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Bereavement

Find bereavement help and support from other Mumsnetters. See also your choices after baby loss.

Original poster

Our Children budded on earth to bloom in heaven

973 replies

frasersmummy · 15/04/2011 08:12

I think we have had this title before but it seems appropriate for spring

I have started this thread in honour of all our children but particularly Fraser who would have been 7 today. Happy birthday son we still miss you dearly. You will always be our firstborn and we always remember you in our hearts

OP posts:
CheeseandGherkins · 19/04/2011 11:07

Morning shabba and all

lavandes I felt a bit better a couple of weeks ago but seem to have hit a low again. It's frustrating as I thought things were getting easier but apparently not. Maybe I need to distract myself more or something? I don't know. I'm glad your sil called you but do wish people would think about what they say more, or don't say. How are you feeling today?

kazmus Easter sounds like it's going to be difficult for you, I hope you get through as easy as is possible. I might look into some groups in this area but I find things a lot harder face to face, talking isn't easy for me, I find online far easier.

Going to get out in the beautiful sun today, will go for a nice walk with the dog and dcs I think. We have another bbq planned later to use up the rest of the food we had leftover too so that should be nice, just us with no visitors :) Dd might be having a friend over tomorrow so tidying needs to be done!

lavandes · 19/04/2011 11:12

Oh kaz have a big hug. Do you really have to spend Easter with in laws. We are doing nothing for Easter. Easter Monday was the last day we saw Richard. This year I am working on Good Friday and Easter Saturday, I could have taken holiday but to be honest I just thought bugger it I am not going to invite anyone, we will get through it on our own. And no-one has invited us, they are probably fed up with my miserable face!!! Can't you 'take a sickie'? xx

lavandes · 19/04/2011 11:35

Hi cheese I am better than yesterday, calmer. I think it is normal to feel a bit better then hit lows again. I think that is just the way it is. I find I am better when I am working and busy. When I am on my own I tend to go over it all, but you can't change the way you are. It is just crap. xx

TooImmature2BMum · 19/04/2011 16:54

Does anyone else find it hard not to go and post doom-laden messages on perfectly innocent threads? There's one at the moment in Pregnancy about unrealistic expectations of what will happen with baby no 1 - I had to stop myself from posting something like "that the baby might die and all the careful preparation would seem like a slap in the face". I feel like the Ancient Mariner wanting to grab innocent wedding guests and regale them with my tale of woe. I also feel like I can't post anything at all baby-related, because then I would need to preface it with "my baby died" to prevent people from thinking I had a baby here with me - even if the question was something innocuous like being thirsty in pregnancy. I should keep away from the pregnancy threads...and the childbirth threads...and the PFB/early parenthood threads - which is basically 85% of MN. Bugger.

CheeseandGherkins · 19/04/2011 17:35

lavandes glad you're feeling calmer today. Been trying to keep myself busy too.

Too I'm the same, everytime I see something like that I think that. I've had to hide the pregnancy and childbirth forums. That's one thing about losing a baby, nothing will feel the same again, I'll never enjoy a pregnancy (if I'm lucky enough to get pregnant again) all I'll have in my head is that it will happen again and how can people be so happy and not worry about that when it's all I think about. I was the same before, really took it for granted that she would arrive safely but my whole world was turned around in minutes.

It's just horrible.

kazmus · 19/04/2011 17:39

tooimm, despite your name you are finding the very grown up world you have entered and are having perfectly normal thoughts to do with priorities. If this crap hand we've been dealt teaches us anything its that other'problems' are really not worth the thinking space. Write out your answers, get it out of the system, scream at the screen....then delete! It's not worth your precious energy which you need sooooo much in other areas.

CazandBelle · 19/04/2011 20:10

I'm in the middle of a bit of a panic ladies. I'm coping badly with this pregnancy tonight and have convinced myself something is wrong. In the last week and a half I've only been sick twice and Saturday morning had brown spotting for a few hours. Nothing too dramatic but with the sudden feeling well and the spotting I'm in bits tonight. I can't help but compare to Belle in early pregnancy when I was constantly sick until about 13 weeks and couldn't eat anything. This baby is so different. I have my next scan next Tuesday and I'm so scared of hearing those words again. I know this is partly build up to that but my fears are taking hold of me and I can't calm myself down.

I'm just so scared.

kazmus · 19/04/2011 21:21

caz, hugs and best wishes. If you are really worried go to the hospital and get a check, the more you sit and worry the more you'll convince yourself that something is wrong. It is perfectly normal reaction to everything you've been through but no reason for you to sit at home being scared. Get medical re assurance so that you can be kind to yourself and baby. I wish you a peaceful night. x

CheeseandGherkins · 19/04/2011 22:17

Caz I second what kazmus said, definitely go and get checked if it will put your mind at rest. I hope things are ok though and I know you won't be able to relax so I won't suggest that. Maybe try some distraction? I find that doing things with my mind help, it's just silly things like scrabble on facebook, or bejewelled or things like that (and chatting too) but it's the mental stimulation that stops you from thinking about all the bad things. Works some of the time.

Minione · 19/04/2011 23:04

Oh Caz. Please get checked out if it will put your mind at rest. HAs the spotting stopped? If you recall, I had spotting at ten weeks and didn't get scanned for a week. I understand that feeling of utter dread and panic, I had it then and still feel this way now. tbh I don't think either of us can 'enjoy' our pregnancies, can we?

Sending you a big hug, pm if you want to xx

shabbapinkfrog · 20/04/2011 00:41

Caz I would like to echo everybody elses words - go and pester the hospital. If you are worried go and pester them till they dont know what to do with you LOL. You are entitled to the finest care the NHS has to offer - you have paid your national insurance contributions and your taxes. Its so weird that I cant remember being worried when I was having DS3 but Im very sure I must have been. Time dulls those kind of feelings. Knowing what I know now I would, quite simply, insist they give you some help. If I can help you in any way at all just let me know....Im great on the phone bollocking telling people off!!! xxxxx

Marengo · 20/04/2011 04:31

I hope you don't mind my posting this here.

I lost K when she was 9 months old, but it is 30 years ago. I feel so bad to mourn her so, when all your grief is so raw.

I'd just like to acknowledge her, and to let her go gently.

Marengo · 20/04/2011 04:39

I'm really sorry that I didn't read the last page of this thread before I posted.

Caz, please let me back up everything that others have said here. If you have not done so already - please do phone the hospital and explain how you feel. Please do not wait till Tuesday. I am sure that everything will be ok, but you must have the reassurance that you need.

Marengo · 20/04/2011 05:34

I just miss her. K. Sorry, sorry, sorry - should not be going on about it. It's so long ago! I miss her. Sorry.

lavandes · 20/04/2011 06:31

Morning ladies xx

I agree with everyone else Caz I think you need to go to the hospital today. Do not wait at home worrying all weekend. Take care xx

shabbapinkfrog · 20/04/2011 06:35

Morning girls. xx

Marengo my twin baby boy died almost 29 years ago and my DS3 was killed almost 19 years ago. I still have times when it is so raw that it makes me feel physically sick. Welcome to our thread but very sorry we had to meet here. xx

travellingwilbury · 20/04/2011 06:53

Morning all x

Caz How you doing this morning ? Any chance you can get to see your midwife today ? I am sure they will completely understand you needed the assurance .

Marengo 30 years or 30 days it doesn't matter , it can still come and bite us on the bum . I am sorry you are walking this crappy path .

I hope everyone is doing ok this morning x

janedoe25 · 20/04/2011 07:34

Morning.
caz i echo everone else, go get chencked out at hospital i really do hope everything is fine!

marengo don't feel bad about grieving i hope you have a more gentle day today. My daughter Zoe was stillborn at 41 wks just 7 weeks ago.

I hope everone has a gentle day ahead
xx

CazandBelle · 20/04/2011 10:14

Hey girls. Im much more together today. Been sick so that's a reassurance. I spoke to hospital Monday and they said to go in if there was anymore, there hasn't been. Im sure this is all build up to having another scan, just not sure how I would cope with those words again.

Blimey if I'm this bad at 11 weeks, who knows how bad I'm going to be as we approach the same time as belle!
You are all wonderful for making me feel like I'm not losing the plot!

travellingwilbury · 20/04/2011 15:47

I am glad you are feeling better today Caz , pregnancy was always going to be hard for you . You are nt losing the plot . No-one would blame you if you spent the whole nine months camped in the hospital car park Wink

lavandes · 20/04/2011 16:54

Lokk after yourself caz we are all here for you xx

everlong · 20/04/2011 18:28

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

spilttheteaagain · 20/04/2011 19:32

Caz 9-10 weeks is when the placenta takes over so your hormones start to stabilise, so a classic time for the sickness to improve. I wish I could say something magic to calm your fears, but if there are magic words I sure as heck haven't found them and could do with them being said to me! I've found this pregnancy quite a lonely experience so far as the fear is very isolating and people can be dismissive of it. Everyone around me said "oh you'll be fine this time!" and I wanted to murder them, thinking "how the f* do you know? It was going to be fine last time too!"
We can't promise you that it will all be ok. It's very very likely that this pregnancy will end with you having a healthy baby to take home, but I know that it's impossible to stop worrying about the tiny chance of tradgedy, because that is all you've known so far. We are all here for you to hold your hand. Do ask for as many appointments/scans/monitorings as YOU feel you need for your own sanity and reassurance. Good luck x

spilttheteaagain · 20/04/2011 19:33

(FWIW I was less sick this time round too and so far things are going ok)

peterpansmum · 20/04/2011 19:41

Evening ladies x
caz am glad you have felt a little more settled tonight.

Am feeling shattered tonight, thinkin I may b coming down with something.