DS1 and DS3 here. Have to keep it going for them. Hope you have a lovely day tomorrow.
Words do help. They show people's kindness and compassion. Being ignored is the worst thing.

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RachaelAgnes · 25/12/2013 14:25

Lily,
Have been thinking of you today. Sending big hugs
Rach x

Pancakeflipper · 25/12/2013 18:44

Happy Christmas Lily.

Hope you are ok.

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