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Behaviour/development

Talk to others about child development and behaviour stages here. You can find more information on our development calendar.

Original poster

I just want to kill him today

784 replies

Fifyfomum · 28/03/2014 07:45

I am so annoyed with my son, he is 3.8 and has shown absolutely no sign of 'wanting to potty train' which EVERYBODY told me would 'happen naturally' when he turned three.

He is now sat on the potty, he has been there for around an hour and it looks like he will be there for an hour more. Every time he stands up he cries because he is busting for the loo and I sit him back down again but he refuses REFUSES to wee on the potty.

I need to potty train him before school it is getting RIDICULOUS and when I talk to him now he is putting on this 'baby' voice and sticking his tongue out around his teeth so he can't talk properly and I am SO ANGRY with him.

Why WHY won't he just use the potty? All his friends at nursery use the potty, he knows what to do because we have been going through this ridiculous process day after day trying to get him to bloody urinate out of a nappy.

ARRRRRGGGGGGGGGHHHHHHH

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Original poster
Fifyfomum · 28/03/2014 09:18

precious I am with you, DS2 will be started to potty train 'against his will' at 2.

Not going through this fucking nonsense again

OP posts:
ImRonBurgandy · 28/03/2014 09:19

Ah, you mean that the toilet is difficult as he's unlikely to happily sit on there for a hour at a time?!
Anyway... I cracked with DS after a particularly awful poo change and stuffed all the nappies in a bag and told him the nappy fairy was coming to take them. Went cold turkey, cleared up the poo and wee and he was done in the week. We only have an upstairs toilet, try that for a pain the arse :o

Frazzledmum12 · 28/03/2014 09:21

I know how you feel and I can totally sympathise.
My son took 2 years to potty train. From the age 3 until he was 5 I had to take at least 10 pairs of pants and trousers with me everywhere as he would just wee constantly.
I know my situation is different but I remember the frustration and anger. We also don't have a downstairs loo so think yourself lucky on that bit!
With 6 months to go I'd say just go nappy free and grin and bear it. I packed a good 10 changes of clothes for preschool and when he wet himself they just popped the clothes in a nappy bag and put on some new ones. He got there in the end...quite soon after he started school. Your nursery should understand that schools don't have potty's and he needs to learn to use a toilet.
You will get through this!!!! And there are people here that 100% know how you feel. Good luck!

Original poster
Fifyfomum · 28/03/2014 09:21

lol! Thanks for the moral support Im and yes, that is exactly what I mean though I suppose it is better because he wont be able to sit and watch telly and just NOT FUCKING USE THE FUCKING POTTY TO SHIT AND PISS

which is the main problem really. Anyway, off to take the dog for a walk/buy MORE stuff to change the house around for him to be able to use the loo. Will speak to the nursery on Tuesday, they will just have to deal with it.

OP posts:
Eyelet · 28/03/2014 09:22

We have literally been trying for two years.

TWO PISSING YEARS

in that time I have friends who have not only given birth but TOILET TRAINED the same child.

There is nothing we haven't tried, or nursery or MIL. My neice ans nephew are a year younger and both trained in a weekend.

Baby dc will be put on the potty much much earlier.

Original poster
Fifyfomum · 28/03/2014 09:22

Thanks Frazzled All of those saying 'your poor boy you sound awful' I just have images of them with perfectly potty trained 1 year olds and not a fucking clue of the reality of the situation.

OP posts:
LineRunner · 28/03/2014 09:23

My son nearly flushed himself down the loo once, all we saw were these little legs and arms sticking out.

He was about three and a half.

I think I have developed amnesia about what happened after that.

MiaowTheCat · 28/03/2014 09:24

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

youmultiplememurderer · 28/03/2014 09:26

You have my full support OP. I think it's perfectly fine and a good idea to vent on here.

Really good point about them maybe getting more set in their ways as they get older. Ds2 will be started much younger, gently of course. Though he's a much easier child in general so I think he'll be less of a problem.

They're 2.2 years apart, and I can genuinely see them both toilet training at the same time, ds2 at 2 and ds1 at 4.2!!

Thank god he's got till next September before starting school. It must be terribly stressful for you Thanks

Eyelet · 28/03/2014 09:30

We try toilets and potties.
Nursery has mini toilets.
We tried cold turkey.
we tried stickers
we tried removing privileges
we tried watching tv on potty and no tv
we tried shouting
we tried patience

NOTHING. She has wee'd and poo'd on the potty and toilet and been rewarded but she simply refuses to stop using nappies

shakinstevenslovechild · 28/03/2014 09:35

I can sympathise op.

I remember being in tears literally begging my ds to go to the toilet. He is a big, strapping 13yo now so we got through it somehow, but it's horrible when you are right in the middle of potty training hell.

What seemed to work for him was letting him choose things for hand washing afterwards, fancy hand soap, little floaty things to stick on the plug and his own special towel. He was so excited about hand washing he was on the toilet all the time, which was equally as frustrating as not being on it at all really, but it did click quite fast when he got going.

Just another thought, later on ds was diagnosed as being dyslexic, one of the things they asked was about when he used the toilet as apparently being late to learn can be a symptom, which is worth bearing in mind too.

Brew and Cake for you op. It may not feel like it now but you will come through this.

youmultiplememurderer · 28/03/2014 09:36

Eyelet - are you certain she can feel when she needs to go? Ds1 sounds just the same, and he isn't naughty, he wants to make us happy, but I think he may have a problem knowing in advance. I've heard of other children like this too. I'm in the process of getting him assessed.

Nishky · 28/03/2014 09:36

Have your second cup of coffee x

Frazzledmum12 · 28/03/2014 09:44

Eyelet - your dd sounds a lot like my ds was. And two pissing years completely sums up how it was for us. I was the mum walking round with a pissy smelling son because 2 minutes ago I'd just changed him into his last pair of clean pants but if I didnt get the things is left the house for we wouldn't be able to wash the 100 pairs of pissy pants sat waiting at home.
For us it was just a pee smelling waiting game and slowly he got there. We still remind him if he goes anywhere exciting to go for a wee as he just seems to forget (he's nearly 8)
My younger daughter turned 2 and pretty much went dry in a day. She hated the potty and just went upstairs and started using the toilet. There was no training ever needed! It was the biggest relief ever....so don't think how it is for 1 will be for the next!!

round2 · 28/03/2014 09:44

I sympathise with you. My son was potty trained by two and half mainly because of the nursery he attended.My daughter is 3.2 and because guidelines, advice change they keep saying she is not ready yet. I've tried twice and failed. I'm going to try again in the Easter holidays. Can't wait to pass this milestone with her. Most of her friends have been potty trained since two.

Eyelet · 28/03/2014 09:47

I'm 99% sure she can feel.

Just doesn't care about being clean.

EarSlaps · 28/03/2014 09:49

This time last year my friend was stressing over her 3.8 yo's refusal to potty train, he was starting in September too. He trained over the summer all by himself and was ready for school.

I'm very surprised at the nursery suggesting a potty- ours always used the toilets for training and they helped us get a very stubborn DS off the potty and using a toilet. Remember there won't be potties at school so if you're worried about his readiness for school then going straight to the toilet seems a better idea.

My DS still refuses to wee standing up at home- he will happily do it out and about against trees but short of growing a tree in the loo I've tried most things. I think plenty of men prefer to sit anyway so I'm not going to get worried about it. He's a dreamer and tends to let go of his willy before he's finished (leading to dribbles), so it's probably best he sits down for now Smile.

EirikurNoromaour · 28/03/2014 09:53
Flowers I get why you are so angry. I also agree that waiting til he is ready isnt working. So fuck nursery, teach him to use the loo. No more nappies in the day ever and a chocolate button every time he wees in the loo, in conjunction with spiderman pants etc. I think the buttons idea is better than pants because it's immediate, and if you are going cold turkey on nappies pants will soon get less special and you won't have fancy pants to use every time he needs changed. Good luck!
Minnieisthedevilmouse · 28/03/2014 10:00

Sorry I'm still agog at how difficult it seemingly is to sort your bog out. How big is it? What on earth do you have in there where you need to sort the house out....?

PolterGoose · 28/03/2014 10:01

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

YoDiggity · 28/03/2014 10:02

I have friends who said 'no more nappies' to their TWO YEARS OLDS and have a fucking 3 year old who is perfectly ready to move on. When I was a child it was UNHEARD OF for a child to be in nappies at fucking FOUR YEARS OLD!!!! It is NOT normal OR healthy for them.

I agree with this. My 3 kids are all teens and upwards and were all clean and dry during the day by 2 and a half and at night by about 3 and a half, bar the odd accident. I find it odd that there is so much talk on MN of children not being 'ready' to even try before 3. It bewilders me. I don't recall any of my friends choosing to leave it so late with their children either.

Given how strongly you feel about this (and as he is 3.8 I don't blame you) I am amazed you left it so long.

YoDiggity · 28/03/2014 10:03

and I would def. go straight to the loo - a tiny little potty for a child of nearly four is ridiculous. and it's too easy for him to sit there watching TV etc on it - he can't do that with a loo.

Branleuse · 28/03/2014 10:05

you mentioned ds2 will be started at 2 years old??

Do you have a new baby?

saintlyjimjams · 28/03/2014 10:07

My severely autistic non verbal son was trained at 5 - by my mum in the main thank god (she got a bee in her bonnet, it was the least of my problems). This is what she did.

A) straight to the toilet - forget the potty (not sure why the nursery is insisting on potty first - at your son's age I'd bin the potty - don't shout at me for suggesting it).

B) fed him full of orange juice & water at tea time then took him to the toilet with toys & books to keep him on there. Every time he got off sat him back on. As soon as he produced anything a massive bag of sweets appeared. Repeat x 100

C) my son then started to hold for too long. Cue trip to docs & hospital as he hadn't produced anything in 24 hours. His bladder had gone into spasm from holding on / he was given calpol ( would have been given nurofen as well but he threw it at them as it wasn't pink) to unseize the spasm. That happened a few times before he got the idea. He would generally wee about half an hour after the painkillers.

MuffTheMagicDragonButter · 28/03/2014 10:09

How's it going OP?

We only have an upstairs toilet, so that shaped the way we did things, but for the first day we did sitting on the potty in the living room every time a wee/poo was coming. Second day we moved the potty into the bathroom to make that association. Day three, on the toilet on one of those kid seats.

If he's regarding his potty as an armchair with a hole in it that he sits on to watch TV, he's not making the association that this is the ONLY place he goes to the toilet now he has no nappies.

Agree that you haven't been helped at all by your nursery.

Best of luck for the rest of the day!