''Even the smallest of footprints have the power to leave an everlasting imprint on the Earth'' Remembering with love our darling children

[Whatevertheweather]

Remembering not only what we have lost but what our darling children have given to us.

A new 'safe haven' thread. Thank you Chip for our last one which filled up in just a month. A sure sign of lots of tears, smiles and wonderful support.

All our children have taught us something whether they were born sleeping, lived just a little while, weeks, months or years. Here are mine:

Never ever take anything for granted, life can change very quickly.
Listen to yourself; your instincts will nearly always be right.
That it is possible to function  seemingly normally with a broken heart.
That I have a wonderful relationship that can withstand the hardest of times.
That love and support can come from the most unexpected sources.
That I have a lot of very lovely friends, new and old.
That my family is amazing.
That no matter what it is impossible not to smile and laugh with my beautiful Katie around.
That a rainbow can provide hope in the darkest of times.
That there will be good days and bad days
That I love my children more than I ever thought possible.

For all our darling children xxx

[Whatevertheweather]

Sorry to hear that lots of us have been encountering dhac's recently. People certainly don't know how to react do they. Erin is barely mentioned now unless I instigate it.

That's a very worthwhile campaign Mias Yay for nausea - I felt rotten for about 6 weeks but perversely relished it as it was a sure sign someone was making themselves comfy

Went to midwife today, baby kicked just as I laid down so I was able to say exactly where s/he was. Found heartbeat instantly which was so reassuring as it means the nudges I've been feeling definitely are baby! Roll on Wednesday.

[orion3]

I agree miasmummy the sickness is such a good sign. I've had shocking sickness for the last three months but now I'm over it. It was such a good sign that things are happening.
Some people just aren't cut out for talking about death and loss and I worry that I was one of those people before it happened to me. I hope I didn't fail to acknowledge someone's pain and grief, I'd be gutted if I was so heartless.

[chipmonkey]

Good afternoon. xx

[MiaAlexandrasmummy]

where is everyone? has everyone been knocked out by today's hailstones or caught in a torrential downpour? Or has the rain caused power cuts throughout the UK and no-one except me has internet?!? Oh no!!!

First night away from DH since Mia died (actually, even longer than that) as I am at a governor strategy seminar til tomorrow lunchtime. Feels ok now, might feel different later on... have my Mia photo on the side of the bed, smiling happily at me.

[CheeseandGherkins]

Hope the night goes ok Miasmummy

Hi Chip :)

Whatever that's reassuring :)

Orion glad the sickness is over

Having a lazy day today before inlaws come tomorrow. Dh's mum, two younger sisters, brother and brother's girlfriend. Wondering if I can be arsed to do some more cleaning! I'm leaning towards not. Currently snuggling on the sofa with my MN blanket and my boys. Dd1 is trying out a drama lesson and Ella is asleep xx

[MiaAlexandrasmummy]

whatever so glad to hear that there is lots of happy wiggling going on for you - meant to say it before. Roll on Wednesday!!

cheese sure the house will be fine, snuggling sounds a much more productive option to me. Btw, did you ever write to your hospital?

[CheeseandGherkins]

Miasmummy no we haven't yet. I'm going to have to make lots of notes and go through everything again first. Honestly, I've not had the energy, emotionally. I am definitely going to though, hopefully soon.

[MiaAlexandrasmummy]

Cheese, it will happen when you are ready. You've already taken the first step by saying you want to do it. Did you see the Mothers Instinct thread link below? I've joined, because I thought that at least a group of us can be stronger together...

[CheeseandGherkins]

No I must have missed that. I'll read up and find it then join. It's going to be a hard letter to write I fear.

[Tamisara]

Wow it's been quiet on here lately; hope everyone is OK?

Saw the most beautiful, vibrant rainbow today :)

[MiaAlexandrasmummy]

Ok here, made it through my strategy away-day, but obviously it was harder than I thought - at the lightest teasing by DH when I arrived home, I burst into tears, and have felt so heavy inside, just missing Mia, all afternoon. I guess the pressure of being around people I didn't know well for 24 hours was a lot more emotionally challenging than I expected... I have escaped into a trashy book for most of the evening.

tami forgot to say thank you for the bluebell photo. Maybe we should plan that bluebell woods trip soon? And how are you? Loved the rainbow.

cheese your letter will be hard to do, but you will do it, because it's something you feel strongly about.

[MiaAlexandrasmummy]

hi everlong, sounds like you have every reason to be a proud mother tonight!! Very impressed that not only does your DS have a band, write songs, but that they have landed a gig. Wow!! going on tour over the summer then as Mum Roadie?!

[chipmonkey]

Mias( autocorrect keeps changing you to Miss!) go easy on yourself. You need to take care of yourself and that baby!

Tami, did you take a photo of the rainbow? Sounds like Tamsin is looking out for you.

Everlong, hopefully when that son of yours is a famous rock star, he'll buy you a nice pad in St Tropez!

[lavandes]

Hi ladiesx

I am here Have had dear friends round for meal. They are so supportive and totally 'get it'. During the days after Richard died they would ring and say 'just come for dinner' no pressure they were so kind I will never forget, so now I try to make nice evenings for them. x

[orion3]

Morning all.
mias it's really exhausting to have your "I'm coping with this" face painted on all day at work so no wonder you found it difficult for 24 hours! Go easy on yourself, it's only to be expected and you did so well to manage it at all. I'm not sure I could.
I'm having a bit of a bad morning. We're going out for lunch with my in laws. My sil lives in oz and we haven't seen her since we lost our boy. She's really lovely but I'm worried about how it will all be. On top of that we're going to tell my pil that I'm pregnant. I'm so worried about this. I know that they'll be pleased but I'm so cautious about telling ( I'm 15 weeks) and I don't want them to think I'm over anything! arghh.

[MiaAlexandrasmummy]

orion I feel for you. That is tricky. When you meet with people quite a time after your child's death, it can be awkward. And then you also have the pressure and excitement of telling them about your pregnancy. However, I am sure that they will be feeling nervous, wanting desperately to say the right thing, and show you how much you and Jude have been in their thoughts.

All you can do is be truthful. Say you are worried, say that you still miss your boy everyday, and that the pregnancy on top of this gives you so many conflicting emotions. If it were me, I would probably prefer to lead the conversation, rather than answer questions initially, so then they can see what your mindset is, and judge their own words accordingly.

[orion3]

Thank you guys. Wise words indeed, I hope I can pull it off. If not I'll just hide in the toilet and let dh do it
I do know that it'd be easier with a large glass of wine though.
I hope you have an easier day miasmummy

[MiaAlexandrasmummy]

A small glass probably wouldn't hurt! You can do it, these people know and love you and Jude, and they only want to make things as easy for you as they can.

[orion3]

Just back from lunch and all went well. It was weird going over all the details with my lovely sil because she wasnt here for the funeral. My bil came all the way over but she stayed at home with their young kids.
She is really direct and she doesn't beat around the bush. She asked if every day was hell or if it was getting easier and she asked what I was doing with his ashes. I know that some people would feel awkward about beng asked so directly but I really appreciate her honesty.
Told the in laws about the baby and stressed the fact that it was completely low key and not for public consumption. Glad it's done.
No wine miasmummy but a large americano gave me some caffeine courage.

[chipmonkey]

Glad it went well, Orion. I like it when people are not afraid to ask direct questions. So much better than when they beat around the bush for fear of upsetting you.
Back from dinner with some lovely friends. Very relaxing.

[CheeseandGherkins]

tami I've been busy this weekend for a change! Had mil, 2 sil's, bil and his bf visiting and they left today. Dh and dd1 should be back after from dropping his Mum and sisters home. Had quite a nice time actually, it was nice to be sociable. I find that hard a lot of the time and tend to get quite insular so it's good for me to be around others and to get out the house. I remember after Scarlett died that I didn't leave the house for so long, just for her funeral, I couldn't even go and do the school runs. Dh and my mum did them between them. I only realise now how much I actually fell apart.

Miasmummy I'm glad you got through the day but it sounds like it was a really difficult one. I think I understand that heavy feeling, I get similar. What book are you reading? I have so much do to at the moment as well as writing the letter to the hospital. Ds2 (5 years old) is having problems in school with bullying and came home on Friday with a cut and bump on his forehead from being pushed over and dragged by his coat. Bloody school are blaming it on the children all playing games with each other, which I can accept, but why let them do it? Another visit to the head coming now. School has gone downhill in the last couple of years, they can't even find a teacher to teach dd1's (10 years) class apparently...Not for next year either which I'm struggling to believe quite frankly.

everlong your ds sounds amazing! How wonderful that they write all their own songs too! I played the piano when I was younger and I always miss it, not quite a drummer though!

lavandes hey, good to "see" you :)

orion funnily I saw my inlaws this weekend, I'm sure someone here will remember the grief we had with them after Scarlett died. I don't know why, but I have kind of forgiven them for all that just for a good family life (especially with Ella now with us) but cannot forget. I will never forget all the hurt and pain I felt because of that and how they acted. I'm in such a different place now though, maybe I'm just a mug but I do like them and try to make justifications for how they behaved. I'm not perfect and have behaved awfully at times too so maybe I feel I should "get over it" because of that. I actually wonder if a lot of it is mainly in my head, in that I remember it so much because of the situation and they think nothing of it. I do wish I could see what other people are thinking sometimes.

I'm glad your lunch went well. I wish people would ask about Scarlett sometimes, but it's all just glossed over, I suppose I'm just as bad as I put on a smile and get on with things. I disappoint myself sometimes.

How is everyone? Far too much about "Me" in my replies there, sorry. Too much time to think tonight as Ella has been asleep all day, only waking for feeds. She was awake all day yesterday apart from about an hour, must have been meeting new people; she didn't want to miss anything. It's unlike her to be awake so long. She finally settled at midnight last night and didn't wake until 6am! Makes a change from the every 2-3 hours.

It feels good to get some of that out. Feeling far too talkative tonight. I think too much. Trying to avoid posting on another thread too, which is far too close to home. I feel like screaming at them but have avoided it all day but it's popped up again on active convos since yesterday. Must avoid...