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Find bereavement help and support from other Mumsnetters.

1 2 3 4 5 6 ··· 29 30

Find bereavement help and support from other Mumsnetters.

Bereavement

Miss my son so much

739 replies

LilyTheSavage · 10/11/2013 15:36

My beautiful middle son died on 10th August in a tragic and needless accident. It's three months today and I feel just as bereft and weighted with grief and sorrow as I did the day he died. It's very hard to bear. There must surely be others who have had this happen too.

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Report

headoverheels · 01/02/2014 08:56

Hi Lily

I've just seen your thread and I wanted to say how very sorry I am. I have 3 DC and I can't imagine losing one of them in the way you describe. The pain must be overwhelming.

Glad to hear that the anti depressants are helping a little and that you have made it through the recent milestone dates. You are so brave.

When is the memorial stone placing and blessing?

Sending hugs.

LilyTheSavage · 01/02/2014 11:46

Thank you headoverheels. It's good to have achieved some balance even if it is a chemically induced balance. It works for the moment.

The blessing and dedication are on the 2nd March which is five days before Paddy's birthday. The school that he attended are having their Old Boys weekend that weekend which is why we're aiming to have the stone in place then so that his friends can see it and be there. There is usually a hockey match between the School First XI and the Old Boys. This year they have agreed to forgo their part in the match and instead the local hockey club's men first team will play the Old Boys in memory of Paddy. He and his older brother both played for the local club as well as for school. It is a truly lovely gesture. What is also very nice is that an old friend of Paddy's is making his stone as a final gift to him. His kindness is overwhelming and is hard to bear.
Thanks.

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LilyTheSavage · 10/02/2014 09:28

Six months feels like a lifetime,
a split second and yesterday.

My darling Paddy.

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takeitaway · 10/02/2014 10:11

Hi Lily,

Thinking of you and wishing you strength today.

Your love for your dear boy shines through every post you write.

Mojito100 · 10/02/2014 14:44

Lily - my heart goes out to you. I am so very sorry for your tragic loss and no words I can say can take that terrible aching pain away. I lost my DD 5 years ago in a senseless tragedy and knowing what you are going through now I wish I could take the burden from you, return your beautiful boy to you and let you live the wonderful life you had before his passing. This grief we live with can be all consuming and overwhelming. I have my dark days where it all gets too much and then I have my days where I am managing to pretend the mask is working. Be kind to yourself and let the emotions be within you. It's hard at times as they are so painful but don't rush the process. How you feel at any given time is meant to be and right for you. Grief is so individual and even though us parents who have lost loved ones walk the same path it is also our own unique path. My heart is with you and I wish I had seen your post sooner so I could let you know I am here with you and always happy to listen.

Mojito100 · 10/02/2014 14:49

On another note in my experience reporters are absolute vulchers and deserve to be treated with contempt. Their sensationalist approach for the purpose of titillating readers offers no respect to those whose loved ones have passed or to the memory if the dearly departed. I am sorry you had to suffer this.

LilyTheSavage · 10/02/2014 16:46

Hi mojito Thank you for your kind words. You said exactly what I go through every day. I'm so sorry about your DD, and I think that you understand.
for mojito

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LilyTheSavage · 17/02/2014 08:05

And so today my darling boy's headstone is being erected. It's been made by one of his oldest friends who is now a memorial stonemason. What a wonderful last gift. To say that I'm not looking forward to seeing his name carved in stone is something of an understatement, but his place needs to be marked.

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Flopsygrowsup · 17/02/2014 08:20

Blessings xx

ajandjjmum · 17/02/2014 08:26

I haven't seen this thread before, and with a 22 year old son, my heart bleeds for you. Wishing you strength today - what a boy he must have been to have generated such love, not only from his family, but from so many friends.

Mojito100 · 17/02/2014 09:06

My heart is with you today. May you feel the presence of all of us who have lost loved ones standing beside you, holding hands and giving you our strength at this significant time.

LilyTheSavage · 17/02/2014 20:57

Thank you Flopsy and ajandjjmum and Mojito.

I have been surprisingly calm today. I felt very sad and emotional when I saw Paddy's stone, but his friend has done the most amazing job. The stone is going to be dedicated and blessed soon and a lot of his friends will be there. I just miss him terribly. He should be here.

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MiaAlexandrasmummy · 17/02/2014 21:01

Lily. Paddy. Love. Forever and always.

I am so glad Paddy's friend has done him proud. Xx

LilyTheSavage · 18/02/2014 07:54

Thanks Mia's
I have some snowdrops on my kitchen windowsill and I think of Mia....

Love and light. XX

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Mojito100 · 21/02/2014 13:07

Lily, just letting you know I am thinking if you.

LilyTheSavage · 21/02/2014 14:10

Thanks Mojito. That's so kind of you. How are you doing today?

for Mojito

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Mojito100 · 22/02/2014 14:15

I'm good at the moment. Missing DD every single day but am coming out of the worst of it. The three months each side of Christmas are the worst for me. Keep going forward is my mantra but as you know there are just some days it's hard to put that foot in front if the other. My Psych says things change over the years but I don't see hie this toy feeling will ever move.

LilyTheSavage · 23/02/2014 08:46

Glad you're doing ok. I'm calm most of the time (thanks to the antidepressants that I take) but am in turmoil underneath. The mask is on and I sort of function. The searing pain that tells me he is really gone is never far from the surface and is in danger of erupting at any time.

Keep going forward.... not moving on, as to me, that implies forgetting our DC. I sometimes think that I'm afraid to be ok as when I'm feeling that I'm in the depths of despair that at least I'm thinking of my DS and I'm more sort of 'with him', and that there is no space for happy thoughts of him. The bad thoughts and missing him push out the happy thoughts. I don't know if that makes sense.

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ann1986 · 23/02/2014 22:37

Dear Lily I lost my son in a tragic road accident over 20 years ago. I thought I had dealt with his grief. I havent and I never will. I remember once, many years ago, attending a meeting of parents that had lost their children. I was so angry with all of them. How could they understand how I felt? They had no idea of my pain!! 20 years later the pain of losing my son Matthew is just as raw. He was 6 years old. The pain continues. If you need someone to talk to, please feel free to message me. I am so sorry for your loss but I do know how it feels to lose such an amazing beautiful boy much too soon xx

ann1986 · 23/02/2014 23:06

How long will I love you?
As long as stars above you
And longer, if I can.
How long will I need you?
As long as the seasons need to
Follow their plan.

How long will I be with you?
As long as the sea is bound to
Wash upon the sand.

How long will I want you?
As long as you want me too
And longer by far.
How long will I hold you?
As long as your father told you,
As long as you can.

How long will I give to you?
As long as I live through you
However long you say.

How long will I love you?
As long as stars above you
And longer, if I may.

Mojito100 · 24/02/2014 10:56

Lily, I completely understand. It's how I feel. I was pleased to read Ann's post as I'm confident no matter how many years pass the pain will always be just below the surface and the slightest scratch will bring it out. The psych says the grief/feelings do change over time but I just can't see that being the case. Only time will tell. Sorry my messages don't always make sense. I type them on my phone and tiny keypad. Keep your memories close and know we are all here for you.

LilyTheSavage · 24/02/2014 12:29

Hi ann and mojito

I can understand that you will always have your grief, but I'm hoping that it will become more manageable and that it will be easier to keep "the mask" in place. People say that time heals and quite honestly, I just want to hit them. Well meaning platitudes aren't really helpful, but I guess people want to say something to try and help and platitudes are the best they can come up with.
mojito - don't worry, your messages make perfect sense to me.

Hope you both have a calm and peaceful day.

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LilyTheSavage · 28/02/2014 07:18

We're starting a big weekend remembering Paddy. His headstone is being blessed and dedicated on Sunday. We've asked family and friends to join us for a picnic pot-luck lunch followed by a hockey match in his memory. It will be bitter sweet. I sometimes wonder whether actively seeking memories is harder than just the day-to-day functions. I don't have an answer to that question.

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Mojito100 · 28/02/2014 13:30

Lily, I'm with you in spirit on this day. I'm sure it will be bittersweet and I also don't know if actively seeking memories is harder than day to day. Both can be so overwhelming. I know you will feel the love and support from those with you on the day but in those quiet times you need for yourself I hope you feel all of our love and support with you. Remember him always and know that he loved you as much as you lived him. Thank you for continuing to share your journey with us.

LilyTheSavage · 02/03/2014 08:02

Thank you very much mojito

I do feel that a lot of love and support comes from my wonderful faceless friends here on MN. It's odd I guess how much you can be given from strangers.... but actually, the strangers become friends too.

I hope he knows how loved he is.

Sending love to you too. I know you have your own pain and grief, so thank you for thinking of us. XX

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