My amazing DH is gone. How do I cope?

[IcanandIwill]

Am totally worn out and emotionally exhausted. My story will be obvious to anyone who knows / recognises me. DH died suddenly three weeks ago. Two weeks ago I gave birth to our baby. I'm really looking for advice from anyone who has lost a partner. How on earth do you cope. I cannot get past the fact that he won't be coming back. It does not feel real and I can't accept it. How on earth do you get through the day / week / months?

Thanks. I feel like we should go out and do something but I want to avoid all those happy looking families out for Fathers Day (I know it's not really all sweetness and light for everyone). We'll get some balloons and I'll ask DD1 what she'd like to do and maybe just be brave if it's something that makes me sad but makes her happy.

Is there anything special she liked to do to mark particular days? My son likes to bake when we have a family occasion. Don't worry too hard about it though and do accept the emotions that will come flooding over you - you really are doing everything you can do just by hanging in there and getting through these difficult days one at a time. Don't be afraid to ask for help (virtual or real) - it's so important to have support around you. xx

Ican, I'm so sorry for you as your childrens loss!! You husband sounds like he was a lovely man.

I lost my dad 3 and half years ago and my do we're devestated (very close to there grandad)

And we decided to do this for them and thought maybe you would like to as well.

My dc wrote letters and attached them to balloons which they had drawed over and said they would send th off to grandad they loved the idea and they were smiling and happy whist doing it.

Grief has horrible stages all hard in there own way, I look back at the firsts months and think how on earth did anyone get through any of that!! But it's strange, it's no so much that it gets easier its mostly you learn to live with it, if that makes sense? You finally realise there not coming home, or you no longer go to call them for something and realise, and do thins you used to do with your lovely husband will soon be replaced by something new. This is how my mum describes it and from my point of view it feels the same too.

I will be thinking of you and hope that your grow process will e easy on you and one day you will be able to laugh again and actual smile when thinking of your husband.

Also maybe the last thing you will w thinking about now but a little memory box for the children would be lovely, all the bid that remind you of him xxx

Missing my husband. I have a house full of people but still feel lonely. I suppose that's natural.

Tried to keep myself as busy as I can today. If I keep doing jobs it gives me something to concerntrate on. Two months to the date today. It feels like it's been a few days not two months.

Sending lots of love x

So I'm feeling bad and probably just tired. I have lovely people staying with me and helping me. But I'm kind of resenting them being here, resenting the fact that I need help. But I know that at the moment I cannot do this on my own, also I don't want to do this on my own. But then I do want to be able to do this alone, no one except my husband will treat my children exactly as I want. I feel like screaming. I suppose at least it's helping me realise that one day I'll be in our house with our lovely children and I will be able to cope (at least I hope so).

Lots of love to you. xxx

Hi, my dh died last July, our boy had just turned one, just wanted to say hello and recommend the way foundation. Once you've joined you can use thri Facebook group which is very helpful. They also have regional meet ups once you're feeling up to it. I miss my dh every day.

nicole thanks for the message. I've been given leaflets for WAY and have been thinking I should do something about it! So very sorry to hear about your DH, it's bloody awful isn't it. I just miss him so much and don't seem to be able to get beyond that. Lots of love to you and your little boy.

So I got some of his belongings back from his vehicle yesterday. It's all so strange. It's good to have them but made me do sad.

I had that because he had been away with work and I got all his luggage. I slept with his dirty shirt for a long time. I do feel for you - there are no ways to make it better. I would recommend WAY - just so that you can be in touch with others going through the same thing.

I've just found this thread and have nothing to add to the wonderful advice that you've been given.

However, I just wanted to let you know that I'm thinking about you and your lovely DCs and wishing you strength and courage and hope x

Thinking of you today xxx

Thinking of you and your children today, much love xx

Hi thanks for the messages. Today wasn't actually too bad. Busy with family, we planted an apple tree for daddy and let some balloons go. It was good to mark the day and actually kept us all busy.

Yesterday was actually much worse for one reason or another, I suppose I was due a better day

Thanks everlong I'll remember that for future big days.

Very sleepless night with baby. Woke up feeling sad and desperate. Giving his clothes a hug and thinking of my wonderful husband

ican.hi.just read your post and wanted to respond to yous latest message.
I am so very sorry for you.i can't imagine.sending you a big big hug.take care and be kind to yourself.will be thinking of you and your children.xx

Can you call someone (adult)today so you dont have to be on your own

Thanks I have MIL with me, she's done the school run for me. Haven't had a hiding from the world day for a while but I think I need it today. The bad nights with the baby always lead to the worst days.

then you give yourself one of those days and take all the help you can/need.
Don't have any personal experience of this but sounds like it is too soon for you to look out some of the organisations that have been suggested.guess you will know when you are ready.
It is hard enough to take time for yourself with a baby let alone all that you so sadly have to deal with.maybe a hideaway day is just what you need now.(((hug)))xx

Struggling today. I think it's the lack of sleep. Really missing his cuddles when I'm tired. I think on the outside I seem to be doing ok. Daily life is ticking by. But I am struggling with the fact that my wonderful man is not here or ever going to be. I can say it, write it but I can't accept it. I suppose the suddenness of it means I'm probably still in shock. It feels like life before the crash was someone else's life or even a dream. What I have now is a new reality and I don't like it very much. I do have my wonderful children but I don't have the man I was supposed to share them with.