Miss my son so much

[LilyTheSavage]

My beautiful middle son died on 10th August in a tragic and needless accident. It's three months today and I feel just as bereft and weighted with grief and sorrow as I did the day he died. It's very hard to bear. There must surely be others who have had this happen too.

[Sockssocks]

Also sending my love to the many others on here who have lost a child.

💐

[Sockssocks]

Nc for this
Firstly I want to send my love and deepest condolences to you. I am so sorry that you have become a member of this club

yes Im afraid Im in the same ‘club’ as you

Its been 5 years and struggle to say the word ‘died’ ‘dead’

Time has stood still in a weird way. Its before - and after now. I know I’m still in denial but it works for me and helps me cope

The pain is something that you cant even put into words but I remember at the time gasping like a goldfish a the sheer pain of losing my son.It was like being in a middle of the scariest horror film. Panic.Terror. The worst thing was not being able to bring him back. I wanted to breathe my last breath into him to get him to wake up. He was 27 and in his absolute prime.

I struggle to look at photos ,and videos hurt so badly that I don’t torment myself any more until Im ready. I miss him every single moment, hes my first thought when I wake and last before I sleep. In a strange way I have learnt that the pain is comforting as he is with me forever. I carry the pain like his heartbeat inside me

Only when we experience deep pain can we experience deep joy. I truly dont worry about anything now as the ‘worst’ has already happened to me. It feels though I have developed a super power of some sorts (weird to explain) but I survived the loss of my son and I can get through anything


You will too OP and you will find many of us are more than happy to hand hold, listen and just walk with you while you learn to put one foot in front of another

People cope in so many different ways so don’t want to tell you what helped me or what didn’t. That can be a conversation when your ready.
💐

[endofthelinefinally]

Sending love to you Lily. Dealing with people who just don't get it is exhausting. Someone on here (I wish I could remember who) said that it would be easier if their child was alive somewhere in the world. I agree. I still wake up in the morning and feel that awful weight in my chest when I remember again that my beautiful boy is gone.
It really is nothing like going to university/getting married/emigrating to Australia. I have heard it all and it doesn't get any easier.

[LilyTheSavage]

Waves to endof and LargeLego.... thank you all for your kind messages. Baglady - 11 years seems such a long time. I'm dreading the 10 year mark next year. These years with a zero seems more significant, but they're not really any different to our other "horror days". After nine years I'm learning to breathe through the waves and troughs and even find moments of joy, but all the time the sadness is there.
I have a very dear and old friend who is estranged from her son. She thinks she's in the same boat as me but she's fucking NOT. Her darling boy is alive and breathing, she just doesn't see him (not her choice). It's not the same at all, not in any way. Her lack of understanding on this makes me so angry. I am sad and sorry for her situation but her insistence that it's the same really upsets me. I had to say something. She didn't agree, but at least she shut up and stopped.

Life just muddles on.

[JungleZgok]

My heart and soul is going out to you Lily, LargeLegoHaul, bagladywilts and the many others who are also desperately missing their adored ones xxxx

[bagladywilts]

11 years for me on 1st Aug. Sending love and support to all the bereaved mums out there. It’s a lonely place and very few people can understand but you are not alone x

[LargeLegoHaul]

Lily Thinking about you and Paddy today and in the days to come. I find the days either side are just as difficult, if not more so, than the anniversary itself.


I have since NC’ed but we were on the long running thread on here together.

[Reader57]

I am so sorry. I can’t begin to imagine how hard this must be - always and forever. I’ve been sad because my son has a difficult life in some regards but he’s alive and healthy and I can see him, I’m so lucky in comparison. Sending love and hugs xx

[endofthelinefinally]

Oh Lily. It is so hard. It is 6 years for me. I miss my son every single day. Sending you love and sympathy.

[LilyTheSavage]

Nine years. Nine years today that I was told my beautiful son had died. I went to his grave last night to do flowers for him and thought how futile it was to make his place look beautiful, and how utterly futile and pointless his death is.
How do we carry on without him? Well, we do. There are still moments of joy, we find humour in silly and funny things that I know would make him chuckle. I can still hear his voice in my mind sometimes, but the very essence of what makes him Paddy is gone.
I miss my darling boy so much.

[LilyTheSavage]

Thank you for your kind messages. I don't come back to my thread very often but it's never far from mind - as is Paddy. It was his eight anniversary in August... I just keep breathing through that dreadful day and eventually get out of that awful trough. The days leading up are worse than the day itself. I don't know if it's the anticipation and the memories but it is hell.

There is no "getting over" this, there is only keeping on keeping on, and doing the best I can.

Endof- I'm sorry you've had a difficult time and I hope that you feel a little calmer now. Sending love as always. xx
Lottie and Neededadvice - thank you very much for your kind words.

[endofthelinefinally]

Oh Lily, I just saw this. I haven't come back to this board for a while. I had a difficult couple of weeks - mother's day is a trigger I guess. I do think about you and your darling Paddy and the other mums on this board. As one of my friends said: "We are in this club that none of us wanted to join".
It is over 4 years for me now and the pain is still raw.
Just wanted to send you love.

[needadvice54321]

@LilyTheSavage

Today is Paddy's 29th birthday, his eighth birthday without us. He is forever 21. Stuck at at 21 years 5 months and 3 days. I miss him with every fibre of my being. I have seen the last few days remembering his birth and how we nearly lost him. Just to hold him again. Just to hear his voice, smell him.
How I miss my Paddy.

Happy birthday yesterday to your darling boy x

[needadvice54321]

@Fifi080575

Lily the Savage I feel your pain 😢 I lost my 14 year old happy, always smiling son nearly 6 weeks ago in a tragic needless accident he was knocked down and killed. My heart has been totally shattered and I feel as if I am just existing not living. I have one other daughter who turned 18 2 weeks after her wee brother died so emotional 💔 he was so full of life and enjoyed life had so many plans for his future 😢💙💔 my life will never be the same 😢💔💔❤️💙

@Fifi080575 , I've just spotted your message, I know a year has now past but I wanted to say I'm thinking of you and hope you're doing ok x

[Lottiethelemming]

Hi @LilyTheSavage
First of all, happy birthday to your darling son!
I hope you are all ok? I just had a bereavement in my family of a 21 year old. Very sudden and unexpected but my family and I all rejoiced in the fact that he was living 'his best life' up until he passed.

We had the best memories of him and we know he made the most of his life until his end. His memory will stay with us forever more. I can only imagine Paddy's will be the same for you all.

I remember reading this same thread a while back. I've never forgotten. My thoughts have been with you since x

[LilyTheSavage]

Today is Paddy's 29th birthday, his eighth birthday without us. He is forever 21. Stuck at at 21 years 5 months and 3 days. I miss him with every fibre of my being. I have seen the last few days remembering his birth and how we nearly lost him. Just to hold him again. Just to hear his voice, smell him.
How I miss my Paddy.

[Fifi080575]

Lily the Savage I feel your pain 😢 I lost my 14 year old happy, always smiling son nearly 6 weeks ago in a tragic needless accident he was knocked down and killed. My heart has been totally shattered and I feel as if I am just existing not living. I have one other daughter who turned 18 2 weeks after her wee brother died so emotional 💔 he was so full of life and enjoyed life had so many plans for his future 😢💙💔 my life will never be the same 😢💔💔❤️💙

[endofthelinefinally]

Sending love to Lily, and everyone else who has lost a child, or anyone they love.
We just keep plodding on. One day at a time.

[Yappy12]

Hi. Sorry about your son. We lost our only child, daughter Rachel aged 22, last year from Sads.

[LilyTheSavage]

Another photo came up on my memories and it just hit me. Paddy was wielding his chainsaw on a huge fallen tree. He made it into a beam for our kitchen fireplace. It's here beside me right now. Getting better with age. New cracks are appearing and the colour deepens and changes.

The loss, the missing, the emptiness of missing my darling boy in an otherwise full and happy life. Always that shadow of sadness.

[endofthelinefinally]

Yes. Photos.
They have to be sorted eventually but it is so painful.
I have cried a lot today.
and hugs for everyone grieving the loss of a child.

[LilyTheSavage]

Thank you all for your kind words. I've had a very wobbly evening after I accidentally opened some photos and they jumped to pictures of Paddy. How can pictures have the power to knock me off my feet?

Thank you endof... sending big hugs as always.
Liz - I'm so sorry about your darling daughter. There is a thread where those of us who have lost a child can share. Maybe you'd like to start your own thread and find support especially for you. Big hugs to you.
Pineapple - thank you.

[PineapplePatty]

I'm so sorry for those of you on here who have lost a child.

OP, I've nced but your love for your DS always shines through, and I'm so sorry that I've not got any better words to express how much I want to send my love to you.

[LizGold]

My beautiful daughter Lara of 17 months has passed away on the 9th February this year due to Sepsis. It all happened so quickly. One moment she's a happy little girl and the next moment she is gone. Ripped away from us. Every day waking up I feel anxious, empty and just sad. It still feels like one BIG nightmare I wake up to every morning. I miss my little girl!!!

[labazsisgoingmad]

God bless you i can only imagine the pain you are going through we are all here for you on MN