''Even the smallest of footprints have the power to leave an everlasting imprint on the Earth'' Remembering with love our darling children

[Whatevertheweather]

Remembering not only what we have lost but what our darling children have given to us.

A new 'safe haven' thread. Thank you Chip for our last one which filled up in just a month. A sure sign of lots of tears, smiles and wonderful support.

All our children have taught us something whether they were born sleeping, lived just a little while, weeks, months or years. Here are mine:

Never ever take anything for granted, life can change very quickly.
Listen to yourself; your instincts will nearly always be right.
That it is possible to function  seemingly normally with a broken heart.
That I have a wonderful relationship that can withstand the hardest of times.
That love and support can come from the most unexpected sources.
That I have a lot of very lovely friends, new and old.
That my family is amazing.
That no matter what it is impossible not to smile and laugh with my beautiful Katie around.
That a rainbow can provide hope in the darkest of times.
That there will be good days and bad days
That I love my children more than I ever thought possible.

For all our darling children xxx

[Mechavivzilla]

Oh Mia your poor DH. What an awful date, and what a nice idea to move it. Will be thinking about you this weekend.

A very dear friend of mine had her baby on the day that Dexter died, and while I am so so happy for her, I am dreading birthdays in years to come. I haven't even visited her yet, I am an awful friend.

fioled thank you for sharing your story with me. The fear and worry must be immense. We joked when Dexter was still in Neo natal that we would allow him a bicycle when he was 22, and he could leave home at 43. The doctor at the six week check said there was no PHYSICAL reason we shouldn't try again, but to make sure we were emotionally ready. Will we ever be? How would we know? How do we get through another pregnancy, and not totally smother and coddle another baby? But we do want a sibling for Dex, and so many of you wonderful, strong, brave women have done it.

So much sadness and pain :( wishing us hope and kindness.

[lavandes]

Morning ladies xx

[shabbapinkfrog]

Morning girls xx Just been watching the Australian lady on the news. Azarias mum (the little girl who was taken by a dingo.) I remember this story breaking 32 years ago. I was pregnant with what everybody thought was one baby.....found out at 36 weeks I was having twins!!

I remember believing her right away but sadly thousands of people around the world didn't. She was imprisoned for many years, her marriage broke up etc etc. I also remember I wanted her to cry when she was interviewed because to the cameras she appeared to be angry and arrogant. I think that is why people were so quick to judge her.

Listening to her today she still is....just more mellowed. The interviewer said 'have you got over it now?' I saw her eyes get angry and she started her reply with 'You NEVER get over it you learn to live with it.'

I am so glad that it has been proved she didn't kill her 9 week old daughter...but what a long road it has been for her.

[Bluetinkerbell]

mias I hope the weather improves a bit so you can have a nice birthday for DH.

just like fioled we've got a difficult week ahead... we're also going to the Sands Memorial Service at the National Memorial Arboretum on Saturday. Sunday is Sterre's remember day, the day we found out last year at my 20 week scan that she had died :( Wednesday will be her birthday. We've all taken a day off and are planning to go to the churchyard to tidy up her grave and DD1 and I will bake a birthday cake with lots of stars on top.

It feels all very strange though being pregnant now, fioled I think you'll understand as you had the same last year being pregnant with X on B's first birthday...
One of my friends asked me yesterday how my scan went on Tuesday and commented that it's nice now the baby is a bit bigger and you can see it's a real baby... I smiled and said, well I know exactly what a baby that size looks like, as I held Sterre last year like that :(

hugs to everyone x

[orion3]

mias your poor dh, that's awful. I hope that he can enjoy Saturday and relax, you both deserve that!

[matildawormwood]

Good morning all. We've got our first counselling session this morning. I thought I wanted to go but now I'm wondering if it's too soon. Not sure if I've got enough distance from it to even know what I want to talk about. I'm hoping it will help DP to open up because every time I bring up the subject of D he has this way of shutting down the conversation, not in a horrible way, more in a "don't upset yourself" sort of way. I've sort of given up even mentioning it now which is crazy as it only happened six weeks ago.
Mecha I also had my six week check up yesterday but I don't think my doctor was quite as sympathetic as yours. I got a bit upset and he just looked so embarrassed and then I felt annoyed with myself for crying in front of him. The whole thing was strangely AWKWARD. Don't know why it had to be.
Mias that sounds like quite a major event you've got going on this weekend. You are very brave. Wishing you lots of strength and sunshine to help you get through it...and to anyone else with difficult days or anniversaries coming up.

[fioled]

fm that is a lovely thought but I had actually been wondering if blue would like to start a thread for Sterre. I don't think blue has started a thread before and it is Sterre's first birthday. Let me know blue - if you don't want to, then I'll do it, but I'd really like you to have the baton before me :) xx

Yes it was really strange being pregnant over B's first birthday, but in a weird way, every time we did something for her I 'forgot' I was pregnant. People kept telling me to rest all the time on the fundraising walk we did, on her actual birthday and at the fete, but I couldn't rest, because X wasn't 'allowed' to be my focus. That sounds terrible doesn't it. I guess what I mean is resting would've felt like I was putting the new baby before her on her days and I couldn't do it.

Last year we had such a huge focus I coped much better with the run up to her birthday. This year its taken me a lot longer to accept its going to happen and get a plan in place. I'm feeling much more at peace now we're going to the Sands day on Saturday, that's really important to me and DH. We're taking a pebble I've painted for the Sands garden, plus when we get back Saturday evening some good friends have asked us to go out for Belle. I'm touched they've remembered the day, so my mum is sitting for the evening and we're going out for a meal to raise a glass to B.

On her birthday DH has the day off. we're going to send a chinese lantern at 00:08 when she was born, a balloon with a card attached later on in the day in her garden, a big number 2 balloon to leave there, getting a posy made for her, going to paint some pebble for her garden and ours so she has some here as well as the Sands garden, and going to buy a cake I've seen in M&S which is just perfect. I guess we'll go somewhere for a walk too, probably the fundraising walk we did last year for her. We'll send another chinese lantern on the 28th, her funeral day. I just hope it feels enough.

mecha that's what I mean, how would you ever know you were emotionally ready? It is such a huge thing.

Sorry, epic post!

[fioled]

Oh everlong, how beautiful and heartbreakingly sad at the same time.

[lavandes]

That is so sad everlong x

[fioled]

Just been reminded by everlong the new system of passing on threads to someone else. Sorry blue for mentioning you, its whatevers place to pass it on, not mine and fm.

Sorry whatever if you feel we've been inapprioriate.

[shabbapinkfrog]

Shouldn't panic too much Fioled - theres still almost 40 messages left on the thread - I sounded like that bloke off Dads Army then 'Dont panic Mr Mannering'

[MiaAlexandrasmummy]

Oh, everlong that is truly heartbreaking. So much pain and love carried by so many, often hidden away. I hope that girl went home and was hugged by someone.

[frasersmummy]

i'm probs gonna get deleted for this but I dont care.. what a load of tosh everlong...


we need a new thread.. who F**n cares who starts it or who asks who to start it ...there are no rules on here there are just bereaved mummies all trying to support one another and if we dont get a new thread then the support will dsiappear ..

if its gonna be an issue for fioled or blue to start a thread then i will do it myself and if everyone else wants to wait till whagtever has had her baby then thats fine ...

[frasersmummy]

who are you calling a bully??????????????? how dare you ...

I think if you are going to leave cos I say we dont need to nhave the thread handed on in some bizarre ritual private messaging ritual then I am not going to beg you to stay.

as for pming people to say start a new thread.. thats wrong on so many levels...no-one should need to wait to be asked...

its all about being there for each other and if someone takes the initiative and starts a new thread then great..

[Whatevertheweather]

Ah crumbs just had a lovely message from Fioled. Please don't fall out over this. It's my fault for stopping posting/reading I didn't realise it was towards the end. As I said to Fioled I think it would be lovely for Blue to start a new thread in honour of Sterre's first birthday. I see now from reading the last few posts Fi had been thinking the same as me anyway.

I think the sooner this thread disappears the better it's been a bit of a disaster one

Over to you Blue xx

We love you so very much little Erin xxx

[fioled]

wtw not your fault at all lovely xx looks like great minds were thinking alike and all that anyway! And this thread hasnt been a disaster at all! It's been a lovely place of support, thank you for it xx

Everlong, i think 'bully' is way harsh, and who is pulling rank. I wasn't aware there was a rank, other than this crap where it feels like you want to be in charge. And as for uncomfortable the same could be said of you. You are obviously still pissed off with quite a few older faces on this thread and appear not to be letting anything go.

I usually don't start or join in with public confrontation but I'm in a foul mood this week, reaching breaking point so yes I'm feeling snappy. I just think, all this, 'protocol for starting threads' in the greater scheme of things is petty. We are all here because we have dead children, and what matters is how a thread gets started? Utterly beyond.

[Mechavivzilla]

Wow. I feel put in my place.

[Mechavivzilla]

Sorry, as soon I I pressed enter I wished I could take that back :(

Its just hard being here. We have all suffered a terrible loss and the snipping that something feels off made me feel really uncomfortable. I already feel like I am barging into a private conversation no one really wants me to join. Kind of fair enough, I know lots of people have been posting for years, but there is so little support going I could use all I can get. I am sure others feel this way.

Now apparently there is a super private new thread starting away from the "disasters" and "trolls". Brilliant. I'll go back to SANDS where no one ever posts!

[fioled]

mecha don't go anywhere! This thread is close to 1000 posts, when it will be full, so a new one will need to be started. It won't be super or private, just a new thread in bereavement.

This is my fault for anyway for publicly retracting my new thread suggestion. I'm fed up, snipey and not having a good week.

[MiaAlexandrasmummy]

mecha this thread, and all future ones after this, are for everyone who needs love, support and understanding, perhaps with the occasional dose of humour thrown in. It is a safe haven for us all. Nothing is going to change that. Please know that. Yes, there are people on here who have been posting for quite some time, but it has always been very clear to me that if anyone needs support as they grieve for their child, this is the place to come - and you will receive it from posters, both 'old' and 'new'. Everyone's own unique needs will ebb and flow over time, and we all give what we can, when we can. That is what makes this thread special on MN. x