Beyond the distant star, I wish upon tonight to see you smile, If only for a while, to know you're there.

[shabbapinkfrog]

Our thread to honour and remember our precious children who sadly are not 'physically' here xxxxx

Why are some people so insensitive and stupid??

talking of stupid... I parked at the undeground and went to work for 5 hours today. Might have been better if I had turned my headlights off!!

I had to wait an hour and a half for green flag ... I was raging and freezing and had to get my mil to pick up Ross

spilt... I ached for another baby right away as well.. I remember thinking the house seemed so empty. I dont know how it could be empty when Fraser had never been here but it was

Hi everyone

CAz - glad you put that man in his place - what a twat! Some people really are stupid.

Hope your DH is ok x

DH booked a private scan for saturday (we have to wait 2 weeks for NHS one). I just want to know that I am pregnant, just for my own reassurance and peace of mind. The NHS one will also be a nuchal scan and be very detailed so obviously we'll still go but just need the reassurance iykwim. He's so good to me, he's had a really stressful day at work, had to give a presentation to the governors and still had time to sort this out

Spilt - I hope you gain something from all the tests, you're in such a difficult place at the moment.

Hope everyone is ok

Morning ladies xx

Morning girls xx

Morning xx

morning girlsxxx

evening..how are we all

I am quite chilled tonight ... not often I can say that

Its quiet here! I'm ok thanks FM - its been a fairly good day. I've finished reading "Empty Cradle, Broken Heart" and it seems to make a lot of sense to me. Again there is a lot I want to re-read as we get to that point, e.g. next pregnancy so I can rationalise myself at that time.

Got upset in Asda earlier. Only popped in for a few bits but the baby christmas costumes, party dresses etc at the front of the store is really rocking me. It is so unfair.

Think I'm going to treat myself to strawberries and chocolate before bed.

Morning girls xx

Caz - I find it hard to even cope with the word - Christmas - so dont be too hard on yourself my love...xx

Hi all.

Hardly slept last night, done the morning in work and feeling v v tired now. Tomorrow I'm doing a full day so I hope I sleep better tonight.

my team leader appears today with pictures of her boys taken in nursery.

This is my 1 year old ... this is my 3 year old

and then... this is my 2 little boys together..

Now I hope you all know that I dont grudge anyone their kids god knows I wouldnt wish what happened to me on my worst enemy. But thse 5 word .. my 2 little boys together made me want to smack her

Irrational .. yes.. unreasonable .. yes..

but what did I do.. said .. aww thats lovely... and then came home for a rant on here

where I would be without you all

I'm so sorry you have been upset fm there seems to be no end to it does there? You rant away we will listen as you do for us xxx

caz Christmas is going to be so difficult for us. Just think in 7 weeks it will be over. xx

fm The slaps I have given people in my head while nodding and smiling are numerous xx

caz I hope you have had a peaceful afternoon xx

mini glad you have gone ahead and booked that scan , be kind to yourself , I imagine the day will be wonderful but tinged with sadness for you both xx

Shabs you ok ? You seem quiet ?

All ok here (ish) J and D seem to be getting every little bug going the last couple of weeks . Lack of sleep and bloody worry is doing my head in . People just don't seem to appreciate how hard I find it when they are ill , even when it is just supposedly little stuff .I want to bloody scream at them .
Harry only had a sodding cold .

Thanks TW, I'm really nervous but in a way I think it will help having a scan at a differnet place before I have to go the THAT hospital and have a scan in THAT room where our whole world fell apart.

FM - Yep, you feel like a shit for thinking that way but its so unfair.

Caz - Good luck for tomorrow, work can be a distraction but so exhausting!

Hope everyone else is ok x

Good point mini , I think you are right x Makes perfect sense .

mini.. I think you have totally made the right decision .. good luck with it

Apparently its national son week.. so here's to all our boys, those here with us and those who arent

bless them all

fm I so felt for you reading that.

It's not really the same but I had one of those moments yesterday when I heard that our friends' 20 week scan was done last week and went really well. Of course I am pleased and of course I didn't want anything to have gone wrong, but God, all I felt was rage and then a pain like I'd been kicked in the chest. Why did I have to lose my baby and someone else keeps theirs?? I know there is no answer.

Sometimes I just feel that my life has parted company with the rest of the world's and is carrying on on a completely different tack. Their joy is my grief.

I've seen the GP today and sorted a fit note now for a phased return to work. I'll be going in on Friday morning, eek! It's scary but I do think the hardest bit will simply be walking in the first time and seeing their faces/hearing the first words. At least we keep all the spare tissues for the building in our office, so there's about 50 boxes I can cry through...

Morning girls xx

Morning ladies xx

morning all x

I can't take anymore.

DH is having to go back down the hospital this morning because his head has just got progressively worse since his lumber puncture on Monday. We knew this would be a side effect for a whilte after, but almost 72 hours later he is just getting worse and worse and now is sensitive to light.

My Mum is having to take him cuz I just couldn't see my head being happy with me asking for a day off on what is supposed to be my first ful day in work.

I can't do this anymore. I'm not dealing with the added stress at all. Why can't things just settle down for us? What the hell did we do to deserve 2010.

Oh Caz - sometimes it feels like one thing after another doesn't it? The major sadness is the loss of our child/children - all these other horrible things would happen anyway but we are already very low and sad.

Its so much harder to cope with added worry and stress.

I hope your DH soon feels 100% better. Sending both of you my love xx

caz big hugs ,things will be brighter again one day,i promisexxx

First morning at work tomorrow

I'm sure they'll be nice but it's bloody terrifying!

good luck tomorrow spilt..I will be thinking of you

Be prepared for other people being upset and finding yourself comforting them!!! I know that sounds mad but it will happen.. trust me

Caz It feels like when you have lost your child that you have had your share of hearbreak and stress and you shouldnt be handed any more doesnt it.. Its all too much

sending you a hug and best wishes for a speedy recovery for your dh