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Find bereavement help and support from other Mumsnetters.

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Find bereavement help and support from other Mumsnetters.

Bereavement

Our Children budded on earth to bloom in heaven

973 replies

frasersmummy · 15/04/2011 08:12

I think we have had this title before but it seems appropriate for spring

I have started this thread in honour of all our children but particularly Fraser who would have been 7 today. Happy birthday son we still miss you dearly. You will always be our firstborn and we always remember you in our hearts

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frasersmummy · 27/06/2011 14:36

oh shabs I can only imagine what that doest to you I guess he doesnt really understand the impact he is having on you. He's just a typical boy

I think we do test and grade kids too often, p1 started in Aug last year by xmas they had them all split into top middle and bottom groups. some of them were only 4!!!!

Kids need to grow and learn at thier own pace and some of us are just not good at exams (that would be me)

any takers for a new thread??

OP posts:

CazandBelle · 27/06/2011 15:23

I think the sentence "Love, like starlight, never dies" from blue's book would make a lovely thread title. I know it means a lot to ppm too. I haven't stopped thinking about it since blue shared it with me earlier in the week.

What do others think?

shabbapinkfrog · 27/06/2011 15:24

I think its beautiful Caz - I reckon you should start our new thread with it xxx

Minione · 27/06/2011 16:26

Oh, Shabs, I agree that kids are tested too much. There's a lot of pressure on them and I'm sure Tom didn't mean to upset you he's probably just very stressed and expressed it in a clumsy, teenage boy way!

Caz LOve the idea of the thread, its very beautiful and poignant x

Bluetinkerbell · 27/06/2011 16:47

That sounds like an excellent plan!

Our meeting with our vicar was very good. It's going to be a very personal and informal funeral. The ideas are there, now just finding nice prayers, and bible text. We've set the date for 16th of July provisionally.

CazandBelle · 27/06/2011 18:03

If no-one objects I will start new thread tomorrow then... xxx

I'm glad the meeting with the vicar went well blue - at Belle's funeral the passage about Jesus saying let the little children come unto me was read. We had the children's hymns "There's a friend for little children" "Jesus Love Me, this I know for the bible tells me so" and "Gentle Jesus" A year ago tomorrow.

I hope your plans come together peacefully. Thinking of you.

Finally reclaimed my house back today after it being a state for weeks in the run up to the fete. It such a nice feeling sitting in a tidy room again!

shabbapinkfrog · 27/06/2011 18:43

Well Tom came home and apologised for being thoughtless - he is a good lad really, a very good kid. He is just 13, almost 14 and I remember being a horror at that age.

xx

Bluetinkerbell · 27/06/2011 18:51

sorry just need a little rant

just sent an email to everyone that we've set a provisional date for the funeral
My sister replies that she won't be able to attend as they will be on honeymoon, unless she postpones or cancels that.
My brother will also have difficulty attending...
In what ways do you try to accommodate everyone being able to attend?
My family do live abroad, and have to travel for a day to get here, so it's not that easy, but still if I need to think of everyone who would like to come, I might not get a funeral this year!

shabbapinkfrog · 27/06/2011 19:10

Blue - as long as you are there I don't think anyone else matters. Just read that back and it sounds a bit heartless - its just how I feel x

Bluetinkerbell · 27/06/2011 19:19

I know, but I'm always the one that tries to do good for everyone, and I am always to one who feels hurt when they're moaning.
Was just a bit by the way my sister wrote, and I know she didn't mean it that way but still, it sounded like it was my fault that it all coincided with the run up to their wedding and honeymoon... Believe you me if I would have had a choice in the matter I would still be happily pregnant at their wedding instead of getting absolutely drunk!

CheeseandGherkins · 27/06/2011 19:30

Blue I know it's hard when people don't make the effort, dh's brother didn't come to Scarlett's funeral and it still bothers us both now, 6 months later. It was incredibly hurtful and just awful. It was hard enough dealing with the death of our daughter without the added feelings of rejection from family members. It was important to us that she was remembered but also that others are there to support you, that's the point as well.

Dh saw the dr this morning, I made him an appointment first thing and after talking through everything (I went with him too) he's now been put onto anti depressants. He started them this morning so we'll see how that goes. He has to go back in a week. I'm really relieved. Went to see Scarlett again today and took some fresh flowers, it was very peaceful there.

I'll try and put the link I posted of Scarlett and her grave, flowers and updates onto my profile, just sure where though.

It's been quite an emotional and draining day today, am exhausted.

CazandBelle · 27/06/2011 20:11

blue you simply cannot accomodate other people when it comes to your little ones funeral. The only ones who matter in the planning are you, DH, DD and Sterre. Those who care enough will make the effort to be there regardless of what they have going on in their own lives or the difficulties in travel. I'm so sorry if that sounds harsh, but please don't spend time worrying about others right now.

The hardest lesson I learnt early on is that people will surprise you, in good and bad. Those who you thought you could rely on will let you down and those who you would never have been close to before could become some of your closest friends. We no longer speak to DH's father because he treated us appaulingly in the weeks after Belle's death. I was flabbergasted that his own father could be so callous when his son needed him the most. But we don't need people like that in our lives. Even a year on I'm not strong enough to had that man anywhere near us.

I read something earlier in a blog that caught my attention - Our friends are God's hands on earth. Lean on the people who are around you and offering their support at the moment.

cheese I looked at Scarlett's pictures the other night. She is so pretty and her garden just beautiful too xx

janedoe25 · 27/06/2011 20:36

blue exactly what caz said. The day is about you, dh and most importantly little Sterre. Do what you feel is right for your little family no one or anything else matters.

shabbapinkfrog · 27/06/2011 22:36

We had this song at Matts funeral - OMG I wish we had sung it like this. He loved the song and always sang 'I am the Lord of Gods settee!!' LOL. Almost 27 years old my little man. How on earth did that happen....and how on earth have we carried on? xxx

Bluetinkerbell · 27/06/2011 23:03

Ah well, at least my dad sent a sensible email to say that he understands that not everyone will be able to be there.
We have an appointment on Wednesday morning to go to the funeral director to arrange some more things.

Caz I am already surprised by how many people who said they would like to be there, people I've only known for the last 7 months, since we moved here! It's amazing that we ended up in this parish with these people!

shabbapinkfrog · 28/06/2011 06:44

Morning girls xx

CheeseandGherkins · 28/06/2011 08:14

Morning all.

I actually slept well last night. I feel quite relieved now DH has been seen and starting to be treated, I think that was weighing on me quite a lot. I feel a bit like a different person today, sounds weird and dramatic but it's the only way I can describe it.

caz (hugs) your father in law doesn't sound like a nice man at all and I'm not surprised you don't want him anywhere near you. Thank you, I think she is too :) We're trying to keep it looking nice and clear from any overgrowth there, added the big windmills and the solar light at the weekend. It was nice to see them blowing strongly in the wind yesterday.

shabba I'm no expert but even now I look back and think to myself how did we get through that? I wonder how I gave birth knowing our daughter was dead. I faced a lot of medical fears that day too (I'm odd and have a fear of lots of things like that such as inducement and needles but had a canula put in for the first time ever). Sounds silly but it was a lot for me. I think that at the time, you just have to do it and cope, does that make sense?

Blue thinking of you lots, those early days with all those arrangements to be made are so hard. My mum and dad did everything for us as I just couldn't and nor could DH. I wonder if I should have tried harder now to do it myself for our little girl but I know I did what I could at the time and just getting through each day was enough.

CazandBelle · 28/06/2011 11:14

Started new thread ladies...

www.mumsnet.com/Talk/bereavement/1247195-Love-like-starlight-never-dies-Our-precious-children-sparkling-in-the-sky-xx

shabbapinkfrog · 28/06/2011 11:36

Lovely new thread Caz - have posted.

Thank you so much Frasersmummy for this thread - a 'safe haven' for me to come and spill my feelings, a place where I am not judged and a place where I am supported. Thank you my friend xxx

Bluetinkerbell · 28/06/2011 11:54

We decided today to postpone the funeral by a week, as my FIL couldn't be there either and he really wanted to be there too.

Has anyone had like a necklace made?
I would really like one of these as we don't have any hand/footprints of Sterre. S/he was just too tiny and we didn't want to do that. So I've wanted to use the 12 week scan pic.

lavandes · 28/06/2011 13:53

Thankyou so much for this thread fmxx

frasersmummy · 28/06/2011 14:05

I started this on my boy's birthday and is spring turns to summer its time to hand on the baton

Fraser you will always be in our hearts..

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greenzebra · 29/06/2011 09:43

blue I have a keepsake box from Alexandras, they are a lovely company. I think those necklaces are lovely. I have a locket with Ophelias picture and a lock of her hair.

Flip

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