My amazing DH is gone. How do I cope?

[IcanandIwill]

Am totally worn out and emotionally exhausted. My story will be obvious to anyone who knows / recognises me. DH died suddenly three weeks ago. Two weeks ago I gave birth to our baby. I'm really looking for advice from anyone who has lost a partner. How on earth do you cope. I cannot get past the fact that he won't be coming back. It does not feel real and I can't accept it. How on earth do you get through the day / week / months?

Good, glad it seems to have helped you. Try and get some rest, though with little ones that is not easy....

You were right. I'm exhausted and quite down now. I suppose it's everything that you let out still swirling around your brain and making you realise it's bloody real

You are a brave soul.

I'm so sorry this has happened to you, it is unbearable and shit. It isn't fair and it shouldn't be like this.

I believe in counselling. I think it works. It makes truths and realities something we can absorb. But you have to work your socks off and live through the atfermath.

You have done a good thing today.

Ican. I wish I could say something to make you feel better. But all I can really say is that I am so, so sorry for your loss. Sending you love and strength.

The quote that springs to mind is 'When you are going through hell, keep going.'

X

So so sorry.

Tonight I am angry. Really angry. I suppose it's the counselling, I've talked about things that I'd tucked away.

I'm cross, really really cross. There is a person responsible for this. Still living and breathing. My little boy will never meet his Dad and the girls will only have patchy memories

Hey. Sorry no one was around last night. How are you doing this evening?
X

gin thanks for checking in. I don't think anyone could have said anything last night to help. I was just bloody cross. I still am. Life really is crap sometimes. It's only when you have to deal with something like this that you realise how tough other peoples lives can be too.

Struggling with my toddler at the moment. To be expected I suppose. If I'm confused then no wonder she is too!

Sorry not been on work been full on, you have been in my thoughts though. Is there anything that we can help you with ? Just an idea if you tell us what situations your toddler is struggling with then maybe we can come up with some things that might help you both ???

checking in again :)

Am not the most useful person probably as I have no direct experience...but am available as a shoulder or someone to shout at if needed.

Am sorry you feel like you're struggling with your daughter, toddlers are hard work at the best of times, but this must be really hard.

Do you know what? Everything I type seems just facile and not v helpful. What I would actually like to do is give you a cuddle.

Xx

Thanks both of you.

DD is just struggling and I get that. It's just so hard to deal with. She was never an easy child and this has just pushed things to a new level. Her eating and sleeping have always been poor and now they are awful. Her behaviour is terrible and I try my best but am lacking the mental strength to deal with it how I normally would. I love the little soul and want to help her. I spoke with the helpline at Winstons Wish today and they reassured me I'm doing the right things. But this combined with everything else is just physically and mentally exhausting.

My family are fantastic and friends are great but it still takes its toll.

Thanks for checking in

Of course it takes its toll. But that doesn't mean it's easy for you!

sending love and strength. There are shoulders here whenever you need them.

Keep going xxxxxx

I am so sorry for your loss.

Take all the practical help you are offered. If it is not offered, don't be afraid to ask. Lean on those around you (and Mumsnet) for support.

Much love to you and your baby. We are here when you need us x

Love to your girls too. You sound like a wonderful mum .

Good that you talked to the helpline and that you got reassurance. As you say toddlers can be hard work even without experiencing what you and the family are going through. She is expressing herself to you through her actions and with time it will settle down but in the meantime try and make sure that you get some "me " time so that you can breath a bit . Don't feel guilty about asking for it . Take care.

I managed to write a sentence last night that had so many words missing that it made NO sense whatsoever. Apologies for that. I blame DS2.

Thinking of you x

Thanks for the support. Had a busy weekend with friends. It's great to see the girls having fun and little DS is always looked after. It's near on impossible to give each of them the attention they need. I feel rubbish that I can't manage it, then angry that I should even have too. But deep down I really, really want to be able to cope on my own. If I dont have DH then I don't want to rely on anyone else. But then I know at the moment I really, really can't cope on my own. God it makes me want to scream.

Thanks for listening! Its good to just get those feelings out there!

I have just now seen this. I'm so sorry for your loss. I think counseling is a wonderful idea. You have so much on your plate, I think it sounds like you are doing a wonderful job even if you feel overwhelmed.

Perhaps one way to look at it as that one day you will be able to return the favour by looking after their kids or helping your parents ? That is what good friends do they help each other out in times of need so try not to worry about it. Hope you have a peaceful week.

Please try not to beat yourself up about accepting help. You are coping, very very well. The love and care you are giving your children is easy to see from here.

Managing to keep on going when you are heartbroken is a brave thing y'know. Having support from people who love you doesn't take that achievement away.

If you want to rage then we are here to listen too.
X

Thanks. Had another counselling session today. I do feel a sense of relief after I have off loaded. My counsellor has also said that it's ok to have help. I suppose it's realising that taking help isn't admitting defeat.

Bloody hell, it definitely isn't admitting defeat! It's finding a way to get through this. And anyone who cares about you is going to want to help in any way they can.

You are definitely not defeated at all, please don't think that for one minute. You are doing so much and coping with so much at the moment and you are from where I am standing doing a great job in a very hard situation. Please don't beat yourself up.

Struggling tonight.

I think it's because I feel like life's moving on and I don't want it to. I'm having to find a path through this on my own. I don't want to but I have to.

I feel like I'm forgetting what we had. I think it's because if I think about it it's too much and I can't deal with it.

Couple of things have happened that have brought back some real heart wrenching emotions. Memories. Important stuff. Urgh.

I think I need to go to bed.

Oh lovely. I'm sorry.

Xxxx