Beyond the distant star, I wish upon tonight to see you smile, If only for a while, to know you're there.

[shabbapinkfrog]

Our thread to honour and remember our precious children who sadly are not 'physically' here xxxxx

Where the hell was that written fm ?

It is not a bloody competition , huge big hugs to you xxx

Just been back and read it and tried to comment...but cant find the right words.

where is it shabs ?

Hi Everyone

FM - that's awaful and agree with Tw that its not some competition. Malachy will always be my firstborn and forever missed regardless of how many children I go on to have. Where is this thread?

Hope everyone is ok x

sorry girls its not on mn.. its a blog I have been watching

I guess you all know which one.. and I am sorry to drag it on to here ... I am really not trying to cause trouble was just bloody annoyed

Ah, I see. You're not causing trouble x

Hugs to everyone who needs one.

I'm absolutely exhausted. We went to our friends sons christening today. I felt a little weepy at times, but I did ok for the most part. Even interacted with the baby and made him smile. I still couldn't hold him though.

Ladies - I've just been looking at a blog which I think some of you on here have also been looking at. I just wanted to say if any of you are feeling upset about it - try not to. There are extremes of opinion on all matters and I think that's what we have there - at the very least. What's said there isn't what most people would think. Hope it's ok to post this. I didn't want to comment there because I think it just inflames things - am sitting on my hands!

I have been reading that blog and I am sure wqe all know who it is. I always offered her my support and took her support and can honestly say I do believe her and I did miss her. She deleted me as a friend on fb, I don't know why. But I think that she needs some professional support, maybe I do too.

fm please do not let this distress you. I think all our grief is real it is not a competition. I used to feel that I was on the wrong thread because most of you were the mums of babies but I feel that I have 'connected' with you all and you understand my loss also. We are all in the samwe boat and do not let anything make you think otherwise. xxx

Well said Lavandes.

Well done, Caz, it must hsve been quite a difficult day x

well done caz... you did brilliantly

I think I was quite "odd" just after I lost Fraser cos I was dying for cuddles of anyone's baby!!

I remember hubby buying a suit for the funeral and this woman came in with tiny baby in her arms.. I wanted to ask for a cuddle ... till dh reminded me she would think I was mad stranger trying to steal her child .

Everyone else I know in the same circumstances would run a mile rather than hold the baby

YOu were really strong well done

Northen - its ok to comment dear. But even commenting here will probably inflame something, we have lurkers. I believe things are copied and pasted and saved and used and twisted when suits. [Rolling eyes smiley]

Anyway, past caring. Won't be looking anymore. Won't be making the mistake of commenting or trying to justify my devastation. Why the hell should I need to anyway? I know my loss is real and life-lasting. I don't need validation.

lavandes you said it perfectly.

Hope everyone is doing ok this evening.

I've been to church and I think it was exactly what I needed after a tiring day. Feeling more peaceful this evening. My kitty cat is asleep on my lap and we're watching Xfac results! :)

hugs caz xx

yeah caz I learned the hard way not to comment.. I wont even read any more

so my boy had his first karate grading yesterday...

He is completely hyper and telling anyone that will listen that he is a red belt!! not just one or 2 red tags on his white belt but a full red belt!!

His happiness is infectious

Not the only one who learnt the hard way fm :)

Glad you have had a nice time with your boy! Well done on the red belt! :)

Hiya girls xx

Morning girls xx

Morning xx

Morning all. Currently sat in university hospital Cardiff waiting for Dh to have his 2nd lumber puncture... I'm the nervous one today.

Fingers crossed for you Caz (and of course your dh) x

Morning everyone.

I hope your DH's lumbar puncture goes to plan Caz, sounds nasty.

I've just had my next blood test to try and figure out what my thyroid is up to and what help it needs. I'm quite chuffed with myself because I have always been such a needle wuss but I got through this one with no one to hold my hand, no tears and no passing out. It is an achievement!

AF seems to have started today so we will probably be ttc now. I feel such a NEED to be pregnant again, it's hard to explain.

Next week is the big consultant appointment. We'll be going over all the blood test results (my bloods from the day of birth), placenta results, Bobbie's skin sample results etc to see if there is anything to be learnt. Also to discuss the plan of action for the next pregnancy. And please God we will be able to find out if Bobbie was a girl or a boy, I find it so so hard not knowing, and trying to avoid saying "it"

Life is so empty.

Morning all hope everyone is well. Thinking of you all in the run up to Christmas.

DS is getting a blessing at DD2s christening at the weekend as his christening was in the hospital with his brother and he missed out on having Godparents. He is looking forward to the party bit and seeing his friends. He does a lot of talking about his brother at the minute and it breaks my heart to hear him. I have to try so hard not to cry. He talks about rescuing him and playing with him.

Take care and hope you all have the strength to carry on smiling. Much love CM

Glad that is over. Dh feeling fine again already this time. Much calmer and smoother with the xray. Just gotta wait 6 weeks for the results now....

Somebody, apparently knows how I feel because:
a) his ex told him she'd had an abortion and he spent the last couple of months really upset.
b) she hadn't, but now baby is here she won't let him see the baby.

Quite angry and hurt. I basically said you've no idea how I feel and how dare he try and equate his current situation with mine! Told him he had the time to build bridges with the child's mother and then his child and that he couldn't say that would never change. Not getting on with the child's mother and access currently isn't the same as the finality of my child's death.

Proud of myself for being direct and putting in place.

Really not in the mood at the moment for people taking the mick.

Well done for sticking up for yourself Caz. The man sounds barking to be honest, I could more understand it if he had had some kind of bereavement and was trying to show he had some understanding of grief because of his loss. To compare a death to a relationship breakdown is rather