''Even the smallest of footprints have the power to leave an everlasting imprint on the Earth'' Remembering with love our darling children

[Whatevertheweather]

Remembering not only what we have lost but what our darling children have given to us.

A new 'safe haven' thread. Thank you Chip for our last one which filled up in just a month. A sure sign of lots of tears, smiles and wonderful support.

All our children have taught us something whether they were born sleeping, lived just a little while, weeks, months or years. Here are mine:

Never ever take anything for granted, life can change very quickly.
Listen to yourself; your instincts will nearly always be right.
That it is possible to function seemingly normally with a broken heart.
That I have a wonderful relationship that can withstand the hardest of times.
That love and support can come from the most unexpected sources.
That I have a lot of very lovely friends, new and old.
That my family is amazing.
That no matter what it is impossible not to smile and laugh with my beautiful Katie around.
That a rainbow can provide hope in the darkest of times.
That there will be good days and bad days
That I love my children more than I ever thought possible.

For all our darling children xxx

Mias, for me, the day Sylvie-Rose should have been six months old was hard. Oddly enough, after that I didn't even really notice that six months had passed since she died. The sixteenth of every month is hard as she should have been a month older.

You will find the inquest a tough, tough day. We found the PM results day tough and I imagine an inquest will be harder still and it will rake it all back up.

It has been a gruelling day for us but nothing is ever as hard as the day they leave us.

chip I hope you're okay after today.

miasmummy It's been 4 months to the day since we last had our boy as well. It really is such early days for us all isn't it? I hope it gets easier.

Just to let you know I'm thinking of you all (((hugs)))

I was coming on here to say how I feel, but I fear it is so selfish of me right now xx

whatever the wedding looked lovely!

orion it's 16 months for us since Scarlett died, feels like a long time but like yesterday all at once.

tami hugs, say how you feel if it'll help. xx

A big week for sure Everlong it'll also be 8 months exactly on Wednesday since Erin died. A day of mixed emotions. It was definitely hard being back in the church. Overheard one of my relatives saying 'it's a relief to be here on a happy occasion' Wish I'd not heard them say it.

What's up Tami we're here to listen xx

everlong Cheese Thank you xx

I feel really guilty for this: When I first got pregnant with Tamsin, I thought I could never love another baby as much as DD1 (of course DS too, but you know another little one).

I've said before how much closer I felt to Tamsin, much more so than DS or DD1. It was as though she understood how I was feeling, and responded to it. She would particularly kick vigorously when I was sad, as if to say "hey mum, cheer up". Stupid I know, but it's true. I could think something, ask her silently, and she'd respond. As if she & I were telepathically linked.

It took a while, after she died, to regain the depth of affection for DD1, or at least to allow myself to feel it.

I've noe recaptured it. But I feel guilt, real, real guilt. I feel close to DD1, so very close, but I feel as if I've let go of Tamsin, or rather, as if she's let go of me.

I feel that I'm losing her. I've not got any memories to remind me of her, just photos, 'things' she wore, etc; but nothing to remind me of her, except how she responded to me inside.

I know none of this makes sense. I play with DD1, can feel real love, then cry my eyes out (as I am now), because I feel I'm letting Tamsin go. I'm scared stiff I'm going to forget how I felt close to her... so very scared.

Tami, she knew how you felt because she was a visiting angel. Angels are very psychic, you know!

Tami, you write beautifully, write it down, write pages and pages on when Tamsin was an inside-baby and put it in her memory box. And then read it back when you need to.

You will never forget her, her heart is entwined in yours.

Thank you chip I love the visiting angel idea, truly love, love LOVE it xx

I'm sorry for this, especially when others are facing tough times. I was thinking of you & Sylvie-Rose all day xx

I forgot - the rainbow I saw on Saturday, I put a photo on FB xx

tami you're not being selfish (hugs). I know what you mean about memories, I kept all the scan photos and as much as possible but the only tangible memories are the kicks. It's trying to hold on to those, I have very vivid memories of the kicking so I'm hoping they stay with me. She will always be a part of you though, no matter where you are xxx

Just thought I'd poke my head in and give all you ladies a well deserved hug.

I havnt been on here for a while but with Ophelias birthday this week it made me think of all of you.

'My darling Fi, my golden haired daughter with the perfect features who looked just like her daddy. We miss you every day, you are the glue that sticks us together ' we made something so perfect'
To beanbag and bungle the babies that were not meant to be, you are so loved were so full of promise. To be taken from us in such a way and so early. Life is so infair but I am happy I carried you all.
Mummy and Daddy loves all of you. My three little ones.

Cheese It's horrible isn't it. I have no one in RL who understands... not really, no one wants to talk about her anymore. I can't help thinking that she is fading away, but not from me xx

fanjo Ophelia is such a beautiful name. I'm so sorry for your losses, and Happy Birthday to Ophelia (I really do love that name) xx

Oh, Tami, I saw a rainbow in the sky this morning in a place where I never usually see one. Maybe Tamsin sent it.

Chip You know I was thinking the other day, for Tamsin to send you a rainbow - when I was thinking about you & Sylvie-Rose, I was silently asking her to tell you that Sylvie-Rose is OK. Sorry, that must sound barking mad... but it's true, I did want her to send you a rainbow xx

OK, I feel really bad. I'm sitting here in floods of tears, wondering how I'm going to manage toddler group (how selfish am I?).

The thought of never having another child is weighing on me. I'm so very miserable. I feel not good enough. DS's dad didn't want DS when I got pregnant (though he did before), and DH always wanted a 'family' with me, then didn't want Tamsin when I conceived her. What is wrong with me? Why do other people have partners/husbands who want to have children with them, yet not me?

I'm sorry, I'm just having a really, really bad day xx

tami You are more than good enough. You are a wonderfully kind and generous person - with special powers to send rainbows and grow angels in your tummy!! Follow the advice you give so kindly to others - be gentle on yourself.

Don't lose hope in your situation, but you might need to make some hard decisions if you want your home life to be different. Change is always possible. Please, don't be afraid to say what you feel. We are always here for you. And we think you're great.

chip it's interesting what each of us count. I find the 15th of each day ok, Mia would have been another month older, but the 23/24th very difficult. It's like I can still celebrate Mia growing older on the 15th, but there is nothing good I can bring up about the other date, only terrible memories.

whatever happy birthday to your DP!! What a tricky day for you tomorrow, with the scan and the Erin's 8-month anniversary.

The wedding photos were lovely, but I am so and at that thoughtless comment from your relative - especially when they must have realised how challenging it was for you to be there at all.

everlong very impressed with your fitness regime - and the discipline!!

orion it is a very short time, but the memory of cuddling Mia feels like another lifetime. Hard day today for us both.

fan we will be remembering Ophelia with you on Friday. You are amazing in the way you are coping with all this.

cheese thanks for your kind words.

Off to Olympic volunteer training this afternoon, then meeting former work colleagues. Doing my crying for Mia this morning, and hopefully that will be enough to get me through the day... sounds silly when I write it down like that though.

Thank you miasmummy I hope you're OK? Would be lovely to go to the bluebell wood - if the weather improves :) It's hard as tomorrow is 6 months to the day, that Tamsin died xx

everlong I did get out to toddler group. I feel a bit silly there, as no one talks a great deal to me, but DD1 absolutely loves it. Hope the aerobics goes well xx

whatever I hope DH enjoys his birthday. It's shocking about what was said at the church. It's bad enough losing a child, but dealing with DHACs is awful. You imagine the pain would be enough, it's staggering the insenstivity of others. Will be thinking of you tomorrow... such a bittersweet day xx

Tami, first of all wrt to guys not wanting to have kids with you, trust me, it's not you, it's them! You are such a loving Mum and you should have 10 children in a fair world. Well done for getting out to the group, I know it wasn't easy.

Whatever, wow, some people are really missing the sensitivity chip, aren't they? Try not to let her get to you.

Everlong, what flab?

this is the poem the chaplain read out at the graveside yesterday:

Reflection : A Message from Sylvie-Rose

I?ll be in the breeze that rustles in the trees
When Autumn days are here.
The first Winter snowflake which falls in this place
Will just be me kissing your face.

When light gentle raindrops fall on your brow
I?ll be whispering ?I?m with you now?
The sunshine that bathes you in its warm Summer glow
Will just be me kissing you so.

And when Spring comes around, I?ll be easily found
In the flower you hold in your hand.
So whatever the season, please don?t be sad.

So grieve awhile for me, then let your grief be comforted
by trust that we will meet again. Bless the memories within
your heart, I won?t be far away, for life goes on, and if you
need me, call and I will come. Though you cannot see me,
I?ll be near with all my love around you, soft and clear.
And then, when you must come this way alone,
I?ll greet you with a smile and I?ll welcome you home.